Shallow Graves For Shallow Hearts
Chapter eight
“Where’s Matt?” Alex asks as he opens the door. You roll your eyes at the lanky guy in jeans tighter than yours and a Third Eye Blind shirt that you’re pretty sure is yours. It was Friday night and he had invited you over along with a bunch of other friends to drink and play video games.
“We’re still not speaking,” You answer, pushing him out of the doorway and stepping into his house. You can hear laughter coming from the basement, reminding you that you’re an hour late.
“Then you are you so late?” He asks flicking hair so dark you’re sure it’s actually black out of his eyes. Alex had a thing for changing his hair color every week.
“I was debating on whether or not to come.” You shrug. “Cut your hair man, you look like an emo kid.”
“I look fabulous.” He rolls his eyes but drops back into a pressing tone. “You didn’t know if I had invited him or not did you?”
“Did you?”
“Yeah but apparently he pulled the same thing as you but decided not to come.”
“I thought you didn’t know if we were talking or not Gaskarth.” You follow him through the house into the kitchen that’s covered in food.
“I just needed confirmation because Matt won’t say a thing.”
That surprises you. You would have thought he’d be throw shit around about you left, right and center.
“It’s weird though,” Alex went on as he mixed drinks, “seeing you without him. You were always attached at the hip.”
“It feels weird.” You admit. You wouldn’t consider you and Alex best friends, but he was someone you trusted, and it felt nice to actually talk to someone.
“What is this? Week three?”
You nod and take the drink from him. “Going on four, but who’s counting?”
“Clearly you are,” Alex states, looking at you carefully.
“What?” You raise an eyebrow at his look.
“Why not just talk to him?”
“You don’t think I’ve tried? He’s changed, Alex. He’s changed so much since he got with her. There’s just no point when he won’t listen to me.”
“No matter how much that idiot changes, one thing that will never change is that fact that he loves you more than anyone in the world. He will always listen to you, you just have to try.”
You shake your head, “I don’t think so. Not anymore.”
“If you say so,” Alex shrugs.
His words repeat in your head and something catches. You open your mouth to ask Alex exactly what he meant by Matt “loving you more than anything” but before you could he grabs your arm and pulls you towards the basement.
-x-
The next few hours are spent drinking heavily and watching Alex dominate against Rian and Jack in Mario Kart with people trickling in and out every so often. Danny and Zack were there when you got there but left near midnight because of something about curfews and girlfriends, you didn’t care. A few other guys who you didn’t know had shown up and only stayed for an hour or so but left a case of beer behind. For the most part it had just stayed you, Alex, Jack and Rian.
Things were good for those few hours. The alcohol filling your blood stream made your head spin and you forget about your problems momentarily. It was a good time with good people right up until the problem you were trying to forget decided to show up.
It was near one in the morning when the doorbell rang and Alex drunkenly got up to answer it. You had been expecting it to be someone you didn’t know again but the familiar laugh made your head spin even more, in a bad way. Even in your drunken state you could recognize his laugh after three weeks of not hearing it.
You weren’t really sure what you were expecting when he got to the bottom of the stairs and saw you sitting on the couch with a beer bottle in hand. Maybe you were expecting him to come sit next to you and apologize for being an idiot, but instead his smile faded into a glare.
“What’s she doing here?” He demands to Alex who’s leaning against the doorframe silently evaluating the situation.
“I was invited.” You state, returning his glare and trying really hard not to slur your words together because wow you’ve had a lot to drink.
“Well then I’m leaving if you’re here.” He says and turns to leave but you roll your eyes and stand up, wobbling slightly.
“No, no, allow me. I don’t want to breathe the same air as you anyway.” You walk over to the door but Alex stops you.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? You’ve had quite a bit to drink.”
“I’m fine.” You say, trying to push him away but failing miserably, earning a sidelong glance from Matt.
