Status: Work in progress
Sincerely Yours.
Two.
January 9th, 2017.
Dear Jack,
I just got back from the town. I brought your letter with me without even thinking and I guess I ended up posting it. I hope you kept the same address... Well, I think I do. You were always pretty fond of your place though, and I can't see that changing in the space of two years. Although it feels like a lifetime I've lived without you, to an average man without such a weight on his shoulders it's not long at all. It scares me to think of that. If two years feels as long as it did, how am I going to continue without you for the rest of my life? I guess there's another reason I'm writing.
I walked past our park on my way home. I ended up just sitting there for an hour going over it all in my head, watching all the carefree couples and families. I get a physical ache in my gut when I think of the time we were like that, but it's better than facing the reality of life without you. I sat in the exact spot we sat the first day we visited that park. I don't know if it's the passing winter or just how I see things now but the park seemed more alive that day. The grass greener, the children happier, the soil richer.
I remembered how the sun felt on my skin as I strummed my old acoustic guitar, your head resting softly on my knee, your eyes closed. A subtle smile danced around your lips and perfectly conveyed exactly how I felt right there. Just pure happiness. I just wanted to absorb every detail of the moment, you, me, the sun, the music, the park. It just felt so right. It felt like a missing part of me had finally been returned. I remember thinking "This is it. This is how it's meant to be." Guess I fucked that up.
I wish I could go back to that day, that moment and tell myself. Scream at myself. Make sure I know that yes, that is how it's meant to be but it's fragile and not to damage it because some cracks can't be fixed. I still can't believe how stupid I was and if I had one wish right now I would take it back in a heart beat. Really Jack, I'm not trying to excuse it in any way but it's my biggest regret.
Everything has changed now. My life has come to a stop without the band, I'm a different person without you. I don't go out anymore, I only laugh out of politeness. I used to love life so much, I still stumble upon photos from those days online sometimes. The bras on stage, the subtle hints that we had something that we would then deny... But really what could we say? At that stage, even we didn't know what it was. When we finally did accept it, although I would never admit it at the time, I didn't want to tell the fans because I didn't want to share you. It felt like if we went full public some of the magic between us would escape. It would bring extra pressures, I always just thought of how perfect things were and how I never wanted a single thing to change.
Sincerely yours,
Alex.
Dear Jack,
I just got back from the town. I brought your letter with me without even thinking and I guess I ended up posting it. I hope you kept the same address... Well, I think I do. You were always pretty fond of your place though, and I can't see that changing in the space of two years. Although it feels like a lifetime I've lived without you, to an average man without such a weight on his shoulders it's not long at all. It scares me to think of that. If two years feels as long as it did, how am I going to continue without you for the rest of my life? I guess there's another reason I'm writing.
I walked past our park on my way home. I ended up just sitting there for an hour going over it all in my head, watching all the carefree couples and families. I get a physical ache in my gut when I think of the time we were like that, but it's better than facing the reality of life without you. I sat in the exact spot we sat the first day we visited that park. I don't know if it's the passing winter or just how I see things now but the park seemed more alive that day. The grass greener, the children happier, the soil richer.
I remembered how the sun felt on my skin as I strummed my old acoustic guitar, your head resting softly on my knee, your eyes closed. A subtle smile danced around your lips and perfectly conveyed exactly how I felt right there. Just pure happiness. I just wanted to absorb every detail of the moment, you, me, the sun, the music, the park. It just felt so right. It felt like a missing part of me had finally been returned. I remember thinking "This is it. This is how it's meant to be." Guess I fucked that up.
I wish I could go back to that day, that moment and tell myself. Scream at myself. Make sure I know that yes, that is how it's meant to be but it's fragile and not to damage it because some cracks can't be fixed. I still can't believe how stupid I was and if I had one wish right now I would take it back in a heart beat. Really Jack, I'm not trying to excuse it in any way but it's my biggest regret.
Everything has changed now. My life has come to a stop without the band, I'm a different person without you. I don't go out anymore, I only laugh out of politeness. I used to love life so much, I still stumble upon photos from those days online sometimes. The bras on stage, the subtle hints that we had something that we would then deny... But really what could we say? At that stage, even we didn't know what it was. When we finally did accept it, although I would never admit it at the time, I didn't want to tell the fans because I didn't want to share you. It felt like if we went full public some of the magic between us would escape. It would bring extra pressures, I always just thought of how perfect things were and how I never wanted a single thing to change.
Sincerely yours,
Alex.
♠ ♠ ♠
Yo, thanks for reading. Please comment and let me know what you think, lots of love. x