I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Jacks P.O.V.

The second he got the phone call he had hopped onto the next plane home.

His mouth had gone dry, his palms sweating, his vision blurring. Everything around him had felt surreal, and he couldn't help but wish he were dreaming.

Not Alex. Anyone but his Alex. The words kept ringing in his head, mocking him.

"He has been involved in a serious accident." He would rather die himself than see his best friend on his deathbed. A car accident? That wasn't like him. He was always such a careful driver, forever scolding Jack for not wearing his seatbelt. But he supposed a lot could have changed in the five years he hadn't seen his best friend.

Although he knew Alex wouldn't say his best friend was Jack anymore. And Jack couldn't blame him.

Five years ago, Jack took off to the other side of the country, not even leaving a note. He just upped and went. To this day Alex doesn't know where he is. Jack had taken the cowards way out, fleeing rather than facing his fears.

It was a terrible thing to do, and probably left Alex confused and hurt. But at the time, Jack valued his own feelings above Alex's. Jack had never planned on going home, until yesterday. No matter how much Alex hated him, he had to see him.

The nurse on the phone had said he 50% chance of surviving, but what if he did die? What if he died thinking that Jack didn't care about him? Jack couldn't let that happen.

Looking out the window, he watched as the buildings and cars that were once specks out of the window, come into focus as the plane landed on the runway. A wave of nervousness washed over Jack, making his hands shake and a nervous sweat to break out on his palms.

As the plane came to a halt, Jack sprung up from his seat, hoping to avoid the rush of people exciting the plane. He hadn't bought any luggage with him at all, which meant that he would get out of the airport quickly.

Rushing through the airport terminal, he passed through passport control quickly, being the first one in line. The humidity hit him like a wall when he walked out. He had forgotten what the heat was like back home.

Rolling up the sleeves of his jumper, he flagged down a taxi and jumped in, giving the driver directions to the hospital. The driver must have seen the desperate look on Jacks face, because he put his foot down pretty sharpish.

Tapping his foot impatiently, Jack looked out the window at the city he used to call his home. Nothing had changed, everything just seemed much less exciting now that Jack was more grown up.

As the driver stopped abruptly, Jack practically threw himself out of the taxi, chucking a fifty into the window of the cab. That was way more than the cabbie was owed he knew, but he was beyond the point of caring. His Alex was laying in that building, and for all Jack knew he could be taking his last breath.

He had to make sure he's okay.

Jack attempted to calm down and keep his cool as he approached the reception desk, but ended up jogging there anyway.

"Can you tell me where I can find Alex Gaskarth please?"

The receptionist looked up from her computer screen, barely glancing at Jack.

"You a family member?"

She sounded bored, and she dragged out her words as if it were a chore to be talking to him.

"I'm his brother."
He lied smoothly, barely batting an eyelid.

She moved the mouse slowly, clicking a couple of times before popping the bubble gun in her mouth. Irritated, Jack drummed his fingers on the desk impatiently, wishing she would hurry up.

"Fifth floor, room 5."

Not even bothering to say thankyou, Jack took off down the hallway and skidded to a halt in front of the elevator. After a couple of seconds he realised that he couldn't wait for the lift, so he sprinted up the stairs instead, taking them two at a time.

He slowed as he reached the stairs, suddenly feeling really nervous. Running his hads through his hair, Jack decided to bite the bullet and walked around the corner to into the hallway. A man and a woman were stood in the corridoor, and the woman turned when she heard footsteps.

"I don't believe it... Jack?"

"Mrs Gaskarth."
Jack spoke nodding at her politely, noticing her smudged makeup and permanent frown lines. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, the bags under her eyes a deep shade of purple.

"Oh how very good of you to return for him."
Her voice was thick with sarcasm, and she looked angry. The man beside her placed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it soothingly, but she just looked irritated by the gesture.

Jack didn't recognise the guy, he had jaw length black hair and brown eyes, with a lip ring. He was an attractive bloke, but not at all Jacks type. Without even giving him a second thought, Jack turned back to Alex's angry mother.

"Whats happening? Is he going to be okay? Is he getting better?"

Mrs Gaskarth scoffed, looking annoyed. This saddened Jack, because Jack had always thought of her as a second mother. He even used to go round Alexs when he wasn't there, just to hang out with her.

"I tell you what Jack, he is nowhere near as hurt as he was the day you left. Without even having the decency to say goodbye, or even leave a note."

Jack looked at the floor, feeling guilty and ashamed. He hadn't realised that his departure would have had such a bad impact on Alex. He had expected him to have moved on in a matter of weeks, finding another guy to fill the space as his best friend. Apparently not though.

"I am so sorry Mrs Gaskarth, I really am. I didn't realise he would care so much. But please, is Alex going to be okay?"

The desperate tone of his voice was enough to make her crack, looking at him sadly and motioning for him to sit down with her on one of the plastic chairs.

"He is better then he was. There was some internal bleeding, but miraculously no broken bones. He isn't completely in the clear, but his chances of surviving are on the up."

Jack lost it. Every emotion he had been holding in for the past five years came flooding out of him, leaving his a shaking, sobbing mess. Pulling his legs up beneath him on the plastic chair, he buried his face in his knees as he heard the man that he didn't know excuse himself. He was surprised when he felt Mrs Gaskarths had on his back, rubbing it softly. Peeking sideways at her, he saw that she was looking at him sympathetically.

"I'm all out of tears Jack. The past is in the past, but if you hurt my son again, I will not be happy."

"I'm sorry Mrs G. I took the cowards way out."

She smiled at his old nickname for her, rubbing his cheeks to wipe away the tears in a motherly way.

"It's okay Jack, I understand why you did it. Alex doesn't understand though. He dreams about you still. He never quite moved on, no matter how much he says he has. He's a different person now Jack. He's not our Alex anymore. He can be so nasty, so bitter. He changed while you were gone."

"Do you know why I left?"

"I've always know Jack."

He sighed, and was about to respond when the door opened again, revealing the stranger holding two coffees. He passed one to Mrs Gaskarth, and took a sip out of the other cup, ignoring Jack completely. When he walked over the the other side of the hall, facing the wall, Jack whispered quietly in Mrs Gaskarths ear.

"Who is that?"

She just looked at him for a bit, before looking at the stranger with distaste.

"That's Craig. Alex's boyfriend."
Though he tried not to show any emotion on his face, he flinched at her words as he felt a stabbing pain in his chest. Boyfriend? Jack felt a sudden hatred to the man stood across the hall.

"All Alex does is complain about him. Why he hasn't ended it yet I don't know."

She gave Craig's back a filthy look, patting Jacks hand that was rested on his knee.

"Why don't you go and get some rest, you look like you could use it."

"Could say the same to you Mrs G."

She shook her head and waved her hand at him dismissively, glancing at the closed door that Alex was behind.

"No no, I should stay."

Patting her on the shoulder and standing up, Jack dragged his feet down the stairs and through reception. Rolling his eyes at the annoying receptionist, he walked out the automatic doors flagging down a taxi. Asking for a ride to the nearest bed and breakfast, Jack rested his head on the window of the car, his thoughts plagued by nothing but Alex.