Humans, Are Such Nasty Things

(NC-17) at the last part. (I'll put it up when it starts)

"Aw! Lesbians! How cute!" Lauren said when she saw Cayden and I in the hallway together.
"Aw! A talking dog!" Paige replied, "Isn't that so fucking adorable!"
"Bitch," Cayden glared at Lauren.
She scoffed, "Slit your wrists and die, emo-princess!" She walked away.

"It's people like her," Paige sniffed, "That make people like me turn into serial killers!"
"Don't let her get to you," I rolled my eyes, "She's not worth it."
"Amen to that R.S!" Paige playfully hit me.
"And I'm glad you know," Cayden lifted my face to his and kissed me softly. I closed my eyes and let him continue.

"Ah, love," Paige sniffed, "Makes me want to vomit!"
"Well I'm glad you're better!" I smiled at her with my face feeling hot.
"Been fucking coughing all week!" she sniffed.
"It's cause you smoke too fucking much!" Cayden flicked her nose.
"GOD! I miss the SWEET SWEET cancer-y taste of my lovely nicotine!"

"Hello," Bella came up to us with a small sly smile.
"Well, well well," Paige looked at her, "if it isn't the one half of the albino couple, or at least that's what we call Edward and Bella in Art."
"Nice to see you too Paige," Bella chuckled slyly. What the hell was going on? We weren't friends. And what the hell is with that look on her face?

"The sun's out today again," I said, "No stray clouds, no surprise visits. They won't be here."
"You should be careful of what you say," she narrowed her eyes at me, "Especially when......."

"What type of cryptics are you two talking about?" Cayden said.
"It's nothing," I said, "So Bella, what do you want?"
"I've been thinking that, we aren't really close, Gwen," She smirked, "Given the.....mutual relationships that we share, I think it might me nice if we got to know each other a bit better."
"And this means?" I said.
"Would it be alright if I had lunch with you guys?" she smiled.

"I got no problem," Paige shrugged her shoulders while I was still considering what Bella said.
"Gwen?" Cayden touched my shoulder.
"We were actually planning on eating outside of school. At that little diner," I said.
"That's fine," Bella turned her head to the side.
"Alright then," I said skeptical

I drove us there. We sat in our regular booth. Me facing Bella and beside Cayden, and Cayden facing Paige and beside me. We ordered our regular meal, Bella took a water and a salad. Paige was talking about My Chemical Romance breaking up, I too was mourning the break-up of the band that saved my life. Gerard, Frank, Mikey and Ray had been like big brothers to me. I still can't believe it.

"I just still can't believe it," Paige said with her mouth full, "No more new songs, AND WHAT ABOUT MCR5?! Are we gonna get that album?! God! Damn it all to hell!"
"Who's My Chemical Romance?" Bella asked.

Paige seemed to freeze for a while then slowly turned to stare at her, "I'll just pretend you didn't say that," Paige furrowed her eyebrows, then muttered, "BLI slave," (MCR humour)

"Anyways," Bella turned to look at me, "Have you two been together long?"
"Not very long," Cayden said politely.
"How did you meet?" she asked.
"Paige was a friend of ours," I said.
"Really?" Bella raised her eyebrows and turned to Paige, "I never pegged you as a match-maker."
"I'm not," was Paige's curt reply.

"Well I suppose you two are close, Cayden and Gwen," Bella said.
"Of course," I said.
"And I suppose you know each other well?"
"Well - " Caydn started.
"I suppose you know everything you need to know about each other," Bella interrupted, "Dreams, hopes, fears, favourite colour, snack, music, food. Each others past?"
"Come to think of it," Cayden said, "Gwen does know a lot about me, but I really don't know much about her from before Forks."

Bella made a contented sound. I was glaring at her with pure anger and hate. Paige was looking at her side-ways, while drinking her Coke.

