Rosie

The smell of smoke filled my lungs when I woke up the next day. I cracked my eyes open a bit, rubbing them with my palms and wincing when I realized I was experiencing yet another hangover. My stomach was growling loudly with emptiness, making that fact very clear to me. I sat up a bit and frowned, forgetting where I was for a moment until the vague memories of the previous night crept back into my mind. I was still at Matt’s, sitting on the living room floor with a blanket and a couch pillow. I blinked a few times, wondering why I was still there before standing up. I made my way to the kitchen, the direction where the smoke was coming from.

Zacky and Matt were sitting at the kitchen table, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. Matt was still writing in his notebook while Zack picked at a bowl of Cheerios, both of them looking up when I entered the room.

‘’Morning,’’ I yawned, stretching my arms up over my head.

‘’Afternoon, you mean,’’ Matt laughed quietly, ‘’it’s one.’’ I shrugged. To me this was morning. ‘’Help yourself to some food, we only have cereal for right now.’’

‘’Thanks,’’ I said, taking a box of Cocoa Puffs off the top of the refrigerator, a bowl and spoon from the dish rack and sat myself at the table, pouring milk into the bowl.

‘’Do you want any coffee?’’ Zack asked with his mouth half full of cereal.

I shook my head. ‘’No thanks, I’m not much of a coffee drinker.’’ I eyed the cigarette in his hand. ‘’Do you have any extras?’’ I asked, pointing to it.

He pulled a box of Marlboro’s out of his pocket and handed me one along with a lighter. Thanking him I lit it up, taking a long drag from it before blowing the smoke towards the ceiling, giving him back the lighter. I wasn't much of a smoker either but I liked to do it sometimes, especially in awkward situations. This was classified as awkward when the only noises heard were the sounds of cereal being eaten and the scratching of a pen on paper.

After about ten minutes of this I tried to break the awkward silence.

‘’So…where is everyone?’’ I asked, tapping the cigarette ash into an ash tray.

‘’They all left a few hours ago,’’ Matt replied, not looking up from the notebook.

‘’Oh…you guys don’t mind that I crashed here, right?’’ I asked curiously.

‘’Nah,’’ Matt shrugged, ‘’Zack and them do it all the time.’’

More silence ensued. I finished my cigarette without another word, wondering why Dawn left when she didn’t have work on Sundays. I picked at my soggy cereal, hating my lack of social skills.

‘’We have a gig Friday,’’ Zacky said offhandedly, taking a sip from his coffee, ‘’you should go, you and Dawn.’’

I looked at him a moment before deciding that it wouldn’t be all that horrible to go. They were nice people. ‘’I’ll run it by her but I don’t think I’m doing anything Friday, so…yeah. Where is it?’’

‘’This place called The Pit. Not sure if you know where that is but Dawn does, she’s seen us play there before,’’ he said, writing the information down on a napkin with the pen he stole from Matt.

‘’Cool,’’ I nodded, pocketing the napkin. I was still in my clothes from the previous day and I was fairly sure my hair was a mess, but the guys didn’t seem to notice or care. I appreciated it.

I finished the rest of my cereal and washed the bowl and spoon, wiping my hands on my jeans.

‘’So I should probably get going,’’ I said quietly, ‘’I’ll talk to Dawn about Friday.’’

‘’Great, see you later,’’ Zack smiled, he and Matt saying goodbye before I went back to the living room to find my bag, leaving quickly with home being the only thing on my mind.

Home and the CD.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘’Holy shit.’’ Those were the only words my mouth could form after the CD player finished Shattered by Broken Dreams. I’d listened to Sounding the Seventh Trumpet straight through, Dawn singing (she couldn’t scream) along with Matt at the parts she knew while she watched TV. My mind had been officially blown. I couldn’t even comprehend what I’d just listened to.

‘’I think I just had an eargasm,’’ I stated in all seriousness, watching as Dawn cracked up at my reaction, ‘’I’m serious! How come you never showed me their music before?’’

She shrugged, laying her legs across the couch. ‘’I didn’t think it was dire.’’ She paused to laugh at a cat food commercial. ‘’Which song was your favorite?’’

‘’I don’t know, they’re all really special…Warmness on the Soul is really beautiful, though.’’

‘’It really is. I like when Matt sings, maybe they’ll do more of that on their next album,’’ she pondered, playing with a strand of hair.

I leaned against the wall, looking at the back cover of the CD case. ‘’Who was the person with the demon scream on The Art of Subconscious Illusion?’’

‘’Val, I think.’’

‘’Val?!’’

‘’Yup,’’ Dawn smirked, ‘’pretty cool, right?’’

‘’Damn cool, I wish I could scream like that.’’ I remembered something, glancing over at the phone by the couch. ‘’Were there any messages by chance? Any jobs calling back?’’

She shook her head sadly. ‘’Not yet. Just give it a few days, these things take time.’’

I plopped down on the couch next to her, both of us in our pajamas. We planned on spending the day inside, watching movies and having girl time. I talked to her about Friday and she said she’d be able to go. The gig was at 8 so she had an hour to get there, more than enough time.

‘’So tell me, what do you think of them? I want an honest answer,’’ Dawn said to me as I painted her nails blue.

