Just Consider It

"Hero," Maggie pleaded. "It's almost lunchtime, please get up . . . come on. What's the matter with you?"

It was January 1st, almost noon. I hadn't moved in about twelve hours, curled up under the covers in my bed. I couldn't see them, but I knew Maggie was on one side of my bed and Avery was on the other, hands on their hips, looking at each other and then back at me with worried expressions.

"Come on, sis, what's wrong? Did something happen with Tyler?" Avery asked, rubbing my back lightly. I didn't answer. "At least let us know you didn't die under there."

She had a fair point, so I twitched my leg. "Okay, she's not dead . . ." Maggie noted. I could hear footsteps as they crossed the room, where they thought I couldn't hear them.

"What's gotten into her?" Avery whispered.

"I don't know," Maggie answered. "She was like this when I came in."

"What do we do?"

"There's nothing we can do . . . she won't listen to us."

"Should I call my . . . wait."

"What?"

"I have an idea." There was a bunch of muffled whispering that I strained to hear but couldn't. I caught a bit of she'll listen to him and are you sure this'll work. Then there was silence.

Finally, Maggie said, "If you're sure . . ." There was more footsteps, the opening of a door, and then there was just more silence, stretching on forever. I could tell by the stillness of the air that I was alone, and I wasn't sure whether I liked it or I was just used to it.

It was beginning to get a little warm under the covers, and I was hungry, so I knew that I couldn't keep this act up for long. I would wait a little while longer, I decided, and then if no one came back I would get up and get some air before anyone could see me.

As I lay there, just concentrating on my breathing, I heard the door open again. Fuck. It was probably Maggie or Avery, back again to bother me. But whoever was there didn't speak. I began to feel a little nervous, wondering if I was going to die, and if I was, then it seemed like a pretty shitty way to do so.

There were footsteps that paused right next to my bed. I closed my eyes. And suddenly, whoever was there pulled back the blanket and crawled right under the covers with me.

My eyes flew open and I almost jumped a mile. I lay there, not wanting to look over and see who it was. The person didn't say anything, but I listened to their breathing and instantly felt relieved. It was Niall.

I rolled over and faced him. He was lying on his back, gazing up at the blanket that was covering us, not saying anything. His hat was tilted slightly, but he didn't touch it. "What are you doing here?" I whispered, even though we were alone.

He finally turned and looked at me. "Maggie and Avery told me you weren't getting out of bed."

Of course. "So?" I said, trying to sound mean.

"Sooooo," he reached up and adjusted his snapback, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He gave me a look and said softly, "Come on, H, I know you better than that. What happened last night? Was it Tyler?"

His name was like being punched in the stomach. I didn't answer, but I might as well have. Niall raised his eyebrows. "Did you say it?" I nodded slowly. "And?" he pressed.

I swallowed and mumbled, "He dumped me." My voice caught in my throat and I closed my mouth, feeling the humiliation all over again.

Niall blinked at me. "He what?"

"He dumped me."

"He dumped you," he repeated. "You told Tyler you loved him and he dumped you."

"I was going to say it but then he dumped me but then he realized I was going to say it and he still dumped me."

Niall's jaw twitched, and suddenly he threw back the covers again, sending cold air rushing over me, and got out of bed. "He knew you loved him and he still fucking dumped you?"

"Yes."

Niall paced the room, although there wasn't much room to do it, back and forth, back and forth, rubbing his face with his hands. He clenched his fists and literally snarled - a low, angry growl that reminded me of a jaguar or something and scared me a little. I pulled my knees up to my chest and watched him.

"That asshole!" he shouted finally, and he reached out and smacked my books off of my desk, sending them crashing to the floor with loud bangs. "That fucking asshole! Why? Why would you dump somebody like that? Why?" He ran a hand through his hair, his face red and his eyes murderous. "If I see him I swear I'll . . . he's so . . ." Then he turned on me. "God, Hero, why?"

"I don't -"

"I knew something was going to happen," Niall growled. "I knew it!" Another swipe of his hand, and my cup of pens and pencils were now scattered everywhere, rolling around like they were trying to get away from him. "I knew he would hurt you, I knew it and I didn't say anything."

"You -"

"And I knew you shouldn't have said it but I didn't do anything, God, I swear if I ever see him, I can't even room with him, I'll have to room with Haz or Zayn or someone, I can't even look at him."

"Stop!" I screamed finally, and he did stop, looking at me with flushed cheeks. "All you're doing is making it worse!"

