For You

I wake up in my bunk, it’s weird because I’m certain I almost killed myself and more suitable place for me would be a hospital, or the morgue. I groan lightly and sit up careful not to hit my head against the bunk above mine before climbing off the bunk. I drag myself to the front of the bus where I find it completely empty. I look down to my arm to see it bandaged up neatly. I hurry to the bathroom and push it open to find it spotless with not a trace of blood.

I bite my lip and begin to wonder, who the fuck did this?

“Chris! Taylor and I are back from grocery shopping.” Hayden calls. I quickly run to grab a hoodie and slip it on before walking to the front of the bus. Hayden smiles kindly at me before a look of worry replaces it, “Chris you look pale are you ok?” he asks rushing to my side.

“I’m fine.” I whisper.

He nods and gives me one last look over before grabbing a bag and pulling out a granola bar, “I know you like these.” He says handing it to me. I take it and walk to a couch and sit on it before nibbling on the granola bar.

“What time is it?” I ask softly.

“Almost ten.” He replies.

I slept most of the day away then. “Did anyone come over?” I ask as I finish up the granola bar before throwing the wrapper away.

“Not that I know of.” Hayden says as he puts away our groceries. “I bought you some vitamins as well as some fruit and nourish drinks.” He says showing me some pill bottles and some bottles of healthy drinks. “Just so you get stronger.” He adds handing me one of the drinks.

“I’m going to go for a walk.” I say grabbing my cigarettes before walking off the bus. The fresh air hits me and I smile lightly before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up before walking aimlessly around the venue. I twist open the cap of the vitamin drink and sip it as the taste of chocolate fills my taste buds.

“Chris?”

I look behind me to see John standing there. He looks tired as he walks to me, dragging his body toward me. “Hey.” I whisper flicking the cigarette to the floor.

“How are you feeling?” John asks softly looking at me with worried eyes.

“Could have been better.” I shrug. “Hayden got me these vitamin drinks, he thinks I’m lacking in that department. “ I add as I take another sip of the drink. John smiles kindly at me.

“I’m glad you’re drinking it.” He whispers before we hear Garrett’s voice calling for him. John blushes lightly as Garrett appears reaching up to kiss John on the lips. I stare in shock, my mouth hung open slightly as I watch them exchange a few more kisses. Suddenly Garrett notices me and blushes softly, “Hi.” He whispers as his reaches for John’s hand and laces their hands together.

I give him a tight smile before turning around and dumping my drink into the nearest garbage before running to the bus. There’s tightness in my chests as I walk onto the now empty bus and make my way to the bathroom where I purge out the small amount of food I ate.

John and Garrett.

Garrett and John.

Why did I think I had a chance with him? Garrett is better than me, handsome, talented and thin. He’s perfect, he’s everything I’m not. Garrett isn’t some fuck up, Garrett doesn’t slice at his arms and purge his meals.

Garrett’s perfect, and me,

I’m not.

Soon I find myself cutting at my arm. I glance to my bandaged arm and slowly pull off the bandage exposing a deep dark gash. I frown and trace the deep vertical gash before resting my head against the wall behind me. Suddenly the though occurs to me again, who saved me?

There are only two people who I can think of, Jaime or John…maybe not even John.

A sudden knock brings me out of my thoughts and I jump up and wrap my arms in a hurry before rushing to the front of the bus. I push open the door to see Vic standing there with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Hey.” He mumbles letting himself in.

“Hi.” I whisper following him into the bus and sitting on some couches in the front of the bus. “Why are you here?” I ask.

“Just though you need someone to talk to considering what happened yesterday.” He says awkwardly nodding his head and biting his lip. I stare at him oddly, “The break up with Jaime.” He says stare at me curiously before letting a small smile slip.

“Yeah, it’s uh whatever.” I shrug.

“Not to Jaime, he’s worried about you and has been since last night.” Vic says.

“What happened last night?” I ask.

“The break up.” Vic says again but I can tell he’s hiding something.

“Yeah tell him I’m fine.” I mumble shrugging my shoulders.

“Why don’t you, it’d be better if you told him instead of me.” He mumbles rubbing his arm awkwardly before suddenly jolting up. “I better go.” He says. “You sure you’re ok?” I nod softly and lead him out he bus.

“Tell him for me.” I whisper.