Rosie

Normal Point of View

I felt like death.

When I creaked my eyes open the next morning I couldn’t have possibly felt any more dreadful. I mean, I’ve experienced my fair share of bad hangovers but this one…dear sweet Jesus I thought I was going to die. In fact, I would’ve almost preferred death rather than deal with the aftermath of Hurricane Absinthe. I let out a whimper of pain when the throbbing in my head became violent; it felt as though my brain was punishing me for being so inconceivably stupid. I couldn’t even be mad at it because I was practically on the verge of tears.

‘’Dawn,’’ I croaked out, keeping my voice down for fear of causing my head even more pain, ‘’Dawn, can you get me some Advil?’’

I tried for about a minute but didn’t get a response. Frowning further, I sat up slowly and opened my eyes more, realizing that I was on a couch, but it wasn’t our couch. Looking around at the messy apartment I quickly became even more confused. I didn’t have the slightest idea where I was.

I didn’t move from my spot but rubbed my face, trying to remember anything from the previous night but coming up blank. I remembered that I drank Absinthe but I couldn’t figure out anything that happened before or after I took it. This worried me slightly; I was hardly the type to blackout and forget everything.

My stomach began churning and I knew exactly what was about to happen. The bathroom door was open and I darted inside, throwing open the toilet lid and splurging out my insides, coughing myself hoarse. I did this for nearly an hour before slumping against the wall, sweating and weak, my throat in so much pain that I wanted to scream. I hastily wiped away the few tears that’d escaped and flushed the toilet, trying to collect myself. I still didn’t know where I was. Did I hook up with someone last night? I was sure I’d have some knowledge of that but my brain had officially abandoned me, leaving me on the bathroom floor in an unknown apartment. What a predicament to be in.

A shadow loomed over me and I slowly looked up, meeting the bloodshot eyes of Jimmy Sullivan. It looked as though he got no sleep and his hair stuck out in every which direction, his shirt from the night before on backwards and his pants missing, revealing a pair of The Simpsons boxers.

‘’Move over,’’ he mumbled, crouching down in front of the toilet and puking. I scrunched up my nose but made room, crawling over to the sink and hoisting myself up, feeling dizzy once I was back on two feet. My reflection in the mirror revealed that I did, in fact, greatly resemble the girl from The Grudge. Peeling my eyes away from my horrible appearance I opened the medicine cabinet, grabbing the bottle of Advil that sat right in front. I opened the container as fast as I could and popped three of the small pills, sticking my head in the sink and washing them down with tap water. I just had to wait for them to work their magic before I ripped my head off.

‘’Here,’’ I said to Jimmy once he stopped puking, handing him the bottle. He wiped his mouth and thanked me, taking a few pills.

‘’So…I’m at your place, I’m guessing?’’ I inquired, keeping my voice down and rubbing my temples.

He nodded before putting the Advil away, washing his face and attempting to do something with his hair. ‘’Me and Brian’s apartment.’’

I’d never been to his apartment before. ‘’Do you remember anything from last night?’’

He dried his face on a towel and thought for a moment, shaking his head. ‘’Dude, last night was so fucking crazy but I don’t remember any of it, ‘’ he grumbled, looking down. ‘’Why is my shirt on backwards?’’

I shrugged, running my fingers across the knuckles of my opposite hand and wincing. There was bruising on my knuckles. ‘’I haven’t the slightest idea. Why are my knuckles bruised?’’ I asked, holding up my hand to show him.

He took my hand and looked at it for a moment before shrugging. ‘’You probably punched someone.’’ Well shit, I would’ve loved to remember who I punched and why I did it.

We awkwardly stood there for a moment, my hand in his and our tired eyes looking at one another before I pulled my hand back, slowly placing it back at my side. Our eyes stayed connected though, it was like I couldn’t pull mine away for the life of me. His blue orbs always seemed to leave my brain in a puddle-like state and I didn’t like it one bit, because I had a feeling I knew what that meant.

I could admit that there were times I found Jimmy attractive. I could even admit that I sort of thought of him as a friend, however temporary or loosely that word was being used. That being said, I would never, ever suggest the idea that I felt anything more than that. Just the thought of it was…insane. I knew it could never happen, simply because I don’t date people and there’s no way in hell he’d ever want to date my impossibly aggravating existence. Sure, he can handle it right now while we’re ‘friends’, as miraculous as that is, but surely if we were to ever go out he’d go running and screaming the other way. There was no other way around it; it was reality.

I was thinking too much and my brain started to hurt again. ‘’Do you have anything to eat?’’ I asked, following him out of the bathroom.

‘’Cereal probably, we might have fruit since Brian’s trying to stay in shape and all that fun shit,’’ he said, leading me to the kitchen. It was small and kind of messy but I couldn’t complain. I didn’t even question why Brian was sleeping at the kitchen table, a puddle of drool near his mouth and snores emanating from his motionless form.

Jimmy started up a pot of coffee and I helped myself to some Lucky Charms, trying not to fall asleep at the table. I looked at my phone to find that it was after twelve in the afternoon. Dawn hadn’t called me at all, to my surprise, so I sent her a quick text telling her where I was and that I’d be home soon.