For a second, we just stared at each other, both of us breathing heavily. Then, something in his face changed, and he softened. "Oh, Hero . . ." I felt my throat close up and I realized that I was about to cry. "Please don't cry, please, please don't." I covered my face.

Niall crossed over to me in two long strides, took one of my hands, and pulled me off the bed and into his chest, wrapping his arms around me tightly. Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice said, This is the first time you've hugged Niall. It struck me as weird that Niall and I had never hugged before. "Please don't cry."

"I'm trying not to," I said, my voice muffled.

Niall rubbed my back, one hand in my hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say any of that. I don't ever want to scare you. I'm so sorry, Hero."

"It's okay," I answered, because I didn't know what else I was supposed to say.

"No," Niall said softly. "No, it's not okay." He pulled back a little and looked at me.

"Did you . . . did you ever hang out with Megan?" I asked. He blinked at me, startled, and I was surprised too. I discovered that I wanted to know and didn't want to know at the same time. Not that I was jealous of Megan. Not at all.

"I was supposed to go get lunch with her today," he answered after a second, "but I canceled."

"Why?"

"Avery called and said you needed me."

That made me feel even worse, if it's possible. "Why would you do that?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. "You should've gone out with her."

He shrugged. "I've got plenty of time to go out with people, H. You needed me, so I came."

"Yeah, but . . ." I couldn't figure out why this bothered me so much. "Megan's really pretty." She was blonde, like me, but while I was more of a dirty blonde, she was platinum, and it was all natural, too. I'd never met someone with naturally bright blonde hair before her. She was smart, too, and extremely friendly. A perfect match for Niall.

Niall furrowed his eyebrows. "She's okay," was all he said. Then, he added, "Look, do you want me to leave?"

"No," I muttered.

"Good, because I wasn't going to leave anyway. Now shut the fuck up and let me hug you, because I've never hugged you before." So I did.

* * *

For the next few days, it was almost like Niall had moved in with me and Maggie, which I wasn't really sure was allowed or not, but apparently it was, because no one ever came and told him to go home.

He came over in the mornings after Maggie forced me to get out of bed, and we would go to get breakfast in the cafeteria. I would always try to weasel my way out of eating something, but he refused to let me get away with it, pleading with me to at least get a waffle and some orange juice. And then I'd feel bad and agree. It wasn't like I was starving myself or anything; I just wasn't hungry.

Niall stayed as long as he could until he had to go to class, and sometimes he would leave when I had to go to mine. He usually found me, though, when I was walking to pyschology.

"Hi," he'd say.

"Hi." If I didn't smile at him, he'd stop me and put his fingers on the corners of my mouth, lifting my lips up. "Come on. Let's see those pearly whites." He would grin at me goofily, making faces, until I would begin to laugh. "That's a girl."

After our classes were done, he'd come over and we would do homework together. He was hardly ever in his room anymore, but then again, Tyler wasn't either. Niall had apparently threatened him with bodily injuries if he ever saw him again, so Tyler was staying with some friends in an entirely different dorm across campus until things "cooled offf."

Niall said this to all of me with a roll of his eyes. "What a prick," he said through a mouthful of instant mac and cheese. "He hasn't even asked about you or anything."

"I wasn't expecting him to," I answered, watching him shovel the food in his mouth. "It's not like he cares, right?" I added in a quieter voice, "Not like he ever did."

I hadn't really meant for him to hear it, but of course he did anyway. "Oh, come on," he said soothingly.

"But really," I said, louder now, "I should've seen it coming. It's not like anyone at all cares about me anyway." As soon as I said it, I knew it was wrong, but I was just so angry at Tyler and angry at myself for being sad over him and angry at the world for fucking everything up that I needed to be melodramatic for a few seconds.

Niall stared at me for a second before he sighed and put down his bowl. "Is that what you think?" he asked softly. "Is that what you honestly think?"

"No."

Suddenly, he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, pressing his forehead against mine. "Listen to me, okay?" he said. "It was just one guy, H. Don't let him ruin your life."

It wasn't just one guy, I wanted to shout, but I was too startled to do anything, because Niall's face was very, very close to mine. I was afraid if I moved, I would kiss him or something. I swallowed.

"Besides," he added. "Avery cares about you. Maggie cares about you. Mason cares about you." He paused before he said, "I care about you."

"I know," I mumbled

"You're my best friend, Hero. I won't let anything hurt you, you know that? I promise."

