I Know That You Wouldn't Fall for That

Alex's mouth was ontop of Tay's, stroking hers quickly and swiftly. He was straddling her, lying above her, his arms on the curve of her waist, holding her down in place. His lips were soft but rough, and as Tay opened her mouth wider, Alex's bottom lip sprang between the gap between her parted mouth and she closed her mouth around him, as Alex reflected the action on her top lip. They were in a fierce liplock. Alex's teeth grazed her lips and she could taste his sweetness fully, just like she'd wanted to hours before. Tay felt the smooth of his hair under her fingertips and cursed under her breath, hoping for some sort of relief from the overwhelming pleasure he was bringing her. He broke the liplock and transitioned subtly into a french kiss where his tongue slipped across her bottom lip gently and she smiled against his mouth. She parted her lips wider and slowly opened her eyes, expecting to meet Alex's hungry ones, but instead saw with the dusty wooden panelling above of her coffin-like-bunk. Tay sat up quickly, noting that she was panting. Her eyes flicked quickly around her small bunk, trying to find Alex hiding somewhere... anywhere. She opened the curtain of her bunk which allowed her privacy while she slept and peeped out, only seeing more closed bunks. Her bandmate Cameron had his curtain slightly open, and she could see him sleeping, his breathing even and soft. His arm was dangling out of the side of the bunk. She stared at him looking so peaceful for a second, then glanced at the watch on his arm, noting that it was only 6am. She leaned back in bed and shut the curtain aggressively, almost pulling it off the bar. She sighed into her pillow and closed her eyes, letting her mind wander back to her dream, hoping to continue where she left off.
~
This one was different. Alex was in this dream. He could move and interact and not just helplessly watch as the usual looping process happened right in front of him. As always, the red, purple and black where swirling around, confusing Alex as he watched them through his closed eyes. The woman was there, clutching a Bible so hard her knuckles were white. She wasn't crying like normal, just staring at the wall. She appeared to be chanting something, but Alex couldn't make out what she was saying. He saw the little boy in the corner, curled up in a ball, rocking himself. The boy had a bruise on his arm. Then Alex was next to him, tapping him on the shoulder. The little boy looked scared.
"Who are you?" Alex heard himself say. The reply was a voice inside his head but he knew it came from the boy.
My name is Alex. I am a big boy now. the voice whispered. Alex tilted his head but he wasn't sure whether it was because of the irony or his own confusion, and the small boy mirrored him. As Alex blinked, so did the little boy, and Alex curiously reached out to touch the boys hand. Shhh! You'll wake her up! the voice yelled, and the little boy's eyes flicked up past Alex. Suddenly the crying woman was shouting behind him. Now look what you've done! This is your fault! The boy began crying, and Alex could do nothing but watch as the woman reached up, slamming the Bible down on the smaller boy's arm, hard. Alex knew he could not help, he had been here before. He tried to scream and wake himself up but no noise was coming out. The little boy screamed and yelled in pain, the woman ignoring him. Alex was screaming too, helplessly stood in a scene where he wasn't supposed to be. Nobody was there to help the little boy when he needed it.
The woman stopped and turned to face the Alex. Her eyes were lucid, like she was dreaming too and not really where she thought she was. Her face was pale, and she stood still infront of him. She could've been a wax statue.
Alex stared at her for a moment, her eyes telling a story her mouth was incapable of. She was in a living coma, she could move but she could not control. She was inside her body but her body was a shell containing a demon which was pushing the kind lady who once stood inside of the shell out in the cold. She was disconnected from her most of her mind but locked in a part of her brain which contained the pain. Kind of like the opposite of amnesia, she would drown in a pool of her own memories but never die, unable to forget the pain and torture and forced to relive them inside the chamber of her own mind. Crippling her, but never killing her. Alex forced himself to look away but she continued to stare at him through her pale, marble eyes.
Then he was somewhere, else. By a campfire. The little boy was there, but he was smiling. There were no more bruises and the woman was gone. He was with a girl much older than him, wrapped in blankets, and she was telling him about her life. The little boy listened, mesmorised. He was laughing and the girl was laughing too. Alex could see in the boy's eyes that he really cared for this girl. She made him happier than anybody else. She was his favourite of all the girls.
