Thin Ice

Roxanne

It was mid-morning and I was still in my pajamas. The fluffy fibers of the black and white polka-dot rug rubbed between my toes. Lately it’s been hard to get comfortable, but for the first time in a long time I was. I didn’t want to move. I was used to sleeping next to somebody, or at least a body pillow. I knew what it was like to feel alone in a crowd. Everywhere I went, it felt like no matter what, it was only me. Had Wesley really meant that much to me or was I just in love with love the whole time? Was I just sad about losing my fiancee? I’m not sure if you can really say that since we were engaged for less than 24 hours. I thought no matter of the heart could be shorter than Kim Kardashian’s marriage. I sighed and took the ring off my finger. This was the first time I had taken it off. The light was streaming through the blinds. I could already tell the sky was clear. The view from the window was gorgeous. You could see the Sierra Nevada’s and the whole strip from the living room. It was warm outside. Not sweating your makeup off warm, but the feeling of clean clothes right out of the dryer. I was happy I didn’t live in Forks or anywhere in the northwest for that matter. With everyday as beautiful as today it’s hard to stay sad for too long. The birds chirping right outside the window snapped me back to reality and I stared at the rock between my fingers. What do you do in this situation. Do you give it back? Do you pawn it for cash? It was beautiful and hideous at the same time. Aesthetically it was the largest I’d ever seen, but every time I looked at it I remembered that night 2 weeks ago. I set it down on the coffee table and started putting away the blankets and pillows on the butterscotch couch.

“You outta your funk yet?” Noemi said walking out of her bathroom with just a turquoise towel on. She sat next to me on the couch and put her feet up on the little black ottoman.

“I’m getting there.” I said flipping through channels.

“Well I’m going to need you to hurry up and get over this Wesley thing. We have a new project.”

“Okay what is it?” I asked putting the tv on mute.

“We are going to be the new production crew of the Pittsburgh Penguins!” my jaw dropped.

“What?!”

“It gives you a chance to run into Sidney again” she said in a sing-song tone.

“Umm...No.” I said a little wide eyed.

“It’s a great opportunity, and I get to work with one of my favorite teams!!”

“You can work with them. Why are they contracting out anyway?”

“They aren’t happy with the quality of their current production team and they’re starting some new really big ad campaigns”

“That’s great. You and Greg can work on it together.” I said opening my laptop. I went straight to my email and hit compose. Greg was our go to guy for everything. He’s a visionary director, skilled cinematographer, and can check audio by ear. I began typing his name when Noemi interrupted me.

“Come on!” she said bouncing on the couch before shutting my MacBook closed for me.

“I don’t want to see him okay.” I could feel my face getting warm.

“Why not? He was such a sweetheart. He really cares about you. He calls you ALL the time. He’s super charming with a little pinch of awkward in a cute way. Besides I actually like this guy. Damn why aren’t I seeing him.” She listed on her fingers. Noemi began to lean the couch back with her long, strong legs. I shifted my weight forward so we wouldn’t fall completely backwards.

“The other night was just so embarrassing. I can’t face any of them. You know the whole team probably knows by now.”

“Too bad, you’ll just have to get over it cause they’re coming over today for a test shoot.” she said jumping up form the couch and skipping back to her room.

“WHAT?!” my heart nearly skipped a beat. I turned to look over the couch to yell at her, but I heard just her blow dryer turn on. I looked down at myself in my white tank top and black running shorts and thought I should get dressed as well. I pushed past Noemi and into the shower, then I heard her blow dryer turn off.

“Is Greg coming too?” I asked.

“No, he’ll be at the rink tomorrow for the game though.”

“So how did we get this gig again?” I yelled over the shower.

“I had to blow a few old geezers but-”

“Oh my God, Noemi!”

“Just kidding, calm down. You know my friend Sam from LA? Well he works for the LA Kings. And he knows the guys who just got fired from the Penguins staff. He recommended us.” before I could reply I head a knock on the door.

