Piece of Your Heart

I watched him run from me... though it didn't count as running since i was the one who pushed him away... again

My inner voices of my mind, heart as well as gut were telling me that i am a complete idiot for pushing him away, but i didn't know what to do.... i wanted to push my developing feelings for him aside as well just accept it all and just kiss him on the spot! But another feeling came over me and was telling me about Katelynn... which is why i was doing what i was doing!

My future with Katelynn. My child. My happy life. They were all waiting for me in the future, but my feelings for Zion was overpowering them as well. It was like a constant struggle within me from the side of me who wanted only Zion and the other side who kept reminding me of Katelynn... plus as i was looking around for Katelynn.. i didn't even find her thus making my feelings for Zion settling in.

I didn't know what i had wanted to do... though i was pretty much hunting Zion down this morning, i even drove by his house to see if he was waiting outside so i could apologize and ask for his forgiveness but he wasn't there and when i saw Arian and Aaron this morning i assumed that he was with them but he apparently wasn't.

"Fuck" I said to myself while sliding down the lockers and resting my face in my palms.

Teachers passed by asking me why aren't I in class and i told them that i just needed to think by myself cause i was having problems... they let me go too.

Before i knew it... i was sitting there contemplating on my actions when the bell suddenly rang and it was Recess.

I stood up from my spot and made my way through the sea of people as well as navigating through my thoughts of what i should or shouldn't do.

I wasn't even paying attention to the screaming girls who were calling for me as i walked passed them; i just didn't know where to go since it was my free period. Normally i would go to the football field and practice with the guys but; i didn't feel like it right now.

Katelynn was avoiding me and I just fucked up with Zion. What the actual hell is up with me today? Well not today just this month... it's as if i wasn't doing anything good.

I went into my class and pretty much just sat there zoning out, thinking of all the possibilities i COULD have done.... like i COULD have not slept with Zion; though which would be freaking stupid cause i loved every single moment of it- WAIT CONTROL YOURSELF CHARLES!

But i could have just not gone to his house totally drunk and led him to bed, yes i did remember everything that happened between me and Zion that night; i could have just avoided it though i don't want to take it back.

Another possibility and or option was to just forget about Zion and wait for Katelynn to stop avoiding me, but i am totally not making that mistake again. Another option was the opposite, to just forget about Katelynn since she was the one running from me; plus my feelings for her are subsiding but the love for my kid is pushing me from this answer itself.

I sighed heavily.

Before i knew it class was over and i hadn't taken one single note at all.

To sum it all up, from my first period to now i was to busy day dreaming about Zion... well mostly Zion... 99% Zion actually.

I sat on the bleachers watching my teammates toss the ball around, i had P.E next and as i was waiting for Zion to show up, i was hearing accurate rumors of both he as well as Arian and also his "circle" performed on the Cafeterian stage this morning... I didn't know if it was true or not but i had to see Zion again though even if he told me to stay away.

The bell rang once again and i stood up and made my way towards the locker rooms... best bet that he'll be seen there right?

I sat on the bench in the locker room, ignoring the conflicting smells of sweat, body odor and other bad odors and had my gaze at the door, waiting for his smile to appear from that door and look at me and see his smile widen... from me.

I just kept my gaze locked unto that door and did not care if i was being called or if another person would stare at me, i would just keep perfect concentration on that door and occasionally blinking.

Before i even knew the door swung open to see Arian as well as Zion walking in, Arian in front of Zion as if protecting him from a monster... which might be me.

It was only us three in the locker room... no one else was there and both Arian and Zion knew that.

I stood up which made one of the two gasp out loud, it must have been Zion who quickly jumped and scurried around the lockers to avoid me and me in hot pursuit of him until i was almost grabbing range of him.

"Stop!" I screamed until all of a sudden a petite Arian blocked my way, letting Zion escape from the back door.

"Fuck Arian!" I yelled at him.

"Shut the fuck up Charlie and leave Zion alone" he spat back.

I literally wanted to hit him and just run after Zion and just hug him.

"Why won't you let me pass i need to go and catch him" i growled.

"Because you idiot, he doesn't want to see you right now... he's having loads of problems that include you... can't he just have a break? You know how he feels for you and you go ahead and say that shit to him, that is unprofessional as well as just disgusting Charlie and i'm so fucking disappointed in you" he scolded me.

"I don't care just let me talk to him please" I begged.

"No... you can't talk to him now... maybe in two days when he feels better... he just needs time away from you... so stop playing with his fucking emotions can its obvious that you know he likes you and you go and just fucking seduce him and say to forget that nothing happened between you two... what the fuck man"

"I didn't mean to say that alright! I just have so much shit running through my head!" I screamed at him.

"Remember Charlie... your not the only one whos fucking suffering! Think of Zion alright... he loved you for fucking years and in one drunken night you took advantage of that love and seduced him to satisfy your fucking hard on then made him believe he had a fucking chance by that seduction then totally pulling out of it and saying that nothing fucking happened... Think of what the actual hell those words can make someone do, it can shatter all the chances he believes he has with you and your making him go on a fucking emotional roller coaster ride and i am not allowing you to go any further with this at all!"

The front door swung open and people started to flood in, some gaping at both me and Arian who continued to yell at me.

He looked at the bystanders.

"What the actual fuck you all looking at! This ain't no damn confession of a teenage love affairs!" He spat at them.

Some of them jumped from how loud his voice was echoing, others laughed and some even looked away.

"Now go take a fucking shower you all fucking stink as fuck!" he spat again.

He then turned his attention to me and i gulped from the look of rage in his eyes.

"You are not to come close to Zion until Wednesday... you got it! Or i swear i will sneak into your home, cut off one of your ball sacks with a rusty ass butter knife and hang it over the door of your first period class" he threatened while pointing at me.

He turned on his heel before walking to the back door, some of the jocks stood there dumbfounded by him.

"Can you guys move out of the fucking away... you all are so damn enormous like apes your blocking the fucking way to door" he yelled at them before they scattered and let him through.

They all stared at me... and i didn't blame them... i was lucky that they didn't overhear the conversation between me and Arian.

I sighed and sat on the bench while putting my face between my palms. What the actual hell did i do.. did i really hurt Zion that bad? He did cry while looking at me in the hallway before running off and he just couldn't face me right now.

Fuck; did i really made Zion broken?