“I have a better idea.” Alex grins slyly. “Why don’t I join Rian and Jack upstairs, and you two stay down here and work out your problems?”
“Alex you little dick,” You snap finally realizing that Rian and Jack had managed to slip past Alex to go upstairs and that this had probably been his plan the entire time.
“I consider myself more of a genius than a dick.” Alex smiles before stepping out of the doorway and closing it behind him.
You go to yank the door back open but he had already locked it. You slam your hand against it. “Alex let me the fuck out.” And the alcohol in your system was finally catching up with you.
The door opens again and Alex pops his head in the room, “Try not to break anything please. And here, you need to sober up before you go anywhere near your car.” He says, tossing a water bottle at your feet.
Before either you or Matt could react the door was already closed and locked again.
“Oh for fuck sakes this is not what I wanted to be doing right now.” Matt grumbles. “I had other places to be.”
“Well sorry for ruining your plans for getting laid by your pet slut.” You snap while picking up the bottle and opening it.
“No,” He snaps back just as fast. You notice the lack of defense against you calling Katie a slut.
“Oooh sensitive subject apparently,” You laugh. “What did you and your precious girlfriend get into a fight?”
His glare deepens as you plop yourself back down on the couch. Might as well be comfortable sitting since nothing else about this situation was comfortable in any way.
“No.” He repeats, one fist clenched at his side. You knew he was really angry but you couldn’t help yourself.
“Oh c’mon it couldn’t be that bad. Nothing some bad makeup sex can’t fix right?” You snicker.
“If you really have to fucking know, we broke up okay?” He yells. “Are you happy now?”
“Was the sex really that bad?”
“No, she was cheating on me since day one.” He says and immediately looks like he regrets saying it.
You keep your I-told-you-so to yourself, the look on his face rendering you silent. The embarrassment, regret and what seemed like almost genuine hurt made you feel bad.
“What? No smart ass comment for that one?” He asks after a moment of silence.
“No.” You shake your head.
“Why not?”
“Because no one deserves to be cheated on in any circumstance,” You say, looking up at him and his glare lightens slightly.
But apparently it wasn’t enough as you watch him turn and pound on the door. “Alex let me the fuck out!”
“No, fix the damn problem first.” Alex yells back.
He turns back to you, groaning in frustration before glaring again. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” You ask, unaware you were looking at him in any certain way.
“Like you pity me now.”
“It’s not pity, its empathy.”
“Still, stop it. I don’t want anything from you.” He snaps and you don’t understand why he’s so angry.
Instead of saying anything, you look away from him and grab the still mostly full beer can off the table and take a long chug.
“Aren’t you supposed to be sobering up?”
“Yeah well I don’t want to be fucking sober right now if I have to be around you.” If he was going to be a dick, so were you.
“I’m not that bad to be around.” He says half offended.
“Yes you are.” You say, getting up off the couch and stumbling. “In the past three weeks you’ve become arrogant, self centered, cocky and just plain fucking mean. Actually, I take that back. You’ve been like that since you got that stupid fucking makeover. Jesus fuck, what’s that about? Ever since you changed how you look your personality has completely changed too. Nothing from your “old life” is good enough for you now.” You yell.
“That’s not true!”
“Yes it fucking is. Stop denying it. Nothing is good enough for you. Not the people you used to hang out with, the things you used to consider fun and certainly not me. You made that crystal fucking clear.” You take another swig of beer, the substance fueling your anger.
“No, that’s not what it is—” He protests.
“Really? Then what is it because I’m at a loss here Matt. I don’t know what to do to please you anymore. So tell me, your highness, what the fuck can I do to please you?”
He rolls his eyes. “Stop, just fucking stop!”
“Have you finally had enough Matthew?” You taunt, not caring how much of a bitch you were being, “Because I’ve had enough of you and your bullshit.”
“You know what I want?” He asks through clenched teeth.
“Yes please, tell me what you want, I live to heed your every word.” You roll your eyes again and chug the rest of the beer.