“Is that them?” I screamed out. I could hear Noemi’s footsteps run out to the living room then scream back to me.

“Yep! put on some clothes.”

Fuck

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“She ever answer your calls?” Marc-Andre asked as we walked down the hallway.

“No.” I said quietly.

“Dude, its been two weeks. Get over it.” Marc-Andre had no clue how I felt.

“I don’t know, we just had an awesome date. She puts up with my major awkwardness and actually doesn’t mind” I said fumbling with my jacket sleeve.

“Marc-Andre, you didn’t see him almost pop her boyfriend in the face. I think he’s ready to wife-up.” Jordan said. I just pushed him and rolled my eyes.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Noemi opened the door with a huge smile on her face. She let us into her apartment which seemed like the love-child of her creative mind and Ikea. She had a huge canvas painting of the Eiffel tower on the wall behind the flat screen tv. The walls were canary yellow with white crown molding.

“How are you guys doin’ today?” she asked showing us to her den.

“Much better now.” Jordan said eyeing her ass.

“I can see you guys brought your gear. I wasn’t really prepared for that. I was told this would be a nude shoot.” She said, her eyes narrowing.

“No. Absolutely not.” Marc-Andre said instantly dropping his gear bag. It made a loud thud as his goalie pads hit the hardwood.

“I’m too sexy for my shirt!” Jordan sang, slowly stripping.

“Ew, nobody wants to see that!” I joked pulling his shirt back over his abdomen.

“Marc, thank you. You pretty much just made my day.” She said stifling a laugh. I could tell that she loved watching us squirm. One wall of the large room was white and the other had a green screen. I heard a door shut and couldn’t help but snap back to look at who was there. My face grew hot.

“Hey.” Roxanne said nonchalantly walking over to us. Her hair was a little wet and she wore a sheer, oversized white blouse with a brown woven belt that accentuated her waist with a pair of very tight dark jeans.

“Hello, we meet again!” Jordan screeched walking over and giving her a hug.

“Uh, hey Jordan.” She said with a confused look on her face.

“Hi, I’m Roxanne. Is he drunk?” She laughed.

“Haha I don’t know, maybe. I’m Marc, the Penguins’ top goal-scorer.” She chuckled, looking down at his extra large bag on the floor. Her laugh was intoxicating. If the guys wouldn’t make fun of me I’d say something about changing my occupation to whatever would make Roxanne laugh all the time. Oh God. What’s wrong with me? Am I ready to ‘wife-up’? She figured she might as well hug him too. It seemed like it lasted forever and Marc-Andre’ eyes were glued to her.

“How are you?” I squeaked.

“Good. How have you been?” She asked politely. She came over to me and reached her arms out. I went in but it was the worst hug I’ve ever had. We were touching, but she was just barely touching me and stood as far away from me as possible, at least when hugs are concerned. We had more skin-to-skin contact the first night we met. I was trying to figure out what we’d do. Would we have a little chat during the shoot? Some comedic banter about the whole thing? Would we pretend like nothing happened while the sexual tension grew... I have to stop thinking about her. But those lips. I watched them move and forgot that sound was coming out too.

“O-Oh y-yeah, I’m fine. Kinda beat though, we just got back from Chicago last night.”

“Oh the life of a hockey player: play, travel, play, get paid, get laid. It must be soo hard!” Noemi laughed.

“Hey we have to keep our bodies in tip-top shape” Jordan retorted.

“Looks like you have no problem doing that” Noemi flirted back.

“Did you know that an hour of vigorous sex burns 300 calories?” Jordan smirked at Noemi.

“Vigorous?” she replied simply.

