I Know That You Wouldn't Fall for That

It was Thursday and Alex was entering a rookie-party that some local band had started at their house. Alex didn't know the host, nor had he wanted to go to the party, but his bandmates Rian, Zack and obviously party-animal Jack had forced him to go because apparently every band on Warped was going. He just hoped Tay was here and they could slip off and hide away together.
Tay. He tried to make himself believe that the only reason they were hanging out so often was so he could slowly convince her to sleep with him. Jack was starting to question Alex's motives and whether he was "losing his touch" by not having slept with Tay after a whole week. Jack still had no idea about his meetings with Tay, and Alex considered telling him so he'd stop teasing him, but decided against it. For some reason he felt like his meetings with Tay were private and, if he told Jack, he'd be betraying her. He'd just have to put up with the teasing until he found a way to seduce her.
Alex glanced around the room. Teenagers, groupies and over-obvious-band-dudes were everywhere, holding their red party cups filled to the brim with beer. There were kids smoking what was probably weed and drinking from a kegtop in the corner. The music was so blaringly loud you could probably hear it ten blocks away. Alex cringed. He felt like these were the kinds of parties you went to in high school.
He recognized a few faces but Tay's wasn't one of them. He searched around some more and walked through the different rooms, looking for her. No luck. He frowned at himself for assuming she'd be here. This really wasn't her type of scene. He was about to wash the night away with a red-cupped beer like everyone else seemed to be doing when someone tapped his shoulder.
"Looking for me?" A familiar voice screamed above the music. A slick, clean grin slid across Alex's face immediately and he turned around, his eyes meeting another set of pretty brown glarers. Tay was grinning back at him. Her eyes were glazed over and she was gently swaying back and forth. She was holding a red cup, just like everyone else, and there was a huge, full mouthed grin taped across her face. She winked at him. Alex raised his eyebrows in amusement.
"You okay?" he yelled back, laughing as Tay nodded eagerly. "How much have you drank?"
"A lot!" Tay admitted, and she stepped closer and grabbed onto his arm for support. Alex leaned in closer so he could hear her better. "It's not my fault though!" she yelled. Alex snaked his arms around her waist to stop her from falling. He noticed Jack grinning at them in the corner of the room, he himself surrounded by slutty women. "This party sucked and I had to enjoy myself somehow!"
Alex smiled. She was doing exactly what he was going too. Tay took another swig of her drink and she squeezed Alex's arms as the world spun around her. Alex laughed.
"I think you've had a bit too much..."
"Woah..." Tay muttered under her breath, putting her hand to her forehead. She didn't do this a lot, and she was beginning to remember why. Alex took the plastic cup from her hand and smiled.
"Wanna dance?" she yelled, taking his hand and not giving him a chance to answer. She pulled him past the stoners and drunks till she found a spot where they could stand. She threw her arms around his neck and danced to the music, dragging him sloppily wherever she went. Alex watched as she lost herself, completely absorbed in the beat of the track. Tay opened her eyes and laughed at his observant expression as he studied her, and Alex grinned back. She pulled herself closer and Alex rested his hands on her lower back, supporting her. The music was fast and upbeat but they were dancing slowly. Very slowly. Tay leaned in closer. "You're mine tonight." she said, her voice ridiculously smooth.
Alex laughed nervously. The muscles in his lower stomach clenched together. Did she just.. f-flirt with me?
"W-what do you mean?" Alex said, warily. Tay smiled obliviously and drummed her fingers on the back of his neck. She shrugged, sloppily.
"Dunno. Just don't want you fooling around with all these girls around here. I want you to stay with me tonight"
Alex couldn't help but notice that Tay's eyes flickered to his lips, though he wished he hadn't. If he knew anything, it was how to read a girl's emotions. She gazed at his lips for what seemed like ages, and then she began to close the gap. She was going to kiss him. If he hadn't have noticed, maybe he wouldn't have had the chance to prevent it, and they would've innocently shared a sweet, drunken kiss. Alex wanted that to happen so badly. But, unfortunately for him, he did notice, and he did have the time to prevent it. God knows what was wrong with him, but he found himself leaning away. Tay opened her eyes in shock. Alex immediately found himself explaining.
