Being A Vampire Sucks
1/1
My name is Jared Eisenhower and I am a vampire.
One night I got drunk with my friends in the woods. It seemed like a good idea at the time, it honestly did. There was this pale deformed “dead” body we found in a ditch. We freaked out a bit and then I was dared to poke it with a stick. It leapt out with an animal ferocity and sucked my neck. I passed out and when I came to I thought that a rabbit nearby would have some tasty blood.
When I told my parents, they couldn’t believe it. They didn’t accept my bloodlust. Understandably I wasn’t allowed near my baby sister. I managed to get on by sucking small animals and taking the handouts at the blood banks. Thanks to a therapist specializing in vampire transition, my parents came around and get blood for me in any way they can without joining the undead. They’ve arranged for fang surgery so I can get more blood for my bite, which is excellent. Times have certainly gotten better since vampires came out of the shadow and are more acceptable. The glamorization of vampires and being one is something that I don’t like. Anyway…
Transitioning as a vampire really sucks. I feel horrible about killing those animals, I constantly feel the urge to bite everyone, people always think I’m drinking wine, and I can’t do some of the kinky stuff I’d like to do with my girlfriend because it stimulates my desire to bite and I can’t play football because my body confused a ball in the chest with a stake and then I pass out for the rest of the day. I constantly have to wait for someone to let me into a room (which is hell when I’m alone and have to use the bathroom). I have legitimately sucked on my girlfriends menstrual pad to see if it would help. It didn’t.
I don’t see why people wants to be a vampire. I’ve even heard of people lining up to get bit.
Being a vampire- especially a new transitioning one- sucks in more ways then one. Take it from someone who knows.
One night I got drunk with my friends in the woods. It seemed like a good idea at the time, it honestly did. There was this pale deformed “dead” body we found in a ditch. We freaked out a bit and then I was dared to poke it with a stick. It leapt out with an animal ferocity and sucked my neck. I passed out and when I came to I thought that a rabbit nearby would have some tasty blood.
When I told my parents, they couldn’t believe it. They didn’t accept my bloodlust. Understandably I wasn’t allowed near my baby sister. I managed to get on by sucking small animals and taking the handouts at the blood banks. Thanks to a therapist specializing in vampire transition, my parents came around and get blood for me in any way they can without joining the undead. They’ve arranged for fang surgery so I can get more blood for my bite, which is excellent. Times have certainly gotten better since vampires came out of the shadow and are more acceptable. The glamorization of vampires and being one is something that I don’t like. Anyway…
Transitioning as a vampire really sucks. I feel horrible about killing those animals, I constantly feel the urge to bite everyone, people always think I’m drinking wine, and I can’t do some of the kinky stuff I’d like to do with my girlfriend because it stimulates my desire to bite and I can’t play football because my body confused a ball in the chest with a stake and then I pass out for the rest of the day. I constantly have to wait for someone to let me into a room (which is hell when I’m alone and have to use the bathroom). I have legitimately sucked on my girlfriends menstrual pad to see if it would help. It didn’t.
I don’t see why people wants to be a vampire. I’ve even heard of people lining up to get bit.
Being a vampire- especially a new transitioning one- sucks in more ways then one. Take it from someone who knows.