I Know That You Wouldn't Fall for That

Alex liked to think of himself as pretty fortunate. He had the looks, the charm, the fame, the girls, everything. He wasn't that unlucky in the finace department either. In fact, Alex found it difficult to find things he wanted but couldn't have. Some call it luck, but Alex preferred to call it determination. Since he was a little boy, he dreamed of becoming a hot-shot. He wanted to be the kind of guy who everyone loved and worshipped. He wanted people to fall at his feet like he once did to those he tried to impress, once up a time. He wanted to be the idol, the celebrity, and most of all, he wanted to give thanks to the people who, all through his childhood, told him he couldn't do it - after all, they pushed him further and further toward his goal. Now he was here, there was no way in hell he was going back.
Alex didn't like to talk about his childhood, or even his teenage years, with anyone. Few people knew and few people would ever know what he went through during those years. It was difficult for him to even think about nevermind talk about. Not even Jack knew, his best friend in the whole entire world, and that was a big deal considering Jack knew, or thought he knew, everything about Alex. Alex preferred to keep that part of his life locked away in a safe at the back of his mind, and he never thought he'd ever find anyone worthy of finding out the combination.
Alex blinked away the heaviness in his eyes, he was exhausted. This lifestyle often did this to him. Up early to set up, souncheck, late night shows, meeting fans, after show parties, then up the next morning for a repeat. It was often difficult for him to find a time to sleep. Not to mention when he did find a couple of hours to himself, he often couldn't get to sleep anyway. Most people would say he was an insomniac, but Alex concluded on the fact that his sleeping pattern was in shambles. Though, deep in his mind he knew what was so displeasing about the thought of sleep and that was the whole concept of dreaming. It creeped him out.
Alex always felt like he was missing out on a huge part of himself when he woke up and knew he had been dreaming, but the amnesia that followed proved to be more effective than his memory log. Alex always wondered whether, when he fell asleep he was just switching off one light and turning on another. Maybe, our soul lives in thousands of body shells and as one sleeps another awakes and we live yet another day in the life of someone else. Alex didn't like that idea. He had worked hard to get where he was and he didn't like the idea of being someone else somewhere in the world, possibly reliving the torture of his past, night after night. It also scared him that he couldn't remember what happened when he was asleep. He didn't like the idea of being unaware, of course if we can't remember something as simple as our dreams, then what else could we have forgotten? What if we knew the answers to everything we don't know, but we'd just misplaced the information somewhere in our subconscious? Ideas like this haunted him.
Regardless of all of that, when Alex did remember his dreams, they were rarely pleasant. They were confusing, haunted memories of his past which, in his conscious life, he tried hard to forget. Of course while he was unconscious, he could not control his thoughts. These nightmares were vivid yet jumbled, and Alex could rarely make sense of them, yet somehow he knew he was absolutely petrified all the way through them.
Fear. It controlled everything Alex did. He didn't want to live a life of fear like he used too. He was haunted by the memory of fear and as much as he hated too, he feared it. Fear was part of everything Alex was. Alex was afraid that one day he would fail and the people from his past would be there to pick at his wounds and laugh at his scars. He didn't want to be the kind of person he used to be, and though he tried to forget it, he never could fully obliterate the faces of those who laughed at his troubled teenage doppelganger, and the feeling of pain that was so familiar to him back then.
That's why Alex hated sleep. He would often lie awake admiring himself on how far he came. Alex enjoyed this fairly new feeling of being proud of himself, yet he was also his biggest critic. He was very insecure. He worried a lot and often found himself suffering from severe anxiety and was under a lot of stress to try and keep himself happy and not fall back into the pit of depression he'd once climbed out of. He was self-concious, and often thought he didn't deserve what he had, even though he had worked so hard for it, and yet despite all of this he was proud of achieving it at the same time.
Alex's mind was a muddled place. He was so confused between his pride and his self-loathing that he often found himself stuck in a constant loop of loving his life, hating himself for loving his life, and finally being angry and frustrated at himself for being so confused. He hated to love what he'd done, he hated the idea of being proud of himself, and most of all, he despised the idea of thinking he deserved more. But he couldn't help it.
Alex had secretly tried therapy, but even a shrink didn't have a high enough intellect to understand him. Alex didn't think he'd ever find anyone would ever be worthy of knowing and understanding the real him.
