I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Alex's P.O.V.

True to his word, Jack turned up everyday for the next week. Hell, he had stayed overnight three times, sleeping on the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting room.

Alex could jut tell that Craig was beginning to get annoyed by his presence, but Alex wasn't sure why.
If he was being honest, Alex was beginning to get annoyed with both of them.

Jack because he was making it even harder for Alex to move on, and Craig was just plain annoying.

Thankfully though, his mother had paid attention to what Alex had said, and didn't let Jack anywhere near the door of his hospital room.

Alex could hear Jack and his mother talking in the corridor - they were conversing like old friends. Which they were really, Jack had always received as much love as Alex in their house, and he knew that before he had left his mother had thought of him as a second son.

It was like a weird sense of déjà vu, hearing them speaking like that again, and Alex hadn't realised how much he had missed t until now.

Until now he hadn't realised how much he had missed a lot of things, like his laugh for example. Every time Alex heard it from the corridor he could practically see the way his nose would scrunch up adorably, and how he usually covered up his mouth.

Every time he heard it it brought back so many memories - the two of them sat together in the back of class, Jack always managing to get Alex in trouble. The two of them sharing an inside joke around other people, making the others look at them as if they were insane. That time that Alex had fallen out of bed when Jack was sleeping round, and how he hadn't stopped laughing all night.

In a way, hearing Jack was just as painful as it would be to see him, it still brought back just as many memories.

The date that Alex was to be discharged rolled round faster than Alex had expected, and he watched as his mother fussed around packing away his things in preparation to go home.

Alex was going to move back in to his own flat, not too far from his mothers. It had taken much persuasion to convince her that he would be just fine on his own, and that he would call her if he needed anything.

The nurse came in a second later, smiling widely as always, and started doing a few final checkups on Alex as he tapped his foot impatiently. He liked the nurse and all, but all Alex really wanted to do was go home and relax now.

"Well Mr Gaskarth, everything seems to be in order. You're free to go."

Alex spared the nurse one last smile, before grabbing his bag and walking out into the corridor as fast as possible. He was so sick of seeing the same white walls everyday, so when he got outside he heaved a sigh of relief, breathing in the fresh air.

Walking out the hospital doors seconds after him, his mother shook her car keys at him impatiently, indicating that she wanted to get going already.

The car drive home was quiet, but not awkward, something that Alex had always liked about his mother. She never felt the need to fill silence with useless chatter.

When they came to a stop at a traffic light, Alex could feel her gaze on the side of his face.
"Alex honey... I know Jack really hurt you, but do you not thin-"

"Are you seriously even bringing this up? You know how I feel about him."

Alex was kind of angry. It was fair enough that she had decided to forgive him, but surely she couldn't expect Alex to? He destroyed Alex's life, and Alex was being serious about not forgiving him anytime soon.

"I just think that you should give him another chance is all. He's grown up now Alex, and just remember all the good times you had together."

She didn't need to remind him about the good times. They had been swimming around Alex's brain nonstop for the past week.

They had reached Alex's house now, and Alex wasted no time in getting out of the car, ignoring what his mother had said completely. He knew it wouldn't take long for him to turn back into his usual self - sullen and rude.

Luckily most of the pain that had been bugging him for a whole had subsided, so he could run up the stairs pretty easily. When he came to the door of his old one bedroom flat, he sighed happily.

This was the only place Alex could let down all his walls, the only place he could properly relax. He had really missed it.

When the door swung open, Alex walked in looking around. Nothing had changed since the night of the accident, there was even still dirty clothes on the floor.

Sighing in content, he threw himself down onto his tattered, second hand sofa and flicked on the tv, feeling completely at ease. If his mother hadn't have brought up Jack again, Alex would as slept soundly that night, but instead his dreams were filled with painful memories.

..........................................................................................................

"Look, I understand where you're coming from okay? But I wish you would just drop it! I've just come out of hospital for gods sake, give me a break."

In the week that Alex had been home, Craig had been coming onto him continually. In all honesty, Alex just was not in the mood for him. Though he had convinced himself that it was just because he was only a week out of hospital, a small voice told him that it was to do with Jack.

Now that Alex has had a small taste of him, he couldn't help but want more. While he was doing everyday things like watching television or doing laundry, he found himself thinking about him. What he looked like now. What he was doing. Who he was with.

