Battling Love

“Jonathan, wake up,” I heard that familiar voice cut into my subconscious. Slowly, my eyes fluttered open and I found Lys there. But neither of us wore rings, nor was there a baby any where to be found. “You’ve been asleep for three hours. I figured you were probably hungry,” she nonchalantly said. I nodded and tried to sit up. My shoulder killed and I stopped my efforts. “Your shoulder is still bothering you?” I nodded and she went to get something from my kitchen. I could hear something rattle and she came back with two little white pills. “Advil will help.”
“Thanks,” I gulped the pills down with no water or anything and let it sink it. She slowly helped me eat as I couldn’t move my one shoulder which meant that I really couldn’t move the other one either. So there we were, in my apartment and my ex-wife was feeding me because of my sore shoulders. “Hey Lys,” I said when she got up to put the dishes away from my dinner; I assumed she had eaten while I slept. This was the closest we had been since the divorce. Actually this was the first time she had seen me in person since our last divorce hearing, the one where the papers were finally signed.
“Yeah, Jon?” was her quiet response.
“What really went wrong there at the end? Was it all on the twins or was it something else?”
“Jon, it had nothing to do with the twins. I just wasn’t cut out to be a hockey player’s wife. That was all it was. I expected more of you then you can ever give because of hockey. It wasn’t right of me, but it’s what I did anyways.”
“Who do you blame for losing the twins?” I asked as she forgot about the dishes and came back to sit in front of me on the coffee table.
“I blame myself. Not for reasons you think though. I blame myself because we knew that Doctor Scotto was going to be out of town and we just let some random guy deliver our children. And because we had to do a c-section, it was truly his fault that we lost them. He was the one we left everything up to and he ruined it. I mean, I know we sued him and got everything we had coming, but he killed our babies. It was all him, but we were the ones who let him do it. We didn’t think to stop and ask about this Looney who had just introduced himself ten minutes prior to entering the delivery room.” She let this all out and into the open while staring at her hands, not once looking up to meet my gaze.
“That was the best and worst day of my life, you know.”
“How was it the best?”
“Before we headed into the delivery room, you just looked so beautiful. It was the perfect look for you, Lys. You looked so cool and collected about everything when usually women are freaking out when they are in that position. And I can’t think of anything else that compares. I still can’t think of anything even now, after five years.”
“Not even our wedding day?” she chuckled and went back to remembering what went down that blessed day.
“That day was such a mess. We were supposed to be going down to city hall with just my dad and brother and next thing we know, the entire team is there. God, it was terrible.”
“It was perfect,” she stopped me. I looked to see her actually meeting my eyes.
“Was it? I can’t help but think that might have been our problem the entire time.”
“Well, in a way, it was. It was the fact that hockey always came first, even compared to me. But it definitely wasn’t the team or the teammates. It was a losing battle for the entire length of our relationship.”
“Lys,” I stopped short. I wanted to tell her why I hadn’t seen the trainers last night after I separated my shoulder. But I knew it would piss her off. She would hate me forever if I told her but I learned that some battles are worth it after this stupid divorce.
“Yeah, Jon?” she replied as we continued to stare into each others eyes. And god, her green eyes got more beautiful then I had ever seen them.
“You wanted to know why I didn’t go and see the trainers last night after I injured myself?” she nodded. “I wanted to finish my last game.”
“Wait, what? Why would it be your last game?”
“I’m retiring. I’ve finally realized that being a professional athlete isn’t an excuse to be a divorced bum, especially when I’m still in love with my ex-wife.”
“Jonathan, this is ridiculous. You and I both know that you are just saying that now because you won your third Stanley Cup last night and you have no one to celebrate it with. And it was on your winning goal this time, not Kaner’s or Sharpie’s.”
“It has nothing to do with what I won or how we won. I just wanted to play my best for my last game in the NHL. I already told Stan that I will be announcing my retirement next week. He understands.”
“But I don’t. You love that game, Jon. It’s your life.”
“Which is why I need to retire, I can’t be playing my entire life and have no one who loves me. Life was perfect when you were there by my side and I was playing. But you just said it yourself; you aren’t made to be a hockey player’s wife. But what if I’m not a hockey player anymore? Would you come back to me? Give us another try?”
“I would give you another try whether you play hockey or not! I don’t want you to give up your entire life’s work for just little ole me. But I still want you back.”
“Well then, I think I will still retire, because this time around, we are going to have beautiful kids to raise. And I want to be there for every minute of everything.”
“Sounds like a plan, Mr. Toews.”
“Only if you become my Mrs. Toews again,” I proposed in the slightest of ways.
“I do.”