Memento Mori
I
It was Sunday, March 6th. The plane was steady. The rows of men sat anxiously buckled in, not unlike me. It’d been eight months since we’d been back. Each man had a different sort of look about him. Rogers looked afraid while Grey looked ecstatic to the point of tears.
I popped out my head phones, “The Ghost of You” stopped abruptly as my fingers ran over the dirtied paper in my hands. I stared at it. It’s sandy colour blown on from the dust. I unfolded it for what had to have been the thousandth time.
Trevor,
I miss you. I am so proud of you more than you could know. But god I miss you. And I worry about you every night. Sometimes I have nice dreams but sometimes they’re nightmares. The baby has been kicking a lot lately and I can’t wait for her to be born. I just wish you could be here.
I haven’t been feeling so well lately but I think it’s just the pregnancy.
I love you my brave soldier and I look forward to your return to me, and baby Haydenne.
With all the love I can muster,
Katie
The army is one of the few professions where having a break down is pretty common, but usually it’s on the field of duty. The only other day we can all bawl our eyes out is the day we come home. I was the first to start with serious waterworks.
I heard the other paper in my pocket, crinkling like a flag in the wind, calling for me to read it. It was my least favorite possession, but a necessary possession nonetheless. I pulled it out to read one very last time, tears stinging the corners of my eyes. The pen was smudged across the paper, the handwriting scrawled hap-hazardly.
Trevor,
I feel awful being the bearer of bad news. And this certainly isn’t how this should have happened. As you know it was getting close to Katie’s due date. She went into labour on the 28th. The baby is healthy and just beautiful. Miss Haydenne Kate Partrich.
But Katie wasn’t well Trevor. Katie didn’t make it. And I’m so terribly sorry this must seem so harsh and blunt. I have no easier way to say it. Katie has passed on. I know how badly you miss her but you’ve got to be here for your little girl. I know you come back soon. She’ll be there with me. I’m so sorry Trevor.
Sincerely,
Penelope Fader.
I tucked the note back in my pocket, leaning my head back and hitting it on the hard plastic. I gritted at my teeth. I held my hand up in front of my face, watching how the gold shown in the dim lighting, the only light I had had in the dusty war grounds. The symbol withstanding through it all even when my wife back home couldn’t.
I felt the plane descend and the crew of men started to wriggle with excitement. The captain spoke up from his seat on the end.
“Alright team! It was a good run, you became men out there. You fought valiantly for your country. And your country needs you back now. At ease men. I’ll see you when I see you.”
“Aye!” Yelled the crew synchronized.
The plane jolted as it landed, then steadied as it coasted to a stop. The back gate came down and every man sat there stood and then took off like thunder. Grey running to his mother who was in tears.
I searched the crowd. A hand waved at me. I wiped a stray tear from my eyes.
Penelope was there, in a pretty sundress smiling. With a covered stroller at her side.
“Trevor!” She ran to me and hugged me. All composure was lost and I sobbed into Penelope’s shoulder. She ran her dainty hands up my back. “I’m so sorry Trevor. I’m so sorry.”
I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming.
“Welcome home.” She said backing away.
I averted my eyes to the stroller, holding a tiny infant. I flicked to Penelope.
She nodded. “That’s Haydenne.”
I walked cautiously as if she was a Taliban. I leaned down, my boots bending at the ball of my boot. “Hi Haydenne, I’m your daddy.”
The girl looked at me with big brown eyes and shiny blonde hair. I raised a hand to my face my heart skipping beats in my chest. “You look just like your mom.”
Haydenne smiled as if she knew what was going on. I chuckled and held my hands out to her, lifting her carefully from her daze. I covered her carefully, fearing the harsh sun. She wrapped her tiny hands around my finger. I was lost in that little girls face.
Penelope came from behind me and started rubbing my back again.
“I guess there are a lot of formalities that need to be dealt with.” I said staring absent-mindedly at the child in my arms.
“Don’t even worry about that. You’re a hero. There’s something you should see.” Penelope took my hand; she was faring well for someone who had lost her sister. But likely, much like me she was barely hanging on. Katie was special to everyone she met.
Katie was everything I had ever wanted. When I told her I was going to join the army she laughed and told me “Well you better pull some big surprise like they show on Ellen.” And I laughed back thinking in my mind of course I would. I always pictured coming home and seeing her big brown eyes and wrapping my arms around her knowing I’d stay forever. Everything changed.