Alex wondered how often Jack thought about him. He also wondered why he had bothered to stick around - he hadn't bothered last time after all. Now that Alex was out of hospital he had no reason to stay. But by the sounds of things he was sticking around this time - according to Alex's mother anyway.

"Alex are you even listening to a word I am saying?!"

Alex sighed, looking at Craig in annoyance.
"You know what Craig? No, I fucking wasn't listening to what you were saying, because quite frankly, I couldn't give a shit."

Craig's expression darkened and he glared at Alex.
"It's got something to do with that guy hasn't it? The annoying one that hangs around all the fucking time!"

"Don't you dare talk about him like that."
Alex's words came out as more of a growl, and he saw Craig step back a little. Alex nearly clamped his hand over his mouth in surprise. It had come out before Alex had even had a chance to think about it.

At this point Craig looked like he was about to cry, so he stood up and walked in the general direction of the front door.

As Alex watched his retreating figure, he tried to look for some sort of emotion for hurting his boyfriend like that - sadness or regret. But all he felt was nothing.

Alex was sure that if Craig hadn't crossed the line earlier they would have kissed and made up like they usually do. But no matter how much he had hurt him, Alex couldn't let anyone say anything about his Jack.

Jacks P.O.V.

"Please Mrs G. I would give anything to just be able to speak to him. Just quickly."

Mrs Gaskarth looked away from Jack sadly, her eyes downcast.

"Jack I'm sorry but he told me not to let you anywhere near him. You knew that already though."
No matter how many times Jack heard those words, they still hurt him like they had the first time. It was slowly but surely tearing Jack apart knowing that Alex was so desperate to keep away from him.

"I just... I miss him still."

Mrs Gaskarth sighed and looked at him for a while. Jack could practically see that she was about to crack any minute.

"Fine... But Alex is more than likely going to hate both of us for this."

Walking out of the room, she returned a minute later holding a price of paper and a pen. Quickly scrawling Alex's address down on it, she handed him the paper and pushed him towards the front door.

"Thank you Mrs G, thank you so much."

She rolled her eyes at him, opening the door and shoving him out.

"It's fine Jack, but you had better make this worth all the aggro he is going to give me."

Sparing her a sweet smile, he turned around and sprinted down the pathway in the direction of Alex's apartment.

It only took him about 10 minutes to walk there, but when he arrived outside the large apartment building he stopped.

Was he really ready for this? Jack knew that Alex wasn't too keen on Jack anymore, who is to say that he won't just slam the door shut in Jacks face? Who's to say that he will even open the door if he knows who it is? Was it really worth chancing getting rejected?

As scared as Jack was about this, he knew he had to go up there anyway. Because he would never forgive himself if he didn't.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the first floor and walked down the corridor until he reached Alexs apartment.

Heart pounding and hands shaking, he gingerly reached forward and rapped on the door with his knuckles. While he waited for and answer, he took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. Too late to turn back now.

As he heard footsteps approaching on the other side of the door, Jack started to feel slightly queasy. If he mucked up this moment he would regret it for the rest of his life.

The door swung open and there he stood. If possible, even more gorgeous than he was five years ago.

His hair was longer, reaching his jawline, but it was still that sandy colour that Jack loved. His shoulders had broadened, and he had gotten taller, but he still only reached up to about Jacks nose. He had a small amount of designer stubble around his jawline, making him look older.

Though most things about him had changed as he had grown up, there was one thing that had stayed the same. His eyes. Still that light shade of brown, still framed by dark lashes.

Though they were the same as Jack had remembered them, there was something different. They looked as if they were missing that happy, young and innocent glint that Jack had been so fond of.

They just sort of stood there for a while, looking at eachother, seeing how they both had changed. No words were spoken, and neither of them so much as breathed loudly.

Alex broke the silence by shuffling on his feet, chewing at his thumbnail - a nervous habit of his. Jack wasn't sure what to do at this point, so he just waited for Alex to make the first move.

Before Jack could even register what was happening Alex had started to shut the door, looking at Jack sadly as he did so. Jack felt his heart break all over again as he saw Alex disappear behind his front door, and tears welled up in his eyes as he watched.

Eventually the door shut completely, but not before Jack heard a loud sob echo through the hall.