Status: Two Shot
Touch
Chapter one!
Skin on skin
Arm on arm
Head on shoulder
Hand on hand
Etcetera
I hate being physical close to people. It hard to explain the feeling right.
Being physical connected to someone like holding hands felt gross,uncomfortable, awkward. Even slight touches like arm on shoulder, hand in hand were meant to be comforting it would just make me feel sick. My stomach would churn at the slightest human touch.
Even if the person was not purposely touching me. Like when hands bump, legs touch by accident it make me feel like I should rip my limb away from them.
I'm not really sure why this is. But it's how I feel even with family members. I wish the smallest human touch didn't make me want to run away, but it did.
School was miserable, so many bodies touching other bodies it was appalling. People accidentally bumping into me in the halls, poking at me to get my attention. It's not even just skin on skin it's cloth on cloth when there's human flesh underneath the cloth. Sometimes it just made me want to rip my eye lashes out. Which I have done time to time. It just made me so uneasy and stressed.
Recently my stress has gotten worse all because of Jack. Jack was in my English class and lived 2 blocks away from me meaning we took the same way home. We we're never unfamiliar with each other, but we never acknowledged each other with more than a head nod in till recently, It happened about two weeks ago when jack asked for the answer to our vocabulary. I gave him the answer they were easy and simple and I didn't care weather he cheated or not. I also gave him the answers out of pity and didn't want him to have to face the wrath of our never forgiving teacher Ms.snow.
Since then jack has tried talking to me more and cheating off me more. He even walked with me too lunch a couple times. Which were usually tedious he would accidentally touch my arm or something causing me to flinch away out of surprise and discomfort. Or sit to close to me at lunch, where I would try my best to unnoticeably inch away from him.
The worst for me was when he would ask for hugs. It sounds ridiculous even I think it's ridiculous how being close to people makes me feel sick. After me denying jack hugs the first 3 times he finally stopped asking. It made me feel terrible when I said no because he looked like a kicked puppy.
As innocent as hugs are they still make me uncomfortable.
Yesterday during second period jack asked if I wanted to go over after school and work on the English we had been assigned. This was something I would usually say no. Even though jack often made me uncomfortable he had started noticing how uncomfortable I was when I was close to someone and he's stopped asking for hugs and kept his distance while walking together to lunch. I've become sort of found of jack because of those reason. I agreed to walk to his house after school with him and work on our essay's together.
"Hey." I heard a soft voice behind me, I turned around reviling jack. I smiled and nodded taking my book bag out of my locker and shutting it behind me.
"You ready to get some essay's done?" Jack asked in a much too enthusiastic voice if you ask me.
"I hate Ms.Snow."
"I feel you." Jack agreed patting my shoulder making me cringe. And that concluded our conversation on the walk to jack's house, It's not that I was really shy it's just that jack lived 4 minutes away from the school and talking wasn't our thing really it was more head nods and reassuring smiles I guess.
Jack walked into the house carelessly kicking of his shoes into the corner by the door in front of a tiny coat closets winter jackets and light sweaters were kept. I quickly followed suit taking off my shoes and putting them neatly by the front entrance following jack into what appeared to be the family room.
Beige walls, two blue couches on facing the television and the other on a the fall wall, a maple coffee table set between the television and the couch. The wall was decorated with family photos and little paintings probably done but a little known local artist they look like the ones you get at craft shows.
Me and jack sat on the 4 person couch, I kept some distance between us not wanting to get to close, I took out my notes only ready to half ass this paper on the art of poetry and different styles and which forms we most connected to. The good thing about poetry and English teachers was you could bullshit your way through it say some fancy words and they'd thing your "so deep."
After working for half an hour jack turned to me asked "Why do you always cringe or jump when people get to close to you?"
This question took me off gaurd most people just ignore that part about me, how I almost feared human contact.
I shrugged not wanting to see token of guard "I just don't like human contact." and writing down another sentence to my essay about poems, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.