Jimmy slapped Brian upside the head, earning a groan from the man in front of me as he stirred from his unconsciousness.

‘’What the fuck do you want?’’ he grumbled into the table.

‘’Get the fuck up, we need to be at the studio by one,’’ Jimmy said, drinking his cup of coffee and in a seemingly brighter mood because of it. Brian slowly lifted his head, his drowsy eyes fixated on the steaming cup of coffee in Jimmy’s hands.

‘’What time is it?’’

‘’After twelve,’’ I mumbled, my mouth full of cereal.

‘’Fuck,’’ he groaned, rubbing his face and slowly getting up, trudging over to the coffee maker.

I sat in silence while I ate, Jimmy humming some song while he drummed on the table. I winced at first, my headache not completely gone yet.

‘’Jimmy, if you don’t stop doing that I’m going to hit you.’’

He put his hands in his lap, looking at me like an innocent child that’d just been scolded. I ignored him and finished my cereal, getting up and putting the bowl and spoon in the sink.

‘’I didn’t drive here, did I?’’ I asked.

‘’No, I think someone got us a cab,’’ he replied.

I peeked outside the kitchen window to find it pouring, the cool rain against the hot asphalt causing a thin layer of steam to coat the streets.

‘’We can drop you off on our way to the studio,’’ he piped up.

‘’No, it’s fine, I’ll just get another cab,’’ I said, folding my arms over my chest. I needed to get home as soon as possible and clear my mind. Being around Jimmy was the last thing I needed, seeing as nearly every time the man and I made eye contact my head would turn into pudding. I wasn’t a fan of it.

‘’Fuck that, why would you pay money when we’ll take you for free?’’

Also, I don’t like accepting help. ‘’I have my reasons. Besides, the studio isn’t even on your way to the apartment,’’ I insisted.

He rolled his eyes. ‘’I’m offering to take you, stop being so fucking difficult.’’

My eyes narrowed. ‘’Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll do what I want.’’

‘’Fine, call a cab,’’ he muttered, ‘’I was just trying to help.’’

I felt a small pang of guilt but disregarded it as I always did, pulling out my cell and getting the yellow pages, searching for taxi services. ‘’You’ll be late to the studio,’’ I said to him, punching in the numbers.

‘’Why do you say that?’’

I nodded my head towards the coffee maker; Brian was resting his head on the counter, his body half slumped over and his mouth open while he slept. ‘’That’s why.’’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I left Jimmy and Brian’s apartment on an awkward note and the entire cab ride home had my brain whirring. I’d been a difficult person ever since I left my mother’s womb, or so she’d say. Jimmy was either going to have to get used to it or not bother associating with me because I wasn’t changing for anyone. I was who I was, and while many of my traits weren’t very respectable they were a part of me. I’d be damned if I let someone alter that.

I kicked my shoes off once I was home and found a pack of Marlboros sitting conveniently at the kitchen table. I knew for a fact that I was out of cigarettes and I doubted Dawn would further encourage my bad habit. Shrugging, I snatched one from the box and found a lighter, lighting the tip and inhaling deeply. Within seconds I felt a billion times more relaxed. I headed into the living room to find the couch pillows scattered around the room, along with Dawn’s shoes and a pair of worn out Vans. I quickly figured out what must’ve happened and that he was probably still in the apartment.

Taking a quick drag I blew the smoke out of the side of my mouth. ‘’Dawn?’’ I called out.

After a minute the door to her room creaked open and she poked her head out, her hair significantly messy. ‘’Oh hi, I was wondering when you’d be getting home. Where were you?’’

I tapped the ash into an ashtray by the couch. ‘’Brian and Jimmy’s. We got really fucked up and I ended up staying over there.’’ I observed her more carefully, a smirk playing across my lips. ‘’How was your date?’’

Her cheeks faintly turned pink. ‘’It was great, we went to a show up by Long Beach.’’

‘’Sounds cool…by the way, tell Zee to get his ass over to the studio before Matt hunts him down personally. He needs to be there by one. Also, if he doesn’t move quickly I’m stealing his pack of cigarettes,’’ I said casually, sticking my hair up into a messy ponytail and letting the cigarette dangle between my lips.

Her face turned a brighter shade of red but she nodded. ‘’Will do,’’ she replied quickly before closing the door.

I was lounging on the couch, hogging a box of White Cheddar Cheez-Its and watching a re-run of Friends when Zacky scrambled out of Dawn’s room. He grabbed his shoes and said a quick ‘’hi’’ before going into the kitchen for his cigarettes. Dawn kissed him quickly before practically pushing him out the door, closing it and turning around, her face one of pure bliss.

‘’So tell me what happened,’’ I urged, turning back to the TV and continuing to munch on my favorite snack.

‘’Well when he brought me back here I just…I don’t know, I didn’t feel like saying goodnight yet,’’ she told me, leaning against the back of the couch, ‘’I didn’t even feel nervous about it anymore, I just sort of went for it.’’

