Status: new; active
Shield Me From the Storms
Not Everyone Will Run
While I’d been all but terrified to see Josh again after he’d asked me out, I had to admit that it wasn’t too bad. As long as Sophia was there too, it wasn’t too awkward and we could just pretend like it hadn’t happened. Hopefully he wasn’t going to try it again. I don’t know if I could live through that twice…
I didn’t really understand why he’d asked me out in the first place, I mean, he was so…and I just wasn’t. He was so outgoing and confident. He could have anyone so why would he settle for me, some shy, quiet, random guy he just met? Plus, I knew that when if he found out about my epilepsy that that would just be another reason he ought not to go out with me. Sophia seemed to try and create situations which forced us together, especially in drama club, and while I really didn’t like that, I didn’t want to stop going. Drama was the only thing I had. And I knew that if I didn’t join a drama club and get some experience, applying to acting school was pretty pointless. During school, whenever I saw Josh approaching, I would turn and try not to run in the other direction. I’d just walk very fast. I knew that if we were alone, I would get embarrassed and stressed and I needed to avoid that.
When Sophia suggested we go bowling, I wasn’t too sure. I mean, did I really want to risk spending even more time with Josh outside of school? I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. Sure, I did really like him, but I didn’t want him to know that. If he knew, he’d just ask me out again and I’d say no again. Seeing the hurt on his face when I said no the first time was bad enough, I’m not sure I could handle it again. But before I can even think why I said it, I agreed. “Alright, when are we going?” I asked, focusing my attention mostly on Sophia.
“Tomorrow night, 6 sharp,” she said with a wide grin. “Josh can drive us.”
“Glad to see I’m everyone’s chauffeur,” he said while rolling his eyes. Sophia just linked her arm with mine and we walked away. I wanted to look over my shoulder at him, to check that he wasn’t really annoyed, but Sophia started chatting about something and I didn’t get the chance.
Bowling with Sophia and Josh was fun. They were always teasing one another and I couldn’t help but smile as I watched. I’d never really had a friend who I had that sort of relationship with. I’d never let myself get close enough to someone because with friendships come arguments and arguments are something that I can't really cope with. They’re just too stressful. I couldn’t help but wonder if Josh and Sophia ever had arguments. They seemed like such good friends, but they must fight sometimes. Everyone does… Even people in relationships who are in love fight – yet another reason why I avoid them at all costs.
I’d never been that good at bowling, but Josh was actually worse than me. I couldn’t help but smile when we got to the end of the game. Sophia had won by miles with 120, I was second with 88 and Josh was last with 80. While Sophia had stormed ahead, there had been a proper game between Josh and I. Part of me wondered whether he’d let me win, but he did seem to be genuinely bad at the game… “Well, that feels good,” Josh muttered as he looked at the final scores and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“How about we go have a game of soccer now? I’d definitely win at that,” he said and I rolled my eyes.
“You’re in England, Josh, you have to call it football,” I told him. Josh just smiled and waved his hand.
“Soccer, football, whatever, I’d still win,” he said and I smiled softly.
“I hate sports,” Sophia grimaced. “So no thank you. I think I’ll keep my record untarnished, thank you very much.” I grinned at her, relieved that we weren’t going to play football. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but running around like that often triggered a seizure and I wasn’t sure how to get out of it.
“Fine,” Josh pouted and I smiled again. He did look pretty cute when he pouted.
“Don’t worry, I believe you,” I said as I patted his shoulder. Josh looked up at me and smiled.
“Maybe you could come to a football game and watch sometime?” he asked and my smile faltered somewhat. Was he asking me out again? Did watching him play football count?
“Um, yeah, maybe,” I said quietly before turning away.
“Let’s get going,” Sophia said and we all headed out to Josh’s car.