During the shoot I did whatever I could to get near her. When they were shooting the other guys I’d stand as close as I could without being creepy. I even bumped into her when walking by just to feel her skin on mine. This was pathetic. I feel like some sick pervert, but I can’t help looking, no gazing at her. The way she squinted to see through the viewfinder and one side of her mouth curled up. The way she twisted her wrist with such precision trying to find focus. The way she directed Marc-Andre on what to do even. She stood less than a foot away from him and touched his shoulders. I was jealous. He wasn’t even wearing all his pads, just his suit, and I have to admit the man looks good in a suit. She reached down and bent his leg so it’d be on the footrest. Then she turned his body a few inches to the left.

“Do you mind?” She asked, with her hands near his hairline.

“Not at all.” He said, his gaze bouncing from her eyes to her chest, which was just a few inches from his face. She used he fingers to tousle the brown mess until it was perfect. Then she adjusted his tie. I’m not sure why but this lit a fire in me. Maybe because it was something I’d always linked to intimacy. They were so close.

“Roxanne.” I stated firmly. “Can I talk to you?”. She paused immediately.

“Sure,” she said walking out on the balcony.

“Why haven’t you been answering my phone calls” I said bluntly as soon as the door shut behind me. I was trying to keep my cool, but I felt all the blood rushing to my face.

“Uhm, I don’t know. I didn’t want to talk.”

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“Why?” Sidney stood very close to her and gazed into her eyes. She crossed her arms feeling very uncomfortable.

“I was...embarrassed.” Roxanne said pressing her back as firmly as she could into the french patio doors behind her. You could cut the tension between them with a plastic knife.

“Why?” He closed the distance between them and gently placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her towards him.

“It was embarrassing. I don’t know. I just looked like an idiot in front of everyone.”

“You didn’t. You looked like a girl who deserves more, but got so used to settling for less.” Sidney ran his huge hands down from her shoulders, to her hands, then they settled at her hips. His lips were inches away from hers and her mind was spinning. Yes, she liked him, but this wasn’t the way she wanted to be with him. This wasn’t the way she wanted to be with anyone. She shoved his hands away from her, holding back tears.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not about this romantic shit. I don’t like roses, or fancy wine or these private sidebars. I’m not about all this okay?” She said pushing him away and keeping a firm grasp on the door handle. For just a moment his mouth hung open in shock.

“What are you about then? Assholes? Guys that call you their ‘slutty-ass girlfriend’ a ‘bitch’?! You don’t want a pro athlete because we’re all whores right, but you want a fucking white-collar douche bag that treats you like shit. I’m sick and tired of girls who say they want a nice guy, but when a nice guy finally comes around they say they’re not about romance. They don’t want roses or nice wine or a real date. If not that then what do you want? A cheap fuck? A deadbeat? If you want an asshole I can be that too. Do you want me to call you my bitch?” Sidney barked.

There was a bright red hand print on his face before he knew it and a solitary tear begging to escape his eye from the blow. He knew immediately the emotional harm he had caused her and wanted to take it all back, but his pride was tingling with pain.

“Go fuck yourself.” She retorted tears welling up in her eyes. She could feel her face getting hot. She was fuming. How dare he comment on who she wanted to be with. It was none of his business.

“I-I-I’m sorry” his said softly. His face tinged where her fingers were. He maneuvered past her and back inside the apartment.

“Hey, you two are finally back! When’s the wedding? Can I be your best man?” Jordan joked.

Sidney was silent. He shoved past the guys, grabbed his equipment bag and stormed out without a word.

“Woah, what happened?” Noemi said concerned.

“Can we just get the rest of this stupid shoot over with?” Roxanne said annoyed, rubbing her temples.

“Jeez, why’s everyone so mean today.” Marc-Andre rolled his eyes.

“Sure, um, I have the net back here.” Noemi brought out the net and Marc-Andre took his mark.

The rest of the shoot was a blur to Roxanne. She worked on auto-pilot. Her jaw was numb from keeping it clenched the whole time.

“Alright boys, I think we’re just about done” Noemi said shutting her camera off.

