Forgive Me

My life came crashing down when I was seventeen. If you looked at me and saw how happy I was you wouldn't think so. I mean my life was great. I had a boyfriend, loving parents, a job. I was saving up for when I moved out and got my own place. My life was perfect. Until I took the damn test. It stared up at me laughing. That pink plus sign is what ruined everything. It screamed at me, 'You're Fucked!'. Don't get me wrong, I love my kid now. I'm so thankful for him. But at that time I dreaded it. I was torn apart. Lost. Scared. I had to live knowing I was going to be a single mom. My child wasn't going to grow up with a father.
I told Brent I was pregnant and it was his. He lost it. He was so pissed. He blamed me. He threw terrible names at me. Told me never to talk to him again. I did just that. Of course I wasn't alone in it. My parents helped me. My mom mostly. No, they weren't ecstatic about it. They were disappointed but understood. They had me at a young age. So no, they didn't kick me to the curb like Brent did. I was so thankful for that too. To have help. They helped me graduate high school and get into college for cosmetology. Helped me get my license so I could take my kid to day care during the day when I went to school. So I wasn't a single mother at the age of seventeen and homeless. I had help but I would've really appreciated it if Brent was there..

I'm now twenty three. I graduated college and got a degree in cosmetology. I currently work at a salon doing makeup. I love it.
Elijah, my son, is five. He is my world. Everyday I pick him up at Kindergarden he is all smiles and talk. Telling me about how his day went and what he made in class. About his friends, Tyler and Cameron. Elijah looks so much like Brent. He got Brent's beautiful, crystal blue eyes and his smile. He got my blonde curly hair and dimples. Elijah was the perfect combonation of Brent and I. I can't say I don't miss Brent because I do every day. I have ever since. But then those horrid words he said to me pop up. And I remember why he's not here. But every time I look into Elijah's eyes I see Brent. He loved me so much before Elijah. Nobody has loved me quite like that. I can't say I never dated again because I have.
I was twenty when I met Travis. He was funny. Cute. Kind. At first. He treated me like his princess. He treated Elijah as his own. He changed once his father died. He took his anger out on me. He abused me. I would come home and he'd be there playing with Elijah. Happy as ever. He would look at me and his mood would change. He would take me into my room and beat me. Tell me it was my fault. Call me a whore. That would get me. Everytime I imagined Brent saying that to me. I would be stupid to say I'm not scarred from my experiences. Because I am. I used to get nightmares every night. Breaking up with Travis was the second hardest thing I had to do. He wouldn't allow it. Said he would kill me and take Elijah if I did. I finally had it and involved the police. Thank god my father was a police officer. I immediately told him. I couldn't handle it. I moved away to another state after that to not be reminded of him.
I could go on and on about how much I miss Brent but then I look at Elijah and everything is okay. I can go through with every day. I love Elijah with everything i've got and if I could I would give him everything his little heart desires but of course I can't. I just make it getting us food and paying rent and car insurance as it is.
This is my story.
Elijah and I's story.
My name is Evermore Bree and this is my crazy stupid but somehow beautiful life.