I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Jack’s P.O.V.

Jack wasn’t really sure what had possessed him to go round Alex’s in the middle of the night, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the guilt that had been swirling through his brain for the past day or so. Ever since Dan had hung up the phone on him that night, Jack had been feeling like the shittiest person ever, and he felt like a simple call or text wouldn’t be enough to fix it this time. Hence why he then found himself knocking on Alex’s door, just as the little hand on his watch reached the number 12.

If there was one thing Jack knew about Alex it was that he was never one for going to bed early. He was almost as much of a night owl as Jack, and Jack partly blamed himself for messing up his sleeping patterns as a teenager with all the nightmares.

So when Jack saw the light flick on from underneath the door of Alex’s apartment, because he knew that Alex wouldn’t have been asleep at this time anyway. The door swung open to reveal Alex looking slightly dishevelled, a pair of sweatpants hanging very low on his hips and a baggy t shirt hanging loosely off his skinny torso.

“Jack… Hi.”

He straightened his t shirt self-consciously as he spoke, running a hand through his hair in what looked like an attempt to make it look a little neater. Jack smiled sheepishly at him, suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed at having turned up at his apartment like this unannounced.

“Hey… I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No no… You know me; I’ll be awake until like 4.”

Jack smiled and walked into Alex’s apartment when the door was held open wider, a silent invitation for him to enter. When Jack reached the living room he saw a nest of blankets in the middle of the sofa, the only source of light in the room being the television which was playing some old fashioned film.

Alex collapsed back down onto the little cocoon of blankets he had made for himself, patting the space on the sofa next to him, inviting Jack to sit down.

“So how come you’re at my house at midnight anyway?”

Jack sat down where Alex had patted, looking at Alex’s tired looking face in the harsh light of the television screen.

“I was just… about the other night… I just came to apologise I guess.”

Alex grimaced slightly and looked away, pretending to be interested in whatever late night garbage was playing on the TV screen in front of them.

“It’s fine… You don’t really have anything to be sorry for really.”

“No I do… I don’t know it was just rude, of me and of Dan, and I just wanted to say sorry.”

Alex smiled slightly, glancing up at Jack from his place on the sofa and wrapping the blankets tighter around himself. There was something very sweet and vulnerable about the way he looked, Jack decided. He didn’t know whether it was the ill-fitting clothes, or his bed hair, or just the way he had so many blankets wrapped protectively around himself; either way, when Alex looked at him from under his lashes like that Jack practically went weak at the knees.

“I was really jealous of him that night you know.”

“Look Alex, me and Dan aren’t-”

“No it’s okay; you don’t have to lie to me about it. Though I may be insanely jealous of Dan for having you, it’s still not my place to be angry about it.”

Jack sighed, silently cursing Dan for ever coming up with this plan in the first place.

“No Alex, there is literally nothing going on between me and Dan. I swear.”

Alex looked kind of surprised when he looked up at Jack, and Jack didn’t know whether it was wishful thinking or not, bet he was sure he saw a glimmer of happiness in those honey brown eyes.

“That’s not what it sounded like on the phone the other night…”

“Dan can get really over excited, it wasn’t what you think. I promise.”

Alex nodded and shuffled closer to Jack, so that his head was resting on Jack’s shoulder and Jack could feel his body heat radiating through the thick bundle of blankets. It was like Alex had a spurt of new found confidence or something, and Jack was more than a little surprised when Alex took Jack’s face between both of his hands, leaning forward until their foreheads were pressed together.

Alex seemed to hesitate momentarily, looking up into Jack’s eyes, as though he was asking of Jack was okay with this. Jack curled one of his hands around Alex’s hip, squeezing the bone lightly in a silent gesture that told him to go ahead.

With one final bashful glance up at Jack, Alex finally leaned forward enough for their lips to touch very lightly, a barely there kiss brushing over Jack’s waiting lips. Jack responded eagerly, desperate for something more than the feather light kisses Alex was giving him.

After a couple of minutes of extremely short and gentle pecks, Jack decided that this was beginning to get ridiculous. He pulled away slightly, and was met with a confused and slightly hurt looking Alex.

The only sound in the entire room was the low hum of the television and Alex’s shallow breathing, and when Jack pushed Alex to lie down on the sofa Alex made no noise of protest. Jack didn’t miss the way Alex’s breathing picked up slightly when Jack pressed little pecks to his jawline, and he smiled to himself when Alex pulled Jack down on top of him.

Jack felt much better about the situation now that he was in control, and when Alex pulled Jack even closer and moulded their bodies together, it gave him all the reassurance he needed.

Jack pressed his lips to Alex’s again almost immediately, and when Alex’s tongue started to prod at his upper lip, Jack opened his mouth straight away. He had been craving Alex’s taste for too long, and Jack honestly wasn’t sure whether he could take this much slower. Every instinct in his body was telling him to just go as quickly as possible.

Without even having to fight for dominance, Jack’s tongue pushed past Alex’s lips and into his mouth, making Jack literally moan at the feeling. Though he was sure it gave him the same blissful feeling every time they kissed, everything just felt so much more electric tonight.

Alex seemed to be thinking the same thing as Jack, because the eagerness of his kisses and the tightness of his embrace told Jack that he was getting just as much enjoyment out of this. Jack’s heart almost leapt out of his chest when Alex flipped them over suddenly, crawling up Jack’s body until their lips met again.

Jack didn’t know where Alex’s new found eagerness and confidence, but there was no denying that he was loving every second of it.