"Is it my fault you cringe every time I touch you? Do you think there's something wrong with me." Jack's question started out sounding worry some but by the end of it there was a hint of madness.
I felt kind of bad Jack though that maybe , it was just him who I jumped at when coming in human contact, the only person I liked keeping a good few inches away from.
"Of course it's not you, people being close just make me uncomfortable. It's almost like a fear" I didn't look him in the eyes after saying this. Eye contact was another thing I wasnt partial to.
"What if I help you get over that fear?"
"No thanks." I quickly spoke still not looking in his eyes.
"It's just a fear, Margaret. I hate seeing you jump every time I touch you."
"Jack I appreciate your offer, but I really don't want your help. It's not even fear it makes me feel uneasy and sick, Jack." I admitted to him. I never said it out loud before I never acknowledged this out loud before. It was weird hearing the words coming out of my mouth it kind of made this thing more real.
"Margaret, it's a problem please let me help you with this. Being your friend all I want to do is be able to hug you when your down lean on you when i'm tired from all my classes in the day, feel your presence beside me, just to known you there."
I took a deep sigh, jack's words really hit me.
"okay." My voice was quite and higher pitched than normally due to my nervousness
"Really?"
I nodded
"uh okay I guess we'll start with the least possible contact I can think of is holding hands."
I just nodded sitting frozen wide eye. What if my hands aren't soft? or he thinks my nails are too long are gross? When was the last time he washed his hands? Oh my god, what did I just say yes to this.
Jacks hand snaked across the gap between us taking my clenched fist in his hand.
"See this isn't too bad."
I sat paralyzed i could feel my skin crawling goose bumps forming. His hand felt so rough and warm against mind. My hand started to get clammy god, I hope he doesn't notice how unusually most my hand is.
"Margaret stop being so awkward! we're not even really holding hands, with your fist being clenched and all."
"I was born awkward jack." I said pulling my hand away but he kept holding.
"You're not getting away that easy missy we're holding hands for the next 10 minutes
Arm on arm
Head on shoulder
Hand on hand
Etcetera
I hate being physical close to people. It hard to explain the feeling right.
Being physical connected to someone like holding hands felt gross,uncomfortable, awkward. Even slight touches like arm on shoulder, hand in hand were meant to be comforting it would just make me feel sick. My stomach would churn at the slightest human touch.
Even if the person was not purposely touching me. Like when hands bump, legs touch by accident it make me feel like I should rip my limb away from them.
I'm not really sure why this is. But it's how I feel even with family members. I wish the smallest human touch didn't make me want to run away, but it did.
School was miserable, so many bodies touching other bodies it was appalling. People accidentally bumping into me in the halls, poking at me to get my attention. It's not even just skin on skin it's cloth on cloth when there's human flesh underneath the cloth. Sometimes it just made me want to rip my eye lashes out. Which I have done time to time. It just made me so uneasy and stressed.
Recently my stress has gotten worse all because of Jack. Jack was in my English class and lived 2 blocks away from me meaning we took the same way home. We we're never unfamiliar with each other, but we never acknowledged each other with more than a head nod in till recently, It happened about two weeks ago when jack asked for the answer to our vocabulary. I gave him the answer they were easy and simple and I didn't care weather he cheated or not. I also gave him the answers out of pity and didn't want him to have to face the wrath of our never forgiving teacher Ms.snow.
Since then jack has tried talking to me more and cheating off me more. He even walked with me too lunch a couple times. Which were usually tedious he would accidentally touch my arm or something causing me to flinch away out of surprise and discomfort. Or sit to close to me at lunch, where I would try my best to unnoticeably inch away from him.
The worst for me was when he would ask for hugs. It sounds ridiculous even I think it's ridiculous how being close to people makes me feel sick. After me denying jack hugs the first 3 times he finally stopped asking. It made me feel terrible when I said no because he looked like a kicked puppy.
As innocent as hugs are they still make me uncomfortable.
