Shallow Graves For Shallow Hearts

The next morning, well late afternoon, you wake up to a blur of light blocked by a body next to you. You lay there in Matt’s arms while the events of last night slowly unravel in your head. It was hard to piece things together at first, everything seemed to be mixed up and you couldn’t remember if the night had started with him kissing you or how you got from Alex’s basement to your bed but soon enough things fell into place, well most things. There were still a few blanks here and there but you could remember the majority of what happened.

You couldn’t believe that after all that had happened, not just limited to last night, but since school started, he was still here, willing to stay the night with you even after how badly you treated him. And you felt really bad for it. You spent all your time blaming him when it was really your fault. All he was trying to do was make you see how much he wanted you and you blatantly ignored it.
You sigh softly as you roll out of his arms and out of the bed. It was a really bad idea to move because now your head was pounding. You make your way to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind you so you wouldn’t wake him up.

Turning to the mirror you cringe at your reflection and immediately start to brush the tangles out of your hair followed by brushing your teeth to get rid of the awful taste in your mouth. You didn’t know why, but you were suddenly extremely self-conscience about how you looked around him. You wash away the remains of the eyeliner smudged around your eyes and consider putting a new layer on but that seemed like a lot of work and you weren’t that self-conscience.

You reopen the door, turning off the light but you don’t enter your room. Instead you lean against the doorframe and glance around the room until your eyes fall on the sleeping body in your bed. The way he was sprawled out in the sheets, taking up more space than necessary made you smile slightly as your eyes trailed over his body. And his body was really, really nice, with hip bones that stood out just above his boxers where his happy trail disappeared under and toned muscles that made you want to melt when they flexed. Your eyes moved from his body to his face that was just as attractive as his body with his high cheekbones and flawless smile. Everything about him seemed that much more attractive to the point where you thought he was almost beautiful.

Suddenly all the feelings that you worked so damn hard to hide and pretend weren’t there for the past month hit you like a speeding freight train. The foundation that you built to keep it all out cracked and crumbled, letting everything back in. And it was like it was all magnified by a hundred now. The feelings hit so hard and so fast you felt like you were on a roller coaster and thought you were going to be sick again.

Somehow you manage to keep yourself from throw up on your floor and walk over to the bed where you flop down again, half on him.

“Can I help you?” He mumbles.

“I feel sick.” You answer, rolling onto your stomach and burying your head in the pillows. You feel him shift around for a minute until suddenly he was pulling you towards him.

“Probably shouldn’t have had that much to drink hey?” He teases as you rest your head on his chest and he runs his fingers through your hair.

“I’m never drinking again,” You groan because even though that’s not the kind of sick you meant, your hangover is pretty bad too.

You feel him chuckle under you, “We both know that’s not true.”

“Let’s pretend it is for now.”

“So,” He hesitates before going on, “how much of last night do you remember?”

“Most of it. I mean, there are still a few blanks but they’re mostly insignificant things.” You answer. This really isn’t what you wanted to talk about right now. You sit up slowly, holding back a sigh as he follows so now you’re basically straddling one of his legs with your arms around his neck while he leans against your headboard.

“So, now what?” He asks quietly. You look into his dark eyes and the hopefulness staring back at you forces you to look away because yeah, you may have feels for him, but you’re still not sure how strong they are or if they’re even real.

And plus, it really can’t be this easy for things to fall into place like this. Can it?

You run one hand down his chest slowly and lightly, losing yourself in the motion for a moment before looking at him again shaking your head. “I don’t—I don’t know.”

“Well, what do you want?” He was staring at you so intensely you couldn’t form a proper answer. What did you want? Did you want him? Did you want to be with him? You had never been one for relationships but could he be the exception? There were so many things that you just didn’t know.

You watch as he leans forward slightly and you know what’s coming and just before his lips could reach yours you turn your head. “Time,” You whisper in his ear as his lips meet your cheek. “I need time.”

“Okay,” He nods but you can see the disappointment. “Take all the time you need.”

You rest your head against his shoulder and now you feel like crying again. You feel like shit for not knowing what to do when the answer seems so easy, but there’s just something stopping you and it’s not fair to him.

“I should probably go.” He says and now you feel even worse. “I was supposed to be home last night.”

“Why’d you stay then?” You ask as you get off him and he gets out of the bed.

“You wanted me to.” He smiles faintly and you watch quietly as he gets dressed and there’s a part of you longing to stop him and invite him back into bed to just lay in a comfortable silence all day. Once he’s done getting dressed he comes back over to you and pats your head. “Try not to throw up in your bed.” He chuckles before kissing your cheek again.

“If I do I’ll call you to come clean it up.” You laugh.

“You’re nuts if you think I’d come clean it up for you.” He grins before leaving your room.

The second your door closes you sigh and lay back down. Why were things so fucking complicated? The better question was why were you making things so complicated? It wasn’t that hard to just spit it out that you liked him too and then boom, you’d be dating and things would be fine.

But that was the problem. You liked him while he was in love with you. And it shocked you to know that someone could actually feel so strongly about you, especially him because he was smart, funny, shy and an all-around great guy and you? There was nothing special about you at all. So yeah, you were kinda baffled.

You were also scared; scared that if you actually gave this a chance, that you’d screw it up to the point of not being able to fix it. Hell, you had almost just lost him out of your own stupidity and jealously, it terrified you to think that it could happen again.

But did the fears outweigh all the good things that could come from this? Because really, you had wanted him for a lot longer than you’d let yourself admit and you both acted like you were in a relationship anyway so what harm would finally giving it a title do?

And this continued on for a good two hours, the war inside your head on whether or not dating him would end terribly or not. It was like as soon as you had convinced yourself it was a bad idea and laid it to rest, another ‘what if’ popped up and it started all over again.

It wasn’t until a very small, very eye opening though danced across your mind.

Fuck it. Just do it.

Why waste time of what ifs and bad possibilities? Why not just give it a try? You were never going to know what would happen until you did it.

That thought was enough to compel you to finally get out of bed and pull on the same jeans you wore last night and a black tank top from your closet. You didn’t bother with makeup; there was no point in wasting any more time. You grab your car keys from the desk where he left them last night and ran down the stairs to your car.

You stomach was fluttery with butterflies as you drove the short distance to his house, and maybe that was a good sign? But by the time you actually pull up in front of his house your trembling slightly.

You slowly make your way up to his front door and knock quietly, hoping he answers instead of his parents. Your heart speeds up when you hear footsteps and the door opens revealing a very shirtless and confused Matt.

“Did I forget something?” He asks, running a hand through his hair and neither that nor his bare chest and stomach are helping you right now.

“No, but I finally decided on what I want,” You say and his expression changes from confused to hopeful again which eases your nerves.

“And that is?”

“You,” you answer and before he can respond, you wrap your arm around his neck and pull him into a kiss. He kisses you back instantly, his arms snaking around your waist to pull you closer into his warm body. And everything in that very moment feels right.

You finally pull back, both of you breathless and he smiles down at you which makes you smile in return.

“Stay for a while?” He asks.

“Of course,” You reply instantly and finally step into his house, kicking the door closed behind you.