Then the girl said something that scared the boy, and he stood up, pacing. The girl apologised and hugged him, and Alex saw that the boy forgave the girl immediately. Forgiveness is the final form of love, he thought, remembering how his father used to say that to him when he was a young boy. Alex smiled, he liked seeing the tortured little boy smiling. He looked so carefree as he took the lady's hand, leading her away from the campfire. Alex somehow knew they were going to get something to eat, though he didn't know how he knew that. He smiled and watched as they walked away, both laughing to each other. Alex liked how happy the little boy felt around that girl. Alex turned to his side, a full length mirror staring back at him. He observed it for a while, before smiling and looking in the direction that the girl just left in. The tortured little boy that looked back at Alex in the mirror remained emotionless. In the background of the reflection, Alex spotted a pale faced, marble eyed woman slowly approaching.
~
After about an hour of trying to get back to sleep, Tay gave up. She wondered if Alex was dreaming about her now like she was dreaming about him, and hugged her pillow, sighing and burying her head into it. For some reason, now she knew that if she did fall in love with Alex, she'd have to actually pay a fee, her mind decided it was a good idea to never let her stop thinking about him. It'd been three days since the bet, and Tay hadn't got Alex out of her mind. She was scared of losing but at the same time she didn't want to win. He was so tortured and she wanted to crack him open and feed on all of his secrets. He was so enclosed and it was so frustrating trying to work him out. He was like a locked diary behind a locked door behind a locked safe in a locked vault in a locked room in a locked bank and Tay couldn't figure out the combination. She wanted to know him.
Swallowed by her own frustration, Tay got up, pulling on some leggings and a jumper. She ruffled her hair into place and opened the bus door, breathing in the fresh morning air. Tay didn't care that she hadn't showered nor did she look that nice, she just wanted to see Alex, now. She jumped off the bus and shut the door gently behind her, hoping she didn't wake anyone up.
Alex always talked about how early most of the band and crew got up and left the bus in the morning. Usually he was alone, and Tay glanced at her watch. 8:00am. Hopefully, everyone would've left by now and she could talk to Alex on her own. She knocked on the smooth, black door of their massive tourbus. Tay smiled awkwardly as the door opened and Jack popped his head out. She hadn't spoken to him yet, but by body stance she could see that he wasn't really surprised to see her here. That made her uncomfortable.
"Hey, baby. You lost?" He flirted. Tay cringed and Jack winked. Vile.
"No. I'm here to see Alex."
For some reason, Jack seemed shocked. His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced back into the bus, presumably at Alex, and then back at Tay.
"He's asleep..." he said, slowly. He seemed distracted. "So you two... uh..." He said, but he was looking past her. Tay frowned, waiting for him to come up with something. Jack said nothing, just flashed her a smile. "Never mind, let yourself in. Have fun!" He said, with a wink. He bounced off the steps and joined a group of people who seemed to be walking in the direction of a diner across the room. Tay shook the weird vibe from him off and stepped onto the bus, dragging the door shut behind her.
Alex's tourbus was big and glamorous compared to hers. She danced her eyes about the marble kitchen tops, and the glossy glazed wooden walls. She noticed lots of alcohol on the kitchen table and frowned. Typical.
Tay headed for where the bunks appeared to be. All the curtains were open and all the beds neatly made. Except for one. She tiptoed closer, conscious not to make a sound and startle him as he was asleep. She could hear his soft groans as he murmured to himself in his sleep. Tay gently drew back the curtain, revealing Alex's completely serene face. She smiled at him, he looked so calm and peaceful. Gently, she sat on the end of his bed, carefully trying not to wake him. She sat, waiting for about ten more minutes, before Alex's eyes gently blinked open. He seemed a little dazed at first, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and turning to gaze sleepily at the girl sat at the end of his bed. He smiled when he saw her, blinking slowly. Tay could see he was tired and hadn't slept much.
"You know," he said, his voice hoarse from just waking up. "I've heard your day will only be as beautiful as the first thing you see when you wake up..."
Tay blushed and suddenly wished she'd applied more effort.
"Sorry about making your day suck." She laughed, but Alex stared at her intensely. Tay groaned, it was too early for his sexy intense eye locks and she was not in the mood to go into one of those daydreams where she gets lost in her thoughts and theories about Alex and his complicated life.
"What are you talking about?" Alex croaked. "My day will be the most beautiful of all the days."
He smiled charmingly and Tay's brain became an explosion of curse words as she tried to think about anything but how engrossed in him she was. Alex smiled and Tay hoped to God he didn't have some abnormal power to read minds. On effort to change the subject, she brought up the first thing she could think of.