“I want you to shut the fuck up and listen to me.” He yells and you stop taunting him. He starts pacing in front of you just to blow off steam. “Do you want to know why I changed how I looked?” He pauses and looks at you.
You’re confused by his question but nod for him to go on.
“I did it for you. I did it hoping that you would finally see me. That you’d stop looking at me as just a friend and finally see what was right in front of you.” He stops pacing and you give him a confused look because nothing he is saying is making any sense. “You don’t get it do you?” He steps towards you, that unreadable look in his eye coming back. “I’m in love with you.” He laughs humorlessly and you don’t see what’s so funny. “I’m so fucking in love with you and have been since I was fucking 13. And you never figured it out. Not once in the past five years have you ever noticed. Hell, I could’ve probably spelt it out in the snow and you still wouldn’t have gotten it. So I decided that maybe, just maybe you’d finally see it if I changed. Maybe if I looked like those guys you always chase after, you’d chase after me. But no, even after that, you still didn’t get it. I thought that maybe if I got involved with someone else, it would make you jealous and then you’d get it. But that didn’t even work. So don’t even start in on me about trying to please me when I’ve spent the past five fucking years of my life trying to please you.”
By now he was standing inches away from you and you were speechless. This wasn’t what you were expecting at all and now your head was spinning twice as fast. His voice took on a more sarcastic a bitter tone as he went on. “Now tell me, your highness, what the fuck can I do to please you because I’m all out of ideas and I’m getting really fucking sick of this. Not a single thing I’ve done has been good enough for you.”
He stopped again, looking at you so intensely you had to look away. You almost felt like crying, for what reasons you didn’t know, but as his words sunk in you felt worse and worse, finally realizing that this entire mess was your fault.
“Hey,” he said a lot more softly this time, tilting your chin up to meet his eyes again, “I didn’t say all of that to hurt you, okay? I never meant for you to get hurt in any of this. Things went too far and got out of control.”
“I-I’m sorry,” You whisper.
“I am too.” He says, and before you knew what was happening, his lips were brushing against yours and your arms were around his neck. You had never realized how much you wanted to kiss him until it was actually happening.
Your head was still spinning and now there was an eruption of butterflies in your stomach. That, mixed with a tornado of emotions and a ton of alcohol had started to make you feel kinda weird and you had just enough time to pull away from Matt and turn your head before you were throwing up on the floor.
He stood there patiently while you emptied your stomach, trying his best to keep your hair out of your face.
“I think it’s time to get you home.” He says when you’re done, leading you to the door and banging on it. “Open up dude.”
The door opened to reveal Alex standing there with another grin on his face. “God damn you need to speak up I couldn’t hear the last part of the conversation.”
“Did you really listen in the entire time?” Matt asks.
“I had to make sure all was forgiven before I let you out.”
He sighs, shaking his head, “Well, I need to drive her home now so you can move.”
“She didn’t sober up did she?”
“No, and I kinda threw up on your floor.” You answer, getting annoyed that they were talking like you weren’t right there.
“Are you serious man?”
“Consider it payback for eavesdropping.” You grin before following Matt up the stairs.
The car ride from Alex’s to your house was a blur and you almost threw up in your car twice but eventually you made it home and to your room without making a mess.
All thoughts were thrown out the window as you immediately stripped out of your jeans and tank top and crawled into bed.
“Are you sure you’re good?” He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed as you roll around to get comfy.
“Yeah I should be fine.” You yawn. You watch as he gets up and heads towards the door. “Where are you going?”
“Home?” He answers, turning and raising an eyebrow.
“I-I want you to stay.” You tell him, “i-if you want to.”
He smiles, turning off the light and walking over to the other side of the bed, shedding his shirt and jeans in the process. The minute he’s in the bed you curl into his side and his arm is automatically around you – just like every other time he spent the night. Even though things were drastically different than the last time, they were still the same and everything was finally right again.
