Scream, to Be Heard

Chapter 12
They walked to her house, Alex’s hand in hers. It was late-really late. Bailey was a little freaked out. And she looked it.
“Y’alright Bails?” Alex nudged, looking down at her.
“Yeah…it’s just late. You know. Lots of creeps out there at this hour.” He planted a kiss on top of her head.
“Don’t worry babe. I’ll protect you. Promise.” She smiled and he quietly sang ‘Circles’ to calm her down. Soon enough, they were at her house. She reached into her pocket, grabbed her keys, and unlocked the door. They didn’t even bother turning on the light, stepping inside of the dark foyer and shutting the door behind them. Alex placed their dinner on some random table against the wall. Before Bailey could even comprehend what was going on, Alex had her pinned against the door and was kissing her passionately. Her head drew back in surprise, but she eventually melted into him-her fingers grazing up his arms until they were wrapped around his neck. Their lips danced together as Alex ran his fingers through the blonde’s endless hair. She drew back for a quick second, not wanting to the ruin the moment.
“Well. Okay. Hi.” Bailey smirked. He laughed and dove right back in for more, hands roaming down her sides and eventually gripping the cuff of her shorts. His fingers were slightly cold and gave her goose bumps as they brushed against her bare legs. He bit her lip gently, causing her breath to hitch in the back of her throat.
“Alex, I think our dinner’s getting cold.” She giggled, noses touching.
“Yeah…..” He pouted. She almost screamed as he picked her up again, grabbing the Chinese food as well as they made their way upstairs to her room.
“I don’t understand you, Gaskarth.” Bailey laughed.
“Most people don’t. But that’s okay.”
“I thought we were watching a movie?” She asked as they entered her room.
“I changed my mind.” Alex put her down on the bed, turned on the radio and (finally) they ate. Smells Like Teen Spirit was playing softly through the speakers. Bailey noted how nineties she looked right now. The flannel….the Nirvana….it was pretty ridiculous. And then here you have Mr. Gaskarth, clad in his Vans tank top and bandana.
“Hey babe?” It still made her smile when he called her that.
“Mmhm?”
“What’s that over in the corner?” The blonde’s head whipped over to the corner, eyes wide. No….he didn’t mean the dance shoes….did he?
“What’s what?” She played dumb.
“The bag with all the dance shoes in it,” he laughed, “you don’t dance, do you?” Cue uncomfortable silence.
“….you do?” A nod from the blonde signaled yes. Alex took another bite of his orange chicken.
“Are you any good?” He felt kind of bad, but he didn’t know why she’d hide that from him. She moved over on the comforter.
“I…I guess?” She was embarrassed by it. It was kind of a childish thing to do and it seemed rather out of character. But she’d been doing it since she was three.
“I wanna see!” He teased, nudging her a bit.
“No!!!!” The blonde whined, burying her head in her comforter. Alex cuddled up beside her.
“Please?” He said weakly, a tiny smile attempting to cross his face. She turned to him.
“Why?” The boy ducked beneath the blanket with her. They wrestled beneath the sheets until he had her pinned down with a leg on either side. Bailey laughed and he pinned her wrists behind her head.
“Because anything you do is beautiful. And I like seeing beautiful things. Why do you think I never leave you alone?” She smiled shyly.
“Jeez Gaskarth, when did you get so poetic....” Alex leaned down and kissed her softly. He laughed and whispered on her lips.
“Kinda comes naturally when you write songs for a living.” And so they made out for the second time that evening. The two of them couldn't hold each other tight enough. Everything was totally fine until Alex decided to slide off Bailey’s flannel. And then reached for the hem of her shirt. Because that’s when it got serious. Her breath locked up in her throat.
“Babe, you okay?” She looked down at the comforter, not blinking.
“I….I just….” Her heart was beating really fast.
“Yeah?” Alex took her hand and looked at her intently.
“I….I can’t. I’m sorry.” Bailey sunk onto the bed, ashamed. Because she knew that every sane teenage girl would have allowed him to rip of their clothes immediately. But not her. Sure, she was more than ecstatic to know that somebody actually wanted her like that. It was the first time that’d ever happened. But she was too self-conscious. She could barely look at herself in the mirror, so how did she expect him to? It would change the way he thought about her. At least that’s what she thought.
“It’s alright, really.” He curled up beside her and kissed her on top of the head. In all honesty, he was disappointed. He’d never met a girl that didn’t wanna at least get to second with him. A little disappointing really. And usually, he’d just end it right then and there because his old self was just in it for the sex but now…he really didn’t want to leave. She put her head on his chest.