I nodded in approval. ‘’Judging by the fact that he was still here at almost one in the afternoon tells me you both had a great night and possibly a great morning.’’

‘’Oh, it was great,’’ she said quietly, ‘’I don’t even know why I was freaking out about it, he wasn’t looking to get laid.’’ She let out a yawn, stretching her arms up over her head. ‘’I’m gonna go take a shower,’’ she announced, trudging off to the bathroom.

I silently mused for a moment. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had sex, I just knew it’d been a long time. I never really went around looking to get laid; it would just happen randomly, usually when I was drunk beyond recognition. At that particular moment I guess you could say a good fuck would’ve been nice. A quick, one time hook-up was exactly what I needed. I’d be able to relieve some pent up tension without any worries or regrets, absolutely no strings of any sort attached. That was how I preferred it.

My thoughts made me drift off for quite a bit and it wasn’t until I heard Dawn belting out a rendition of ‘’Can’t Buy Me Love’’ from the bathroom that I snapped out of it. She was very off key and loud, her obnoxiousness intending to annoy me to the brink of insanity. It did exactly that. I closed the box of Cheez-Its and threw it at the bathroom door, the impact making a loud ‘thunk’. She went quiet, the sound of the shower being the only source of noise apart from the TV until she started laughing her blonde little head off. I would often wonder how we were even friends.

Due to the shitty weather outside we opted for staying indoors, our evening consisting of a bottle of Jack and Disney movies. It was the perfect time to relax, not that I hadn’t been doing enough of that already. Since it was my day off I was hoping to do a bit of bar hopping but I didn’t feel like driving through a monsoon. It just wasn’t high on my list of priorities, especially when I could just stay inside the cozy apartment, get drunk and watch Beauty and the Beast. That being said, I was rather surprised when someone started pounding on the door.

‘’You get it,’’ Dawn said quickly, her legs sprawled across my lap.

I rolled my eyes but slid out from under her legs, handing her the bottle before going to answer the door.

It was Val and she was dripping from head to toe. I looked to her in confusion.

‘’Hey Val, what’re you doing here?’’ I asked, moving aside to let her in. Dawn sat up at the mention of Val’s name.

‘’I hope you guys don’t mind me just stopping by like this,’’ she said, pulling down the hood of her sweatshirt, which was completely soaked through.

‘’Not at all,’’ Dawn shrugged, ‘’make yourself comfortable, grab a snack, have a drink, we’re watching Disney movies.’’

Val took her sweatshirt off and hung it over the back of a kitchen chair. The three of us settled on the couch in a small heap, the bottle of JD being passed around generously.

‘’So what summoned you to our quarters, hm?’’ I asked, snuggled against a couch pillow.

She played with her wet hair, her eyes never leaving the TV screen. ‘’I told Matt.’’

‘’Told him…what, how you really feel?’’ Dawn asked incredulously, her curiosity peaking.

Val nodded, her face unreadable. ‘’Yup,’’ she sighed, popping the ‘p’.

‘’Well what did he say?’’ I asked, grabbing the bottle and taking a quick pull from it.

‘’He didn’t say anything. I stayed over last night and after getting a late start we were eating breakfast, and I just sort of said it. He told me he had to head over to the studio and we’d talk about it when he got back.’’ She let out a groan, rubbing her face in her hands. ‘’I messed everything up.’’

Dawn and I each put an arm around her, rubbing her back. ‘’You didn’t mess everything up,’’ Dawn reassured her, taking the bottle from me and giving it to Val, who happily drank from it, ‘’maybe he wants to talk about it with the guys and see what their input on it is.’’

‘’But why does he even need to think about?’’ she asked, looking at us hopelessly. My heart started to ache for her. ‘’It’s not like I’m some random bimbo he just picked up off the streets. We’ve been friends for years with benefits for two of those years. I don’t think either of us has even been with anyone else in that span of time. How can you be so close to someone for so long and not feel anything remotely more than friendship?’’ At this point tears laced with her black eye makeup started running down her pale cheeks. She wiped them away furiously, her body shaking.

‘’Maybe he’s scared,’’ I suggested, ‘’maybe he’s afraid to commit entirely to you…maybe he’s worried that you’ll lose the friendship aspect of your relationship. I’ve seen the way Matt looks at you and I think any girl would be envious of it. He really cares about you.’’

Val took a long swig from the bottle, letting out a small hiccup. In that moment, with her wet hair sticking to her face, cheeks stained with makeup and her spirits downfallen, I truly felt sad for Val. I was never very good at comforting people so I resorted to enveloping her in a hug with Dawn

‘’It’ll be okay,’’ Dawn mumbled into her hair. Val didn’t answer; she’d stopped crying but her body still shook, her eyes staring straight ahead, full of genuine fear.

This is why I never let myself get close with men. In a minute they can break you emotionally and that is something I never wanted to experience. I’d spent a long time building myself up and I’d be damned if I let someone tear it down. That’s why I found a quick bout of sex with strangers to be the most ideal route; no emotions to be found except in the heat of the moment. I could only hope, after seeing the state that Val was in, that I’d never end up in the same situation as her.