"Gwen are you a virgin?" Bella asked. Paige almost choked on her Coke.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Cayden and I said simultaneously, but where my voice was hard with rage, his was high with curiosity.

"I mean we haven't done it yet, but," Cayden ran his fingers through his hair while he was blushing like crazy, "I mean, I don't exactly want to 'deflower' her as yet."
"That's so cute!" Bella chucked, "You think she hasn't done it yet!"
"What are you talking about?" He asked, "Didn't she turn sixteen last October?"

"Shut your face up right now, Swan," I growled.
" 'Swan?' That's what you call me?" Bella smirked, "I'm hurt Gwen. I thought we were friends!"
"Wait wait," Cayden said, "Go back to what you were saying."
"Cay, it's probably crap," Paige interrupted, "Don't mind her. Let's go. It's almost time for class."

"No, no," Cayden said, " I want to hear what she has to say."
"Why don't you just drop it already!" I yelled, "It's none of your concern, Cayden!"
"What's that suppose to mean?" He turned to me, "Are you hiding something from me?"
"She is," Bella said silently, "About the dirty little slut she used to - "
"SHUT UP!" I hissed at her.
"Tell him," she smirked, "Tell him about all the men who you allowed to touch you."
"What the hell would you know, you ignorant little - !"
"Better ignorant than the High Priest's whore," She hissed.

I lunged after her over the table. I screamed and squirmed as Cayden held me around the waist.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" I yelled at her, "I'LL FUCKING END YOUR LIFE!!"
"GWEN!" Cayden said, but all I saw was the laughing face of Bella.
"Burn in Hell with the men you sent there!" Bella laughed, "You can screw them again, along with the Devil!
"BITCH!" I got one hand free from Cayden's grip and punched her in the nose, making it bleed. She screamed in rage, and she too jumped up, but Paige grabbed her arms before she could do anything. Our noses, Bella and mine were and a little more than an inch away from each other.

She scowled at as she whispered harshly, "No one loves you, and no one cares. Just die and burn in hell where you won't cause any problems."
"Get out of my sight, you dirty bitch," I stared at her.
She said, "Not even your ugly little sister loves you," I spat in her face. She screamed at me.

"CALM DOWN YOU TWO!" Paige grabbed back Bella, holding her to the chair.

"You're making a scene, Gwen, please stop," Cayden whispered in my ear. I calmed down a bit, sat slowly and glared at Bella who was doing the same as she wiped away the blood from her nose.

"Hey hey hey! What the hell Paige?" A waitress came up to us.
"Sorry Annie," Paige said exhausted, "Just a little cat fight."
Annie rolled her eyes and sighed as she left our table.

"You bitch," I growled at Bella.
"Dirty whore!" she hissed.

I was about to jump at her again, but Cayden grabbed me quickly around the waist and manipulated my body until I was in his lap. I stared at Bella and growled more and bared my teeth at her. My lips were twitching in anger and my restricted arms were trembling with rage.

"Look at you, you're like an animal!" Bella laughed.
"Gwen calm down, and you," Cayden pointed a finger at Bella, "Never insult my girlfriend like that again. I don't care that you're a girl, I don't care who your boyfriend is, and I don't even care that your father is the chief. I will mess you up, and don't be surprised if you end up dying."
"And Gwen," He said gently and turned to me, "I know you wouldn't get worked up over nothing. Was there any truth at all to what she said?"

"Drop it," I growled silently, "You don't need to know."
"What's wrong with you?!" he grabbed my writs, "WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO ME?!"
"Why do you need to know everything?!" I shrugged away from him.
"I'm just trying to get to know you, Gwen! Why don't you let anyone in? Why do you keep things from me?!" Cayden shook my shoulders, "I'm confused! I thought I knew you, and now I'm hearing all these things!"
"Cayden," I tried to say.
"No!" He said, "Let me talk. Gwen, I love you. I love you more than you or anyone can ever imagine. And I want to trust you, I really do. But lately, I don't know. It seems like you've been drifting away from me, like I'm losing you. You're not telling me things and you seem so far away. Tell me! Please! What the hell is she talking about?"

