Fix You

Fix You

-Gerard's POV-

I sat in the uncomfortable chair in the hospital waiting room, with my face in my hands and tears in my eyes. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. It felt like I'd been sitting there for days, but when I checked the time on my phone, I saw it had only been a couple hours since they'd taken him into the ICU.

I couldn't help but blame myself. I was the only one to blame. This was my fault. I knew it was. There was no way around it. I had done this. I was ashamed. He probably didn't even want me here when he woke up. I wouldn't if I were him. What I'd done was horrible and he didn't deserve it, but I don't think he knew it was breaking my heart too. It had broken my heart when we'd fought onstage. It had broken my heart when I got married after the show. It broke my heart to know I couldn't make myself love her, because I was too in love with him. It had broken my heart when I found him on the bus in a pool of his own blood and a note next to him in shaky writing that read "Tell them I was mugged". That was it. No reason why, even though I already knew what it was. Just "Tell them I was mugged".

The note had blood on it, just like practically everything everything else in the small bathroom. The counter, the floor, the inside of the sink, his blades, and of course, Frankie. He lay there, his arm slowly seeping blood which flowed to the floor and drenched his clothes. His small, fragile body was pale and lifeless. His once happy face was slack and his forehead was covered in a thin veil of sweat. Tear tracks ran down his cheeks, and his lips were a ghostly white instead of their usual pink.

Adrenaline had rushed through my body and I wrapped his arm, called an ambulance, and carried him to the front of the bus faster than I thought was humanly possible. I pushed past a confused looking Lyn-Z, whom I could barely even stand to see at the moment, and my panic stricken band members. When the ambulance got there, I was sitting with Frankie in my arms at the front if the bus, sobbing to the rhythm of his barely-beating pulse. The paramedics were trying to be as nice and gentle as possible as they lifted him from my lap and onto the gurney, started to run an IV, and loaded him into the back of the ambulance. I got in with him, and was adamant on remaining by his side. The guys said they'd meet up with us at the hospital.

And that brought me here. A hospital waiting room, trying to figure out how to fix this. I already knew I was getting the marriage annulled as soon as he woke up. It wasn't fair to anyone, and if I didn't, I'd probably end up in the same situation as Frankie. But that didn't mean he'd forgive me. It didn't mean he'd ever talk to me again. It didn't mean he wouldn't leave the band. I wouldn't blame him if he did. I had tried my best to not let my feelings for Frank ruin the band, but I hadn't succeeded. I had failed. Miserably. I was stuck in reverse.

Fresh tears came running down my face as I thought about how I'd let everyone down. Myself, Lyn-Z, the fans, my friends, and I had pretty much almost killed the man I was in love with. If I ended up losing him, I think that'd be it. He had become my driving force. His positivity was contagious, and it was him that had given me some hope. Not Lyn-Z. If he didn't make it through this, I don't think I would either. Nothing could replace him. Nothing could come close. At the mere thought of losing him, a fresh batch of tears came and I sat sobbing quietly in that damn chair. 

I looked down at my hands and tried not to throw up as I saw the stupid ring that had caused all this. Lyn-Z was a great girl, she really was, but I didn't love her. She was more like a friend than anything. I think she knew that. I should really get some sort of acting award for fabricating an entire relationship. Maybe I had missed my calling as an actor. Or maybe I should get burned at the stake for being such an insufferable ass. I couldn't help but believe I deserved the latter. I deserved worse. So much worse. 

Disgusted with myself, I took off the blasted ring and pocketed it. Maybe I'd sell it. Maybe someone else would have better luck with it than I did.

"I'm sorry, Gerard. I really am." Lyn-Z said as she sat down next to me. She didn't touch me. She didn't even look at me. "I think it would be best if we got this annulled," she gestured between us. "I can see the way you two look at each other. I can see how much you're hurting right now. I really don't mind, Gerard. I knew he would probably end up breaking us up, but I'm okay with it. I know you love him. I know you don't love me."

"Thank you, Lyn-Z." I said, but it was muffled into her shoulder as I pulled her into a tight hug, still crying into her shirt. "You know, you really are amazing. You're so understanding. You'll make some guy really lucky one day. Thank you so much."

"No problem, Gerard. I think I should go now. I don't really think Frank wants me here when he wakes up. Oh, I should probably give you this." She took off her ring and handed it to me. "I'll see you around, Gerard. Let me know when we're getting the annulment."