“Thanks for having us, it’s really been fun.” Marc-Andre said giving Noemi a hug.

“Hey, Sidney’s a softie. He really cares about you that’s why he’s being an ass. You’re all he talks about. He just wants to be with you.” Marc-Andre said hugging Roxanne as well.

“Thanks.” Roxanne said half-smiling.

“But if you don’t want him, there’s always room in my bed!” Jordan laughed.

“Alright! well I guess we’ll see you in a few days.” said Noemi rushing the boys out.

The girls walked the boys out and began packing their things up. Noemi rolled up the green screen and put the vanity light set away.

“So what exactly happened out there?” She asked taking a seat on the couch and putting her feet on the coffee table. Roxanne plopped down next to her.

“I just-I don’t want a rebound. I don’t want to be with some guy just because he was better than the last. Plus, you know I’m not a romantic.” She said crossing her arms again.

“Well you’re not exactly a realist, repressed, or for lack of a better word unromantic. Why are you putting up this wall, dude? You let Wesley walk right in, hurt you, and walk out unscathed. All this guy wants to do is be with you. He’s a good guy.” Noemi explained.

“I don’t want a rebound.”

“He’s not exactly a rebound since you went out on a date with him before you and Wesley broke up soo....”

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” She took a deep breath and retreated to the linen closet. She grabbed her usual blankets and threw them on the couch pushing Noemi out of the way.

“Night.” Noemi scoffed walking back to her room.
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Sidney

Sometimes I just wish I was gay.

Guys are so much easier to deal with and understand. I can’t believe she fucking slapped me. God! I hated myself for yelling at her. I shouldn’t have yelled at her. I’m the idiot. Maybe she just wanted space. I guess I didn’t think about if she was even ready to be in a relationship after breaking up with her fiancee. Why was I even trying? I could get just about any girl in town. The Pittsburgh townies fawn all over me. Besides what would mom and dad think if I brought her home. What would all of Richmond think. She is black. Jeez, how can you even think that Sidney, you’re not a racist. I think I’m turning into THAT guy. The man whore of the team. The guy who sleeps with every puck bunny that shows up to a game.

I shook my head and unlocked the door. I walked in and dropped my gear bag on the marble floor. Everything I saw made me think of her. The spiral staircase she complemented and the large foyer she admired. I dragged my feet straight to my bedroom and laid down on my bed. I ran my fingers through my hair and my mind drifted slowly to the insecure thought that I may someday lose it.

The air in my bedroom was thick and choking me. I got up and turned on the ceiling fan. When I laid back down I tried to think of the last time it wasn’t just my body heat warming up the fluffy white comforter. I had been almost 10 months since I had gotten laid. Much less went on a date. I buried myself in the blankets and tried to block out everything that happened today. Maybe she wasn’t even as great as I thought she was. Maybe I just wanted someone to be with, anyone. I mean, she’s cute but there are a lot of cute girls. Was she on my level? The media really pays attention to what and who I do. Could she be seen on my arm? How would she act if I was mobbed for my autograph.

What was I saying? She’d be perfect.

The next morning I woke up with a pounding headache. My eyes opened slowly to the bright sun flowing in from the naked window. I headed to my bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my face was its normal pale color, but my cheek still hurt a little bit. She must have really hit me hard. I looked at my watch and it was only 7am. I had to go apologize. Roxanne didn’t deserve what I said to her. Whether it was true or not. What would my mom say if she she found out how I’d reacted. I jumped a little bit when I heard my ringtone go off.

“You have a girlfriend and you didn’t even tell me?” My little sister Taylor squealed.

“Wait, Taylor, what? I don’t have a girlfriend.” I said trying to calm her. Her screaming was only aggravating my headache.

“According to this photo of you in People magazine she’s a cute little black girl with some hot pink pumps I’d love to steal! And her ass could give your planet-sized butt a run for its money.” Taylor said ogling the picture.

