City of Fools

It was a previously dull Sunday morning exactly a month from the day we first met, the first time Alex needed me.
I was having the kind of day that started with the internal debate on whether or not I was hungry enough to get out of bed when I could always just go back to sleep.
Roughly ten minutes after I’d gotten up, as I was getting out of the shower, Alex called- which had me worried instantly as we had already arranged to meet later in the day.
“Alex?”
“Yeah, Tay. Hi. Hi.” His voice was quick and panicky, like he was gasping for air.
“Are you alright? What’s going on?” He seemed to calm down marginally as I spoke to him and managed to ask for me to come to his apartment.
I threw on some clothes and opted to take a taxi to Alex’s building, just in case it couldn’t wait.
In the same second that the door was opened, he drew me into his arms and hugged me tighter than I’d ever been hugged. It was a new feeling, being needed, being held like the most precious thing in the world. I wrapped my arms around his back as tight as I could, and he fell into me. It felt like I was keeping him up, like his world rested on my shoulders… and that was okay.

We stayed intertwined for a while, mostly because he was shaking, and it hurt my heart so much that I couldn’t bring myself to let go. We didn’t talk much, but my being there seemed to calm him enough. We ended up lying next to each other on the sofa, with my arms around his chest and his head on mine. The TV was on quietly but we both knew that neither of us was watching it.
Eventually, his shaking got worse. I looked up to see tears in his eyes and him shaking his head, trying to hide his face from me.
“Alex,”
I placed my hands on either side of his neck, my thumbs tracing his cheekbones, forcing him to look at me.
He scrunched his eyes up, exhaling heavily.
“I shouldn’t be dragging you into this. I’m sorry, Tay.”
I sighed. “You’re not.”
“I am, Tay. You don’t know what you’re getting into. I don’t go to therapy for fun. With good thoughts come bad thoughts and I’ve never failed to reach extremes. And it kills me so ill only say it once- get out while you can, before I drag you under.”
I glanced down momentarily, before looking back up and straight into his eyes.
“You’re not dragging me into anything. I’ve willingly stepped into it. The day you walked into the coffee shop and instantaneously indulged me of your mental endeavours, I was hooked. Enraptured. I dipped my toes in the waters of your existence and soon jumped right in to the deep. Nowhere has ever felt more like home. I’m not afraid of sharks. I’m not afraid of a fucking tsunami. But if you go over with it, Alex, I swear to god I’ll catch you.”