Does A Heart Ever Really Mend?

I woke up from another nightmare, screaming. I was hot and sweaty. My mum came running into my room.

"Oh, sweet, are you okay?" My mum asked
"Yeah, just another nightmare"
"Maybe you should go to therapy about this, hunnie, I mean you won't open up to me"
"No I'm fine, you go back to bed"

I watched my mum leave, and then got out of bed. I put my guy shirt on and headed down stairs, I sat there in the darkness and thought about that terrible night.

The gun shots, the blood, the tears, the heartbreak.

It all came running back to me, like it had just happened in this very moment and I could feel all the pain I felt on that day.

I felt like I could feel Russell's cosy loving arms wrapped around me.

I began crying into my knees. I looked up at the move and saw something move across it.

"Russell" I spoke quietly.

I had no reply.

I could feel his presents in the room, I knew he was here. I just wanted him to be here with me, just holding me like he did before, I needed him. My heart was broken and I didn't think it was ever going to mend.

Being home, back in England didn't even help ease my pain.

My mind dirfted back to three weeks earlier;

The doctors all of a sudden rushed him into the hostipal. I didn't have a clue what was going on. I went to the hostipal with them. I sat there, cold, lonely and scared. Not knowing what was going to happen to this man I loved so deeply. I waited and waited and waited. A thousand doctors walked passed me, all of which told me no information, on how he was doing.

My mind was on Alex right now; where he was? When would I see him again? But the one question I want answered is How did it all happen? How did Russell get shot?

I fell asleep on the seat in the hostipal and when the next day came, I still had no information what so ever.

I took it as the hint he was dead. A man like that I know has got to heaven and is probably watching over me right now.

I walked down to his room, where a man and a woman stood, crying.

"I'm so sorry" I said to them holding back the tears.
"You must be Devon, Russell had spoken of you lovingly" the woman replied
"He was such a loving man"
"Yeah he was" the man managed to say.
"I have to go, but it was lovely to have met you" I said fighting back the tears
"It was wonderful to have met you two" the woman replied.

I walked of back down the hallway. I jumped in a car and headed for the airport. I got on the next flight out of the city and headed back home to England. My city experince had come to an end, a tradgic way to end such an amazing trip.

I had been there less than a week, but was meant to be there for three, but after what happened I couldn't bare to stay in New York, with a killer boss wherever he is and a dead boyfriend, I'd be all alone.

I return to reality, when the light turned on.

My mum stood there.

"Here I thought you'd feel better with this" She said handing me my Russy Roo the Kangaroo.
"Thank you" I said.

I took it from her hand and cuddled into it as if my life depended on it. It felt so warm, it was like the light at the end of this pitch black tunnel that I couldn't seem to escape from.

I lied down on the couch cuddling Russy Roo.

My mum woke me up at 8a.m.

"Time to get ready for college, darling" she spoke so softly.
"Okay"

I dragged myself back upstairs and changed into a yellow dress. I walked to college and sat in my lessons.

Each lesson that went passed, was torture. I would much rather be at home than sat in these lesson where I'm learning nothing.

We were in the second lesson and I already couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I burst out crying.

Everyone looked at me.

I didn't care anymore. I loved this man and I wanted him to still be here with me.

The tears were pouring down my face, Cherish hugged me.

"What are you crying for?" One of the girl said, without a care in her voice.

I got up and left the room. I ran all the way home, when I arrived home, I headed upstairs and began to pack........