For You

"They think you have an eating disorder."

"Why's that?" I ask looking up to John innocently.

"You're underweight."

"I've always been underweight." I counter crossing my arms over my chest. "Always." I add.

John shrugs his shoulders, "Tell that to the doctor and Hayden's who's freaking out about it."

Just as John says that Hayden and Taylor walk through the door. "How you feeling?" Hayden asks as he stands at the foot of my bed.

"Better." I respond. "Expect for the fact I'm being accused of having a mental disorder." I say with a small hint of annoyance in my voice.

"Christofer the doctor says your BMI is unhealthy for you height." Taylor mumbles speaking for the first time since he's been here. I roll my eyes still trying to keep in my secret, the doctor couldn't be more right.

But we don't have to let anyone know that.

"It's never been a problem before because I've always been thin." I say getting angrier by the minute. "This is all stupid can I leave yet?"

"Not until you get better from the operation." John says taking my hand in his.

I pull away and curl into my side pulling the covers over my shoulders. "Can you guys all leave." I ask quietly as I close my eyes.

I hear everyone shuffle out the room, but I could still feel someone here. I don't have to open my eyes to know who that is.

"Leave Hayden." I whisper.

I hear him sigh loudly, like he's stressing out before he walks out the room and closing the door softly behind him.

Once I know I'm alone I let a few tears slip from my eyes.

This is all crumbling done.

All my secrets just, falling apart.



"Ready Chris?" Hayden asks as I finish getting dressed in some jeans and a t-shirt. I nod and slip in my shoes before following him out the room.

I lift my shirt up at bit, a little past my hip bones, to see a scar there from my operation.

"Is it really that interesting?"

I turn to see John standing there with his damn smirk. I bit my lip as he walks toward me, he rests his hands on my hips as his fingers brush over my scar. I push him away and step closer to Hayden. "Don't touch me."

"Christofer." The doctor calls as I'm watching Hayden check me out.

"Yeah?" I sigh turning to him.

"I still want to talk about your eating habits and weight, you've been avoiding it all week." he says now gaining the attention of both John and Hayden.

"I said I'm fine, I'm a light eater and I've always been underweight." I assure him.

"Christofer, I don't believe you." the doctor sighs before turning to John and Hayden. "Make sure he eats each meal and limit him bathroom time in case he purges." the doctor advises before glancing to me once more. "I suggest getting him a therapist, I'm aware you're currently touring but I'm sure you'll find someone he can call at least call once a week."

"I don't need a shrink." I hiss crossing my arms over my chest.

"Christofer you need this." Hayden pleads.

"Fuck off. I don't need help." I scream pushing past them toward the exit. I push open the doors and am instantly hit with the hot summer air. I sigh and reach into my pockets pulling out my cigarette pack before lighting a smoke.

I lean against the wall and stare at the passing vehicles while tugging at my hair.

I knew the moment those stomach pains hit that I would have to go the hospital. I knew that if I end up going to the hospital it meant that people would find out about my problems.

The least I could do it deny it.

"Ready Chris?" Hayden asks as he stops in front of me.

I notice he's holding a packet of papers. He pulls the away but I manage to catch the title,

What To Do if Someone is Suffering From an Eating Disorder.

All I have left to do is deny it.