We Both Know That I'm Not Strong

Liam could only blame himself. Even though the others told him it wasn’t his fault at all. It was the other driver who had driven on the wrong side of the street. Of course Liam wanted to believe that but he couldn’t. It was just something that had clicked in his mind and gotten stuck within his thoughts. It was his fault.

The other driver had died on the impact, apparently. So maybe he should be lucky that he got away with just a couple of broken bones, cuts and bruises and Louis was still alive. But the elder wasn’t fine, he was asleep. He was in coma. The doctors weren’t sure if he was going to wake up. And if he would, Louis would have some complications. He would suffer from brain damages. What kind, the doctors didn’t know. And Liam didn’t really want to think about it at all.

He stayed beside Louis most of the time, when he wasn’t forced to go home and get some real sleep. Liam would help the nurses to take care of the feather haired boy, washing him every other day. The nurses had known who they were, respecting Liam’s choice to help them with things that he and Louis had as their intimate things.

The boys’ would come over to the hospital as often as they could, and so would Liam’s and Louis’ families. Bringing at least Liam new clothes or a new book. Liam was scared to leave Louis’ side. He wanted to be beside him if he would wake up, or give up. Liam didn’t know, but he wanted to be there.

“Liam?” Harry said while placing a hand on Liam’s upper back.

“Yeah?” Liam kept his eyes on Louis’ face.

“You need to go home. Take a shower and get some sleep.”

“No, I’m going to stay here.”

“Liam, go home. Please.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I know. But I think Louis would want you to.”

“You really think so?”

“I’m sure he would.”

“Ok.”

“Good. Do you want Zayn to drive you there?”

“No, I’ll drive.”

Liam stood up, straightened out his checkered shirt before taking one last glance at Louis, drinking in his sight. Even though it wasn’t the prettiest, but Liam was content. At least he was still there, breathing and alive. But sleeping.

At first, Liam had been avoiding driving. Not really wanting to go through the same thing again, even though it wasn’t a high chance of doing so. But it had happened once, so it could happen again.
Liam took a deep breath before starting the car, trying to calm himself down as the engine roared to life. Driving out of the parking lot, Liam tried not to think about Louis too much. Instead he kept his thoughts and eyes on the road. It didn’t take long to drive to his and Louis’ apartment; it was only a fifteen minutes without bad traffic.

Stepping out on the drive way, Liam shut the door and locked the car. With slow steps, he walked up the stairs and took out his keys to unlock the door. The floor was dusty from not being cleaned while the couple stayed at the hospital.

Liam walked to the bathroom right away, undressing on the way there. Goose bumps appeared on his skin as the slightly cold air hit his body, making him shiver. When the water finally hit his body, relaxation took over all his senses. All the knots in his muscles loosened. His hair fell into his eyes as the lukewarm water poured over him.

Maybe if he made the water hotter, he would melt and disappear down the drain. And away from all the problems and never be forced to think about anything anymore. Such a beautiful but horrible thought. Liam couldn’t disappear, he had to stay. For Louis’ sake. Louis needed him. And he needed Louis.

One thing that Liam couldn’t get out of his head was the sound Louis let out the moment the cars collided. It was something between a muffled scream and a strangled sob. It was stuck in his head, keeping him awake at night.

Drying off his body, Liam looked at himself in the mirror. He was shocked at the sight. Cuts adorned his face and upper chest. Fading bruises covered different parts of his arms and abdomen, making him look all gross. He should be glad that he survived with minor injuries, but he couldn’t. The fact that Louis was so hurt, took all the joy away from him. Stealing his happiness away.

In all this rush and hurting times, Liam hadn’t been giving the fans as much attention. He was barely on twitter anymore and the other boys’ always told him that the fans missed him and Louis. They knew what had happened to the oldest member of One Direction, but who hadn’t? It had been all over the news and magazines for days.

The three other boys’ would bring them letters and presents that the fans had made or bought for them. Liam appreciated it and always wanted the fans to know, but he couldn’t get the strength to go on twitter and write a message. It took too much out of him, with all the stress over Louis’ well being. He’d told the guys to tell the fans how much he appreciated their concern.

Liam’s eyelids grew heavy as soon as his head hit the pillow. The fabric was soft against his cheek. One part of him wanted to sleep, wanted to drift into unconsciousness. But another part wanted to stay awake, on his guard in case something would happen to Louis.

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The shrill sound of his mobile phone’s ringtone echoed through his bedroom. Liam’s eyes fluttered open as he searched with his hand for the phone. Finding it on the bedside table, Liam put it against his ear without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” Liam said groggily.

“He’s awake.” It’s Harry’s voice on the other end. “But there are some complications.”