For You

I watch from the side of the stage as John sings the last song of his set, it was a calm song and John was singing so passionately and beautifully that it made me feel almost insecure of my performance and myself. I watch as he finishes up and heads off stage passing by me without much of a second glance not even a first glance.

“John.” I whisper following after him feeling like a lost puppy.

“John.” I called again reaching out to grab his arm but instead he shrugs me off and hurries to catch up to Garrett lacing their hands together and continuing the walk to their bus.

I bite down on my lip, standing there feeling pathetic and embarrassed. Taking a deep breath I turn to head back to my bus but bump into a tall figure causing me to fall to the floor. I rub my ass a bit and glance up to the person that I bumped into, in front of stands a tall guy with a bunch of tattoos and longish hair. “Dude I am so sorry for that.” He says as he yanks me up to my feet.

“I’m fine.” I mumble rubbing my lower back, the fall hurt more than it should of.

“Fuck. You don’t look fine, are you sure you’re ok?” he asks again looking at me with worry.

I nod softly and give him a half-assed smile before walking pass him and heading back to my bus. “Hey wait, my names Austin.” He says sticking his hand out for me to shake. I stare down at his hand and push past him continuing my way to my bus. “Look I hope I didn’t get you mad or anything, it wasn’t my intention I just wasn’t paying attention.” He continues following right behind me.

“I said it was fine.” I say through clenched teeth.

“You don’t look ok, I said I’m sorry can’t you at least tell me your name.” Austin pressed.

Knowing my bus is still far away and Pierce the Veils bus is right here I quickly slipped through the bus door and closed it behind me taking a deep breath and closing my eyes for a second. “You okay man?” Mike’s deep voice broke through my peace causing me to look over to him.

He was standing in the small kitchenette with no shirt on cleaning a plate. I nod softly and allow myself into the bus taking a seat in the front lounge. “Just escape this Austin guy.” I mumble.

“Austin Carlilie?” Mike questions glancing over to me.

“I don’t know, he’s been bothering me since the end of The Maine’s set.” I mumble watching as Mike cleans around the bus a bit.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you recently.” He says throwing some rag into a drawer and sitting next to me. “I went to your bus the other day, just to see if you wanted to join Vic and I for some tacos or something but um we kind of found you…”

“Dying?” I question looking down at my arms covered by my sweater. I let my fingers trace over my wrist before looking up to Mike. “It was you?”

“Vic and I, we found you and Jaime and Tony were waiting outside. We didn’t want them to see so I fixed your arm and Vic cleaned the bathroom.” Mike whispered still looking at me.

Of course at that moment Vic walks in front the bunkrooms and bites his lip awkwardly as his eyes flicker between Mike and I. Sighing loudly I stand up and make my way to the bus exit, “Thanks I guess but the next time you guys find me like that do me a favor and leave me.”

Once outside I take a deep breath and glance up the sky, the sun is setting which means the day is coming to an end. One more day I survived I suppose. I make my way to my bus more at peace then before feeling better now that Austin isn’t trailing behind me and apologizing every chance he gets. I arrive to my bus in a matter of minutes, I walk into the back lounge where Hayden is sitting on his laptop. I sit next to him and rest my head on his shoulder watching as he checks his facebook.

“Why the sudden attention?” he asks softy.

“I just miss you.” I mumble looking up to him and smiling softly because now that I think of it I’m really lucky. Hayden puts up with my shit everyday, my lies and mood swings. The cruel things I say when I’m angry, the hurtful words. Yet at the end of the day he hugs me and tells me he loves me.

“Hm it seems like lately you want me out of your life.” He hums.

“No.” I mumble looking up to him and I notice he’s smiling lightly. I smile as well and curl closer to him before slowly drafting to sleep .