Shield Me From the Storms

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Sophia grumbled as Dani walked away after shooting her a nasty look. “I went at that all wrong.”
“What did you say?” I whispered, trying to keep things about Dani and I quiet. I didn't want the school to find out. Dani would get the backlash of all the drama people would create.
“I asked him how his weekend was,” Sophia moaned ashamedly. “How could I be so stupid?”
“It's not your job to fix this, Soph. It's mine.”
She looked at me like I was the dumb one. “I have your back on this, Josh. You did something stupid, but I know how much you care about Dani. You want to fix it and that is really respectable of you. I'm your best friend. I'm not going to let you suffer through this on your own.”
Memories of a red velvet dress and a fireplace flashed through my mind. “You never have,” I whispered and she smiled.
I was looking forward to and dreading the class all three of us had together. It would be my chance to say something or at least start a conversation considering I sit next to Dani. I didn't know what I would say or how to go about it, but I knew I had to.
I sat down at my desk, tapping my pencil nervously and watching the door like a hawk as the seconds ticked by. Just as I thought he wasn't coming, Dani slipped through the door and the bell rang. When he looked at our seats, I immediately diverted my gaze, my chest exploding with nerves. I felt like I was going to throw up.
Dani took a seat next to a random girl and I admittedly gawked at his decision for at least ten seconds. I couldn't believe my eyes, but yet I could at the same time. Of course he didn't want to sit with me. In fact, he sat on the other side of the room so he wouldn't have to be near me.
I noticed students starting to look back at Dani and I so I quickly looked down at my textbook and started taking notes. I guess I'll have to catch him after school.

****
I watched Dani walk away from me with tears already trickling down my cheeks. He was right... I'd missed my chance. What I hoped were two days to collect my thoughts and pull myself together were two days Dani had been waiting for me, depending on me... and I blew it. I let him down. He hated me.
I felt Sophia's hand touch my shoulder as she walked up to my side. I shrugged her off and left the building, suddenly desperate to get home. I threw my bag into my car, jammed the key into ignition, and started the car. Sophia slid into the passenger seat, backpack in her lap, and eying me warily. I reversed, tires squealing in protest as I sped out of there as fast as possible.
“Whoa there,” Sophia warned. “You're going 70, Josh. Slow down.”
Surprised that she was right, I pressed gently on the brakes until I was going a reasonable speed. “Sorry,” I whispered.
She was quiet for a moment, watching the houses go by. I pulled up into my driveway, shutting off the engine. I stared at my house, wanting to go inside, but unmotivated to move.
“He'll come around, Josh. You just... you gotta keep trying.”
“He's not going to 'come around'. I fucked up and he has made his decision. He doesn't... he doesn't want to be with me anymore.”
“It doesn't work like that. He doesn't suddenly not want to be with you. He does, but he's afraid of being hurt, Josh. He's afraid that he can't depend on you. You have to prove that he can.”
“How do I do that?” I suddenly shouted the question at her, frustration and rage bursting out of my seams. “How the fuck do I do that, Sophia? Hmm? Because I would really like to know. He hates me. I lost him the minute I ran out of that damn house. Hell... I lost him the second I lost my dad.”
“That's not true,” Sophia placed her hand on my shoulder, peering into my face with her large, wise eyes. “Your dad is gone, but Dani isn't. You made a mistake in a moment of fear. You have a chance to make it right and I believe Dani will listen to the truth and he will understand. He loves you, Josh. He just needs you to prove to him that you love him too and that he can depend on that alone.”
I finally looked at her, a couple tears escaping and rolling down my cheeks. “I know what to do.”

***

That evening, after taking Sophia home and thanking her for everything, I parked in my drive way and looked at the house across from mine through the rear view mirror. I was terrified, anxious, and excited all at once. My stomach twisted in uncomfortable ways, but I knew I had to do this. I had to walk up to that door and convince Dani to listen to me, to understand. This was all my doing and I was the one that had to fix it.
Determined, I got of my car and shuffled through the light layer of snow to Dani's front porch. After releasing a deep breath, I knocked on the door. I didn't expect Dani's father to answer.
“Josh? What are you doing here?” The question wasn't directed at me in anger, more curiosity.
“Uh... Is Dani here?”
His shoulder rested on the door frame, his tall, lean body looming over me. He had to be at least 6'4. “No, he's with his mum right now. Um,” he checked his watch. “They should be back anytime now. You're welcome to come in and wait for them.”
Wow. For breaking the heart of his son, he's being real nice. Maybe he wants to kill me. “Um.. sure. Thank you.”
With that, we entered the house. I took off my shoes and draped my coat over my arm. Dani's dad led me to the kitchen where he offered me a cup of tea. I accepted it.
“Go ahead. Have a seat,” he waved his hand towards the stools by the counter.
I sat and placed my coat on the counter. He leaned against the counter across from me, by the stove and the sink, sipping at his own tea and staring at me. His face was deadpan and it made me really uneasy. I glanced at the clock on the wall, noticing only five minutes had passed. I wish Dani was here. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like I was about to be murdered by his vengeful father.
“Josh, why are you really here?”
I was surprised at the question, but answered, “I came to make things right with Dani. What happened this weekend... it was a mistake. I was scared and unprepared and I... I tried talking to him at school, but he wouldn't listen to me. I need him to understand. I need to make things right.”
“Do you care about Dani?”
I looked him in the eye. “I love him.”
He tried to hide it, but a small smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. I noticed the significant difference in his face as he looked at me now. A light filled his eyes. Clearly, he liked my answer.
“Why did you run, Josh?”
I felt the crushing weight in my chest every time I thought about it. The sweat forming on my skin, the churning of my stomach, my mouth suddenly dry. But I somehow knew I could talk to this man. I could talk him and maybe if he understands, Dani will too.
So, I told him everything.