Live As If We Died

It was later that night and we were waiting for more news of the crash to come in. And it did, but it took hours and hours. Turns out, Austin wasn't drunk. But he was being involved in a high-speed chase with the cops because his little bitch that I was forced to meet months ago had loads of cocaine. She, by the way, was the passenger in the car and she was drunk, but no one figured that out until much later in the night. By that time, I wasn't even sad anymore. In fact, I was utterly furious. I hated her. And I hated him for loving her. It wasn't the fact that he didn't love me that made me mad, and I wasn't jealous either, but it made me pissed off that he could be with someone like her. I'd known the guy for years and he never once even associated with people like her. I guess you never really do know a person, right?

I had talked to Austin's dad and sister for about an hour after dinner. Both of them asking me if I was going to be at the funeral and if I could contribute. I agreed that I would be without a problem. As for Mike and Jaime, they were proud of me for taking the news as okay as I was after I tried downing a bottle of alcohol. I just felt better with them being at my sides, knowing that if I were to break down again, they'd be there for me to lean on.

I laid on the floor as Jaime put in some Full House DVD for us to enjoy. Mike was next to me on his stomach; one hand holding him up and the other stroking my arm. "I love you," he mouthed to me. That was the first time he told me that, even if it was silent, I got giddy and bit my lip. My face even turned bright red without me wanting it to.

"I love you too," I mouthed back. With both of my hands, I pulled his face close to mine to kiss him. We both started laughing as his face crashed into mine and bumped my head on accident.

We all sat back and watched the nineties sitcom together. I loved the feeling of family and warmth when the three of us were together. Mike would quote everything after the actors had told their lines if he had found it funny and Jaime would laugh at basically anything that happened, even if it was dumb… even if this was his thousandth time watching the episode.

"Why is this show so fucking good?" Jaime asked himself outlaid after the forth episode had passed. I smiled weakly up at him. Mike had passed out at the end of the second episode, so he was laying next to me while I was left with my own thoughts. Jaime saw that I was starting to sink in my own misery and motioned for me to come up on the couch next to him, so I did. He put on the next episode and just sat there with me and started to talk. "What part is bothering you?" He asked.

"I thought he'd be around forever for me to hate on him," I started to laugh a little bit, even though I knew it wasn't funny. It was exactly what I was thinking though. This man I had hated for quite some time now after he ripped my heart out and smashed on it. I was lucky that I had a great friend to take me in and care about me, while he had another great friend who I fell in love with magically. Mike wasn't just some type of rebound, he was special from the beginning. Something about him made me feel like I was on top of the world when I looked at him, thought about him, talked to him, and felt him on my skin. I had no idea that such a feeling even existed - it was so rare in my life to feel like that. "And I can't help but to beat myself up over not ever apologizing to him for the things that I had said," I admitted to Jaime. I hadn't even told Mike that in fear that Mike would flip out and think that I was still in love with Austin. Jaime nodded his head, saying that he knew exactly what I had meant by those words. "I thought I'd have longer than I did to be able to apologize, ya'know? I just want to so badly, but it's not like he's going to hear me, or forgive me, that is."

"His family forgives you, babe," Jaime told me, making me feel worse. His family had no clue what extent of bad our relationship was at near the end. Not a single idea. If they did, they probably wouldn't of talked to me earlier tonight. And I told Jaime that, but he didn't understand why Austin never told them since he knew how close he was to his parents. I shrugged, I didn't have an explanation for it. We sat in silence with the television keeping us company in the background until I heard my phone start to ring upstairs and I went up to check it. It was my mom… She hadn't talked to me in three weeks, so I was guessing she heard the news.

"Mom?" I answered weakly.

"Baby," my moms sad, weeping voice said on the other end, "how are you holding up?"

"I'm doing a lot better than I thought I'd be," I told her which was partially the truth, but at the same time it wasn't at all. "But, you know, I'm more angry than anything."

"Honey, I'd be angry if I were you too." My mom knew about how we ended and she knew all about Mike. From the sound of it, she already loved Mike and wanted him to be her future son-in-law even though that was a long ways away. But she knew that for so many years, Austin was by my side through thick and thin. What he did last night was unbelievable and it was nothing like him. "If that girl was still around, I'd probably kick her ass until she was dead." My mom started laughing, which in turn got me to laugh. She always had a way of making me feel better, even though we didn't talk often because of her work schedule. That doesn't mean we aren't close, it just means we don't get to spend as much time together as we should be able to. "Your father would like to know if you want to come home for a little bit tomorrow."

For some reason, their offer was exactly what I felt I'd needed right now. "Yeah, I'll be there a little after noon. I think I need to come home and be a weepy teenager for a while," I laughed a little. She agreed and we talked some more until we finally said goodnight. Once I turned around, I spotted Mike in my doorway.

"Jaime woke me up since he was going to bed," he explained, "who was that?"

"It was my mom," I told him. I slid myself into my bed and turned the TV on to whatever I could find on the channels. Mike followed after me, cuddling up next to me and kissing me on the cheek.

"You know what I said earlier," he started to say, waiting for a small response out of me. "I meant it, Juliet. I do love you. I am extremely in love with you and I might have picked a bad day to say it, but that doesn't mean that it's meaningless." He placed his finger under my chin and lifted my head up to look him in the eyes. I bit my lip, but I couldn't help to hold back my smile.

"I love you too, Michael, believe it or not. And I've been wanting to say that for quite some time now." I smiled. His lips crashed into mine passionately, making the both of us moan. Needless to say, Mike was one of the best distractions I've ever had present in my life.