I popped out my head phones, “The Ghost of You” stopped abruptly as my fingers ran over the dirtied paper in my hands. I stared at it. It’s sandy colour blown on from the dust. I unfolded it for what had to have been the thousandth time.
Trevor,
I miss you. I am so proud of you more than you could know. But god I miss you. And I worry about you every night. Sometimes I have nice dreams but sometimes they’re nightmares. The baby has been kicking a lot lately and I can’t wait for her to be born. I just wish you could be here.
I haven’t been feeling so well lately but I think it’s just the pregnancy.
I love you my brave soldier and I look forward to your return to me, and baby Haydenne.
With all the love I can muster,
Katie
The army is one of the few professions where having a break down is pretty common, but usually it’s on the field of duty. The only other day we can all bawl our eyes out is the day we come home. I was the first to start with serious waterworks.
I heard the other paper in my pocket, crinkling like a flag in the wind, calling for me to read it. It was my least favorite possession, but a necessary possession nonetheless. I pulled it out to read one very last time, tears stinging the corners of my eyes. The pen was smudged across the paper, the handwriting scrawled hap-hazardly.
Trevor,
I feel awful being the bearer of bad news. And this certainly isn’t how this should have happened. As you know it was getting close to Katie’s due date. She went into labour on the 28th. The baby is healthy and just beautiful. Miss Haydenne Kate Partrich.
But Katie wasn’t well Trevor. Katie didn’t make it. And I’m so terribly sorry this must seem so harsh and blunt. I have no easier way to say it. Katie has passed on. I know how badly you miss her but you’ve got to be here for your little girl. I know you come back soon. She’ll be there with me. I’m so sorry Trevor.
Sincerely,
Penelope Fader.
I tucked the note back in my pocket, leaning my head back and hitting it on the hard plastic. I gritted at my teeth. I held my hand up in front of my face, watching how the gold shown in the dim lighting, the only light I had had in the dusty war grounds. The symbol withstanding through it all even when my wife back home couldn’t.
I felt the plane descend and the crew of men started to wriggle with excitement. The captain spoke up from his seat on the end.
“Alright team! It was a good run, you became men out there. You fought valiantly for your country. And your country needs you back now. At ease men. I’ll see you when I see you.”
“Aye!” Yelled the crew synchronized.
The plane jolted as it landed, then steadied as it coasted to a stop. The back gate came down and every man sat there stood and then took off like thunder. Grey running to his mother who was in tears.
I searched the crowd. A hand waved at me. I wiped a stray tear from my eyes.
Penelope was there, in a pretty sundress smiling. With a covered stroller at her side.
“Trevor!” She ran to me and hugged me. All composure was lost and I sobbed into Penelope’s shoulder. She ran her dainty hands up my back. “I’m so sorry Trevor. I’m so sorry.”
I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming.
“Welcome home.” She said backing away.
I averted my eyes to the stroller, holding a tiny infant. I flicked to Penelope.
She nodded. “That’s Haydenne.”
I walked cautiously as if she was a Taliban. I leaned down, my boots bending at the ball of my boot. “Hi Haydenne, I’m your daddy.”
The girl looked at me with big brown eyes and shiny blonde hair. I raised a hand to my face my heart skipping beats in my chest. “You look just like your mom.”
Haydenne smiled as if she knew what was going on. I chuckled and held my hands out to her, lifting her carefully from her daze. I covered her carefully, fearing the harsh sun. She wrapped her tiny hands around my finger. I was lost in that little girls face.
Penelope came from behind me and started rubbing my back again.
“I guess there are a lot of formalities that need to be dealt with.” I said staring absent-mindedly at the child in my arms.
“Don’t even worry about that. You’re a hero. There’s something you should see.” Penelope took my hand; she was faring well for someone who had lost her sister. But likely, much like me she was barely hanging on. Katie was special to everyone she met.
Katie was everything I had ever wanted. When I told her I was going to join the army she laughed and told me “Well you better pull some big surprise like they show on Ellen.” And I laughed back thinking in my mind of course I would. I always pictured coming home and seeing her big brown eyes and wrapping my arms around her knowing I’d stay forever. Everything changed.