I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Jacks P.O.V.

“Thanks man, you truly are a good mate.”

Rian nodded and rolled his eyes at Jack, before chucking a pillow and a duvet at Jacks head and walking out the room.

“Lemme know if you need anything else kay? I’m just gonna pop out quick, be back in about 15 minutes.”

“Will do, bye.”
The door slammed shut behind Rian and Jack heard his car engine rev, before it pulled out of the driveway. The silence of the apartment was deafening, and Jack flopped onto the sofa almost afraid to be left alone with his own thoughts.

He was surprised Rian had taken him in in the first place - he had always been more friendly with Alex rather than Jack- but Jack was extremely thankful that he did. Jack needed a place to stay that was close enough to Alex to make sure he was okay.

Even after five years, Jack still found himself being stupidly protective over the younger man. Though he was sure that Alex could look after himself these days.

Though it used to be Jack that was looking after Alex most of the time, Jack still had his moments where he needed Alex. If ever he used to have a nightmare or when he used to get upset about his parents, he could rely fully on Alex to cuddle him until he fell asleep, to promise him that everything would be alright.

He still dreamt about Alex, still thought about him every moment of everyday – so really looking back leaving in the first place was completely pointless. He never achieved what he had needed to. All he had done was bring himself pain, and more importantly bring Alex pain.

Just as that thought occurred, Jack heard the front door swing open and Rian come crashing through, followed by a long string of curse words. Getting up to see what all the ruckus was about, he was nearly bowled over by Rian carrying about 10 shopping bags.

“Thanks”
His voice sounded raspy and out of breath as Jack took a couple of the heavy bags from his grip, before setting them down on the kitchen counter.

“I got pizza for dinner, you cool with that?”

“Yeah that sounds good man. Hey Rian, thanks again for letting me stay.”

Rian turned around from the cupboard in which he was packing away his groceries, and looked at Jack for a few seconds.

There had always been something about Rian that made Jack feel like Rian knew exactly what he was thinking. This is why he had always ended up spilling his guts to Rian when they were teenagers.

“It’s alright. It’s nice to see you again after all these years.”

Jack looked solidly at his feet, not wanting to loom Rian in the eye. After a few seconds of silence Rian spoke up again, sitting down at the kitchen table as he did so.

“I know why you left Jack.”

This caught Jacks attention. His head snapped up from his shoes to look at Rian, and he shook his head when the two of them made eye contact.

“You don’t. Nobody knew the true reason I left. I made sure of that.”

Jacks heart was beating out of his chest, and his palms were sweating like crazy. Rian seemed to know how nervous he was because he was looking at Jack sceptically now.

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that knows. I never shared my theory with anyone, not even Alex. But I don’t really talk to him anymore anyway.”

“You’re joking?! You two used to be great friends!”

Jack was extremely surprised at this. He had thought that Rian and Alex would have gotten closer than ever after Jack left.

Rian just looked at Jack sadly, before breaking the silence with a soft tone of voice.

“That’s exactly it Jack, we used to be great friends. He’s not the same person he used to be. He’s changed so much, and certainly not for the better.”

Jack sat down at the table with Rian and put his head in his hands, trying to comprehend what he had been told.

“Everyone’s been saying that, but I don’t understand?! He was his normal old self for the brief moment that I saw him!”

As soon as the words were out of Jacks mouth, he knew they weren’t true. He remembered back to some of the things Alex said to him and shivered, not wanting to relive it.

“Yeah well he would be his old self around you, you’ve always been the one to comfort him. And as soon as you weren’t there to be there for him anymore he just changed. I can’t be around him anymore.”

Jack didn’t realise that him leaving would have such a lasting effect on Alex. He figured that Jack would be forgotten after a couple of years, be nothing but a distant memory.

“Well… that sucks.”

Rian nodded and stood up before filling the kettle with water and switching it on.

“So back to the reason you left… If my theory is incorrect then what was the real reason?”

Jack paused for a moment, trying to think of a believable excuse. Why on earth hadn’t he thought about this as soon as he decided he was coming home?! After a few seconds of racking his brains he finally managed to splutter out an excuse, though the way his voice shook told Rian that he was lying.