"Okay," I agreed, and he let go of me and leaned back.

"Okay."

* * *

I'd managed to safely create a bubble around myself for the next week or two; my mind revolved around nothing but school and my friends. Niall was woven in and out of these two things, braided securely through my life like he'd always been there.

Of course, there were some downsides to having Niall as your best friend; mainly girls. There was always some new female who I saw walking with him or wearing his hat or flirting with him in the cafeteria, some new girl who he told me about. Gina, Brianne, Cayla, Delaney, Angela, the list went on. I knew more about these girls than I would've liked to:

Gina had slept with almost every guy in the dorm.

Brianne was secretly cheating on her boyfriend.

Cayla was a good fuck, but she liked to cuddle afterwards.

Delaney was a lesbian (he was pretty sure she was trying not to be)

Angela just . . . wasn't good.

Normally these things wouldn't bother me. I was used to him coming into class hungover, with pale skin and blearly eyes, complaining about how everything was too loud and too bright.

But this time, I could feel something eating away at my stomach, like a monster was growing inside of it and threatening to crawl out my throat and swallowing everyone whole.

One morning, Niall texted me and said, feelin super hungover . . . wanna go get a coffee or sumthin?

I wrote back, why not go get it with Kelly?

shut up, she's got a boyfriend anyway. you comin or not.

Fine I typed, sighing. I'll be over in a few.

ok.

So I put on my shoes and went over to the dorm, shivering in the cold. I"Niall?" I called, knocking on his door. "Niall, it's me. Are you ready?"

The door slowly opened and I heard an all-too familiar voice. "Niall isn't here." I came face-to-face with Tyler, peering down at me in a mildly interested way. "He went to the bathroom."

"Oh," I managed to say. "Okay. Sorry." Move, I told my feet. Move, get out of here. It doesn't matter where you fucking go; just go.

"It's cool." There was a pause. "How've you been, Hero?" he asked.

"Fine, you?" Why are you continuing conversation with him? Why? Are you trying to get hurt? It took a hell of a lot to hurt me, but I was already wounded enough, and this was doing the trick. It felt like a little ice pick was slowly trying to get into my heart, making clever little jabs but not fully getting inside of it. I forced myself not to let it in.

"Good." He scratched his chin. "Been busy with class and work, you know? I've gotten promoted, so it's like they need me there all the time." I caught a hint of boastfulness in his voice.

"That's cool. Congratulations."

"Thanks. How's Mason?"

Do not ask about my fucking nephew, asshole. "Oh, he's fine. Starting preschool soon."

"Wow."

"Yep." I wanted more than anything to get the hell out of there and find Niall, but it was like I was tethered to the spot in front of him, chained and unable to move.

"So . . . I sort of -" Tyler had only started his sentence when a new voice asked, "Hero?"

I turned and saw, to my extreme relief, Niall. "What are you doing?" he said. "I thought you were gonna wait outside."

"You were, uh, taking too long. Sorry." Just get me out of here. He seemed to get the message, thankfully, and said, "Okay, well, come on. Let's go." He motioned me over before shooting Tyler a nasty look and turning to leave.

"See you," I said to Tyler over my shoulder as I followed Niall down the hallway and outside. Once we'd left, he started to talk.

"That fucking idiot. Who does he think he is, opening the door and talking to you like that? He was so casual about it, too, like nothing had happened. Assclown. Cunt. I'll kick him. And you! Why the fuck wouldn't you wait for me out here like I told you? Jesus, are you trying to hurt yourself? I mean, it's one thing to wait inside, I don't care about that, but to knock on my door? Come on, I thought you were smarter. What were you trying to accomplish? Hero? Hey . . . Hero?"

I had stopped short right in the middle of his rant. He looked back and stopped, too. "Are you okay?" he asked, wrinking his forehead with concern.

I shook my head, but I didn't even have to answer. "No, you're not," he decided. "But you will be." In two swift steps, Niall bounded over and pulled me close to him, hugging me tightly and rubbing my back.

"I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even move," I whispered. "I hate myself for that."

"Hey, come on. It happens to the best of us. Don't hate yourself. I don't hate you, and you shouldn't either. You think I'd let him hurt you?"

"No."

"That's right. I'll never let him touch you."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He did something very strange then, and kissed the top of my hair very lightly. It felt nice though, and I hugged him tighter.

Finally, he let go of me. "You ready?" I nodded, and he held out his hand. I took it, and together we walked away.