It was quiet for a while as Josh drove. Sophia had made me sit in the front next to him and I couldn’t exactly argue. When he changed gears, his elbow kept brushing mine no matter how much I tried to move away. I really didn’t want him to notice that I was desperate to get away from him, but I could feel myself getting stressed and the close proximity. “You might as well drop me off first,” Sophia said from behind me and I tensed.
“No, um, please can I be first?” I asked. “My mum wanted me back by 9.”
“Oh, sure,” Josh smiled at me, though it seemed slightly forced. Could he tell that I didn’t want to be on my own with him? I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but the thought of being alone with him…it’s just too stressful.
“Thanks,” I whispered before turning and looking out the window. The next 10 minutes or so was horribly silent and I could feel myself getting worked up. I suddenly had a weird taste in my mouth that was all too familiar. I breathed deeply, trying not to panic. And then Josh stopped the car and I realised we were back at my house. “Thanks,” I said again, trying not to show how panicked I was.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked and I just nodded before jumping out of the car. I wanted to run inside, but the fact that my head was starting to go fuzzy and Josh and Sophia were watching me prevented me from doing so. I walked as casually as I could across the lawn and inside. As soon as the door shut, my brain let go and I fell to the floor.
A minute later, I regained consciousness with my dad standing over my. I groaned and sat up slowly. I always hated it when I had a seizure when I was standing up. My head had taken a beating over the years, but hitting it on the floor from standing always hurt. “Take it easy,” dad said as he handed me a glass of water and my pills. I sighed and swallowed them down, sipping the water as I did so.
“Thanks,” I said softly. I slowly rose to my feet and glanced out the window but Josh’s car was gone. I sighed in relief and rubbed the back of my head where it had hit the ground.
“What happened?” dad asked and I sighed.
“There's this guy…” I whispered. “I think he likes me.”
“Ohh…” dad grinned and I blushed but rolled my eyes. “And do you like him?”
“Maybe,” I said, biting my lip to stop from smiling. “But I can't. He doesn’t know I have epilepsy. And I don’t want him to find out.” Dad sighed softly before leading me into the living room.
“Not everyone will run when they find out, Dan,” he said and I shrugged. “I’ll get you some ice for your head.” I smiled and nodded.
“Thanks, dad,” I said and he just nodded before heading into the kitchen.
I didn’t really understand why he’d asked me out in the first place, I mean, he was so…and I just wasn’t. He was so outgoing and confident. He could have anyone so why would he settle for me, some shy, quiet, random guy he just met? Plus, I knew that when if he found out about my epilepsy that that would just be another reason he ought not to go out with me. Sophia seemed to try and create situations which forced us together, especially in drama club, and while I really didn’t like that, I didn’t want to stop going. Drama was the only thing I had. And I knew that if I didn’t join a drama club and get some experience, applying to acting school was pretty pointless. During school, whenever I saw Josh approaching, I would turn and try not to run in the other direction. I’d just walk very fast. I knew that if we were alone, I would get embarrassed and stressed and I needed to avoid that.
When Sophia suggested we go bowling, I wasn’t too sure. I mean, did I really want to risk spending even more time with Josh outside of school? I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. Sure, I did really like him, but I didn’t want him to know that. If he knew, he’d just ask me out again and I’d say no again. Seeing the hurt on his face when I said no the first time was bad enough, I’m not sure I could handle it again. But before I can even think why I said it, I agreed. “Alright, when are we going?” I asked, focusing my attention mostly on Sophia.
“Tomorrow night, 6 sharp,” she said with a wide grin. “Josh can drive us.”
“Glad to see I’m everyone’s chauffeur,” he said while rolling his eyes. Sophia just linked her arm with mine and we walked away. I wanted to look over my shoulder at him, to check that he wasn’t really annoyed, but Sophia started chatting about something and I didn’t get the chance.
Bowling with Sophia and Josh was fun. They were always teasing one another and I couldn’t help but smile as I watched. I’d never really had a friend who I had that sort of relationship with. I’d never let myself get close enough to someone because with friendships come arguments and arguments are something that I can't really cope with. They’re just too stressful. I couldn’t help but wonder if Josh and Sophia ever had arguments. They seemed like such good friends, but they must fight sometimes. Everyone does… Even people in relationships who are in love fight – yet another reason why I avoid them at all costs.
