I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Rian’s P.O.V

Jack had been sleeping on Rian’s sofa for the past six nights, and Rian had to admit that it was nice to have one of his old friends back.

Jack had changed quite a lot that was for definite, but every now and again Rian would see Jacks old teenage self shine through, making Rian feel like the last five years had never happened at all.

But the last five years couldn’t be forgotten, and Alex seemed to be particularly unforgiving. There was part of him that could see why Alex was so angry, but at the same time he could totally understand why Jack had run away.

To fall as deeply in love with someone as Jack was with Alex was a scary thing, and Rian could see why he was scared.

Rian hadn’t spoken to Alex in nearly a year now.
He had tried to stick around, tried to put up with his nasty bitter attitude and remain friends with him, but eventually Rian just gave up. And as soon as Rian stopped calling and texting, Alex never bothered to try and keep contact.

Jack leaving had changed Alex completely, and Rian could honestly say that he had absolutely no desire to be around the boy anymore. In his opinion the new Alex didn’t even deserve to have someone as lovely as Jack in love with him.

Rian had been finding himself worrying about Jack more and more recently, both in the day and at night. In the day he wore this false smile, one that never faltered. It was like someone had ridden his facial expressions of all emotion, leaving him with a mask that would never show his true feelings underneath.

But nights were a whole different story. At night was the only time the mask would slip, leaving behind the same vulnerable young boy that Rian had known so well at high school.

Most nights that Jack had spent at Rian’s had ended in Jack waking up screaming crying and shaking from a horrific nightmare, and each night Jack had been too ashamed to even look Rian in the eye.

Whenever Rian tried to bring it up during the day Jack would laugh and change the subject entirely.
But in the few hours of sleep that Jack did get at night, Alex’s name would always be mentioned, and

Rian knew that Alex would be the only one who could possibly calm him down after a nightmare.
Sure, what Jack had done was wrong, but by the sounds of things Alex was being a little too harsh and unforgiving about this.

Pulling his phone out of his back pocket, Rian decided that for either of them to be happy again they would have to sort it out between them.

He was probably causing himself unnecessary aggro by getting involved, but that had never stopped him before, why should it now?

Alex’s P.O.V.

Alex’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it expecting Craig’s name to flash up on his screen, as he was the only one that ever texted Alex.

So when Alex pulled out his phone and saw a name on there that he hadn’t seen in years Alex nearly dropped his mobile in shock.

Almost afraid of opening the message, Alex pressed the “read” button with shaking fingers.

The message read: “I think we need to talk about Jack. Face to face. Meet me at Costa in town in an hour?”

Alex almost rolled his eyes at the fact that Rian wanted to meet at a coffee place. That guy had a serious caffeine addiction.

“We need to talk about Jack.” What did that mean? Was he okay? The logical voice in Alex’s brain told him that Jack was fine, and that Alex was worrying over absolutely nothing.

But that still didn’t stop the worry and panic from settling in his gut.

*an hour later, in costa*

Alex walked in to see Rian already there sat in the far corner of the room, nursing a black coffee in his hands.

Alex suddenly felt very nervous. He was aware that his horrible attitude and inability to be a good friend to Rian was what had made the pair split, and he wasn’t sure how Rian was going to be with him.

Walking over with shaking legs, he watched as Rian looked up from his coffee and watched as Alex approached the table with shaking legs.

Rian nodded curtly in greeting, pushing put the chair opposite him out with is foot, signalling that he wanted him to sit down. Alex sat awkwardly, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the accusing way in which Rian was looking at him.

“Look Alex I’m not gonna beat around the bush here because to be frank I think that you’re more in the wrong than Jack is. And the fact that you haven’t made any effort to contact me in a year and a bit stings as well, so I want to keep things short.

I’m worried about Jack.”

Alex’s heart sunk and started to beat rapidly. The panic that had settled in the pit of his stomach was racing through his veins, and Alex wondered if Rian could see how freaked out he was.

“What do you mean?! Is everything okay? Is he hurt or something?! Is he-“

“Alex he’s fine, calm down dammit.”
Rian cut the rest of his sentence off, looking at him weirdly. Though Alex calmed down slightly at his words, there was still a small amount of worry evident in his body.

“Well either way it doesn’t matter to me whether he’s okay or not, I couldn’t care less.”

Rian full on laughed at Alex’s words, clutching his stomach and throwing his head back. Alex sat there unamused and waited for Rian to finish his laughing fit, which he did, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes as he looked back at Alex.

“Alex, the second I said I was worried about Jack you went as white as sheet and then you started to panic. I know you better than you think, so don’t even bother lying to me.”

“Well whatever, are you gonna tell me why I am here or…?”

Alex could have slapped himself for how rude he sounded. He honestly wouldn’t blame him if Rian stood up and walked out. Instead Rian just snorted and gave him a look of disgust before taking another sip of his coffee.

“Ahhh so that was why I made no effort to contact you for the last year. Anyway, I don’t know how recent this is, but Jacks been having nightmares for the last few nights he’s been at mine. You know him better than anyone, what do you suggest I do?”

Alex’s blood ran cold. He had no idea that Jack still suffered with those, he figured it would be something that he would grow out of. Obviously not. Alex was surprised that he told Rian at all – He hated it when people made a fuss of him.

“I… I had no idea he still had those. I don’t know, I mean whenever he used to have them he used to ring me and we would talk, or…”

“Or…?”

Alex swallowed as the painful memories began to surface of Jack and Alex when they were closer than close, completely inseparable. Remembering every cuddle they had shared was like a punch in the gut to Alex now.

“Or… or I would sneak out and we would meet up. That was normally when it was really bad and he needed me there, just to talk or if he needed a hug.”

Alex found himself whispering towards the end of his sentence, his eyes glued to the splash of coffee on the table. He could feel Rian’s stare boring into his head, but Alex didn’t look up.

“Well… It doesn’t sound like I’m the one who can help him with this then. Thanks for your time.”

Alex hated the way Rian spoke to him so formally these days, and he hated that he only had himself to blame for the failure of their friendship.

Just as Rian stood up and drained his coffee cup, ready to leave, Alex grabbed the sleeve of his jumper. Surprised, Rian stopped what he was doing and just looked at Alex with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

“Rian… I’m sorry I’m such a dick and I’m sorry for being the words shittiest friend. Please stay for a bit? I’ve missed you.”

Rian’s face softened and he sat back down slowly, smiling slightly as he did so. When Rian spoke again his voice came out soft and hushed, as though he was sharing a secret with Alex.

“I miss the old Alex.”

Alex smiled sadly, looking down at his lap feeling slightly ashamed of himself. Without even having to think about his response to Rian’s words, Alex whispered back to him.

“I miss the old Alex too.”