"I saw Jack just then," She said, her voice sounding a little breathless as if it were recovering from her overworked mind. Alex nodded, indicating he wanted her to continue. She did so. "I think he's becoming suspicious of us. He acted... weird before when I told him I was here to see you."
Alex's heart skipped. Shit. Jack thought Alex had slept with Tay, and when he next saw him he would never leave him alone about it. Part of Alex wanted to tell him the truth, but the douchebag side of him wanted to follow the lie. Alex cursed to himself and immediately began thinking of ways he could make out that him and Tay had sex without her finding it out. He bit on his lip, deep in thought.
"You should avoid me all day." Alex said, matter-of-factly. "I'll take you out tonight, but we've got to lie low for a few days so people stop suspecting things.
Tay nodded in agreement, completely oblivious. She smiled sweetly to him and stood up off the bed, glancing back at him as she walked away."
"See you tonight, baby!" Alex yelled after her. He didn't see her but he knew she was smiling. "Try not to fall in love with me too much before then!"
Alex smiled to himself and fell back onto the pillow, his mind drifting back to the dream he had the night before. It was strange, and disturbing, but at the same time he preferred it to the rest. In the dream, he couldn't put name to face, but now, thinking back to the faded memories of the mashed up recollections in Alex's fucked up mind that he called 'dreams', he realised that the girl in the dream paid shocking resemblence to Tay. He smiled, remembering sitting by the campfire with her. That was the first time they hugged, and it seemed so silly to care for such a common action now but Alex could honestly say he would spend all day in her arms. He found himself smiling and closed his eyes, reminiscing on the short time he'd spent with her. He couldn't help but make a mental pitstop at the night of the party, thinking about her lively yet helpless body writhing and squirming with pleasure underneath his touch. Then he moved on and thought about something else.
He was interrupted by Jack knocking on the wood of his bunk. He drew back the curtain and sighed as he saw the cheeky grin staring back at him.
"How did you do it?" He said, his eyes showing no further explination. Alex didn't need one, he knew exactly what Jack meant, he was just playing dumb to buy time to think of a response.
"How did I do what?"
"You know... How did you do Tay?"
"Oh... uh... well... um," Alex panicked. He couldn't think of anything to say. He shrugged and blurted the first thing that came to his head. "Nobody can resist this."
Alex almost cringed externally when Jack laughed. But he believed him, that's all that mattered. He didn't even think about warning Jack not to tell anyone else so the news wouldn't get round to Tay. He was just happy that Jack believed him and his reputation was so far, so good.
"You're vile. A sex machine. A vile sex machine." Jack said, leaning down and patting Alex's stomach. Alex flipped him off, laughing at his best friend and watching as he strided across the bus, his skinny figure bouncing as he walked. His skin was tanned from the scorching heat and his skin looked smooth, his hair spiking up in all different directions. Alex always envied the way Jack could do almost anything, no matter how dorky or ridiculous and still look cool doing it. He sighed and slumped back into the bunk, mentally deciding he was not getting up just yet.
The rest of the day moved pretty slowly in comparison to the rest he had spent with Tay. He never thought that was fair, how, when you were having a great time, the time sped by but when you were bored, it dragged on, each second feeling like a minute, each minute feeling like an hour. Alex was ready to punch himself in the face for entertainment.
Tay and Alex had caught sight of each other a few times in the day and had shared eye contact, then Tay would look down at the ground and smile and Alex would gaze at her and smile too. It'd been about 5 hours and they were already missing each other's company like crazy.
Tay was wandering aimlessly around campus, meeting fans and hanging out with strangers. At a glance his way, she saw Alex was doing the same thing with equal lack of enthusiasm.
Tay played a set, which helped pass time, but even then Tay still wished she was with Alex. It wasn't until she was stepping off stage when she changed her mind.
"Hey! You!" A voice shouted. Tay turned around, met by a bunch of girls in crop tops and very, very mini skirts. Tay cringed.
"Uh, hey." She said, wondering what they wanted. One girl scowled and the other two kept their cool. She smiled sarcastically.
"Word around the block is you're Gaskarth's new victim." She said, her tone almost mocking. Tay wondered what Alex did to her to make her sound so bitter. She wondered if he'd broken her heart and cringed.
"Uh, sorry I don't think I know what you talking about."
Tay began to leave when the girl grabbed her with her hand, her long, acrylic nails digging into her arm. Tay swirled around and pulled her arm back, clenching her jaw.
