Sincerely Yours.

January 5th, 2017.

Dear Jack,
I don't know how to start this, if I knew why exactly I was writing it that would probably be a start but I honestly don't know... Or at least I can't put it into words. I don't even know if I'm even going to send this yet or if I'm just writing this for therapeutic reasons. Who knows. All I know is I need to write it or I'm going to blow a fuse. It needs to be out there.
I'll start with the obvious. I miss you. It's been two years now. I would be embarrassed that I've been keeping track but I'm beyond that now. It seems so trivial. I don't know where you are or what you're doing and that kills me. I hate that we're living such separate lives.
Second of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for taking you for granted, I'm sorry. We always had such a strange relationship, I always wanted more and I always got the feeling you wanted it too but I was too much of a stupid coward to accept the feeling or actually make the move. Whenever I came close suddenly I would convince myself I'd be missing out on this awesome single life that never existed when I was actually single. Even if it did, I know now that I'd rather be with you. I'd rather be with you on the worst of days than having meaningless sex with ditsy sluts every night.
I thought I knew that, I thought things were right for once. Do you remember that first day? We had just finished a gig in London and we were on the biggest fucking adrenaline high. That gig was awesome, the fans were awesome, we were awesome. It was lashing rain but we were determined to party. You and I ran straight out in it while the guys went to hit the showers. You said it was enough of a shower for you. The whole time we were chatting to the few fans who had stuck around that night I couldn't take my eyes off you. I studied every detail of your face and I can still remember exactly how you looked, even right now, your hair darkened and plastered to your forehead with sweat and rain. You didn't stop smiling once and you had a dark shadow of stubble from the days of touring.
I don't know if it was just the adrenaline or a build up of compressed feelings but as soon as we found ourselves alone I just couldn't help myself. I'm sure you remember, I almost knocked you over when I flung myself at you. It's the first of many memories from those following few months that still makes me smile. We had kissed before but if you were to ask me now about our first that would come straight to mind. I kissed you that night with every fiber of my being, I was as close as I possibly could be to you but it just didn't feel like enough. I wanted you. I wanted every bit of you and nothing else. You were like a drug, I felt I would just cease to exist if you were cut off. I guess on some level I was right.

Sincerely yours,
Alex.