‘’Them as a whole or do you want me to analyze them separately?’’ I asked.

‘’Separately, why not?’’

‘’Okay,’’ I sighed, trying to figure out where I should begin. I got to work on her index finger. ‘’Well for starters I don’t really know Johnny. I’m sure that’ll change at some point, but yeah. Brian seems pretty cool I guess. I’d say he’s a bit of a womanizer but hey, every group needs one. I like Val; I think she’d be a cool person to hang out with and I find it sweet how the guys think of her as their mom. She must really care about them.’’ I paused for a second to start on her other hand. ‘’Zack seems like a genuinely nice person. He likes to have fun, has a good sense of humor, too. Matt, despite his slightly intimidating appearance, also seems nice and you can tell he really cares about his music. And Jimmy-‘’ I went silent. I didn’t really know how to describe him, to be honest.

Dawn looked up from her hands, her golden eyes furrowing a bit. ‘’And Jimmy…what?’’

‘’Jimmy is just all around fun and crazy,’’ I went on to say, pretending the pause never happened, ‘’he’s everyone’s best friend, Val told me. Very social.’’

She seemed happy enough with my answer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a few days later and I was sitting at the small table in my room, drawing random pictures of random things that my mind haphazardly created. Some didn’t look too bad; others looked really dreadful, though. The artistic battle that was raging inside my head resulted in half of my sketchbook lying crumpled on the floor around me. Frustrated, I threw the sketchbook across the room, not even flinching when it hit the opposite wall, sending its contents flying everywhere.

I froze in place when I heard the telephone ring. Was it a potential job calling?

‘’Rosie, it’s for you!’’ Dawn yelled out.

Hopping up out of my chair I hurried into the living room, taking the chorded phone from Dawn.

‘’Hello?’’

‘’Rosie!’’ a happy voice exclaimed. I automatically knew who it was.

‘’Hi, Jimmy,’’ I laughed, sitting on the arm of the couch, ‘’what’s up?’’

‘’Oh nothing, just hanging with the guys,’’ he said casually, ‘’whatcha doooooin?’’

‘’Sitting at home with Dawn,’’ I replied, casting a glance in her direction. She was busy making Jell-o on the stovetop. ‘’Jell-o is being made as we speak.’’

Jimmy went quiet for a minute. I thought perhaps he’d been disconnected.

‘’Jimmy?’’

‘’Did you just saying you’re making Jell-o?’’ he finally asked, excitement evident in his voice.

‘’Um…maybe?’’

‘’Can I have some?!’’

‘’I, uh…well, sure, I guess so,’’ I said awkwardly.

There was a background discussion that sounded like Matt telling Jimmy he could get Jell-o later because they were busy. Jimmy argued for a minute before sighing.

‘’I’ll take a rain check on that Jell-o, we’re writing stuff for the new album and if I leave I’ll get decapitated. Are you going to the show Friday?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ I replied, scratching my ankle.

‘’Alright, we’ll see you then. Adios!’’ He clicked the call off.

I put the phone down slowly, brushing my fingers through my hair. It was Wednesday and that’d been the first time I heard from any of the guys since Sunday. I’d been busy, continuing my quest to find a damn job and I hadn’t had the chance to explain to them why I’d been M.I.A. Not that it was any of their business, but at the same time it was nice of Jimmy to check up on me.

‘’What was that about?’’ Dawn asked from the kitchen, breaking my thought process.

‘’Just Jimmy being Jimmy,’’ I shrugged, walking over to the remote and turning the TV on. I flipped around the channels until I came across Friends. It was an episode I’d probably seen hundreds of times but I watched it nonetheless, curled up on the couch in shorts and a tank top. June in Southern California was brutal, even during the night, something I wasn’t used to at all. Consider the fact that we lived in a cheap apartment with no air conditioning, a few box fans being the only things keeping us relatively cool.

Once Friends was over I was thoroughly bored. I kind of wanted to go out and drink but I decided not to. I’d been drinking quite a bit lately.

‘’Daaaawn I’m bored,’’ I groaned, peeking over the back of the couch. She was sitting at the kitchen table, doing a word search.

‘’Get a job, then,’’ she replied dryly.

I glared at her a bit in shock. ‘’You know that’s all I’ve been trying to do.’’

‘’Well, no offense, but you need to start trying harder,’’ she shot back.

‘’I’ve gone to at least forty different places this week alone to apply,’’ I retorted, sitting up on the couch, ‘’you can’t say I’m not trying hard enough. It’s not my fault they’re not calling back.’’

‘’Rosie,’’ she said, trying to calm her voice down, ‘’we’re already a month behind on rent. I talked to the landlord and I’ve bought us some time but we only have so long. I invited you to live with me because I knew you were having a hard time but I also expected you to clean up your act and start working, not put it off until last minute so that we owe people money!’’

I stood up at this, my fists clenched. ‘’You know damn well why I wasn’t exactly ambitious when I first came here, and I can’t believe you’d bring that up! I was an emotional steamroller, it takes time to change that shit and get it under control. I thought you of all people would understand.’’ I grabbed my shoes and bag, not staying around to fight about it anymore.

‘’Where are you going?’’ she asked, her voice less venomous.

‘’Out,’’ I responded coldly, slamming the door behind me.