But for how long?
“We’re still not speaking,” You answer, pushing him out of the doorway and stepping into his house. You can hear laughter coming from the basement, reminding you that you’re an hour late.
“Then you are you so late?” He asks flicking hair so dark you’re sure it’s actually black out of his eyes. Alex had a thing for changing his hair color every week.
“I was debating on whether or not to come.” You shrug. “Cut your hair man, you look like an emo kid.”
“I look fabulous.” He rolls his eyes but drops back into a pressing tone. “You didn’t know if I had invited him or not did you?”
“Did you?”
“Yeah but apparently he pulled the same thing as you but decided not to come.”
“I thought you didn’t know if we were talking or not Gaskarth.” You follow him through the house into the kitchen that’s covered in food.
“I just needed confirmation because Matt won’t say a thing.”
That surprises you. You would have thought he’d be throw shit around about you left, right and center.
“It’s weird though,” Alex went on as he mixed drinks, “seeing you without him. You were always attached at the hip.”
“It feels weird.” You admit. You wouldn’t consider you and Alex best friends, but he was someone you trusted, and it felt nice to actually talk to someone.
“What is this? Week three?”
You nod and take the drink from him. “Going on four, but who’s counting?”
“Clearly you are,” Alex states, looking at you carefully.
“What?” You raise an eyebrow at his look.
“Why not just talk to him?”
“You don’t think I’ve tried? He’s changed, Alex. He’s changed so much since he got with her. There’s just no point when he won’t listen to me.”
“No matter how much that idiot changes, one thing that will never change is that fact that he loves you more than anyone in the world. He will always listen to you, you just have to try.”
You shake your head, “I don’t think so. Not anymore.”
“If you say so,” Alex shrugs.
His words repeat in your head and something catches. You open your mouth to ask Alex exactly what he meant by Matt “loving you more than anything” but before you could he grabs your arm and pulls you towards the basement.
-x-
The next few hours are spent drinking heavily and watching Alex dominate against Rian and Jack in Mario Kart with people trickling in and out every so often. Danny and Zack were there when you got there but left near midnight because of something about curfews and girlfriends, you didn’t care. A few other guys who you didn’t know had shown up and only stayed for an hour or so but left a case of beer behind. For the most part it had just stayed you, Alex, Jack and Rian.
Things were good for those few hours. The alcohol filling your blood stream made your head spin and you forget about your problems momentarily. It was a good time with good people right up until the problem you were trying to forget decided to show up.
It was near one in the morning when the doorbell rang and Alex drunkenly got up to answer it. You had been expecting it to be someone you didn’t know again but the familiar laugh made your head spin even more, in a bad way. Even in your drunken state you could recognize his laugh after three weeks of not hearing it.
You weren’t really sure what you were expecting when he got to the bottom of the stairs and saw you sitting on the couch with a beer bottle in hand. Maybe you were expecting him to come sit next to you and apologize for being an idiot, but instead his smile faded into a glare.
“What’s she doing here?” He demands to Alex who’s leaning against the doorframe silently evaluating the situation.
“I was invited.” You state, returning his glare and trying really hard not to slur your words together because wow you’ve had a lot to drink.
“Well then I’m leaving if you’re here.” He says and turns to leave but you roll your eyes and stand up, wobbling slightly.
“No, no, allow me. I don’t want to breathe the same air as you anyway.” You walk over to the door but Alex stops you.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? You’ve had quite a bit to drink.”
“I’m fine.” You say, trying to push him away but failing miserably, earning a sidelong glance from Matt.
“I have a better idea.” Alex grins slyly. “Why don’t I join Rian and Jack upstairs, and you two stay down here and work out your problems?”
“Alex you little dick,” You snap finally realizing that Rian and Jack had managed to slip past Alex to go upstairs and that this had probably been his plan the entire time.
“I consider myself more of a genius than a dick.” Alex smiles before stepping out of the doorway and closing it behind him.