I’d never been that good at bowling, but Josh was actually worse than me. I couldn’t help but smile when we got to the end of the game. Sophia had won by miles with 120, I was second with 88 and Josh was last with 80. While Sophia had stormed ahead, there had been a proper game between Josh and I. Part of me wondered whether he’d let me win, but he did seem to be genuinely bad at the game… “Well, that feels good,” Josh muttered as he looked at the final scores and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“How about we go have a game of soccer now? I’d definitely win at that,” he said and I rolled my eyes.
“You’re in England, Josh, you have to call it football,” I told him. Josh just smiled and waved his hand.
“Soccer, football, whatever, I’d still win,” he said and I smiled softly.
“I hate sports,” Sophia grimaced. “So no thank you. I think I’ll keep my record untarnished, thank you very much.” I grinned at her, relieved that we weren’t going to play football. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, but running around like that often triggered a seizure and I wasn’t sure how to get out of it.
“Fine,” Josh pouted and I smiled again. He did look pretty cute when he pouted.
“Don’t worry, I believe you,” I said as I patted his shoulder. Josh looked up at me and smiled.
“Maybe you could come to a football game and watch sometime?” he asked and my smile faltered somewhat. Was he asking me out again? Did watching him play football count?
“Um, yeah, maybe,” I said quietly before turning away.
“Let’s get going,” Sophia said and we all headed out to Josh’s car.
It was quiet for a while as Josh drove. Sophia had made me sit in the front next to him and I couldn’t exactly argue. When he changed gears, his elbow kept brushing mine no matter how much I tried to move away. I really didn’t want him to notice that I was desperate to get away from him, but I could feel myself getting stressed and the close proximity. “You might as well drop me off first,” Sophia said from behind me and I tensed.
“No, um, please can I be first?” I asked. “My mum wanted me back by 9.”
“Oh, sure,” Josh smiled at me, though it seemed slightly forced. Could he tell that I didn’t want to be on my own with him? I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but the thought of being alone with him…it’s just too stressful.
“Thanks,” I whispered before turning and looking out the window. The next 10 minutes or so was horribly silent and I could feel myself getting worked up. I suddenly had a weird taste in my mouth that was all too familiar. I breathed deeply, trying not to panic. And then Josh stopped the car and I realised we were back at my house. “Thanks,” I said again, trying not to show how panicked I was.
“Are you okay?” Josh asked and I just nodded before jumping out of the car. I wanted to run inside, but the fact that my head was starting to go fuzzy and Josh and Sophia were watching me prevented me from doing so. I walked as casually as I could across the lawn and inside. As soon as the door shut, my brain let go and I fell to the floor.
A minute later, I regained consciousness with my dad standing over my. I groaned and sat up slowly. I always hated it when I had a seizure when I was standing up. My head had taken a beating over the years, but hitting it on the floor from standing always hurt. “Take it easy,” dad said as he handed me a glass of water and my pills. I sighed and swallowed them down, sipping the water as I did so.
“Thanks,” I said softly. I slowly rose to my feet and glanced out the window but Josh’s car was gone. I sighed in relief and rubbed the back of my head where it had hit the ground.
“What happened?” dad asked and I sighed.
“There's this guy…” I whispered. “I think he likes me.”
“Ohh…” dad grinned and I blushed but rolled my eyes. “And do you like him?”
“Maybe,” I said, biting my lip to stop from smiling. “But I can't. He doesn’t know I have epilepsy. And I don’t want him to find out.” Dad sighed softly before leading me into the living room.
“Not everyone will run when they find out, Dan,” he said and I shrugged. “I’ll get you some ice for your head.” I smiled and nodded.
“Thanks, dad,” I said and he just nodded before heading into the kitchen.