We're Done Pretending

So far, I've realized that Ella is as solitary as a prison, and her walls are locked tight.

I think for a moment, considering any number of conversation topics. Then one just bursts to the forefront of my mind.

"Can you show me more about Norse mythology?" I ask, glancing over at her.

She sighs and says, "It was stupid of me to think that you were actually a god. Can we just drop that?"

"I wasn't trying to be rude. I really want to know. Because.. what if I am some kind of god?" I mean, that does sound a bit self centered, but how am I supposed to know what I am and what I'm not? It's not like I have any sort of memories," I say, watching her drive.

Ella smiles slightly, almost painfully. "Maybe it's a good thing not to have memories. They usually hurt."

"But at least you know who you are."

"Maybe most people don't want to remember who they are."

"Why wouldn't they?"

She tightens her grip on the steering wheel. "Everyone has some kind of regret that eats at them every day. And without it, life would probably be so much easier."

I glance out of the window. She's probably right. But then again, what would I know? I'm practically a bruised and beaten shell of a man.

"Do you regret not attempting to be more than friends with Mark?" I ask, keeping my gaze away from hers.

There's silence for a moment.

"Like I said, I've learned to live with my mistakes," she finally says, sounding slightly miffed.

"But it may not have been a mistake. I'm sure that there's someone who's out there that will be the happiest person in the world that you didn't end up with your friend. And whoever that person is will be very lucky, because you're truly a beautiful girl. You deserve the best, just like every other human being does." I close my eyes for a moment, and I take in the silence between our words. Not awkward, but almost.