It was when Alex’s weight was settled on Jack’s hips, and when Alex’s lips started to trail down Jack’s neck, that everything started to have an effect on Jack’s body. His skin felt like it was on fire, and every touch of Alex’s skin against his own was like pouring kerosene on the flames. His heart was just about to beat out of his chest, and Jack was sure that Alex must be able to feel the hard on that he was sporting through his jeans.

But then Jack started to panic. He wasn’t sure whether Alex was ready for this kind of thing with Jack yet, and deep down Jack knew that cheating on Craig could only end in sadness for Alex. Alex’s thoughts seemed to be anywhere but Craig though, and the way he was pressing his hips down onto Jack’s crotch had Jack forgetting too.

Jack panted against Alex’s lips as he felt fingertips trailing up under his t shirt and over his chest, the feeling of Alex’s cool hands against his bare skin making him shiver. Alex’s lips moved slowly, placing light open mouthed kisses along his jawline and neck, and while Jack wanted the moment to last, there was a part of him that just wanted Alex to hurry up.

Very tentatively, Alex started to pull at the hem of Jack’s t shirt, pulling back so that he could look at Jack and blushing. Jack nodded ever so slightly, watching as Alex slowly pulled Jack’s t shirt off along with his own, before discarding them on the floor beneath the couch.

When Alex lowered his body back down, Jack just couldn’t hold in the moan that escaped his mouth at the feeling of their bare chests pressed up against each other’s. Alex smiled cutely at Jack and let his fringe fall down over his eyes, before he ducked his head back down again to connect their lips.

One arms wrapped around Alex’s bare waist while the other held on to the back of Alex’s neck as they kissed, just a simple kiss with no tongue. It felt nice, reassuring, calming. As much as Jack wanted Alex in that way, it was sweet gestures like that that reminded him of how much love he actually had for the boy on top of him.

While the sweet and slow kiss was nice, it wasn’t quite enough. Alex was sat on his lap and subconsciously pressing his hips down onto Jack’s crotch, and Jack was getting more and more turned on by the minute. Though he vowed not to rush Alex into anything, his hard on was actually starting to get painful.

Just as Jack was about to cry out of frustration, he felt one of Alex’s cautious hands beginning to undo the buttons of Jack’s jeans. Jack whined and bucked his hips in encouragement, and Alex blushed as he pulled the tight black denim to sit around Jack’s thighs.

Jack was pretty much a mess from the moment Alex started to palm him through the thin material of his boxers, and an embarrassingly loud moan escaped at the contact. Jack’s obvious enjoyment seemed to be helping Alex’s confidence though, because he started to grind his hand harder as the other hands fingers trailed along the waistband of Jack’s boxers.

Alex leaned forward and pressed their lips together as Jack’s boxers were pulled down to rest in the same place as his jeans, and Alex’s tongue ran along Jack’s bottom lip when his hand wrapped around Jack’s hard on.

His hand moved slowly up and down as his teeth tugged at Jack’s top lip, and Jack was pretty much incapable of doing anything other than panting and moaning. A broken moan came tumbling out of Jack’s mouth as Alex went faster, his lips placing hot, wet open mouthed kisses along his neck and chest.

Alex started to go faster, nudging his nose down over the Jack’s collarbones, occasionally choosing a spot to let his lips rest on. He lingered over the area where his neck and shoulder met, sucking on the skin there for a good few minutes as his hand brought Jack to the brink of insanity.

Alex’s hand was moving impossibly fast now, twisting and flicking his wrist at all the right times, effectively making Jack putty in his hands. Jack twined his fingers through the fingers of Alex’s free hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles as the heat pooled in his stomach and his vision blurred.

Alex seemed to know how close Jack was to releasing, leaning forward licking the shell of Jack’s ear, before sucking and biting on the skin behind his it. Alex’s hand squeezed the one holding Jack’s shaft very lightly, and that was it for Jack. His limbs shook and his body stiffened and his vision blurred as he came, Alex pressing little pecks to his parted lips as he did so.

Jack came down from his high, opening his eyes to see Alex wiping his hand on one of their discarded t shirts. He then leant forward and pulled Jack’s boxers up for him, smiling cutely and kissing Jack’s cheek.

He seemed unsure of what to do for a moment, and he sat dithering on Jack’s lap for a couple of seconds, before Jack chuckled and pulled him to lie down beside him on the sofa. It was silent for a couple of minutes, before Alex cleared his throat and turned around to face Jack on the sofa.

“So I was thinking… well… um.”

Jack laughed and smoothed Alex’s hair down against his scalp, nodding at him and encouraging him to carry on.

“Spit it out Alex.”

“I uhh… well… Y’know.”

Jack yawned mockingly and Alex hit him in the chest lightly.
“How long is this gonna take Alex, I don’t have all night you know.”

“Right right okay Mr Pushy… I was just thinking about… about me and Craig, and how I don’t really want to be with him… and uhh.”

Jack wasn’t even about to mock him for using the word ‘uhh’ about fifteen times in the past minute, because he was sure the massive grin on his face would have made it have less of an impact.

“Carry on.”

Alex smiled cutely at the excited tone of voice and massive smile, reaching for Jack’s hand and twining their fingers together.

“Well… I just think that I ought to break things off with Craig fairly soon, because it’s not fair to stay with him while…while my hearts with you.”

His words were rushed and he ducked his head when he spoke, the blush on his cheeks evident even in the dull lighting in the room. Jack’s heart pounded in his chest as he tilted Alex’s face up by the chin, pressing their lips together in a short and chaste kiss.

“You know what Gaskarth? I have been waiting for those words to leave your lips since we were fourteen years old.”