“What are you talking about?” I said holding my forehead.

“There’s a picture of you making out with her in some club. She’s wearing this sexy little blue number. She’s got long, jet black, wavy hair. Sidney, I know you’re not a ladies man so who is she?” Taylor demanded.

“God, I didn’t think anybody was looking much less taking pictures.” I started pacing around my vast bedroom.

“Looks intense, bro. Sooo how did you meet her?”

“After a game. We signed some stuff for her and her friend-”

“You’re making out with a puck bunny!? Oh wait a minute..... you’re not that famous. How did you end up in People?” she realized.

“Thanks Tay, way to make me feel like-”

“Holy Shit!! She’s famous.”

“What?” I asked wrinkling my eyebrows.

“It says here she’s a famous director. Let me google her.....let’s see, Roxanne Anastasia Odell, born March 13th 1991 in New York City.”

“Okay stalker..” I said flopping down on my bed.

“She owns No Signal Production House with her friend Noemi Garcia. They won the People’s Choice award at the Toronto International Film Festival, Roxanne won Best Actress at Cannes too. Damn. They both produce the Emmy nominated show “Two Little English Girls”. Oh! My! God! They directed my favorite movie ever! It’s called Kara’s Flowers. It’s about this girl who just survived a long battle with breast cancer and has to have a double masectomy who falls in love with her doctor, but then he dies in a plane crash to South Africa where he was going to do this missionary thing. But before he leaves he sends her these gorgeous flowers and when she finds out he’s dead she puts hairspray on them and freezes them to keep them beautiful forever. It’s about her search to find love and rebuild her life after his death and it’s the sweetest, most romantic movie ever!” She squealed.

“Okay, okay, Taylor I get it.” I put her on speaker phone and began brushing my teeth.

“She’s awesome!! Marry her! For me! Please, please, please, then I can go to all those awesome hollywood parties!” she squealed even louder.

“No, Jesus what’s wrong with you?” I asked shaking my head and blinking hard.

“Sooo how many dates have you been on? Have you done the big nasty?”

“Oh My God, Taylor no! We aren’t even dating!”

“Then why are you making out with her?”

“Taylor you’re only 15, there’s a lot you don’t understand.” I spat.

“Fine, but don’t forget that blood is thicker than water.” she returned.

“You don’t even know what that means.”

“Yeah well..... I’m telling mom!” she yelled.

“No! I don’t want anybody to know. We aren’t really, anything.”

“So you’re ashamed of her? You don’t want the world to know about her? Are you guys friends with benefits?” she asked.

“Okay first of all, stop reading Cosmopolitan. Second, she doesn’t want to date me, so can you just drop it?”

“Why not? You’re a catch!” she said. My heart sank.

“I just blew it with her yesterday. She kinda hates me now.”

“Jesus! When are you going to make me a sister-in-law?” she yelled.

“Yeah, cause this is all about you.” I scoffed.

“You’re 25 now, its about time you got married, started having some kids...”

“Taylor I’m going to be late for practice” I shook my head.

“This isn’t over...”

Click.

I looked down at my watch and realized I should get going. I decided to put on a decent outfit and thought maybe it’d help my chances with her later in the morning. I wore a beige suit and a navy tie with a white and navy striped shirt. After grabbing my black gear bag I drove out to our practice rink about 15 min from my house. When I hopped out I was really nervous about telling Marc-Andre and Jordan my plan. I opened the heavy double door to the basement of the arena like I do most saturday mornings. This time I was greeted with a barrage of hoots and hollers from my teammates.

“Sexy!”

“Hot Stuff coming through!”

“Stud muffin over here...”

“Oh baby!”

“Shut up guys.” I grumbled.

I just rolled my eyes and headed to my locker. Most of the boys show up for practice in just jeans and a t shirt. If they’re lazy, they’ll wear basketball shorts.

“Dude what is up with the three piece suit?” Marc-Andre asked me, lacing up his skates.