"I can't... I can't do this while you're drunk, I'm sorry."
"But you do stuff with other girls while they're drunk?" Tay said, frowning. Alex took a step away from her with caution, shaking his head. He ran a finger through his hair.
"But you're different, Tay."
Tay looked at him. She looked hurt and Alex felt overwhelmingly guilty. He was doing the right thing, wasn't he? Alex clenched his jaw and remembered Jack watching them. He sighed with frustration and took Tay's hand, trying to make it look like he was being seductive from Jack's point of view. He saw the confusion flash across Tay's eyes and stared at her with his most seductive gaze. He had to make it look like he wasn't rejecting her or people would start to ask questions. He suddenly felt like everyone was watching them and Tay wasn't getting the 'carry on flirting' hint. Alex growled under his breath and sighed.
Fuck it. This is what he wanted from the start. He knew that. This would be good for his reputation, and Jack would leave him alone. What does it matter if she was a little drunk? Nothing. She was just another girl. She wasn't different she was just difficult. Everything he did this past week was preparation for this moment, so what is he waiting for? He pulled her forward, out of the room and into the hallway. They stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Tay still looked confused, and Alex turned to her and placed his free hand on her waist, tugging slightly. She fell into him and Alex took advantage of the fact that she was leaning on him to give her the hint. He squeezed her hand and leaned down, brushing his nose against her jaw bone and following it down her neck. He felt her gasp underneath him and her free hand smacked his chest and balled his tshirt as she grasped it into her hands. He pursed his lips and pressed them slowly at the base of her neck, feeling her sharp breathing under his touch. He began to gently and slowly rub circles into her hips with his rough, calloused fingers. Tay's skin was suddenly hot and sensitive and his fingers sent ripples through her body as they rubbed against the thin fabric of her dress. Alex pulled his lips away, and goosebumps appeared on Tay's arms as she heard the soft sound of his lips parting gently and pushing back down on her skin a little above the last spot.
She was like jelly in his hands. She wasn't sure whether it was the alcohol or the fact that she knew he was so practiced and good at this, but her body was reeling underneath him. She whimpered as he pushed his lips down again onto her lower neck, this time nipping at the spot gently. The pressure of Alex's fingers rubbing against her hips got harder and Tay thought her knees were going to buckle. The room was spinning and she felt dizzy as Alex nuzzled her neck and gently kissed and caught the skin between his teeth again. She let her head drop back and leaned into him, feeling her knees shiver as his hot breath spread like wildfire across her neck. Alex's hands dropped from her waist, and he gently slipped his hand under her dress, his hands resting on the back of her thighs. Then he repeated the gentle rubbing of circles. Tay wanted to scream. He knew what he was doing to her and it was driving her crazy. She honestly didn't think she could stand on her feet and take his torture anymore. Her knees bent and half-buckled as he caressed the back of her thighs. Alex got the hint and lifted her so her legs could wrap around his waist. He slipped his hands under her and supported her weight.
This was Alex's expert area. He knew his way around a woman's soft spots and Tay's were so sensitive to his touch he should've found this easy. But he didn't. For some reason he felt uncomfortable doing this to her while she was drunk. He didn't even hesitate on admitting he would prosper in doing this to her while she was sober, but while she was in this state he felt like it was wrong. He knew he was lying to himself when he said she wasn't different to all the rest. She was different. Alex just wished he knew why. It couldn't possibly be that he was in love with her, because Alex was pretty sure he was incapable of that. He sighed. It was a mystery to be solved and for now, Alex preferred to call his problem 'friend'. She was his friend. That was the problem. Friends don't sleep with friends. Alex forced himself to ignore his mind and focus on everyone elses. Think of your reputation. Alex groaned at himself and began refocusing on what he was doing.
