I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Alex’s P.O.V.

Alex had been lying awake next to a soundly sleeping Jack for about an hour now, his back curved at an uncomfortable angle in order to stop himself from falling off the sofa, and one arm wrapped securely around the black haired man’s skinny waist.

It was something very rare for Alex to be thinking about nothing in particular, but thankfully it was one of those moments. He had half been expecting to wake up and freak out, his normally over active brain sending him into a panicked frenzy due to over thinking and over dramatizing everything like he always.

He didn’t know whether it was due to how happy he was feeling after the night previous, or whether it was due to the content feeling in the pit of his stomach, but luckily his heart seemed to be winning the argument it was having with his head.

Alex took a peek at Jack’s peaceful sleeping face for what must have been the billionth time that morning, and smiled to himself, letting the hand on Jack’s bare back rub up and down gently. Waking up next to a shirtless Jack was something that hadn’t happened for a long time, and Alex would have been lying if he said he wasn’t trying to make every second last, despite his uncomfortable position on the sofa.

As Alex’s mind drifted to the events of last night he smiled awkwardly, remembering just how nervous he had been. That was something new for Alex, as he was pretty sure that he had never in all his life been nervous in any sexual encounter, ever. If anything, he was always extremely cocky and confident.

But last night had been something else. He remembered his heart racing, his palms sweating, and all it took was one look from Jack and his cheeks were turning scarlet. It made little sense to Alex, because in some ways Jack made him feel so comfortable and relaxed, yet any kind of sexual encounter made him feel like he was a fifteen year old virgin again.

Alex very carefully reached down to where his phone was lying discarded at the floor, pressing the unlock button and squinting at the screen to look at the time.

6:15.
Which meant that he had gotten approximately 5 hours sleep last night. Alex looked down at his body to assess the situation he was in, deciding that he could probably get off the sofa and into the kitchen without waking Jack who was still sleeping soundly beside him.

After spending a good few minutes carefully prying Jack’s limbs off of his body, he finally was able to stand up and stretch, his joints clicking as he did so. With one last affectionate look at the man sleeping on the sofa, Alex tiptoed out into the kitchen, leaving Jack to get the sleep that he so obviously needed.

Flicking the switch on the kettle to boil, Alex turned around and leaned his bare back against the cold kitchen worktop, yawning quietly and rubbing his tired eyes. When he heard the kettle click, signifying that it was boiled, he opened the cupboard opposite him and took out the mug that he always drank out of.

But just as he was about to close the cupboard door, his eyes focused on the blue mug right by the front that pretty much belonged to Craig now. Their two year relationship obviously involved Craig being at Alex’s apartment a lot, and from the first night they had spent together Craig had taken a shine to that particular mug.

And while Alex was certain that Jack was the only one he wanted, he cared about Craig way too much to just dump him thoughtlessly like he had planned on doing. Reaching up into the cupboard, Alex pulled the dark blue mug out carefully, handling it for a minute and letting the guilt eat away at his brain.

Jack coming home had kinda mess up Alex’s life again, just as things were beginning to get back on track for him. If Jack had never come home then Craig would be happy, and Alex wouldn’t have to be the one to hurt him.

Alex had pretty much learned to live without Jack during his 5 year absence, and although Jack has always been the only one for him, Alex could have spent the rest of his life without him. He would have never been truly happy, but he would have survived.

But now Alex’s feelings for Jack were too far gone, too powerful for Alex to ever leave him again. Alex wasn’t too happy about how much he relied on Jack, but he still wouldn’t change it for the world.

Last night had kind of been a wakeup call for Alex, because he was 100% certain that he had never ever gotten someone off without wanting anything in return.

Alex put the blue mug back in the cupboard, realising that he had just been staring into space whilst holding it for a good few minutes now. Just as he was about to start making the coffee he originally came in the kitchen to make, he heard footsteps behind him.

Alex turned around and saw a shirtless Jack stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes sleepily and yawning. Alex smiled at the sight of him, taking note of his groggy expression and tired grin, deciding that he could get used to seeing Jack like this every morning.

“Morning Jacky.”

“Make me a coffee?”

Alex rolled his eyes at Jack demand, but turned around and got another mug out of the cupboard, ignoring the pang of guilt he felt at the sight of the blue mug.