"Look, we know you and Alex had sex. Don't deny it. Everyone knows, he told Jack this morning." Tay frowned and shook her head in disbelief. "Point is, stay away from him. He is mine, okay? He just doesn't know it yet."
The other girls cackled and the main girl flipped her blonde hair, storming off. Tay stood in the exact spot, rethinking over what just happened. Alex told Jack... WHAT?
Suddenly she became very angry. She was NOT going to be known as Tay Jardine, the girl who supposedly sleeps around. That was not her and Alex was not going to make everyone believe it. She stormed off looking for him.
When she saw him, he was stood with Jack and a bunch of other people. He was laughing but Tay could tell he was bored. He turned his head and caught sight of her, obliviously smiling sweetly. Tay scowled back. Alex frowned and flashed her a confused face, and she shook her head slowly at him, waiting for him to catch on. It took him a minute but he caught on. He panicked and held up his phone, mouthing 'I'll call you later' over to her. Yeah, right.
Tay shook her head and marched over, watching the panic spread across Alex's face. If he was prepared to taint her reputation, why shouldn't she ruin his?
"Why did you tell Jack we slept together?" Tay yelled, turning heads. Alex ran a hand through his hair, muttering to her through his teeth.
"Look, we'll talk later. I can explain. Don't cause a scene, Tay."
Tay ignored him. She was too angry to wait till later. She felt her fists clenched and Alex noticed, his eyes panicking.
"No! We did NOT sleep together. I'm not going to be known as that kind of girl. We hung out a bit. I was drunk and I came onto you in the heat of the moment, you rejected me. You wouldn't even kiss me on the lips, for gods sake!" She yelled. Alex felt the heat rise to his face and watched as Jack turned to look at him with questioning eyes. Alex cursed under his breath and grabbed Tay's upper arm, dragging her away from the scene. "IT'S NOT TRUE!" She yelled behind, making sure everyone got the message.
Once they were in private, Alex turned to her, his eyes flashing with anger. Tay gulped, she'd never seen him like this before and he was intimidating.
"What the FUCK were you thinking?" Alex yelled. Tay cowered under his raised voice, then picked herself up again and matched his volume, gaining her confidence.
"What am I doing? What are YOU doing?! I didn't have sex with you!"
Alex tutted under his breath and seemed to calm down. He ran a hand through his hair and Tay watched as he slowly chewed his lips, finding the words to explain. She waited, paitently.
"Look," Alex began, sighing loudly. "The first day I met you, Jack bet me I couldn't get you into bed. That's why I came over that night and the next day and starting hanging out with you. Because I wanted to win..."
"You did ALL of that to get me into bed?" She yelled, astonished. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Did you make up your problems to lead me in, too? Are you really THAT messed up?"
Tay regretted it as soon as she said it. She saw the personal hurt flash across his eyes. She knew he wasn't faking it, and she knew that there was so much hurt inside of him that was stored away, and she knew that he was trying to open up to her and let her in. Alex looked down at the floor, speechless. Tay could see she'd crossed the line, ran across the world and crossed it again. Whatever was going on in Alex's head, he needed help, and she'd just contributed to his pain. Guilt washed over her and she forgot why she was angry in the first place.
"Alex..." she whispered, beginning her apology. Alex raised his hand, still not meeting her eye.
"Don't," he whispered, his voice broken. "Just don't. You're right. I'm sorry."
Tay shook her head at the ground and took a step away from him. She wanted to help him but he was so difficult. Too difficult. Impossible. And he'd hurt her. She took another step away and Alex looked up, his eyes begging.
"Please don't go..." he whispered, watching her take yet another step away from him. "Please... I stopped the other night because I couldn't take advantage of you. I feel for you. I have feelings for you, I guess. I don't really understand them because I've never felt anything like it. It's scaring me. You know me better than anyone else and you've known me for about two weeks. I feel different around you. Just please don't leave so I can figure you out."
Tay shook her head and took another step away from him.
"No, Alex. I can't figure you out. I can figure everyone else. I want to figure you out but it's so hard."
"I want you to figure me out." Alex's voice was barely even a whisper. Tay bowed her head and felt the tears prickle in her eyes. She looked at him, stood there infront of her. Looking so beautiful, so perfect. She saw the hurt in his eyes and she didn't want to have to look at those eyes and not know why they were so sad for any longer. She shook her head.