You go to yank the door back open but he had already locked it. You slam your hand against it. “Alex let me the fuck out.” And the alcohol in your system was finally catching up with you.
The door opens again and Alex pops his head in the room, “Try not to break anything please. And here, you need to sober up before you go anywhere near your car.” He says, tossing a water bottle at your feet.
Before either you or Matt could react the door was already closed and locked again.
“Oh for fuck sakes this is not what I wanted to be doing right now.” Matt grumbles. “I had other places to be.”
“Well sorry for ruining your plans for getting laid by your pet slut.” You snap while picking up the bottle and opening it.
“No,” He snaps back just as fast. You notice the lack of defense against you calling Katie a slut.
“Oooh sensitive subject apparently,” You laugh. “What did you and your precious girlfriend get into a fight?”
His glare deepens as you plop yourself back down on the couch. Might as well be comfortable sitting since nothing else about this situation was comfortable in any way.
“No.” He repeats, one fist clenched at his side. You knew he was really angry but you couldn’t help yourself.
“Oh c’mon it couldn’t be that bad. Nothing some bad makeup sex can’t fix right?” You snicker.
“If you really have to fucking know, we broke up okay?” He yells. “Are you happy now?”
“Was the sex really that bad?”
“No, she was cheating on me since day one.” He says and immediately looks like he regrets saying it.
You keep your I-told-you-so to yourself, the look on his face rendering you silent. The embarrassment, regret and what seemed like almost genuine hurt made you feel bad.
“What? No smart ass comment for that one?” He asks after a moment of silence.
“No.” You shake your head.
“Why not?”
“Because no one deserves to be cheated on in any circumstance,” You say, looking up at him and his glare lightens slightly.
But apparently it wasn’t enough as you watch him turn and pound on the door. “Alex let me the fuck out!”
“No, fix the damn problem first.” Alex yells back.
He turns back to you, groaning in frustration before glaring again. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” You ask, unaware you were looking at him in any certain way.
“Like you pity me now.”
“It’s not pity, its empathy.”
“Still, stop it. I don’t want anything from you.” He snaps and you don’t understand why he’s so angry.
Instead of saying anything, you look away from him and grab the still mostly full beer can off the table and take a long chug.
“Aren’t you supposed to be sobering up?”
“Yeah well I don’t want to be fucking sober right now if I have to be around you.” If he was going to be a dick, so were you.
“I’m not that bad to be around.” He says half offended.
“Yes you are.” You say, getting up off the couch and stumbling. “In the past three weeks you’ve become arrogant, self centered, cocky and just plain fucking mean. Actually, I take that back. You’ve been like that since you got that stupid fucking makeover. Jesus fuck, what’s that about? Ever since you changed how you look your personality has completely changed too. Nothing from your “old life” is good enough for you now.” You yell.
“That’s not true!”
“Yes it fucking is. Stop denying it. Nothing is good enough for you. Not the people you used to hang out with, the things you used to consider fun and certainly not me. You made that crystal fucking clear.” You take another swig of beer, the substance fueling your anger.
“No, that’s not what it is—” He protests.
“Really? Then what is it because I’m at a loss here Matt. I don’t know what to do to please you anymore. So tell me, your highness, what the fuck can I do to please you?”
He rolls his eyes. “Stop, just fucking stop!”
“Have you finally had enough Matthew?” You taunt, not caring how much of a bitch you were being, “Because I’ve had enough of you and your bullshit.”
“You know what I want?” He asks through clenched teeth.
“Yes please, tell me what you want, I live to heed your every word.” You roll your eyes again and chug the rest of the beer.
“I want you to shut the fuck up and listen to me.” He yells and you stop taunting him. He starts pacing in front of you just to blow off steam. “Do you want to know why I changed how I looked?” He pauses and looks at you.
You’re confused by his question but nod for him to go on.
