Brings Me Home

“What are you doing?” Eric asks me the next morning.

I am seated at the kitchen table of my childhood home. Leah is getting ready nearby, most likely in her childhood bedroom with the aid of her mother and bridesmaids. Hunched over, my hands fly across sheets of paper, writing as fast as humanly possible.

“Writing a letter to Leah,” I say, not looking up.

“You’re only doing that now?” Marc snorts into his coffee mug.

I had told them of the idea Leah and I had to write a letter to each other on our wedding day, to be given by messenger with our gifts.

“I only just finished my vows,” I say holding up another sheet of paper so they could see. “You want to see?”

“Jesus, Jord,” Tanya laughs with Levi on her hip and Parker by her side. “Procrastinate much?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I mutter as I pause to read over what I’d written to my fiancée.

Lee-Lee,
You were right; I did wait until the last minute to write this. (Hence the coffee stain at the top of this sheet.) But that’s okay because I feel like the stress did me good.

Today’s finally the day. The day where you’ll become my wife and companion forever. You’ll be eternally stuck with me as your best friend, as I don’t have any intention of ever letting you get away again. I don’t remember the last time I was anticipating a single event this much.

I want to see you in your dress, walking down the aisle towards me at the altar, right now. Or no, I just want to see you. I want to hold you in my arms and love everything about you. For as long as we’ve known each other, you’ve managed to overlook each of my imperfections and make me seem more perfect than I really am. But for me, you are perfect. I love every little thing about you; from the way you crinkle your nose when you’re upset to your crazy laugh. I’m sure that today you will outdo me with our vows, but that’s okay. Just know that I tried.

The day we met, I remember thinking you had the cutest nose. Is that weird? Probably. But it’s just one of the many things I will never be able to live without.

You’ve loved me through everything and managed to give me a chance at being more than your friend. You’re understanding about hockey and you know just when to put me in my place so that I come back to Earth.

In a few short hours, you really will be Mrs. Staal, so I figure I should call you by your maiden name one last time…

I love you, Leah Marissa Emerlee, you are my home, my love, and my light.

~Jordy

“I come bearing gifts!” Jared’s voice fills the house and soon he troops through the kitchen with Lindsay and Michael behind him.

Parker and Levi, excited at the thought of gifts, assume they are for them, only to be let down when Jared hands me a box.

“Oh, calm down,” he tells his nephews. “She got stuff for you too.”

In my hands is now a weighted box, wrapped in butcher’s paper and written all over in Leah’s hand writing. Over and over again, she’d written our wedding date and names.

“What did she get you?” Marc asks, peering over my shoulder.

Unwrapping it, I find another box, this one much fancier and made of wood. With a glass hinged door, it contains several cellophane wrapped items.

“Cigars,” I say, opening it. There is an envelope and a small notecard. Reading from the smaller card, I smile. “One for tonight, one for our first anniversary, the birth of our first child, and one for our tenth anniversary.”

Eric whistles, picking one up. “These are nice cigars.”

“That’s Leah,” I smile.

“What did she write?” Jared asks, nosy as ever.

“Leave him be,” Lindsay swats him. “Make yourself useful and take Jordan’s gift over.”

I fold up my letter to Leah, place it in its envelope, and slide it under the ribbon Tanya had done for me on Leah’s gift.

All wrapped up in her favorite color was a picture frame and another journal, similar to a gift exchange that seemed so long ago. One square of the frame is filled, a picture of our engagement party, thrown by Sid in Pittsburgh.

I am alone not a moment too soon as my family drift off to begin preparing for the day. Slipping into my old bedroom, I settle myself on the bed, ready to read a sure to be novel length letter.

Jordy,

Jared is hovering and it’s making me nervous.

Can you believe today’s finally here? I don’t think it quite hit me until I was getting into bed last night- alone.

For so long, I’ve been used to having a big, hockey playing teddy bear to hold me and keep me warm. Last night, I was alone and maybe a little cold. I had to drag out that old quilt, the one we used when you snuck over in that awful snow storm. Do you remember it? It still has stains from your boots.

I think that was the night I finally admitted I was falling in love with you. We were still so young, but I just…felt it. Is that silly?

I’m writing this while trying to calm my shaking hands, very difficult things to do together. I think I’m finally nervous. But it’s not about getting married. No, it’s something else.

I’m nervous I won’t be good enough. Up until today, Jordy, you could have walked away. You could have backed out and taken back every kind and sweet word you’d ever said and I wouldn’t hate you for it.

I know what you’ll say. ‘You aren’t going to change at all. The only thing that will be any different is that we share a checking account and a last name.’ But really, Jordan. Think about it.

What if you are traded? What if I don’t fit in? Not a lot of WAGs work, let alone have bestselling novels, loosely written about their husbands.

Today, when we say our vows, just tell me you love me and that I’m good enough just the way I am.

Sometimes, I used to wish we could go back to the way things were when we were younger, growing up in fields of sod, on icy rinks, and in library corners, when things were simple. But not anymore. No, now I’m looking forward to what comes next.

As Mrs. Leah Marissa Staal.

~Lee-Lee

That was my Leah.