While Alex was making the coffee he turned his head slightly, feeling Jack’s gave burning into the back of his head and seeing that the dark haired man was indeed staring at him.

“What’s with the staring, creepy?”

Jack laughed and shrugged, taking the jar of instant coffee out of Alex’s hands and wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist. Alex smiled and sighed happily, holding Jack’s body as close to his own as possible, feeling on top of the world when Jack nuzzled his face into Alex’s bare shoulder and pressed a tiny kiss there.

Alex pulled back slightly and tilted Jack’s face up by his chin, leaning down and letting his lips hover over Jack’s. Jack smiled up at him, his big brown eyes flicking up to meet Alex’s before he was closing them and leaning forward, very gently pressing his lips to Alex’s.

And that was all it took for Alex’s knees to become weak, for his heart to race, for his cheeks to heat up. It didn’t take any kind of sexual encounter or any kind of huge romantic gesture, just having Jack in his arms like this, kissing him gently and being this close to him, that was good enough for Alex.

Jack pulled away and smiled cutely up at Alex, his fingers curling around Alex’s hips and his breath fanning across Alex’s neck when he spoke.

“Do you wanna go out for a coffee? I hate that instant shit.”

Alex nodded in agreement but made no move to leave the room, feeling a little reluctant to let go of the gorgeous man in his arms.

“I suppose we had better go and get dressed or whatever then.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Jack scooted into the booth and sat beside Alex, piping hot coffee clutched between his fingertips and a small smile on his face.

“It’s kinda like a weird sense of déjà vu being sat here with you again.”

Alex smiled at Jack’s words, because yeah, it was weird being sat in this coffee shop again with Jack. The two of them had spent most of their teenage life in this exact coffee shop, sat in this exact position, pressed up against each other in the same booth rather than sat across from each other like most normal people.

“I know. I didn’t really come in here all that much after you left. I’ve kinda missed it.”

Jack moved closer, and then suddenly Alex became conscious of just how close they actually were. To every onlooker they must have looked like a couple. He moved away from Jack slightly, feeling a pang of guilt at the hut look on Jack’s face when he did so.

“Sorry… I just… like I don’t want to see someone I know and have them tell Craig. That wouldn’t be cool.”

Alex rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly when he spoke, but much to his relief Jack just nodded and smiled slightly, moving a couple of centimeters away to give him some space.

“Are you gonna tell him soon? Craig I mean?”

Jack was sort of avoiding eye contact when he spoke, and Alex reached for his hand underneath the table in what he hoped was a reassuring manor.

“I will soon, I promise. I’m just trying to figure out how to do it without hurting him too much. We’ve been together for so long; he’s bound to be upset.”

Jack looked like he was about to reply when his phone started ringing obnoxiously loud on the table in front of them, and Jack looked at the caller ID before grinning and pressing the accept button.

“Dan!”

Alex groaned internally, cursing the man whom he had never even met in his head. It was safe to say that Alex wasn’t particularly fond of Dan, even though technically he had no reason to. He guessed he just didn’t like how much Jack seemed to enjoy his company.

“Yeah… yeah… oh no… yeah I don’t see why not… okay I’ll be over in five minutes, do you want me to get you anything on the way? … okay will do, see you in a bit.”

Jack put his phone in his pocket and shrugged his jacket on, draining the last of his coffee and looking at Alex apologetically.

“I’m sorry Alex, I’ve gotta go, Dan’s really upset and he needs me. I’ll see you soon?”

“Yeah course, see you soon.”

Jack looked like he was about to lean in for a kiss for a second, before he seemed to think better of the idea and just waved awkwardly at Alex and slid out of the booth. Alex watched him practically run out the café, feeling slightly annoyed at how keen he obviously was to get to Dan, wishing that Jack didn’t care about the stupid blonde so much.

As Alex finished his coffee alone in silence, he realised just how desperate he had been for that goodbye kiss, or even a goodbye hug. And he had turned all that down for fear of being seen by his boyfriend that he was going to dump anyway.

Alex ended up staying in the coffee shop for the rest of the afternoon, probably well outstaying his welcome, and pretty much the only thought swimming through his brain was how much he wished Jack was still squashed up beside him on the small booth.