Yesterday during second period jack asked if I wanted to go over after school and work on the English we had been assigned. This was something I would usually say no. Even though jack often made me uncomfortable he had started noticing how uncomfortable I was when I was close to someone and he's stopped asking for hugs and kept his distance while walking together to lunch. I've become sort of found of jack because of those reason. I agreed to walk to his house after school with him and work on our essay's together.
"Hey." I heard a soft voice behind me, I turned around reviling jack. I smiled and nodded taking my book bag out of my locker and shutting it behind me.
"You ready to get some essay's done?" Jack asked in a much too enthusiastic voice if you ask me.
"I hate Ms.Snow."
"I feel you." Jack agreed patting my shoulder making me cringe. And that concluded our conversation on the walk to jack's house, It's not that I was really shy it's just that jack lived 4 minutes away from the school and talking wasn't our thing really it was more head nods and reassuring smiles I guess.
Jack walked into the house carelessly kicking of his shoes into the corner by the door in front of a tiny coat closets winter jackets and light sweaters were kept. I quickly followed suit taking off my shoes and putting them neatly by the front entrance following jack into what appeared to be the family room.
Beige walls, two blue couches on facing the television and the other on a the fall wall, a maple coffee table set between the television and the couch. The wall was decorated with family photos and little paintings probably done but a little known local artist they look like the ones you get at craft shows.
Me and jack sat on the 4 person couch, I kept some distance between us not wanting to get to close, I took out my notes only ready to half ass this paper on the art of poetry and different styles and which forms we most connected to. The good thing about poetry and English teachers was you could bullshit your way through it say some fancy words and they'd thing your "so deep."
After working for half an hour jack turned to me asked "Why do you always cringe or jump when people get to close to you?"
This question took me off gaurd most people just ignore that part about me, how I almost feared human contact.
I shrugged not wanting to see token of guard "I just don't like human contact." and writing down another sentence to my essay about poems, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.
"Is it my fault you cringe every time I touch you? Do you think there's something wrong with me." Jack's question started out sounding worry some but by the end of it there was a hint of madness.
I felt kind of bad Jack though that maybe , it was just him who I jumped at when coming in human contact, the only person I liked keeping a good few inches away from.
"Of course it's not you, people being close just make me uncomfortable. It's almost like a fear" I didn't look him in the eyes after saying this. Eye contact was another thing I wasnt partial to.
"What if I help you get over that fear?"
"No thanks." I quickly spoke still not looking in his eyes.
"It's just a fear, Margaret. I hate seeing you jump every time I touch you."
"Jack I appreciate your offer, but I really don't want your help. It's not even fear it makes me feel uneasy and sick, Jack." I admitted to him. I never said it out loud before I never acknowledged this out loud before. It was weird hearing the words coming out of my mouth it kind of made this thing more real.
"Margaret, it's a problem please let me help you with this. Being your friend all I want to do is be able to hug you when your down lean on you when i'm tired from all my classes in the day, feel your presence beside me, just to known you there."
I took a deep sigh, jack's words really hit me.
"okay." My voice was quite and higher pitched than normally due to my nervousness
"Really?"
I nodded
"uh okay I guess we'll start with the least possible contact I can think of is holding hands."
I just nodded sitting frozen wide eye. What if my hands aren't soft? or he thinks my nails are too long are gross? When was the last time he washed his hands? Oh my god, what did I just say yes to this.
Jacks hand snaked across the gap between us taking my clenched fist in his hand.
"See this isn't too bad."
I sat paralyzed i could feel my skin crawling goose bumps forming. His hand felt so rough and warm against mind. My hand started to get clammy god, I hope he doesn't notice how unusually most my hand is.
"Margaret stop being so awkward! we're not even really holding hands, with your fist being clenched and all."
"I was born awkward jack." I said pulling my hand away but he kept holding.
"You're not getting away that easy missy we're holding hands for the next 10 minutes