“I… um well after my parents and everything I didn’t want to stay here anymore. Too many memories and not enough to stay for I guess.”

This wasn’t a complete lie, it was pretty painful to stay in his hometown after his parents were gone. But the fact that Alex had been there for him made that pain virtually non-existent most of the time.

Rian raised an eyebrow sceptically before leaning back against the kitchen table and folding his arms.

“Right… So it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you were completely in love with Alex then?”

Jack nearly fell off his chair at that. His heart started beating ridiculously fast and his vision became blurred suddenly, he found himself having to clutch at the edges of the table for support. When he finally found his voice it came out worried and shaky, completely contradicting what he was saying.

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

Rian looked at his sadly, and Jack could tell that he didn’t believe a word that was coming out of Jacks mouth.

“I used to see the way you looked at him Jack, it’s the exact same way I look at Cassadee.”

Jack didn’t even bother denying it anymore, it was clear Rian had caught him out. He should have suspected it from the beginning, Rian is too observant for his own good.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jack nodded and sat up a little straighter, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans.

“You’re right. I am so in love with Alex. I thought being away from his would make me fall out of love, but it just had the opposite effect really.”

“That’s what I figured. Maybe you should tell him.”

Jack shot that idea down in flames the second the words were out of Rian’s mouth.
“Nah I can’t, he’s happy with his new boyfriend and everything now.”

Jack suddenly remembered something that Rian had mentioned earlier, and he whipped his head round to look at Rian properly.

“Wait! You and Cass?!”

Rian’s face broke out into a huge grin, and he looked down at the table bashfully as he spoke.

“Yep, finally plucked up the courage to ask her out two years ago, we’ve been together ever since.”

The whole time he was speaking about her he had a dreamy smile on his face, and it would have been obvious to even a blind person how much he loved her. He had for as long as Jack could remember.

“That’s great man, I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks.”

For a second there it suddenly felt like nothing had changed at all, like it was high school again. Like Jack had never left in the first place. He wished he hadn’t. Things between him and Alex might have been different if not.

There would have been no bitter feelings and maybe even no Craig.
Wishful thinking.

Alex’s P.O.V.

“Please tell me it’s not true Alex, please. I need you to tell me he was lying to me. Please.”

Alex looked at the floor, unable to meet Craig’s eye. What he had done was shitty, that was for sure, but he had thought that Craig wouldn’t find out about it. It was drunken fuck, but it wasn’t a mistake.
If he hadn’t have done it he may have possibly ripped Craig’s head off.

After a massive argument between the two of them, Alex had stormed out and gotten pissed, then fucked some random dude. It was a shitty thing to do, and he felt guilty as hell, but he was really hoping that Craig wouldn’t ever find out about it so that they could just carry on as normal.

Although he was by no means in love with Craig, Alex needed him. Without Craig, Alex was perfectly open to fall even deeper in love with Jack, and he could never let that happen.

Plus Craig was like a comfort blanket to Alex. There was no passion between them whatsoever, but without Craig Alex would have no one. At least while he was in a dead end relationship with Craig he always had someone to fall back on.

“He was telling the truth wasn’t he? You really did cheat on me.”

Craig was in tears at this point, and it really tugged on Alex’s heartstrings – though he acted like a total asshole most of the time, he hated it when people cried because of him.

“I’m sorry Craig I really am.”

Guilt was tearing through Alex’s body like a knife with each of Craig’s sobs, and he jumped out of his skin when Craig’s fist came crashing down on the kitchen table between them.

“Oh you’re sorry are you!? Well doesn’t that just make everything better again!?”

Craig sounded borderline hysterical by now. He paced the kitchen and stopped suddenly, before rubbing his eyes and making himself look tired and vulnerable.

Believe it or not Alex regretted what he had done. He felt like absolute shit for all the crap he had put Craig through over the years, and it seemed that this was the last straw for him.

“I’m going home.”

Craig didn’t sound angry, or annoyed or even upset. He just sounded empty. Alex nodded and looked at him sadly, watching as he left the apartment. Alex sighed and sat down on the sofa, wanting nothing more than to never have gotten involved with anyone.

It seemed to only bring pain to himself and everyone around him.