Shallow Graves For Shallow Hearts

The next morning a loud knock on your bedroom door pulls you from your bed. You stumble over to the door and open it, coming face to chest with Matt. He looks down at you with a wide grin and you’re tempted to return it because his smile is so contagious but you are still furious with him and he hasn’t seemed to catch on yet.

His smile slowly fades as you stand there glaring up at him. His eyes drop down from your face to the oversize black Blink 182 shirt you bought after the show and it finally clicks in his head. “Oh shit.”

“Oh shit is right.” You say, not hiding your anger.

“I am so sorry, I completely forgot about the show.”

“Clearly,” You roll your eyes. “Was getting laid worth blowing me off?”

He looks down at the ground, not denying that he really did sleep with Katie and that explained the huge smile on his face and your anger increases tenfold.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to—” He starts but you cut him off.

“Y’know, I really don’t want to hear your lame excuse to why some slut is suddenly more important to you than a show you’ve wanted to go to for months and your best friend.”

“She’s not a slut.” He defends her and you want to rip your hair out.

“Please, you’ve been “dating” her for not even a week and she already spread her legs for you, just like she has for ten other guys before you and ten more after you. If that’s not the definition of a slut, I don’t know what is.”

“She’s not as bad as you think she is.”

“If all you came here to do is tell me how great she is and about how you got some ass last night, you can just fucking leave.” You were just as surprised as he was that you actually said that.

“No, okay I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.” He sighs. “We’ve barely talked all week.”

“Yeah well, that’s not my fault either. You’re the one with a leech attached to you.”

“Not everything here is my fault, y’know.”

“I didn’t say everything was your fault.” You state. “I’m saying us barely speaking all week and you blowing me off are your fault.”

“You could try a little too.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to try when any time I tried you either walked away or had your tongue down her throat,” You snap. So much for not fighting; you were so frustrated with him you wanted to slap him in hopes that he’d stop acting like this.

By now he was angry too, “That’s not true.”

“Yes it is.” You yell. You were standing in the middle of your room while he leaned against the closed door. Both of you were glaring at each other and you couldn’t help but to think he was kinda sexy when he was mad, ignoring the fact that he was mad at you.

“God with the way you go on about this, I can’t help but to think that maybe you’re a little jealous.” He says and your jaw almost drops at the comment.

“No Matthew, there’s a difference from being jealous and being mad that your best friend suddenly treats you like shit.” You tell back and he almost flinches. He knew what he was doing to you, but he didn’t want to admit he was the reason your friendship was now on the rocks, hanging by a thread. You had never been this furious with him in your life.

“I said I was sorry!” He yells just as loud. “What else do you want me to do?”

“I want to know why suddenly hooking up with girls and getting laid is more important to you than the things that you love, or at least used to.”

“Maybe I get sick of hanging around with the same people day after day and wanted to change that.” He says and it’s your turn to flinch because he basically just said he’s sick of you and that hurt more than anything in the world because you’re not supposed to get sick of your best friend.
You bite back the pain and the tears of hurt and frustration at his comment. “Wow, I’m glad to know that you’re sick of being friends with me. That feels great.”

“I didn’t say that.” He rolls his eyes, “You’re so fucking overdramatic, it’s really annoying. Stop making it seem like the entire world and my own revolve around you, because they don’t.”

You look at him with wide eyes. Maybe you’re just dreaming. You’re just having a really bad nightmare and you’re going to wake up any second. But the harsh glare he’s still giving you is like a slap of reality and what he said finally sinks in. You walk over to your desk and pick up the shirt you got him at last nights’ show because you’re not heartless enough not to at least get him something, but now you’re kinda regretting it. You take a few steps towards him and drop it in his hands.

“Get out.” You say quietly, turning away from him.

“What?” He asks loudly.

“Get the fuck out of my room and my house.” You turn back around and yell, then watch his eyes grow in surprise, flooding with guilt and begging you silently to take it back and you almost want to but the pain in your chest from what he said was enough to make you stand there silently until he turned around and opened the door. He gave you one last look over his shoulder that was void of the anger and annoyance that had originally been there before disappearing down the hallway.

You immediately go to the door he left open and listen to him walk down the stairs and a few moments later hear the front door open and quietly close. The second you know he’s actually gone, you close your bedroom door and slide to the floor with your back against it; the tears already falling down your face for the first time in a few years.

You feel stupid for crying over getting in a fight with him, you’ve fought before, but he’s never ever said anything like that to you. It makes you wonder how long he’s wanted to reach out and make new friends for, and what other things you’ve done and habits you have that annoy him. Maybe he’s doing this so he can get away from you because he didn’t have the heart to end your friendship. And now you’re a mess of insecurities on the floor, crying harder than you ever had which just proves how overdramatic you really are.

You wish you had just held your tongue and never said a word to him, just suffering in silence instead of starting this argument. None of this would have happened if you had just shut up for once. You could blame him for ignoring you and blowing you off, but you had absolutely no one to blame for this mess now but yourself.

He was right though. You were annoying and overdramatic and jealous because he found someone to make him happy and it wasn’t you. You were selfish and wanted all his attention all the time which just added to the annoying factor. And you wondered if he wasn’t as happy being around you as you thought.

He’d probably be better off without you anyway. Thinking about this all at once had left a physical ache in your chest. It hurt to breathe and to imagine your life without him. You weren’t sure if this was fixable, or if he even wanted to fix it.

After a good ten minutes of crying on the floor you finally got a hold of yourself and force yourself to stop crying. You wipe your eyes as you pick yourself up off the floor and roll right back into bed, wishing you had just stayed in it and ignored him. This was the first time you had been upset and he wasn’t there to make you feel better. It was strange and you didn’t like it at all.

You pull the covers over your head, resisting the urge to call him as the words you’ve heard before but always had doubted because you believed your friendship was strong enough to withhold anything bounced around over and over again in your head; best friend’s forever only lasts for so long.