Shallow Graves For Shallow Hearts

“Can we just clear some things up before my mind explodes?” You ask, pulling away from Matt’s lips. Kissing him is definitely something you could get used to; the way he kissed you left your mind spinning and your body all tingly and fluttery.

You’d spent the better part of the evening in his bed, talking and laughing, occasionally kissing and making out and just enjoying being with each other. You weren’t really sure what you were so worried about because it felt like almost nothing had changed between you two, other than the fact you could now kiss him whenever you pleased.

“Yeah sure, about what?” He asks, sitting up and pulling you into his lap.

“Why did you even consider dating Katie? Did you actually like her at all? Did you actually sleep with her? Was it any good? What was going through you mind when you came up with this elaborate plan to make me jealous? And for the love of God, why did you take your lip rings out?” You list and he chuckles at the last question.

“Why, did you like them?” He teases slightly.

“A little bit.”

“Do you want me to put them back in?”

“If you want to, the choice is entirely yours.” You shrug but silently hope and plead he does. He smiles again and reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing two small rings. You watch as he slipped them through the equally small holes in his lips.

“Is that better?” He asks and you respond by pulling his head closer to yours and kissing him. The cold metal of the rings felt different, but it was a good different and made kissing him that much better.

“Much,” You smile when you pull back again. “Why’d you take them out though?”

“I didn’t want to, but Katie wouldn’t stop bitching and complaining about it so I took them out temporarily to shut her up.” He explains.

You roll your eyes at the fact she actually bitched about it that much. “Yes okay now the rest of my questions.”

“I have no idea what was going through my mind to be honest. I was running out of ideas and I was desperate to get your attention. It was a really stupid idea though.”

“Well, now you have every second of my attention,” You interrupt him threading your fingers through his and watching him break out into another smile. “So you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“I never had actually planned on dating Katie either. It was supposed to be a one-time thing like Chelsea but she’s like a succubus and just wouldn’t leave me alone after. I never actually liked her and I’m probably an asshole for using her like that but…” He trails off and you nod, knowing the blank was to be filled in with the fact she was cheating on him. “And yeah, I did sleep with her and it’s something I really, really regret and no, the sex wasn’t good at all which just made matters worse.” The remorseful look in his eyes made you want to reach out and somehow comfort him because you understood that he never meant for things to get so out of control, it was all just a mistake and it was something you really wanted him to know but before you could say anything he was talking again, “Alright my turn.”

“Your turn?” You raise an eyebrow.

“I’ve got questions too.”

“Alright, shoot.”

“Did me being with Katie make you jealous?” He asks, looking at you with a slight smile.

“Yeah,” You nod, being 100% honest. “It drove me nuts, not only because I can’t stand her existence but because it was her kissing you and making you happy, or so I thought, and not me. The thought of someone else making you happy makes me cringe.”

And that was the honest to God truth. Whenever you thought about him being with someone else who wasn’t you it make you sick to your stomach. His smile grew again as he pulled you towards him until your faces were centimeters apart. “No one makes me happier than you do. And I highly doubt anyone ever will, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

You could help but to blush and lean your forehead against his. Abruptly he grabs you and rolls you both over so you were laying on your back while he hovered above you. You slid your hands down from around his neck, over his biceps and rested them on his forearms.

“But I am really sorry, about everything.” He says quietly.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know things were going to spin out of control like that. It was a mistake, but you’re not the only one at fault either. Some of it was my fault for being over dramatic and clingy, but it’s in the past now and hey, we ended up together in the end, so it really isn’t that bad, now is it?” You tell him, your eyes never leaving his dark ones.

He shook his head, “I’m glad you understand. And for the record I don’t think you’re over dramatic or clingy.”

You think back to the fight you had with him in your room three weeks earlier and you’re glad he said something because it had sub-consciously been bothering you since he said those things. You respond by kissing him lightly again, enjoying the way his lip rings pressed against your lips.

“Spend the night?” He asks.

“I wish I could, but mom’s going to be pissed I was gone all day without telling her where I was so,” You sigh, wishing you could stay. It would be better than sleeping alone.

“I should probably let you go then.” He reluctantly sits up, pulling you up with him. You follow him down the stairs and to the door where you slip your shoes back on before he attacks your lips with a lengthy goodbye kiss which makes you want to stay even more but listening to your mom bitch wasn’t something you really wanted to do.

The drive home was short and surprisingly no one was there. You roll your eyes at the fact neither of your parents could bother letting you know when they were going out, despite the fact you did the same thing. The communication between you and them was getting worse and worse lately.

You consider going back to Matt’s but the voice in the back of your head tells you you’ll seem clingy if you do.

Homework and ice cream it is.

-x-
Hours later you’re sprawled out on your bedroom floor staring blankly at your History textbook. You basically hadn’t gotten anything done since you started, your mind too wrapped up in thinking about Matt. Giving a relationship with him a chance had turned out to be good; you had never felt happier than you did right now and it seemed like nothing could ruin it.

