Scream, to Be Heard

Chapter 16
The sun was rising over Washington. After driving all night, the boys were exhausted. They had arrived at 3 o’clock that morning, and shortly after Rian had fallen asleep right at the wheel where they were parked. Everyone else had woken up and had gone out to get breakfast. All of them, that is, except for Bailey and Alex, who were sharing a sleeping bag in the back of the van. The sun was streaming in through the windows, making Bailey’s hair glow down her head and between her shoulder blades as her head was resting on Alex’s chest.
“Mmph.” She let out a slight moan as she stretched awake, only to settle back into Alex’s arms. Awake now, Alex pulled her tighter and she smiled.
“Morning babe,” He said, voice husky as he twirled a piece of her hair in his fingers.
“Morning,” Her lips pressed kisses into Alex’s jaw and he tried not to not to moan.
“Babe, c’mon, it’s too early for this,” he chuckled, pulling her up to eye level. A smirk played at her lips as she tangled her fingers in his messy bed head.
“Oh psh, it’s never too early,” Alex groaned as she left a trail of kisses down his neck, hand roaming down his chest. Getting turned on this early in the morning never went down well. He quickly rolled over to straddle her hips. She looked up with batting eyelashes.
“I swear to god, Bails, you’re going to be the death of me,” He whispered in a husky tone, lips just brushing hers. Butterflies flapped in her stomach.
“You know you love it.” Their foreheads were pressed together as they locked eyes. Alex wanted her, bad. But he knew that she, as flirtatious as she was, wouldn’t do much with him. They had been in that situation before. The last thing he wanted to do was fuck that up. And furthermore, the guys would kill them if they fucked in the van.
“I do, but I’m not really a fan of the fucking hard-ons you give me every morning.” She giggled, toying with the collar of his shirt.
“I’d say I’m sorry. Buttttttt. I’m not.” Alex rolled his eyes playfully and kissed her softly.
“I never noticed you had freckles,” Bailey crossed her eyes as if that would allow her to see them. Alex started laughing.
“What?” She was confused. What did she do to embarrass herself now?
“Nothing, that was just really cute.” He kissed the tip of her nose. Biting her lip, she played with his hair.
“You’re just really cute in general.”
“Oh, stop.” She smiled, eyes dodging away from his.
“Can’t stop the truth, hun.” He laid down next to her, tracing his fingers down her arm. She curled up into his chest, breathing in the smell of Axe and guitar wax that he had accumulated over the past few weeks. She didn’t really mind it at all.
“You know who’s cute,” She asked, her nose touching his.
“Who?”
“You.” She pressed his lips against his. It quickly became heated, however. Alex once again rolled himself on top, lips not disconnecting once. Bailey wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him close as they deepened the kiss. His calloused fingers traced down her side, causing a breath to hitch in her throat.
She needed him. Oh, how she needed him. After all the shit she had gone through, and all of the sexual tension that had been between the two of them over the last…forever. She was torn. It was clear Alex wanted her too. She thought back to that night when he had slept over; Alex was on the verge of getting exactly what they both wanted, but she stopped him. Because she hated herself too much. She couldn’t let him see her. Not when she looked the way she did. She would wince when he snaked an arm around her waist, touching her stomach, only resulting in her sucking it in to the point where she couldn’t breathe. Just to convince Alex that she wasn’t gigantic, that she was maybe worth something, that maybe she could be as tiny and beautiful as his past lovers.
Alex’s thumb ran underneath her t-shirt, and her heart started beating fast again. Sure, it felt amazing. But she couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving her, because she knew he would, if he became aware of who she really was. He could sense how tense she was.
“You okay, love?” He mumbled against her neck as he planted up it, lightly flicking his tongue along her jaw when he got there. She moaned in response, but tilted his chin up with her hand so they could be face to face.
“I…uh…yeah…” Alex sighed and sat upright. The sleeping bag was underneath them now, as it had gotten way to hot in there for the both of them.
“No, you’re not. Tell me what’s wrong, hun.” She sat Indian style with her hands in her lap. Her eyes were burning into the floor. Why now. She was tempted to disregard this entire situation, but that night after the infamous sleepover, Bailey had promised not to keep things from Alex.
“I just…” Tears pressed against her eyes. She hated talking about this.
“You just what, baby doll?” The pet name only made it hurt more. If only he knew…
“I just…I’m so afraid, Alex. I’m so afraid we’re going to get farther and you’ll have to see me and you’ll change your mind…” He cocked an eyebrow.
“Darling, I see you every day, why would I change my mind?” A tear dribbled down her cheek and she sighed.
“No, Alex. Like…really see me. All of me. Which is a lot.”
“Why are you afraid?” He was terribly confused.
“Because. I just…I really hate myself, Alex. I’m disgusting. I have a weight problem that you don’t realize because I do my best not to make it look like I do. What happens when the veil of clothing isn’t there anymore? What happens when you see what I really look like and I’m not a little toothpick like all of your past girlfriends? You’re just gonna leave….” He sighed, feeling really bad. Moving close to her, he wrapped her in his arms and wiped her tears away.
“Bails, I know you don’t see it, but you’re beautiful. Every single square inch of you. You really think I’m going to leave just because you’re not a itty bitty supermodel? How shallow do you think I am?” He laughed lightly, pulling the girl into his chest. She sniffled.
“You’re not, it’s just…all those other girls you’ve been with are so much prettier than me and so much better and less awkward and I just…want to be good enough for you Alex.”
“Doll, you’re too good for me. I wouldn’t leave just because you’re not like those girls in the past. Hence why they’re in the past,” he smirked, kissing the top of her head, “I love you more than anything, don’t you ever forget that. You’re funnier, more talented, prettier, and nicer than any other girl in the entire world and probably the moon too.” That made her giggle.
“Probably the moon?”
“I dunno, I don’t go there often.” Wiping the last tears from her eyes, the blonde curled into Alex’s chest and just took everything in. He really seemed like he meant it.
“Alex?” She asked a few minutes later.
“Yeah Bails?”
“Thanks.” He furrowed his eyebrows together, confused.
“For what, love?”
“For just…everything. Thank you for caring. Thank you for being there for me.” Alex smiled and pressed a kiss against her ear.
“Anything for you, hun. And thank you, for saving my life.”
“What do you mean?” She sat up in his lap, locking eyes with him.
“That other day in the bathroom…if you hadn’t come in, I would have kept going and going until…” There was a look of sadness in her eyes when she realized what he meant.
“Alex,” She sniffed, another tear rolling down her cheek, “Don’t ever leave me, okay?” Their noses touched and he grabbed her hands.
“Never.”
“I love you, Alex.”
“I love you too, Bails.”