Alex had Tay in his arms and he began pushing his lips onto her chest. Alex felt Tay push her hips into him and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore her whimpers as he did what he did best. Alex stumbled back slightly as Tay leaned forwards to messily kiss his neck, and he felt a shiver run through his spine. His stomach muscles clenched again, but he ignored it. He began walking up the stairs as she sloppily kissed his neck, tearing his lips away from her skin only to glance at where he was going. He felt weak under her touch and needed to put her down somewhere. He wanted to scream with relief as he reached the top of the stairs and headed straight for the bedroom. Alex kicked the door open just as Tay's fingers began unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt. His body was screaming to want this but his mind wouldn't let it. He hated that his body was uncontrollably reacting to her touch and when her fingers slowly stroked his suddenly bare chest, Alex clenched his fists, balling the fabric of her dress into his hands. He squeezed, tight, trying to find some sort of relief for the way his body and mind were contrasting. A groan sounded deep in the back of Alex's throat, and Tay clawed her fingers against his chest in reaction, her nails gently scratching at his skin. It didn't hurt, it drove him crazy. He dropped her onto the bed and immediately found himself climbing ontop of her. This is it, he thought, as his lips went straight for the sensitive spot on Tay's neck. Her hands reached down to the buckle on his belt, but Alex grabbed them, taking them and pinning them above her head. Alex lowered his weight onto her and he felt her arch herself into him. Both of their breathing patterns were ragged and messy and all Tay could think about was having his lips on hers. Tasting him. Feeling his swollen, soft wet lips moving against hers. Feeling his tongue stroking hers. Her body was on fire and she wanted to cry at the fact that Alex was avoiding her lips.
"A-Alex..." she managed to whimped. Alex groaned in response. "K-kiss me, Alex. Please."
Alex's eyes shot up. He studied her face and his eyes bore into hers. He watched as she begged him, and for a second, he considered it.
"I can't," he whispered, finally. Alex panted and started again. "I-it's too official. I can't."
Alex began to climb off her and Tay felt the anti-climax hit her like a tidal wave.
"No, Alex! Please." She begged, but Alex was already putting on his shirt.
"I'm sorry." he whispered, shaking his head. "I can't do this to you. I thought I could but I can't."
Tay frowned as Alex told her to sleep, and as she turned on her side to sulk into the cushion, she felt a sudden fullness in her throat. Alex's face snapped into caring mode as he realised what was going on and he rushed to her, grabbing her arm and ushering her into the en suite. She made it just in time to empty contents of her stomach, which was almost all alcohol, into the toilet. Alex sighed and held her hair back as she repeated this a few more times.
The cold marble floor was torture for Tay against her burning skin. Alex was still trying to calm his breath and she listened to him panting as she rested her head on the toilet seat, her neck throbbing as bruises formed in the places where Alex was super rough with her. Her eyes watered in frustration at him and all his perfect as she closed them and rested her mind. Before she fell asleep she felt Alex lift her in his arms and curl her into his stomach as he carried her to bed. That was the last thing she remembered.
Alex placed her gently down on the bed, noticing small bruises forming on her neck. He wondered if he had some of his own. Alex decided that it would be best if he stayed with her incase she threw up again, therefore climbed onto the bed next to her and pulled the blanket over them both.

~
Eyes. Those eyes were staring at him. His eyes. My eyes. Your eyes. Again. They were on a beast, a monster. Looking at him. Staring. The beast tilts his head. What have you become? The beast asks. It's not a beast. It's a little boy. What have you become? he whispers again, begging for your attention, his voice is timid and afraid.
There is a girl next to the boy. She is holding his hand and smiling. Everything is warm. She loves this little boy and the little boy knows it. He loves her too but he doesn't want too. He knows he isn't worthy of this woman so kind and beautiful in all of the ways. The woman doesn't really know him. If she knew him she would be sad.
What have you become? the woman asks. You try to answer but you can't. You don't know the answer. She starts crying and you realise you know this woman, but you can't put name to face. She's looking at you now. She hates you. She drops the little boys hand and ignores him when he cries. He's screaming for her now. Please, please lady! Please don't leave me. I love you but I can't tell you because I'm too afraid. She doesn't care. She leaves the little boy anyway. She hates this little boy. The little boy is not worthy.
Purple. Black. Purple and black and black and purple. And Red. Red red red red red red red red red red red. Red. Red everywhere. Warning and fire and bad. Red. Purple and Black and Red swinging across. What is that? Is that a person?