“Aww, You didn’t have to get all dressed up for me.” Brendan Patel or BPats as we like to call him chimed in.

“I’m going to see Roxanne after practice.” I said taking my jacket and tie off.

“You mean the girl who doesn’t want to be with you?” Marc-Andre asked raising his eyebrows.

“She just doesn’t know it yet.” I replied coyly beginning to get my practice gear on.

“Don’t be a chump, Sid. Go get baked and laid a few times. You’ll feel better.” Our Cookie added. I wanted to punch him in his square jaw. Sometimes it’s hard being one of the guys. I guess I’m just more sensitive than most men. I know that it seems like something evey woman wants in her guy, but to the guys I’m just a big pussy.

“Whatever.” I said with my skates and gear ready to go. I chugged a blue Powerade and headed to the sheet. I was the first one on the ice. The rest of the guys followed within a few minutes and basically left me alone about the whole thing for the rest of the day. Our practice was just like usual. We did a light warmup skating 10 laps around the rink. After that we started with some shootout practice. Then we did a little bit of special teams. We forwards worked out our penalty killing and shooting. We really gave Marc-Andre a run for his money and even though I was sending him snipes all day I know he won’t ever get me back for it. Assistant Coach Carr kept pushing me today. I’m not sure if it was because I was so nervous and anxious to go over to Roxanne’s I just started tearing up. I quickly blinked it all away and pretended my contacts were irritating me before anybody noticed. I stayed silent as Coach Carr practically ripped me a new one. I put that frustration into perfecting my shots. I had a headache by the time practice was over. I knew the guys would notice I was moody, but just didn’t say anything. When practice was over I put all my things in my stall and left silently.

I remembered the address perfectly, but first I needed to get her something. I googled good presents for saying you’re sorry.

I picked up a card and chocolates from Hallmark then stopped by at the mall. I walked into the first jewelry store I found and tried to quickly find the most expensive and beautiful necklace. An employee walked up to me and asked if I needed help. I explained that I needed something extremely nice and that I was in a hurry. He guided me to a shelf in the back of the room and I had a hard time picking just one thing. There were two beautiful necklaces, one with a large pear-shaped diamond with layers and layers of smaller diamonds around it. The other one had a long chain and three large circular diamonds hanging vertically. I chose one quickly and ran to the nearby flower shop. I asked for a dozen yellow roses and shifted my weight impatiently until they were cut and ready. I jumped a little bit from my phone vibrating in my pocket. It was Marc-Andre.

U OK? Seems like sumthin was gettin 2 ur head 2day

Yeah I’m just trying to make things right with Roxanne.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think she wants 2 be with ya. Sounded like things went really rough yesterday n I don’t want ya gettin hurt

Thanks for the encouragement.

I’m jus sayin 2 let her go

Cant

I shook my head and hopped in the truck. I had to resist checking my bank account. I know the boys would call me crazy for dropping nearly five thousand dollars on a girl who made it very clear she didn’t want to be with me.

It was a beautiful, hot sunday morning. The sun was beaming through the drivers side window and tanning my left forearm. There were some fluffy white clouds in the air and there were people sprawled all over downtown. I passed several tour busses on the way to her flat. When I got there it was a battle royale for a parking spot. I pulled a douche move and cut another car off to get the spot. I checked my teeth in the mirror for any particles. I grabbed my emergency deodorant from behind the seat and applied it. I saw a bead of sweat roll down my forehead and I prayed that I wouldn’t be drenched by the time I entered the building. I ran up the stairs to her flat and knocked anxiously. I stood back and gave myself a little pep talk. It’ll be okay. She’ll accept my apology. Don’t sweat. Don’t sweat. She likes you.

“Coming!” I heard her yell groggily. My heart skipped a beat. The door swung open and she was wearing a hot pink lace bra underneath a white see-thru tank top with pink, plaid boy shorts.