Shield Me From the Storms

When I got home from my date, I couldn’t wipe the grin from my face. And nor did I want to. That had been, without a doubt, the best first date in the history of first dates. Despite that slutty waiter flirting with my date, it had all gone wonderfully. My dad was still up when I got back, but my mum had gone to bed. “Did you have a good time?” dad asked, though I knew he could tell from my expression.
“Yes,” I grinned, flopping down onto the sofa.
“No seizures?” he asked and I shook my head. And thank god for that too – if I’d had a seizure in front of Josh on our very first date…I’m not sure what I would have done. “That’s good. I told your mum where you were after you left – she wasn’t all that happy about you not telling her you had a date.” I sighed and deflated slightly at the reminder of my mum’s overprotectiveness.
“I didn’t want to hear her lecture me on how unsafe it is…” I muttered.
“I know, Dan,” dad said gently. “She just worries.” I sighed and looked at my lap, but happy mood suddenly a thing of the past.
“I’m going to bed,” I said, standing up and heading upstairs. I got changed and used the bathroom before I took my medication, grateful that I’d only had 1 seizure today when I woke up, and climbed into bed. Just as I’d settled in bed, my phone beeped from where I’d placed it on my bedside table. I reached over and checked it to find a message from Josh, which read: Sleep well, beautiful xx I grinned at the message, my euphoria from our date returning, and quickly replied wishing him sweet dreams. When I settled back in bed, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

--

The following morning, I woke naturally but I could still sense the stirrings of a seizure. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, hoping it would die down. I breathed deeply, in through the nose out through the mouth, and I could feel myself relaxing.

After a few minutes, I got out of bed, however as soon as I was upright, I felt the seizure sneak up on me. I collapsed back on my bed as my body tensed and jerked for a minute and then relaxed. I lay still for a moment before I rolled over to get my medication. I swallowed two pills and decided to just snuggle back in bed and sleep off the exhaustion that always accompanies a seizure.

When I next came to, I rolled over and picked up my phone. I had two missed calls from Josh and I frowned at myself when I realised I’d actually slept through my fairly loud ring tone. I quickly called him back and he answered pretty much immediately. “Hey,” he said and I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Morning,” I smiled, settling back against my pillows.
“Morning?” Josh asked with a chuckle. “It’s gone 1 o’clock. Have you only just woken up?”
“Um, maybe,” I said, glancing at my clock and realising that he was right.
“Wow, I’m always up at the crack of dawn to feed my pets. Sometimes I think I have too many animals but I can’t imagine getting rid of any of them,” he said and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Aw, you’re just a big softie, aren’t you?” I grinned, wishing I could see Josh interacting with his pets. It was weird to think that Josh, who seemed way more into his sports, could turn around and be affectionate with little animals.
“Yep,” he said unapologetically and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve got my kitten in my lap right now, can you hear her purring?” I paused and listened for a moment and thought I could hear it, but it wasn’t very loud.
“Kinda,” I said. “I’ll have to come over at some point and meet all of them.”
“Um, yeah,” he said but something in the way his voice changed told me that I wasn’t really welcome. I frowned slightly but then shrugged to myself and moved on. That was fine, we hadn’t known each other for very long, after all. “So what’s your plan for this weekend?” Josh asked and I shrugged.
“Homework I guess,” I told him.
“Yeah, me too,” he said miserably and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Maybe we could meet up tomorrow?” I asked. “Like, go get a drink somewhere. Or you could come here and we could finish our homework together if we haven’t finished it by then.”
“I can pretty much guarantee that I won't have finished by then,” Josh told me and I chuckled. “I’m awful at leaving my homework to the last minute.”
“Okay, well how about I phone you tomorrow and we can see what we wanna do. If it’s nice weather, we could go to town,” I told him, though I didn’t have high hopes for nice weather. It was mid-October, so poor weather was the standard.
“Sounds good, I’ll speak to you soon,” he said and I smiled.
“Yeah, bye,” I said before ending the call.

I lay in bed for another moment, smiling to myself. Josh was so amazing, I could hardly wait to see him again. Was it just crazy that I missed him? I missed his face and I missed his voice. It was kind of ridiculous how attached I was to him already. I’d never let myself get so close to another person before, I’d always kept myself at a distance because of my epilepsy. Because I knew that if I got close to someone and they found out about my illness, that they would more than likely run in the opposite direction. For some reason, I’d decided that Josh was worth the risk. I just had to keep reminding myself that I liked him, I realy did, and that I was pretty certain he’d accept me along with my illness.

I sat up in bed and ran my fingers through my hair. I should probably tell him at some point. What would I say? How would I bring it up? It’s not something that I could just slip into conversation, it was something that I had to sit down and discuss with Josh. It wasn’t a light-hearted topic. It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with anyone, especially not someone who I liked. I didn’t want that judgement. But I was getting ahead of myself. Josh and I had only been out on one date. I didn’t need to go spilling my secrets to him just yet.

Shaking my head of my thoughts, I got out of bed and headed downstairs to find something to eat. I stopped when I entered the kitchen and saw my mum sitting at the table. “Sleep okay?” she asked me and I nodded warily. I’d forgotten all about the fact that my mum hadn’t wanted me to go out with Josh. Well, with anyone, really.
“Yes thanks,” I said.
“Did you have a nice time last night?” she asked and I nodded again. If I’d had a slightly more relaxed relationship with my mum, I might have gushed about my date with Josh. But I didn’t. I knew that if I told her how much I liked him, she would just worry about how my epilepsy would interfere with that part of my life. I knew it would, but she just liked to constantly remind me.
“I’ll probably see him again tomorrow,” I told her as I crossed the room and got a bowl of cereal. I glanced over my shoulder but my mum’s gaze was on the table. I could see how much she wanted to say and how hard she was biting her tongue. I would put money on it that my dad had warned her not say anything.
“That sounds nice,” she said and I nodded. I smiled at her weakly before I took my cereal into the living room where I could hear sounds from the TV. My dad was in there watching Big Bang Theory and I joined him, feeling surprisingly relaxed.