"Cayden," I bit my lip, holding back tears, "I can't tell you. In fact, I refuse to tell you about my past. And I am, the ONLY person who can tell you about my past. Cayden, she can't tell you about my past. She doesn't know me."
"Yeah," he nodded, releasing my shoulders, "And neither do I." He got up with his school bag.
"Wait! Where are you going?" I asked.
"Away from you," was his cold reply. Cayden, was being mean to me. I don't even know to deal with this. Can something like this even be true?

"What's that suppose to mean?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"I mean that, until I get my head on straight or you figure something out," he said, "We're taking a break."

His words choked me with cold hands and made me unable to breath, think or feel for what felt like an eternity, but in actuality was barely a few seconds.

"A break?" I choked out, "What does that mean? I-I don't understand."
"Cay! Why don't you calm down before making such rash decisions," Paige said.
Bella chucked slightly which made me turn to her.

And that gave me an odd feeling that dispelled all the sadness and melancholy that existed in me. It was replaced my a new form of anger that was strong and powerful and made me feel immense heat and power. I was filled with hate.

I glared at Bella with the new-found hate. She looked up at me mocking expression yet when we made eye contact, her expression seemed to change from joy to fear and slight confusion.

"No Paige," Cayden shook his head and proceeded to walk away.
"Don't go!" I got up in a last attempt to keep him. I tried to hold in all my angry emotions, "Cayden, I love you! Please, please stay with me! I beg of you! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! I can't do it alone....... Please!"
"No Gwen," he sighed, shaking his head, "I'm tired." He left the diner.

Sad and Scared. Angry and full of Hatred. Empowered yet Bounded. Raged and Empty. The Aftermath of a War. All of theses things are me but above all, I am tired.

Cayden, I'm tired too. Always, of this never ending struggle of hate and mistrust and crimes and sins and punishment. I want to die. Really, I'm not afraid of death. Time is the coach-man that carries us through life. Death is the ferryman that bring us to another state of existence.

So yes, I'm not afraid of death. It's what comes after, that terrifies me.

*******************************

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I pushed Edward in to a tree, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU GO OFF MOUTHING TO HER!"
"What on Earth are you talking about?" he brushed himself off and stared up at Bella's bedroom window.

It was night. I'd caught Edward before he went in Bella's room for the evening and was confronting him about telling Bella about my past.

"Don't act dumb you asshole!" I growled at him, "Why THE HELL did you tell your dumb-ass human girlfriend about my past."
"Don't call her dumb!" He stared at me.
"So that's what you hear huh?" I glared at him, "I trusted you Edward! I TRUSTED YOU! I don't do that very often! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU TELL HER ABOUT MY PAST!"
"How are you so sure I was the one who - " He stared to say before I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Okay fine, it was me," he conceded.
"EDWARD CULLEN YOU ABSOLUTE JERK!" I shrieked. "WHY DID YOU TELL HER?!"
"Well you see, yesterday she saw me hugging you and she kinda misinterpreted it," he said rocking back on his heels, "She was really upset and confused so I - "
"SO YOU TOLD HER ABOUT MY PAST JUST TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER ABOUT HERSELF?!"
"Well," he paused, "Yes basically."
"EDWARD YOU STUPID STUPID JERK! I HATE YOU NOW! I REALLY DO HATE YOU! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOUR GUTS! YOU STUPID VAMPIRE JERK-FACE!"

"Hey, hey, not so loud with the vampire business," he looked around.
"Just like how that isn't my secret to tell, my past wasn't your secret to tell," I said tersely.
"Is that a threat?" he raised his eyebrows.
"No, exposing you will also hurt Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet and Carlisle and Esme. Also, I'm a lot more trustworthy than you could ever hope to be." I said in disgust.

"Look I don't see what the big deal is!" He blurted out, "So I told her. SO WHAT?"
"Edward I hate you! But I don't think I hate you as much as I hate her!" I said.
"What the hell did she do to you yo make you hate her so much?" he asked angrily.
"Edward she shamed me! She destroyed my pride by exposing my secret, my past to Cayden!" I yelled, "But she made it look bad on me!"
"She.....did?" Edward said after a long pause.
"Yes," I said trying not to cry, "And do you know what? He hates me now!"
"No, I'm sure he doesn't - "
"Yes he does!" I stamped my foot, "His exact words: 'We're taking a break.' and when I begged him to stay, when I pleaded for him not to leave me, when I told him that I couldn't do it alone! He said, 'No Gwen, I'm tired.' I AM TIRED TOO! Why doesn't he see that?"
"Oh," was all Edward could say.

"And Bella," I scoffed, "Your precious little snowflake, she laughed in my face. Dumb bitch."
"I told you not to insult her!" Edward grabbed my shoulders. I glared at him darkly.
"Sorry," he said, "I just get so angry when........."
" 'Slut' 'Dirty whore' " I said, "That's what she called me, and you know what else she said?"
"Stop,"
"No, I'm telling you," I said, "She said, 'No one loves you, and no one cares. Just die and burn in hell where you won't cause any problems.' and that's not all. Then she said, 'Not even your ugly little sister loves you.' "
"No that doesn't sound like Bella," he shook his head.
"But it is," I turned away from him.
"Wait! Where are you going?" He called out to me.
"I just wanted to get that off my chest," I walked over to my Jag, "I don't care what you do, I don't care to see you anymore. I don't want to see your face or talk to you anymore. I hate you, Edward Cullen. May we burn in separate hells when we die. I don't even want to see you over there."

I looked up at Bella's window. She was smiling down victoriously at me. I returned the smile, but it was the kind of smile that enemies give one another on the battle field before their hands are stained with the others blood.

I drove home, as if I would find any solace there. I walked to my porch but not before seeing a MUCH TOO BIG wolf with pitch black fur. God almighty...............

"What?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT WITH ME?!" I screamed at the werewolf, "Which one are you? Jacob? Paul? Or maybe that arrogant bastard Sam?" On Sam's name the wolf went down on his legs.
"Sam is it?" I chuckled with an insane edge, "Well leave me the fuck alone!"

'I wonder if she's alight alright? Damn, what could have happened to her? Must be those leeches.'

I looked around for the source of the voice.
"GREAT!" I laughed, "Now I'm hearing voices! Good job Gwen! Maybe they'll lock you up this time!"

'Did she hear me? Hey, can you hear me?'
"You?" I squinted in the darkness at the werewolf.
'Yeah, me Sam. Wow this is unreal. Usually that Cullen brat is the only other one who can hear us.'
"Edward right?" I said, "That asshole, I hate him!"
'Yes, that over grown mosquito.'
"Ha, nice one," I said. He gave me a wolfy laugh from his throat and I chuckled with him.

Then I came to my senses. Was I honestly talking with a werewolf about vampire who can read minds and sparkle in the sunlight? I furrowed my eyebrows as the reality of my circumstances hit me.

"No no no no no no no," I blocked Sam from my vision with my hand and walked towards my house with a quick pace, "This is not supposed to be happening. No no no no no no no......"

I slammed the door behind me and slid down to the floor. Christ. Was the honestly happening? Everything, everything seems so far away. Cayden. I extended my arm in the darkness as if trying to reach him. I couldn't. He was to far away and I was a memory to him. I was a worthless, mangled, broken nightmare. That's how I felt.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and held my head. Without me realizing, I was rocking back and forth. Kisa came up to me as if sensing my despair. She licked my arms and then laid at my feet. I caressed her fur and held on tightly to it. It gave me a sense of reality. NO. Not reality. Because reality was me feeling like this, reality was Cayden hating me, reality was me existing in the shattered being, reality was me being raped, reality was me hurting. Reality, is something that doesn't need to exist. I don't need to exist. I don't need to be alive. I need to die. I should die. I must die, to escape from this hell known as reality. It's hurts to much to be a dream.

This pain, an odd pain, crawled up my legs - I didn't want to hurt - and made it's way around my body - it's like my veins are filled with needles. My neck, hurt - it was as if cold hands where pressing down on my windpipe - it was as if I was about to cry - and the strange part of this pain is - a recognized feeling - I actually liked it - I wanted to be frozen in this moment and feel it always. I screamed.

I screamed loudly, no tears could roll down my face yet, for this scream was of pure emotion. I grabbed my knees and held then tight to my chest, as if I was trying to hold on to the pieces of Gwen and keep her from falling apart.

"ARE YOU OKAY?!" I heard someone yell. And yet, it was as if I didn't understand it. I just kept screaming, as if no one was there. I bawled, yelling my throat out, my throat, that was closing, indicating to me that I was going to cry.

"HEY! HEY!" The voice yelled again, "I'M COMING IN!" I felt a pushing force from the door, as if someone were trying to open it.

I cried still, hot tears scorching my cheeks, my chest rising and falling from short whimpering breaths. Whoever it is - ah, what a familiar voice!- leave me alone.

"C'MON GWEN! OPEN THE DOOR!" He seemed to still try to force it open, pushing his weight against it, causing an awful, thud. Thud, THUD. THUD! THUD! THUD! I tried to cover my ears, tried to block it out, but with each THUD! my body shook from leaning on the door.

"STOP!" I screamed, "GO AWAY!"
"It's me! SAM!" he yelled again, "STEP AWAY FROM THE DOOR! I'M GONNA BREAK IT DOWN!"
"BREAK DOWN MY DOOR, YOU GLORIFIED MONGREL, AND I'LL BREAK YOU FACE!" I yelled back.
"Well at least tell me what wrong!"
"NO! GO AWAY!" I yelled.
"WHY?!
"Just please," I said in a softer, whimpering voice, "just please go away."

"Ugh, put on some clothes you dog," I heard Rosalie's voice say.
"The blonde leech, tiny leech, big leech and the emotion leech," Sam chuckled, "I take it that the mind-reading leech is at Bella's, but where's mama leech and papa leech?"
"Our names will do just fine," Alice hissed.
"What the fuck did you do to Gwen you scrawny wolf?!" Emmet yelled.
"I didn't do a damn thing," Sam replied defensively, "If you want answers try asking that mind-reading leech."
"Edward didn't do a thing to her!" Emmet yelled, "Stop lying!"
"She's so sad," Jasper said, completely detached from the conversation, obviously.

"Gwen," Alice's voice was suddenly at the door, "Gwen will you open the door for me?"
"No," I sniffed, my tears flowed seemingly endless.
"Why are you so sad now? Was it really Edward?" Rosalie's voice now sounded, "If it is, I promise that we'll beat him up together."
I smiled slightly, in the way that only Rosalie and Alice could make me smile, "Partially"
"SEE I TOLD YOU!" Sam yelled.
"Can you stop the goddamn yipping you pathetic puppy!" Emmet groaned, "Frigging dog-breath"

"Hello Edward, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?!" Rosalie yelled.
"Are you on your phone?!" I said in shock.
"Yeah," Alice said.
"Ah, Christ," I sighed.
"WHAT DID YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?!" Rosalie yelled again, "GWEN WOULDN'T LOCK HERSELF UP FOR NO REASON!"
"Don't worry, it will be fine," Alice said calmingly or maybe it was just Jasper working his magic. Regardless, my tears were still flowing.
"AND YOU'RE GOING TO BELIEVE BELLA OVER GWEN!"
"Don't worry, Gwen, I don't believe what Bella said," Alice said, forgetting that I couldn't hear the phone conversation.
"SCREW THE FACT THAT SHE'S YOU GIRLFRIEND! AND I DON'T CARE THAT GWEN PUNCHED HER! SHE PROBABLY DESERVED IT TOO! Oh, and spat in her face, damn, what the hell did she do?"

"I'm leaving, you leeches stop making Gwen cry!" Sam yelled.
"Best thing you barked all night," Emmet scoffed.
I sighed. Was this honest to God on High happening? The insanity and unrealness of this moment made me go rational and forget my woes for a while.

"Come in," I opened the door, "But, Alice and Rosalie only."
"Oooooo, girly talk," Emmet chuckled, "Alright then."
"Feel better Gwen," Jasper smiled kindly sending a wave of calm through me. Both he and Emmet disappeared.

"Alright ass-wipe, I'll chew you out later," Rosalie hung up the phone. She and Alice walked in. My face was probably a red blotchy mess.

"I'd offer you something to drink, but I'm fresh out of blood samples," I half smiled trying to lighten the mood. They smiled with me and then sat me down on the sofa, me being in the middle.
"Now sweetie, what happened?" Rosalie asked.

I relayed to them everything. The whole fiasco between Bella and myself, Cayden leaving me, screaming at Edward, everything that was wrenching my heart at the moment, I told them with tears running down my face.

"And I'm sure he despises me now. All I've been doing recently is scream at him," I sobbed, "No matter how hard I try to live and be happy, something always interferes."
"Shh, shh," Rosalie held me and stroked my hair, "He doesn't hate you, who could ever hate you?"
"Why should I always feel like this, when I've done nothing wrong," I sniffed, "I bet even Edward hates me now too. Even though I've decided to not care about him, somewhere inside still doesn't want him to hate me."
"He couldn't hate you!" Alice said, "Give him time, he's just being a bitch. And if anything, I think you held yourself back. I'd have done more than a punch and spit in her face.
"Edward had no right to tell her," Rosalie looked me in the eye, "So he has no right to be upset with you. The fault is his entirely."
"Precisely!" Alice chimed, "And if he stays mad at you, we'll just ignore him completely!"

I smiled slightly the way the only Alice and Rosalie could make me smile.

"And Gwen," Alice continued, "I think you should tell Cayden, about your past."
"I could never," I said almost as if instinct.
"I agree with Alice," Rosalie said, "It is a bit unfair to him to not know what's going on with you."
"He doesn't need to know," I said, "He should trust me instead of trusting the gossip from other people."
"A person can only trust another so far," Rosalie said.
"Gwen, I honestly believe that you should tell him." Alice said seriously.

"I can't. No one would want to stay with someone as broken as I am. To tell the truth, I'd rather him leave the me without a horrible past than the true me with that horrible past. It just means that he left a fake and not the real person," I felt warm tears on my face as I looked on the ground and I dug my nails into the sofa, "I'll get better. I know I can get better. Maybe it's for the best that we're apart, so I can really become a better person for him, so I won't be such a burden and learn to live for myself and not selfishly rely on him all the time. So until then, until that time comes, my last selfish request is that he waits for me."

I sobbed silently shaking, my throat closing up on me and my chest feeling heavy.

"Damn it Gwen, why won't you rely on others!"
I looked up at him. His green eyes so piercing and sad. Cayden. This was obviously temporary madness, my rational brain acknowledged that, yet my heart chose to walk this path of fantasy that as set in front of me.

"When did you - ?" I started.
"Just a while ago, I heard what you just said," was his reply.
"How did you - ?" I tried again
"Alice seems to know everything," he showed me a text message on his phone from Alice.
"Alice when did you send that?" I turned to her.

Alice smiled, saying, "We'll leave you two alone." Both she and Rosalie left before I could decide whether or not I wanted them to stay.

Cayden and I sat in silence for a minute not looking at each other. In that minute, I don't know what he was thinking, but I was having a mini anxiety. Was I sitting too close to him? Was I sitting too far from him? Is he going to say something first or should I? My hair's too messy. My eyes are swollen. They probably look creepy, red and purple. My face is probably insanely blotchy. Maybe he's laughing at me since I don't look anywhere near presentable. He's probably pissed since he got dragged away from wherever he was to be with me. He's so upset with me that he can't even speak. He really hates me after all.

"Um," I stared at the floor in intense concentration, "Sh-should I get you something to drink?"
"Treating me like a guest huh," he chuckled.
"Sorry," I said sadly.
"You always apologize. Apologies will never get you very far," He said in an indifferent tone.
"Sorr - " I stopped myself.
"At least tell me what your apologizing for,"
"For everything," My voice cracked, I took off my glasses and placed them on the coffee-table. I turned to Cayden trying to put aside the fear I had of facing him. Because how can I face him, this person whom I loved so much, this wonderfully eye-liner and mascara wearing, gentle, strong person who hated me. How could I even have the nerve the audacity, to even look at him, to even say his name or to even love him with this burning passion, after all that I did to him, how could I? But I arrogantly did.

"Even though you said that apologizing isn't beneficial," New tears ran down my face as he faced me with a wavering indifference, "At this point it's all I can do. So please let me apologize to you! I am so sorry! I can't even put it into words. I'm sorry I don't tell you things, I'm sorry I'm so selfish, I'm sorry I'm so demanding, I'm sorry I rely on you all the time, I'm sorry I can't do things on my own, I'm sorry I'm so pathetic and damaged, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you to trust, I'm sorry for all my faults and my sins and I am so sorry that I'm not happy."

"Gwen," Cayden said looking straight at me for the first time. When our eyes met I couldn't bear for him to really look at me so I looked down again, "Gwen look at me."
Timidly, I raised my head and yet, I lost my prior courage, my eyes kept darting all over the place.
"Look at me!" he said sternly, grabbing my jaw in on hand and forcing eye-contact, "Instead of constantly apologizing for your faults, do something about them! And don't take the world on your shoulders! People rely on people! It's bad if you leech of of them all the time, but it isn't selfish if you want someone to help and comfort you. And NEVER let me hear you apologize for not being happy. That's no fault of you own. Happiness is something that you build with the people who love you and who you love back." He let go my jaw.

"But how can I build this 'Happiness' when the two people who I love more than anything have forgotten me?" my chest shook with sobs.
"Who's that?" he asked.
"My dearest little sister who has no memory of me," I held my face in my hands, "And you Cayden, the person who I love so much, yet hates me with a magnitude equal to my love. So tell me, how can I erect this sanctuary called Happiness when all around is hell?"
"I NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU!" He grabbed my hands away from my face, "I COULD NEVER HATE YOU! EVEN IF I TRIED, EVEN IF SOME DOUCHE OFFERED ME A MILLION DOLLAR! I'D GIVE UP MUSE TICKETS FOR YOU! I'D RATHER SPEND TEN SECONDS WITH YOU THAN GO TO A Warped Tour! I LOVE YOU! I CAN'T EVEN SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!"

I grabbed me in a hug, his hand felt strong and tight around my body. Tear flowed ceaselessly as I gave in to his embrace and laid my head in his chest, "I don't ever want you to think that I hate you. No matter what you do, no matter what type of relationship we have, even if you come to hate me, I couldn't never hate you!"
"Cayden, I can't ever hate you. I love you," I said, "I love you. I even love saying that I love you."
He tilted my chin up to his face. His eyes were glazed over with tears. He leaned in and his lips touched mine. I never realized how starved for his touch I was. I ran my fingers through is hair and he put his hands on my lower back. It was so sensual, his touch. Our lips parted, yet his embrace held firm. I found myself breathing hard.