Regardless of his so-called 'problems', Alex put on an impressive façade. You'd have never guessed what was going on in his mind when you looked at him. Even his closest friends had no idea. Alex looked like a young, carefree rockstar with the world in his hands. He appeared to be confident in himself with the way he acted around strangers and with women, but truth is, he'd just had a lot of practice. He'd been this way for so long, he was the expert on how to conceal it.
Alex looked around the room. He didn't really fancy flirting and sleeping with more beautiful women tonight. He was tired, yet he knew that if he didn't, Jack would be on his tail. Plus, they were competing on who could find, and pull, the most beautiful girl at the party. Alex sighed. He might not of been in the mood for sex, but he would rather that than have Jack rub it in his face that he slept with some hot girl for the next few days. He noticed Jack prancing toward him and took a swig of his drink, squeezing his eyes shut for a second. Geeze, whatever this drink was, it was strong. He could almost feel it leaking into his brain, making him feel slightly light headed.
"I found someone we can play for," Jack said once he reached Alex. He grinned and jabbed his finger towards a girl in the right hand corner of the room. "Her."
Alex followed his gaze. He saw countless women, dressed in hardly anything, all looking back at him hopefully. Alex knew that word had got around about his and Jack's games with women, and for some reason they all wanted to be a part of it. Alex frowned. The fact that these girls threw themselves at him was, for some reason, a huge turn off for him. Alex didn't want to take advantage of women the way he did, but for some reason it seemed like a necessity with this lifestyle, and Alex would do almost anything to fit in. He didn't want to go back to being the odd-one-out. Not again.
A gorgeous blonde girl grinned at Alex, distracting him, and he winked back at her, smiling as she turned to her friends and squealed. He was good at pretending to be a womanizer, but then again he was pretty good at pretending to be a lot of things.
Alex caught onto Jack's prey. A girl, quite short, with dark, wavy hair had her back to him. Something was strange about this girl, but Alex couldn't quite put his finger on it. He frowned, then his eyebrows slowly raised in realisation. This girl was wearing clothes... totally the complete opposite of what he would usually go for. She was wearing black skinny jeans which hugged her thin legs, and a loose shirt with the sleeves cut low so you could see the strap of her bra and the start of her slim stomach. She ran her hand through her hair and Alex noticed she was wearing cheap bracelets, a lot of them, and her short fingernails were neatly painted in some cheap nail polish. The usual girls would be wearing expensive, gold and silver jewellery, and had long, manicured fingernails. Alex frowned.
"Her?" he said, looking at Jack with quizical eyes. Jack nodded slowly, his grin touching each ear. Alex sighed and put down his drink, then slowly began to walk through the crowd of girls. His heart beat guiltily as he heard the disappointed cries and sighs from girls he walked past when they realised they hadn't been chosen. He felt every eye in the room watching him... every eye except hers.
When he got closer to her he realised that she was leaning over on one foot, her legs crossing each other and her body slumped. This wasn't the kind of way girls usually acted around him and he found himself becoming worried that this girl was different. For some reason, that made him want to talk to her more.
"Hi," he said, watching as the girl slowly turned around to look at him. He noticed heavily made-up eyes staring at him through their fake lashes in confusion at his choice of girl for the night. Alex smiled charmingly, only for it to fade when he saw her face. She was wearing little make-up, and had a very natural face. Her wavy fringe was pushed back into her also wavy hair, which fell just below her shoulders. Her deep, brown eyes were staring back at him. He stood in silence and she raised an eyebrow.
"Uhhh... hey" she said, looking at me up and down. Alex snapped out of his trance and took an internal punch to the face, resurfacing.
"Sorry, I was just admiring you," He smiled and winked, and she crossed her arms and slumped down on one leg again, sighing and looking down on the floor. She looked annoyed, but Alex didn't know why. He decided to just go with it and grinned at her, cheekily. "I'm A-"
"Alex, yeah I know. I also know about your little games that you like to play with girls with your friend Jack over there," she nodded towards Jack. Alex stood there in shock. "If you think I'm gonna be your next victim, you thought wrong."
She pushed past him and walked off in the opposite direction. He watched her in silence, glaring at her in shock. As did the rest of the room. The rest of the room except Jack. Alex glanced over at him and he was smirking back.
Damn, Alex thought, he fooled me.
Jack knew that girl wouldn't fall for it. Alex frowned, annoyed and looked back over at the girl. Determination to prove Jack wrong and get that strange girl into bed swept over him, and he watched her leave, slamming the door behind her. This one was going to be a challenge.