“I did it for you. I did it hoping that you would finally see me. That you’d stop looking at me as just a friend and finally see what was right in front of you.” He stops pacing and you give him a confused look because nothing he is saying is making any sense. “You don’t get it do you?” He steps towards you, that unreadable look in his eye coming back. “I’m in love with you.” He laughs humorlessly and you don’t see what’s so funny. “I’m so fucking in love with you and have been since I was fucking 13. And you never figured it out. Not once in the past five years have you ever noticed. Hell, I could’ve probably spelt it out in the snow and you still wouldn’t have gotten it. So I decided that maybe, just maybe you’d finally see it if I changed. Maybe if I looked like those guys you always chase after, you’d chase after me. But no, even after that, you still didn’t get it. I thought that maybe if I got involved with someone else, it would make you jealous and then you’d get it. But that didn’t even work. So don’t even start in on me about trying to please me when I’ve spent the past five fucking years of my life trying to please you.”
By now he was standing inches away from you and you were speechless. This wasn’t what you were expecting at all and now your head was spinning twice as fast. His voice took on a more sarcastic a bitter tone as he went on. “Now tell me, your highness, what the fuck can I do to please you because I’m all out of ideas and I’m getting really fucking sick of this. Not a single thing I’ve done has been good enough for you.”
He stopped again, looking at you so intensely you had to look away. You almost felt like crying, for what reasons you didn’t know, but as his words sunk in you felt worse and worse, finally realizing that this entire mess was your fault.
“Hey,” he said a lot more softly this time, tilting your chin up to meet his eyes again, “I didn’t say all of that to hurt you, okay? I never meant for you to get hurt in any of this. Things went too far and got out of control.”
“I-I’m sorry,” You whisper.
“I am too.” He says, and before you knew what was happening, his lips were brushing against yours and your arms were around his neck. You had never realized how much you wanted to kiss him until it was actually happening.
Your head was still spinning and now there was an eruption of butterflies in your stomach. That, mixed with a tornado of emotions and a ton of alcohol had started to make you feel kinda weird and you had just enough time to pull away from Matt and turn your head before you were throwing up on the floor.
He stood there patiently while you emptied your stomach, trying his best to keep your hair out of your face.
“I think it’s time to get you home.” He says when you’re done, leading you to the door and banging on it. “Open up dude.”
The door opened to reveal Alex standing there with another grin on his face. “God damn you need to speak up I couldn’t hear the last part of the conversation.”
“Did you really listen in the entire time?” Matt asks.
“I had to make sure all was forgiven before I let you out.”
He sighs, shaking his head, “Well, I need to drive her home now so you can move.”
“She didn’t sober up did she?”
“No, and I kinda threw up on your floor.” You answer, getting annoyed that they were talking like you weren’t right there.
“Are you serious man?”
“Consider it payback for eavesdropping.” You grin before following Matt up the stairs.
The car ride from Alex’s to your house was a blur and you almost threw up in your car twice but eventually you made it home and to your room without making a mess.
All thoughts were thrown out the window as you immediately stripped out of your jeans and tank top and crawled into bed.
“Are you sure you’re good?” He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed as you roll around to get comfy.
“Yeah I should be fine.” You yawn. You watch as he gets up and heads towards the door. “Where are you going?”
“Home?” He answers, turning and raising an eyebrow.
“I-I want you to stay.” You tell him, “i-if you want to.”
He smiles, turning off the light and walking over to the other side of the bed, shedding his shirt and jeans in the process. The minute he’s in the bed you curl into his side and his arm is automatically around you – just like every other time he spent the night. Even though things were drastically different than the last time, they were still the same and everything was finally right again.
But for how long?
♠ ♠ ♠
Ooooh two in one night, go me. That's definitely not the end of it, I still have a couple twists to throw in. But okay seriously, feedback would be fabulous, because lack of feedback was what made me quit writing in the first place so yeah, tell me what you think X: