Humans, Are Such Nasty Things

****************EDWARD'S POV****************

I was in the couch of her hospital room waiting for her mother to finish talking. I feigned sleep in order to give them some privacy. I hated that Bella was here. It was all my fault. I could have killed her. She could have died all because she got involved with me. I should have left Forks and never returned the minute I smelled her blood.

"No, I want to stay in Forks." I heard Bella say to her mother who was trying to convince her to move to Jacksonville with her and her new husband.

"Okay sweetie, we'll discuss this later," her mother sighed and kissed Bella's forehead. Renee left the room to call Charlie. The instant I heard the door click closed I opened my eyes. Bella was already looking at me.

"James?" she asked.

"You needn't worry about him anymore," I answered, "Emmett, Rose and Alice took care of him. Victoria, the woman escaped though."

"Edward, thank you. I'm alive because of you." Her voice was so weak

"No, you're in here because of me," My heart shook.

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, you - you should leave Forks. Go to Jacksonville with your mother and Phil. I can't stand to see you like this."

All the colour drained from her eyes. Her breathing went rapid. "Wha -! W-what? NO! I - I can't! No- no what? No! Edward, what are you saying? We- e we can't be apart! I- can't just! NO! NO! Don't even say that! H-How could you s-say that?"

"Shhh, shh," I tried to calm her. I brushed my fingers against her pale cheeks. I'd taken so much blood. "I'm sorry I upset you. We won't be apart."

"O-Okay good. Good. J-Just don't - don't say things like that. Like leaving," she stammered, holding my hand to her face as tightly as she could manage.

"Oh Bella, my Bella," I sighed, "where would I ever be, if not by your side?"

She calmed down a bit. Still holding my hand. "Who thought up that story? About me falling down two flights of stairs and through a window?"

"Oh, that was Carlisle," I replied, hesitantly.

"Doesn't sound like him,"

"Yes well,"

"It sounds more like," a small light flashed in her eyes. She looked up at me and asked, "Gwen? What happened to her? She was with me right? Or did I imagine that?"

"She - Yeah you're right," I replied. "It's probably the morphine. She wasn't there." I grimaced.

"Edward don't lie to her," Carlisle entered the room silently.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"Carlisle can't this wait?" I hissed harshly.

"Gwen is dead, Bella." Carlisle's voice was blunt, "After you left the hotel she went after you and gave her life to protect you."

A shocked breath left Bella's lips. "I-I didn't ask her to come save me! James tricked me! He-He told me he had my mother and that if I didn't come alone he'd kill her! I didn't mean for her to die! I didn't mean for any of this to happen!"

"Why didn't you tell Alice and Jasper? One of them could have checked to see if your mother was safe or not and you and Gwen would have still been protected."

"CARLISLE! I can't believe you're blaming Bella for this! It's not her fault! James is the one to blame!" I growled.

Bella raised a trembling hand to her mouth. Hot wet tears ran down her face. "I wasn't thinking. I-I wasn't thinking! Oh God, Gwen is dead! And it's all my fault."

"No Bella, please I can't stand to see you like this. It's my fault for getting you involved in this world," I rubbed her hand. "Please, please don't blame yourself."

Carlisle sighed and left the room.

"He hates me doesn't he?" Bella asked, trembling.

"He does not hate you," I assured her. "Carlisle, really loved Gwen. We all did. In a short time, she crept into our hearts, all of us, even Rose. We try not to get to attached to humans because of their short life-spans. Now, we're going to have to try to pick up the pieces of ourselves and deal with the pain of loss, for all eternity."

"Why didn't you let the venom spread then?" Bella asked me, "I could have been with you forever. I don't want to die like Gwen and cause you and and your family the same sort of pain. I want to stay with you forever."

"I want you to live a long happy life, as a human Bella," I explained. "I don't want you to be a soulless monster like me. A beast that can only live off the life-blood of another."

"I don't care! When I think about you being in pain forever because of me dying, the thought of that hurts more than anything in this life or the next ever could. Please Edward. I want eternity with you."

"Bella, please calm down," I stroked her hair and made her to lie down. "If you keep getting upset, you won't heal quickly. And that would hurt me too. Go to sleep, okay? We'll talk about this later."

"Don't treat me like a child," she scoffed. I kissed her tears away and waited until she was in deep sleep.

I stepped out of the room. Carlisle was still there.

"She's sleeping then?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Edward I - "

"Don't," I interrupted him. "I understand. I still think you went way too far, but trust me, I understand."

"How are we going to get through this? How are Cayden and her friends and her sister going to get through this?" Carlisle shook his head.

"Maybe, it was good for Nandaleah to lose her memory when she did," I said absently. "And maybe - this is for the best."

"How could you say that!" Carlisle exclaimed.

"If you saw her mind, if you even glimpsed into her misery, you'd know just how sad she is," I explained. "I'm not happy she's gone - of course not - but, when I think that now, she's in a place where she can't feel pain anymore, where she can't be hurt anymore, I feel such relief. I think, this is how I'll have to cope with her passing. I'll just try to imagine her, at peace."

"You wouldn't think to say that if it were - !" He didn't finish the sentence, but he finished the thought. "Gwen was like one of my own children. As important to me as you and all your siblings. I'm going outside. I need some air."

Why does Carlisle think that I'm being callous?
I'm devastated about this too.
I feel broken up about Gwen too.
I loved her too. She was perhaps, the first real human friend I made since I started this new life. It's strange. I never fully understood, I think, how loss could make you feel such profound emptiness. And I have lost Gwen forever.

Like Carlisle, I wish I could openly mourn. I wish I could express my grief. I want to lose myself for a while in the despair of her death too.

But for my sake,
Bella's sake,
And the sake of our relationship,
I have to, keep pushing
I have to....

Keep living.

*****************JASPER'S POV****************

Emmett came through the door. I was pacing the room frantically in a attempt to calm down. I'd been upset with myself for not being able to go with Alice and the others. But right now though Em seemed to be more upset than I was.

"Em what's up? What happened with James? Where are the girls?" the questions fell out of my lips rapidly.

Emmett bit his lip and collapsed on the bed. "Emmett what's wrong? What happened?"
"James is dead, we killed him." His words seemed empty, as if there was something he did not want to say.

"Well then, isn't that good news?" I asked, "What about Bella, is she?"
"Bella's fine. Well, James shattered her leg. Carlisle and Edward are at the hospital now."
"Then, the girls are there too?" I asked
"No...they're with Gwen." His voice sounded haggard. I could feel how low in spirits he was. Somehow, it didn't feel appropriate to use my powers to mess with that.

"Did something happen to Gwen?" I quipped. "She's alright, right?"
"No, she's not," Emmett sat up and looked me in the eyes. "She dead, Jazz. James killed. She was dead before we got there."

"My God," a pain gripped my chest. "I can't believe it."

"Alice and Rose are with her body now. They, you know, they're crying. I came here to tell you,"

"DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!" I exploded. "BECAUSE I'M SO WEAK, I COULDN'T MANAGE A LITTLE BLOOD! WHY WASN'T I THERE?"

"SHE WAS DEAD BEFORE WE GOT THERE! THERE WAS NOTHING WE COULD DO!" Emmett jumped up. "WHAT COULD YOU HAVE DONE, JASPER? LAST I CHECKED, RESURRECTION ISN'T A PART OF YOUR SKILL SET!"

"If only I noticed Bella was gone! Why did she leave?" I held my head. "WHY? Why didn't I notice she had gone?"

"Jasper, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!" He grabbed me by the shoulders. "James is dead. Gwen is dead too. Nothing we do or say can change that! All we can do now is shed our tears then we have to find out where to go from there. We have to be strong for our girls! We have to keep it together for their sakes! They're really broken up about it. Alice especially."

Thinking about Alice, I tried to center myself. "Alice...oh God, how are we going to tell Esme?"

"We can't call her. She's still sitting on Charlie's house in case Victoria comes back." Emmett grimaced.

"Right, right. She'll be heart-broken. We have to tell her in person," I nodded.

I threw myself in the couch and stared out the window. In some ways, I cursed this immortal life. The sobering reality of having to live forever. We are stagnant as the world morphs around us. Things are born, things die, and we remain the same. Eternally. I can't forgive this world where I can lose the things most precious to me. I can't forgive this life where I am forced to carry pain without an end in sight

But I have to stay strong. For Esme, Carlisle, Rose and my beloved Alice. My sweet Alice.

"We'll have to make up some story to give to her step-father," I said coldly. "How were the wounds, on her body?"

There was a flicker of shock in Emmett's eyes at the sudden change in my disposition. He then said, "A few broken ribs, cracked skull, from her hip down on the left side, her bones were in pretty bad shape too. James really did a number on her. That bastard."

"What about blood?"

"James drained her it seems. She was so grey, there wasn't a bruise I could see." Emmett replied. "Only his bite marks on her neck."

"That could be trouble. We may have to do something to hide that."

"We are NOT desecrating her body Jazz!" Emmett interjected tersely.

"This isn't just about us or Gwen. We have to consider the secret too. The Voturi will kill us if - "

"Stop making excuses," Emmett glared. "You know Jazz, you don't have to pick yourself up right away. You can allow yourself to feel something right now."

"No, I can't."

If I do, I'm sure I'll shatter.

*****************ALICE'S POV********************

Carlisle and Edward had rushed Bella to the nearest hospital. Emmett left to tell Jasper and Esme what happened to Bella....what happened to Gwen. Rose was beside me, still holding Gwen's body in her arms. I caressed her grey cheek. It was so cold. The only warmth in the room was from the fire that was turning James to a pile of ash.

"You know," I said with a cracked voice. "I think this is the first time I've ever lost someone important to me. I've lost all my memories from when I was a human and when I was turned, I had a vision of meeting Jasper and all of you guys. So I stayed by myself, practicing the vegetarian lifestyle, everyday for years and years, all alone. You guys were the first important people in my life."

"Alice," Rose said to me tenderly.

"If - if I were human, if I could grow and change like humans do, would this pain eventually go away? Do I have to live like this forever, with the pain of losing someone I love? Will this stone ever leave my heart, Rosalie?" I wailed. She held me.

"If only I got here on time! If only!" I slammed my fists into the ground.

"It's not your fault! Please don't blame yourself."

"But it is! If I were watching Bella more closely, Gwen wouldn't go after her and -!"

"Gwen would be so sad to see you tearing yourself up like this," Rosalie cooed with sadness still in her eyes. "Gwen, our crazy little friend. Why, even at the end, could you not find your happiness? Why did this - "

Rosalie stopped mid-sentence. I thought at first, it was because she was overcome with grief, but on noticing her eyes, I realised she was fixated on a certain point. From the wound on Gwen's neck, a black substance leaked out. I touched it gingerly. It wasn't blood.

"It looks just like the stuff that came out of James right before we killed him," I remarked.

"Yes, it does - Alice, look at her eyes!" Rosalie exclaimed. Like tears, a cloudy liquid ran from Gwen's dull eyes, seamlessly and seemingly without end. Just what is going on?

"It looks like, venom," I said.

"It has to be from James," Rose furrowed her eyebrows. "This isn't normal. I don't understand. What is going on?"

Before I could add a word, Gwen's body started to convulse wildly. "Rose! Take her out of your lap, she might hurt herself!"

"What's happening? Is she changing? Was she alive then?" Rose questioned frantically.

"I don't know! I don't know! But I don't think that's it!" Gwen's body arched and locked into place for a while. After a few twitches she finally went limp again, and a mess of black substance fell out of her mouth.

"What was that?" Rose asked. In her eyes I think, I could see her pain rising up again. Somehow, I felt different. I felt that maybe, Gwen isn't gone. Maybe, we can save her.

"Maybe I should try to suck the venom out!" I said.

"Are you insane? We don't know what could happen to you. Look at how James ended up!"

"But Rose - !"

"Alice I already lost a friend. Please don't make me lose a sister too." Her words sobered me. I took a handkerchief out of my pocket to wipe the mess off Gwen's cheek. Then I felt it, ever so slightly, I felt the vibration of blood in her veins. Gwen's eyelids fell gently to close and open again to reveal her still dark eyes.

"....so cold," she said.

"Oh Gwen!" Rosalie rushed to her side.