"But do you think this is fair," he leaned his forehead on my own. I deliberated that for a while, knowing exactly what he meant.
"You're absolutely right," I leaned in his chest, slightly surprised at how mature he could be, "To tell you the truth, I really don't want to tell you, but to be fair I will. Also, I'd rather not go into detail if that's fine by you."
"As long as it's the truth," he said, "I just need the necessary facts."

"Well first off, I was stolen from my home when I was six," I said.
"Kidnapped?" he asked.
"Yes," my voice broke a bit, "By a cult. Because of my eyes, I guess they mistook me for their god's incarnate. That night I was treated like a god then raped by over 20 men. Every time they raped me, they thanked me afterwards, and gave me sweets. I was trapped in that nightmare for about six or seven years before I escaped.I don't really remembered how I escaped, I just remember fire and screaming. After that I wandered the streets and somehow ended up being adopted by Nandaleah's parents. I fell into a great depression and was bullied a lot at school because of my eyes and horrible grades, so I began to slit my wrists, arms, legs, neck, wherever, but the scars never stayed so I stopped. Having no outlet, I guess that was around the time I began really listening to music. Initially, I hated all three of them, but somehow Rachel, Nandaleah's mother, unhateable, and Nandaleah was kind. Then Rachel died and Nandaleah lost her sight, her father went mad and turned to alcohol. I ended up taking care of the house and of Nandaleah. When I was old enough, I took her here so she could get the medical help she needs. Well, I guess you know what comes after."

Cayden seemed to be awe-struck, or rather, dumbstruck.
"I understand if you don't believe me," I said, "But it's the truth, no matter how incredible it may seem."
"No no," he said detached, "I-I believe you."
"No you don't," I stood up and chuckled slightly as I turned my back to him, "This is physical proof, the very brand that they marked me with." I took off my shirt shamelessly.
"Oh my!" Cayden said breathlessly running his finger on the scars that never healed. He hugged me from the back, "I'm so sorry, that I made you tell me this. You're right, I should have trusted you."
"No Cayden, don't apologize, apologies never get you very far," I said.
He flinched slightly," Are you mad at me?"
"No," I chuckled. There was sound of a little bell and I turned to see Kisa nudging at the door.
"You want to go out don't you?" I walked over and opened the door and she ran out happily. It should be fine, they aren't hunting tonight. I locked the door and suddenly I was lifted off the floor. Cayden held me in his arms bridal style.

"Don't you think she's getting a bit big to keep in the house?" He smiled looking at the door.
"Regrettably, yes," I smiled back at him.
"God, you're beautiful," He looked at me in lust which caused me to blush realizing that I was just in a bra and shorts. I quickly used my useless thin arms to cover my chest.
"There's that cute side of you that I love so much!" he laughed.
"Oh be quiet!" I went even more red.
"So are we cool?" He went to the stairs with me still in his arms.
"Yeah, we're cool," I said, "Why are we going upstairs?"
"We're going to your room," he said.
"To do what?"
"We can maybe get some popcorn and watch a movie or something,"
"Oh sure thing, but you do realize that I left my shirt downstairs?"
"What? You we're planning to put it back on? And deny me to bask in the glory that is your body?" He said as if I inflicted mortal pain on him, "That's just too cruel!"
"Oh fine!" I rolled my eyes laughing.

We turned the lights off and watched something so painfully cliched. The Notebook. Somewhere along the lines, Cayden stroked my face and kissed me gently yet fiercely as if he was holding back all this time. He licked my neck and when I involuntarily moaned he chuckled and I wrapped my legs around his waist. When we broke apart on one of our kisses, he asked me, "Are you fine with me doing this to you? Does it hurt especially with everything that happened to you? I can stop, it's perfectly fine. You don't have to force yourself."
"I'm not forcing myself Cay," I smiled, "Because it's you, it will be fine."

The movie went ignored, and that night, Cayden and I spent that night together, as lovers.