A lady is crying. She is holding her son. But her son isn't there. Her son is gone. Where did her son go? She points at you and screams. Her screaming is so loud you try and cover your ears but you can't so you just scream back. She is silent but you keep screaming. You're so scared. Keep screaming. Maybe you'll wake up. Keep screaming.
~

"Alex! Alex! Jesus Christ, Alex! Wake up!" Alex's eyes sprang open to see Tay straddling him, her face as white as a ghost. Her eyes weren't glazed over anymore. She was sober. "Oh my god, Alex! You were screaming so loud! What happened? Were you dreaming?"
Alex shook his head and sat up, Tay still sitting on him.
"I don't dream, ever. I have nightmares. Vivid ones." He paused and glanced at her analysing him. "I'm sorry you had to witness that."
"Alex, that wasn't just a nightmare, that was terrifying. Nightmares aren't that personal. They don't make you react like that." Tay's eyes searched his own. "They.. they just don't."
"Well I'm not exactly normal, am I?" Alex snapped. "I'm fucked up in every other way so what makes dreaming any different?"
Tay was shocked. She shook her head in disbelief. Her heart ached for him and his self-loathing.
"No... No you're not! Alex, please believe me. Let me know you. Please, I want to help you..."
"You can't help me, Tay. Don't try."
"You're not even letting me try!" Tay scowled. Alex looked back up at her and sighed. "Talk to me."
Alex slumped in defeat. He had no choice. Tay wasn't going to let up, and besides, he wanted to tell her. He wanted her to run away from him because he was bad news. He wasn't good enough for her. He wanted to let go of his hand and ignore him when he cried. Just like she did in his dream.
"I get nightmares. Vivid ones. I feel like they're memories mashed together but I can't remember where they're from. I keep seeing colours, purple, black and red. And these numbers. Zero, five, one, one. I don't know what they mean but they won't leave me alone." Alex ranted and Tay listened carefully. "And I can't even sleep most nights. I take pills to make me fall asleep. Normal people don't have to do that but I do because I'm not normal. I'm a mess. I'm abnormal and people knew it. They teased me about it. I hate every single part of who I am. I'm not good enough for anything. I lie in bed at night and I think about all the thousands of days we have left to live and I don't want it. I don't want to live them because I know it doesn't get better for me. Nobody cares like I want them too."
Tay was shocked. She pulled Alex into a hug and searched her mind for things to say, but she couldn't find anything to say. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realised this wasn't it. He had so much more to say but he was just discovering how to say it. He was taking baby steps with her and she had to respect it.
"I care." She whispered. "I care about you so much, Alex."
It was silent for a second, and Tay thought he didn't reply, but when he did, she was sure her heart missed two thousand beats.
"Thank you, baby." he whispered.
Baby. Tay warmed to the pet name immediately and she squeezed Alex, feeling his arms snake around her back. It was wrong how much she cared for him in so little time. She never wanted to let him go.
"I'm so sorry for before." she managed to whisper. Alex shook his head.
"It's fine. I'm sorry too."
Tay smiled upon fond, yet distant memory of him kissing her. He wasn't even drunk.
"You had no excuse!" She laughed, trying to cheer him up. She felt laugh a little against her neck, but it was so quiet she didn't hear it.
"I know," he groaned, smiling. "I'm sorry."
"You really can get any girl, can't you?" She joked. Alex pulled away and flashed her the most charming smile she had ever seen.
"Yes, any."
"Not me."
"I think drunk you would beg to differ..."
"I was drunk!" Tay protested. "It doesn't count!"
Alex laughed.
"I could get you to fall in love with me even when you were sober." he boasted.
"Want a bet? $10?"
"$10? Is that it? How about $1,000?"
Tay frowned at him and shook her head.
"No way! That's a lot of money."
"You scared you're gonna lose?" Alex taunted, flicking his tongue cockily as he spoke. Tay frowned.
"No."
"So, $1,000?"
"Fine."
"Fine."
Alex grinned and Tay couldn't help but smile back. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up, making sure he was really okay before pulling him out of the door.
"How about we seal the deal with a kiss?" Alex said, winking at her. She frowned at him and bit her lip, trying to contain her insides from exploding. Damn, he was so charming.
"Don't push your luck, Gaskarth. Now come on, let's head back. People will be missing us down there."