Just as you had started to drift off on the floor, the front door slamming closed made you jump. Seconds later you heard your mom screaming your name. Confused, and slightly worried, you scramble off the floor and head down stairs, not wanting to keep the woman waiting.

“Where the fuck have you been?” She demands the second you’re in sight.

“I’ve been home for the past four hours,” You answer.

“Where were you earlier?”

“At Matt’s.”

“You spend an awful lot of time with that boy.” She says.

“That’s kinda what you do with someone you’ve been best friends with for 15 years.” You’re trying really hard to keep the sarcasm down but it doesn’t seem to be working.

“Maybe you should make new friends.” She snaps.

“What the hell? Why? You’ve never had a problem with Matt before. What’s wrong with him now?” You raise your voice. “Actually don’t answer that, I don’t care. Where’s dad?”

“At a friend’s house,” She rolls her eyes and heads towards the kitchen, wobbling in her heels, a clear indication that she’s really drunk.

“Why?”

“That is none of your business.” She snaps again.

“Yes it is.” You say through clenched teeth, your anger rising every time she snaps for no reason.

“If you must know, we got into a fight and he decided to stay elsewhere for the night.”

“Did he make that decision or did you make it for him?”

“Watch your attitude.” She says sharply, turning to glare at you. You return the cold look instantly.

“Why should I? I’m sick of being your target for your bad fucking moods when you’ve been drinking.”

“Watch your fucking mouth too.”

“If you’re going to swear and me, I’m sure as hell going to swear back at you.”

“Go to your room!” She yells and you can’t help but to laugh.

“You’re going to send me to my room at 18? Really?” You roll your eyes at her pathetic attempt of punishing you. Instead of listening to her, you turn on your heel and head towards the door.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” She demands following you.

“If you think I’m going to stay here to listen to you bitch at me all night over stupid things and repeat it in the morning when you’re hung over as fuck, you’re nuts.” You say over your shoulder as you reach for your keys, but before you can get out the door she grabs your wrist.

“You’re not leaving.” She yells again prying the keys from your hand.

You laugh humorlessly, “Oh please, you taking my keys isn’t going to stop me. I can walk too.”
Before she can say anything else you jerk your hand from hers and slam the door behind you. You start jogging down the street just in case she actually decided to follow you, and God knows she probably would if she could get around being piss-assed drunk in heels. Once you reached the end of the street you slow down to a normal pace. You walk down the familiar streets, a path you’ve walked a million times before, but it seemed a whole lot more sinister and creepy this late at night.

You were frustrated beyond belief with your mom. She has absolutely no reason to lash out at you like she did, but yet it happened at least twice a week, or whenever she was around alcohol and it drove you nuts. It was like she was taking out her crumbling marriage on you and it almost made you wish her and your dad would just divorce and get it over with, but you also didn’t want the drama and fighting that usually came with divorces. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place, dealing with a problem that shouldn’t be your problem in the first place.

A few minutes later you found yourself standing on Matt’s doorstep hesitating to knock. You knew his parents were home and you actually had no idea what time it was. You step away from the door, circling around to the backyard where his window faced. Before you could really think through what you were doing you pick up a small rock and threw it at his window. You wait a few seconds before throwing another one. This time you saw his light flicker on and a few moments later the window slid open.

“What are you doing?” He asks, looking sleepy and confused. “Are you going to profess your undying love for me or serenade me?”

“I didn’t bring a stereo sorry. And I didn’t want to knock and wake up your parents.” You answer. “And I left my phone at home.”

He still looks confused but nods, “Okay I’ll let you in, gimme a minute.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in and circled around back to the front of the house, getting to the door just as he was opening it.

“I’m sorry for waking you up” You apologize, stepping into the house.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re shaking. What happened?” He asks the concern clear in his voice and eyes. You hadn’t even noticed how cold it was outside until he mentioned it.

“Mom came home drunk as fuck and started yelling at me again.” You sigh as he pulls you up the stairs and towards his room.

“Where was your dad?” He asks while he opens his dresser and grabs a pair of sweats for you. You perch on the edge of his bed, still shivering.

“Apparently at a friend’s house or something. She said they got into a fight so he went somewhere else.” You half-ass explain. You really don’t want to talk about it right now. All you want to do is curl up into his arms and sleep. “As I was leaving she took my car keys and there was no way I was going upstairs to grab my phone before I left which is why I have no car or phone.”

“I don’t understand what her problem is.” He shakes his head giving you the sweats. You stand up and slip off your jeans, feeling slightly better and warmer once the pants are on.

“Me either,” You shrug, “What time is it?”

“1:34” He answers checking his phone before turning off the lights so the only source of light is his phone.

“Wow, I am really sorry for coming over so late.” You feel kinda bad for showing up unannounced and dumping your problems on him when he’d probably would rather be sleeping.

“No, it’s okay. I’d rather you be here with me than there with her.” He says and pulls you into his warm chest before laying down with you half on top of him. Somehow it’s actually really comfortable and the sound of his steadily beating heart comforting you.

“Goodnight,” You whisper to him in the dark.

“Goodnight,” He returns instantly before whispering so quietly you barely heard him, “I love you.”