Just Consider It

I burst into the room, where Maggie was sitting on the bed, surrounded by books. “Was I in love with Niall?” I demanded. She looked up. “Was he in love with me?” No answer. “Were we in love?”

Finally, Maggie nodded, and I knew she was saying yes to all three of those things. I sank down in my desk chair, putting my head in my hands. “Fuck.”

“I know,” she agreed.

“Maggie, what do I do?”

She raised her eyebrows. “What do you want to do?”

“Maggie,” I said, exasperated.

“Look, Hero. We’ve been roommates for our entire first year at college and all I’ve ever done is give you advice. Whenever you have a problem, you come to me and Avery and we tell you what to do. That needs to stop. You need to start making your own decisions, you know? Free will and all that.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. Life’s too short to not do whatever we want,” Maggie nodded. “If you want to be with Niall, then decide.”

“I do.”

“Then go get him,” she said simply.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding as the idea sank in. “You’re right.”

“I know.”

“Okay. I’m gonna do it.” I stood up, saluted her, and then bolted out the door again, jogging across campus to Niall’s dorm. I pushed past two guys who were coming outside, ran down the hallway, and came to a stop at his door.

I pressed my ear against it, listening to make sure no one else was inside, and when I heard nothing, I banged on it as hard as I could. “Jesus Christ,” I heard a voice say from the inside. “Alright, I’m coming.”

I held my breath and waited. And then the door was opening and Niall was staring down at me, in a red t-shirt and jeans, looking so perfect and wonderful it almost took my breath away. As soon as he saw it was me, though, he started to slam the door.

Somehow, my reflexes kicked in, and I quickly stuck my foot out and caught the door just in time. “No.”

“What the fuck?” he demanded, sounding pissed.

“I said no. You are not shutting the door on me.”

“Who put you in charge? Go away. I don’t want to see you.”

“I came to talk to you.”

“Well, that’s too fucking bad!” He pushed the door harder, and it was really starting to hurt, but I refused to back down. “Move your fucking foot, Hero!”

“Not until you listen to me!”

“Then you’ll be waiting a long time, I’m afraid.”

“Seriously, listen to me!”

“I’ll call campus police –”

“Would you just listen?” I shouted, startling him into silence. “Please just let me in,” I said softly, and after a moment, he slowly opened the door wider, allowing me to enter his room.

“You’ve got five minutes,” was all he said before settling into his desk chair.

Five minutes. Okay. I sucked in a deep breath. This is it. “I just came from my dorm, and before that I was talking to my mom, and before that I was talking to Avery. Mason said my name, by the way. Like, my actual name.”

“Really?” Niall was momentarily distracted. “That’s sick.”

“Yeah. And then a bunch of other shit happened, but that’s not the point. The point is that Avery, my mom, and Maggie all told me the same thing: you and I were in love. What we had, that was love. And I think you knew that. It just took me a little longer to figure it out. But I see that now, Niall, I do. You meant so much to me these past few months, and I know I loved you during all of them.”

He stared at me, his expression unreadable. “You broke my fucking heart, Hero.”

“I know.”

“All of those times I tried to show you, to tell you, and you just pushed me away. Do you know how much that killed me?” He swallowed. “I tried sleeping with so many other girls, but I just – I couldn’t do it. It was always you.”

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I’m sorry I ran. I had my reasons, ones that I don’t feel like saying right now, but maybe I’ll tell you them another time. But I’m here now. I don’t deserve you, and I never did. But I love you. I love you, Niall, I really, really do.”

His eyes widened. There was a very pregnant pause, big enough for Niall to yell at me and slam the door in my face and big enough for me to go back to my old self, rejecting everyone and shutting the world out. I squeezed my fingers into a fist, feeling my nails dig into my palm.

But then he said in a low voice, “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” Normally I’d be annoyed by now, but I didn’t care this time. I wanted him to know, to believe me. “I promise I’ll stay this time.”

“What makes you think I’d want you to stay?” he demanded.

But I was prepared for this. “I know that I have problems with expressing my . . . emotions, I guess. But you got me to open up, don’t you remember? Even just a little. You were the only person who could ever get through to me. You loved me so wholly and unconditionally and there is no one else I could ever see myself being with. You’re just it for me.”

He was staring at me, mouth falling open a little. “I love you,” I said again. “And this time I’ll get it right.” I paused before I was suddenly overcome with emotion and I yelled, “I LOVE YOU!”

He let out an exhilarated laugh. “Shut up, Christ, you’re gonna wake the whole hall up.”

“Don’t care.”

Niall shook his head, but there was a small smile on his face. “Come here.”

“What?”

“I said come here. Are you deaf?”

“Shut up.” I came a little closer until I was right in front of him and he was looking up at me. Raising his eyebrows, he patted his lap, grinning when I gave in and straddled him. On closer inspection, he didn't look as good as I originally thought; there were dark circles under his eyes, signs he hadn't slept well in a while. But he was still smiling.

“Look,” he began, “we need to talk more, okay? Tell me what’s going on in that brain of yours. I know things haven’t been easy for you, but I’m on your side, you know? I’m here for you. But you need to communicate with me, tell me how you’re feeling, and I’ll do the same. We need to know where we stand with each other. Okay?” He brushed some hair off of my shoulder.

“Okay,” I agreed, my voice coming out a little small.

“Good.” He hesitated before he said, “Can I . . .?”

I didn’t even wait for him to finish, leaning down and kissing him, softly at first but then deepening it so eventually I was making these soft noises into his mouth and he was drinking them down, smoothing his hands down my back.

Then he pulled back and started placing these tiny little kisses on my nose, my eyelids, the dip above my upper lip, my chin. “I love you too,” he said. “I love you a lot.”

I smiled a little, glancing down, and something caught my eye. “Hey,” I said.

“What?”

“Do you have a Sharpie?”

“Uh . . .” He reached behind him and handed me a black Sharpie. “Here.” He watched as I uncapped it and drew a tiny plus sign between our names on the arm of his chair. So now, instead of HERO NIALL, it read HERO + NIALL.

He grinned and leaned forward to kiss me again. And although I knew we still had a lot to talk about, I also knew that we had plenty of time.