Iridescence

Gravel crunches under my feet as I walk, my eyes focus on the ground as they shimmer with the wetness that rushes over my glassy eyes. Sleep is whispering my name in taunting measures as the wind blows around me but I focus on nothing but the sound of my feet chomping on the ground. Somewhere off in the distance, a bird cries out and fades just as quickly to bring the silence around once more. My fingers reach blindly into my pocket, retrieving the device inside in order to let the blinding screen tell me just how long I have been walking.

Three hours.

Impossible to any other person and yet, I wasn’t surprised. My walking days have become a habit whenever the waves begin to crash into me and I crumb. With life hatching at you from every direction, there are times where you need to be yourself and I can never do so unless I walk. Sometimes I would find myself in new places but not this time. My destination is a familiar place that I found quite a long time ago. I must have been eight or nine but it was the time when my parents had fought about money. It was also the first time I had ever seen her.

Finally I hear the sounds that bring a smile to my pale and dry lips. My steps quicken and I try not to sprint to the cliff side even as my heart starts to pound against my chest. There is no doubt in my mind that she is there, waiting for me and with words that will heal my heart so I can move on with my life for the short time till I would need to return. Reaching the edge, I halt and look below at the small rocky and sandy shore where the water of the ocean runs up to meet.

I don’t see her right away like I normally would but that doesn’t stop me from climbing down the dangerous rocky cliff. Every time I do this daring act, my mind races with the fact that I could fall and die at every step but hopes keeps me alive and my heart that wants to live. Desperation starts to pour from my skin as I stumble at the bottom, nearly wetting my worn shoes in the ocean. There is no girl, there is no sign of her beautiful presence and panic is evident on my face as I search in every part that I can. When there is no place to hide, where do you hide?

A giggle sends me turning on my heels, shadowy tresses whisking up in the breeze that kisses my own skin to send shivers down my spine. Her body is graceful as she dances across the wet sand, turning into a walk across a patch of mossy rocks which doesn’t faze her bare feet. Against the grey sky up above, her pastel skin could make anyone think that she was undeniably cold and sickly. The snowy lace dress did not help with her black mane that stood out so stunningly and I wondered if she knew how breathtaking she is for me.

“Iridescence.”

My voice brings another giggle from her lips and she finally turns to me, her hands coming around as well in order to be held out with her fingers anxious to have a hold on me. Every part of my body yearns for her, screaming at my own self to let her touch me and whisper the words that I love to hear every time that I find myself near her. Something is holding me back and when she looks into my eyes, I know she sees it with the way she straightens up. I wonder if she already knows what I have to say and if I should say anything at all.

“Do you remember what you said the last time I was here?”

Iridescence looks away, turning her beautiful face away from me even if I’m lost in her thin face with high cheekbones, lush ruby lips begging to be kissed, and small round eyes that only hold walls. There is no doubt in my mind now that she remembers and that she has been hoping that I would forget. When you’re given a choice, it’s hard to forget it.

“I’ve made my decision.”

“You are a child, one who knows nothing. Casey, just stop before it’s too late.”

I’m right about her knowing and she is suffering from pain that I’m putting her through when I don’t even want to put her through it. If I could, I would save her from everything this world strikes down on us but I can’t let her do this anymore. I can’t let myself get lost with her anymore. Iridescence is a drug, so addictive, so toxic that she could keep me in her fingers for days on end and I would not think to leave. My heart sings right in tune with her own and I never think about how my life would be without her.

“I can’t love you anymore, Iris.”

Her nickname attacks down on her, the waterfall breaching and descending down her pale skin that makes my knees shake and threaten to give out on me. The tears are my weakness and she would use them against me whenever she wasn’t going to get what she wanted. Despite what I know it best, I rush forward and take her face in my hands, my crystal eyes staring deep into her own. Gradually, my quivering lips take her own and I fall down the deep abyss that is Iridescence and pray to anyone who will listen that I can rise up from this and save my own self.

“Letting you go is the hardest thing I will ever do but I have to let you go.”

As I speak, my lips brush against her own and I say my goodbye inside the confides of my fragile mind, turning away from her as I let her go. My body shakes against the wind that picks up and acts as if it’s angry at me for what I have just done. Times passes and my head is clear, allowing me to turn around and stare down the little beach that had been my world for so long. Iridescence is nowhere to be seen and I feel free for once in my life. The girl I had been in love with was now gone and I am just another twenty one year old boy.

Twenty one years of my life, it took to realize the truth of the girl I had been in love with since I was an eight year old boy.

Iridescence was just a figment of my imagination.