"I don't know you, Alex. I don't know anything about you. You're like a puzzle with missing pieces and I tried to calve the pieces myself, but you're just so difficult to measure. I can't be around that. You confuse me in ways I didn't know possible. You draw me in and I'm so curious about you but you're not letting me in. I don't know who you are." Tay turned around and began to walk away, letting the tears fall freely. She couldn't stay around him any longer, she was falling for him and he thought nothing of it but just a bet. She couldn't be around someone who had the power to break her like that. She shook her head at him. "Who are you, Alex?"
"I wish I knew." he murmured back.
"You do know. You're just too afraid to let me in."
"If I let you in you'll leave. I don't want you to leave."
Tay turned around, glancing at his face one more time. She noticed he too had tears in his eyes. He shook his head, almost begging her not to go.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, turning around and walking off in the other direction, promising herself she wouldn't look back. Alex searched for something in his mind to say, anything that would keep her from leaving. He racked his brain but he couldn't find anything. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, dug his nails into his sweaty palms and let the words come freely.
"My brother died," he said, simply. He heard Tay stop. "Suicide. That's why I'm so fucked up, I guess. It was a long time ago, but I loved him. He was my big brother. I thought he was happy. I thought I would be happy... I guess I was wrong about a lot back then." Alex continued and he heard no sound from Tay. He wondered if she was still there but was too scared to check. "I saw him... there. I don't remember it that well, because I think I tried so hard to forget it that I actually did. I... I don't think I remember his face but bits come back sometimes, mostly in my dreams. I don't know what they mean but I know they have something to do with h... him. Purple, black, red. I don't know what it means. Zero, five, one, one. I see them all the time but I can't remember where they're from and they haunt me."
Alex slowly opened his eyes to see Tay stood inches from his face. He gasped in shock and when she put her hands on either side of his face, using her thumbs to stroke away his tears, he actually felt... safe. It was a new feeling for him and he took advantage of it. He closed his eyes again, taking Tay's hands in his for support. He noticed he was shaking as his fingers rattled in Tay's steady ones.
"After that happened, my mum went crazy. My dad left and she was left to deal with me and the funeral for her other son. No mother should have to deal with that. Sometimes it got too much for her and in those times, I was her... punching bag, I guess." Alex heard Tay gasp and his eyes shot open. He reached out and wiped one of her tears which strolled down her face and smiled at how much she cared.
"She hit you?" Tay gasped. Alex bowed his head.
"She was a good mother. She went through a lot. She became delusional, sure she was seeing... him everywhere. They tried to tell her he was dead but she wouldn't have it. She used to pray at night, repeating the same prayer over and over, holding onto that damn Bible so hard her fingers would break. And then when God didn't answer her prayers, she'd use the Bible to... you know. Kind of like a way of punishing God I guess... I never blamed her for what she did, but I think she always felt like she, uh.. lost the wrong son."
Alex's eyes shot to the floor in disappointment. Tay was so choked up, she couldn't even talk to him to calm him down, stop him crying, stop him shaking. She just stared at him. She had no idea the depth of his problems, and then and there, looking at him, she knew she would never leave. Not while he needed her.
She caught his eye and realised the worst was over but there was still more he had to say. His eyes glistened and she shook her head. She couldn't take any more today, and she didn't think he could either. She leaned forward, standing on her tip-toes and planting a kiss on his forehead, sniffling as she did. Alex relaxed under her, and his arms snaked around her waist, pulling her, needing her closer. He kissed her cheek gently, the soft of his lips against her skin sending ripples through her. Memories of last night's dream flashed across her mind.
Alex pulled away and his eyes were the first to glance at her lips. Tay wanted to kiss him too, so bad, but the person in her head was dancing on the $1,000 bill that was the bet. Tay couldn't fall for him. She couldn't.
Alex caught onto her train of thought and that cute little mischevious smile played the corner of his lips.
"The bet?" he questioned. Tay nodded slightly, laughing at how stupid it must've sounded. Alex's hands slid either side of her neck, holding her face in place. She watched him, but didn't move. "I wish I could kiss you right now." he whispered.
Tay nodded in agreement. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him, feel him wanting her through the movements of his tongue. She wanted him, but a bet's a bet... and she sure as hell wasn't going to lose. Alex smiled, dropping his hands from her neck and clasping her hand, gently swinging it back and forth.
"Come on," he said, walking in the direction of his bus. Tay followed. "Let's get freshened up."