“Thank you.” Alex looked down at her, confused.
“For what?”
“For not being a total douche about it.” He laughed.
“Well, I guess you’re welcome!” The cuddled up together and fell asleep.
_________________________________________________________________________
“Alex. Get your knee out of my back.”
“You WISH that was my knee.”
“ALEXXXXXXXXXXXXX” Bailey rolled off the bed, messy bed hair going everywhere. The boy laughed and leaned over the side, looking down at her. Sunlight shone in through the French doors, making her golden hair glow.
“I was kidding! ….ish.” She shot him a look and eventually grinned. The room smelled like Chinese food and whatever shampoo Bailey used. Not exactly an awful combination, Alex thought. She got up to go to the bathroom.
“What, no good morning kiss?” He joked, screwing around with one of her fluffy pillows.
“MORNING BREATH.” And she left. Alex sat up on the bed, looking at the pictures on her dresser. There was one of her, a tiny little thing, wearing a tutu and a bouquet, standing next to who he assumed was her father. The one next to it was her holding that black guitar in the middle of some music store, messy, childish hair going in every direction. The smile on her face was the size of Alaska, and she looked…oh, about 9 or so. Maybe 10. He found it heartwarming. The last picture was of her on stage. Hair totally flipped over to one side (he was endlessly fascinated by her hair), microphone clenched in hand, guitar flipped onto her back.
“Hey Lex- ”
“You’re in a band?” He stared at the picture, face plain. With confusion.
“….no…..?” She nervously went to her closet, looking for something to wear. Her palms were grossly sweaty.
“Don’t lie to me, Bails.”
“Okay, but I-” He got up from the bed and looked at her.
“Why do you keep hiding things from me?” Her eyes darted instantly to the floor. Shit, she thought to herself, shit, shit, shit.
“I’m not..?” Alex stepped closer.
“Yes, you are. First it was the dancing, now the band thing….why?”
“Because.”
“Why?” His voice rose.
“It doesn’t matter, Alex.”
“Just fucking tell me, why?!” He seemed really upset, and with that yell, he was starting to scare her. All she could really do is collapse to the floor. A small whimper escaped her throat and a tear fell down her cheek. Alex’s eyes quickly grew in size as he ducked onto the floor next to her.
“Babe, I am so, so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you….please, honey don’t cry.” She looked up from underneath the hair that he was so fond of, eyes wet. His heart dropped into his stomach.
“Baby, don’t cry.” He wrapped his arms around her and she collapsed into him, holding back soft tears that just stained his black t-shirt. They stayed like that for a good ten minutes, and Alex was mentally beating himself up because he never, EVER wanted to be the reason she cried. She was strong. And then he had to go fuck it up. Again.
“Will you forgive me?” He whispered. She looked up at him, a weak smile spread across her face.
“Yes.” Bailey laughed lightly. The boy pecked her on the lips.
“Now will you tell me why?” The blonde took a deep breath and leaned her head against the wall.
“Because, Alex….” She sighed, “Because I feel like…..like nothing I do is good enough, you know? Like I make these standards for myself. And I can’t live up to them. And then I see everyone around me accomplishing so much more and I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I can’t do anything right. It’s embarrassing. And then there’s you in your band and you’re so fucking talented and successful and it makes mine look like a joke. Because everything I do is a joke.” All he could do is look at her. Look at the beautiful mess in his arms. Falling apart as she spoke.
“Breathe.” Was all he could say. He rubbed the girl’s back as her head was on his shoulder. And they sat there. The breeze floated in from the open window and swept over their open limbs, creating gentle goose bumps. Leaves on the outside trees rustled and sprinklers clicked on. Lawnmowers ran in the distance. The air begged ‘summer’. Which meant Warped Tour. Her breathing slowed down a bit. Alex continued talking.
“Everything you do is perfect.” She just shook her head. Alex lifted up her chin to make eye contact.
“Yes. It is.” Bailey tore her gaze from his.
“No, it’s not. Can’t you see? This is the way I am. I’ve been this way since I was five. There’s no changing it.” She tried to crawl away, but Alex just grabbed her and sat her back on his lap. She glared at him.
“Yes, there is. You helped me through a painfully hard time, now it’s time I help you. Because you don’t deserve this. And I will try to fix you.” Her heart froze for a split second. All she could do, really, is hug him. Her arms were wrapped around him so tightly that he was sure she might break a rib of his. But he didn’t care. He knew she needed somebody, whether she was aware of it or not. Her head was buried in his chest, and through heavy breaths and sniffles he swore he heard her whisper ‘I love you’, but he’d never know.
And that, well that made him smile more than anything in the world.