I turned my face back to the floor and heard the door close behind her. I was so lucky she was so understanding. I was so lucky I had gotten into this mess with someone like her.

"Mr. Way?" I turned my head to look at a young female nurse in turquoise scrubs talking to Mikey. 

"Yes?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you Gerard?"

"No, that's my brother. He's right over there." he said, pointing to me.

"Hello, Mr. Way. Mr. Iero has just woken up, and he keeps asking for a 'Gerard'. I'm guessing from what your brother has told me, that's you."

"Oh, umm, y-yeah. That's me." Frankie was asking for me? I thought he'd hate me.

When I walked into his room, it took all I had to not crumple into a ball on the floor and start sobbing all over again. He looked so small and weak in that big hospital bed, and all of the color had yet to return to his skin. There were big circles under his eyes and a large white bandage running up his left arm. There were needles in the back of his hand connected to a couple different drips and a heart rate monitor beeping quietly in the corner. And yet, Frankie still looked beautiful. His big hazel doe eyes still had a little sparkle and his lips were starting to turn back to pink from the pallid shade they'd been before.

"Oh my god, Frankie! You're awake." I rushed to his bedside and didn't even bother pulling up a chair. I just sank onto my knees right next to his face.

"Hey, Gee." his voice was so quiet as he forced a small, sad smile. I smiled at the use of his nickname for me. I guess he didn't totally hate me, then. 

"Frankie. I am so sorry. What I did was horrible and awful and I probably hate myself just as much as you do right now. This is all my fault. All of it. And if you never talk to me again, or see me again, or if you want to leave the band, I understand. I get it. I'd hate me too if I were you. Hell, I hate me anyway. I can't believe I did this to you. I'll never forgive myself. If you don't either, that's okay. I won't blame you. But you just have to know that I am more sorry than I could ever express in words. And I couldn't live with myself knowing that I'd driven you to take your own life. So please, just promise me one thing. Don't ever do this again. Even if I never see you again, please promise me you won't. This world is too fucked up to lose someone as amazing as you to their own hands. Please. Promise me. Please. Because I love you, Frankie."

"You...you what?" he squeaked, his eyes going wide.

"I love you. I couldn't do it, Frankie. I'm having the marriage annulled in the morning. She gave the ring back. She understood. And even if I had loved her, I wouldn't be much of a husband if I was too preoccupied in making sure you got better."

"You don't love her? But you two seemed so happy."

"It was fake. All of it. I pretended to love her so that my feelings for you couldn't ruin the band. Guess that sorta backfired, eh?" the look on his face was somewhere between relieved and confused, and despite the current situation, I couldn't help but think it was adorable.

"Gee, I-I...wait. Where's Lyn-Z?" he asked, perfectly shaped eyebrows scrunching together.

"She came to give the ring back, and left before you woke up. She figured you wouldn't want to see her."

"Oh."

"Well, I've said pretty much all I wanted to say. Do you want me to send Mikey in?" I asked, raising myself back to my feet.

"No, stay," giving Frankie a confused look, I went back down on my knees and rested my arms on his bed. "As crazy as I might sound, I still love you, Gerard. As much as you make me want to hate your guts sometimes, I just can't."

At that moment, I could've died and I would've been perfectly fine with it. Frankie still loved me. He didn't hate me. He loved me. The biggest, dopiest, dorkiest smile spread across my face as I looked in his eyes. Those big, shining, adorable, beautiful, pure hazel eyes that I'd fallen hopelessly in love with. 

"Frankie. Please, give me a chance to prove how sorry I am. I know I don't deserve it, but I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'll give you a chance, Gee."

"Thank you so much, Frankie. You don't understand how happy you've made me. You're my home, Frankie. You set me on fire. I need you. I love you."

"I love you too, Gee." he took one of my hands in his needle-less tattooed one. I let my free hand go up to the side of his face, which was so much warmer than it had been a few hours ago the last time I'd touched it. We slowly leaned toward each other, and I could hear the hear rate monitor pick up a bit as our lips touched. It was a soft, sweet, slow kiss devoid of lust. There wasn't any lust right now, just love and forgiveness and more apologies than can be said in a lifetime.

"Frankie, you scared me. You are worth so much more than this. Please don't do this again. Please." tears started welling in my eyes again as I gently traced a pattern on his bandage that had a couple spots of blood that had seeped to the surface. 

"Gerard..."

"Please, Frankie. I love you. I want to fix you. Please, let me."

"Okay, Gee. I'll try to fix you too."