Of Our Souls

I watched the kids, as I was belting out the lyrics I knew so well. They screamed back at me with such energy that I felt my body get covered in chills, even though it was hot as balls on stage. The sun was blinding me, but that didn’t stop me from doing what I did best – singing my heart out to these kids that looked up to me, to us.

I looked at my band mates as I sang the words that we had written when we thought that life was making fun of us and that we’d never achieve what we craved for. It was the all time low for all of us then. We were barely functioning and we came really close to breaking up the band and never talking again, but something happened. A miracle, as we all called it. We got a perfect opportunity to do what we dreamed of on the other side of the world, far away from the town that told us that we would never achieve anything. This miracle helped us push through all the hardships that life threw at us and here we were, almost a year later, on the stage and performing to kids, who saw us as their inspirations. If only they knew that they were our inspirations, not the other way around.

Sweat rolled off my band mates foreheads, their eyes twinkled in the sun and their smiles were happy and genuine. They were as happy to be here as I was, maybe even more. Though, I doubted that. Yes, being here, playing on Warped, living our dream was something that all of us shared and got to experience together, but this opportunity was the only thing I had left in life to properly enjoy. It was the only thing keeping me together and helping me get up every day to go out to live my life.

My band mates had people to return to our town that we all had come from. I had no one and nothing. The only people that inspired me and kept me motivated and reaching for my goals, turned their backs to me on the last second and I was left alone and heartbroken. I had never imagined that people closest to me would do that to me, but I was glad that I had 5 boys to call my family now. Even more happy that we all shared the same dream and we were living it. For that only reason I was able to do this every day.

The sounds of guitars and drums faded and I stopped in the middle of the stage, the microphone clutched tightly in my hand. The kids were screaming at us, their faces shining brightly and I smiled slightly, the familiar tug of my heart returning. It didn’t hurt me, it just reminded me of all those times I was in a concert and looked up to my favorite bands and how I wanted to be on the stage too. The feeling wasn’t alien to me. I could even say I knew it too well…

‘This is going to be our last song. I want to dedicate it to all of you that got told that you could never achieve something. This is for those people that were made to give up on their dreams. I will tell you only one thing…’ I took a large intake of oxygen and closed my eyes, hearing the kids get quiet. I glanced at my band mates, my only family and smiled slightly. They smiled back, exhaustion showing on their faces, but they were happy none the less. They knew that this had to be said, because barely few knew of our hardships and it was finally time to reveal more about each and every one of us.

‘Never listen to someone that tells you that you can’t achieve your dreams. I got stomped on, I got hurt, I got told that this was a stupid dream of mine and now, look at where we are. Right where we always wanted to be.’ I went to the edge of the stage and looked at all the people that helped us get to where we were today. The tears pooled at the corners of my eyes and I clutched my hands. I refused to cry, I refused to.

‘Dreams do come true, but you have to fight for them. Never give up. I know you can reach all your dreams.’ And then the sounds of guitars and drums came back, as I completely let myself go and became one with the music. The microphone was in front of my mouth as I sang the lyrics that I knew so well and sometimes even hated. But right that second, my heart was aching and the only thing that crossed my mind was that I was as happy as I could ever get. And I let a few tears escape my eyes, because I was tired of being the tough girl everyone thought I was.