Shield Me From the Storms

The week went by smoothly for Dani and I. We fell right back where we left off and even gained a little. I slept over at his house every night. We ate dinner together and baked goodies for fun. We danced to my classical music CD's and had tickling fights. I even introduced him to Stevie, my horse, although, we didn't venture into my house. But, most of all, Dani was getting daring. He did all these experiments when we made out, things that drove me crazy, but in a good way. He was a natural born teaser and sometimes I just wanted to hold him down and ravish him all night. But I knew getting physical with Dani would take awhile. I knew it required patience and the utmost respect for his needs. I knew the risks and I knew that when he was ready, he would let me know.

**

“Hey,” Dani greeted me as he walked up to his locker after school. I was leaning against the neighboring locker, waiting for him to collect his things so we could go out with Sophia and have some fun.
I smiled at him. “Hey baby.”
His cheeks tinted pink at the pet name and I couldn't resist his adorableness. I kissed his cheek and took his hand. He shut his locker and we were off. Sophia was already at my car when we reached it.
“Took you guys long enough,” she grumbled, yanking her door open. “Have a quicky in the bathroom or something?”
I sent her a glare as Dani's blush returned with a vengeance. We all climbed into the car and I zoomed out of the parking lot, peeling out into the street.
“So, what's the agenda for tonight, Sophia?”
“Well, I was thinking we could go to my place. I have the basement all decked out, waiting for a movie/dance night. I invited some girlfriends from the drama club, too. Hope you don't mind.”
“Sounds cool, hon. I'll drop you off and be back in about an hour. I gotta take care of some things at home.”
She nodded and didn't ask any questions, which I was grateful for. She knew it involved my mother and she knew I would tell her about it later. I just had to find a way to avoid Dani entering the premises.
Once on our street, I parked in Dani's driveway. The frown on his lips clearly displayed his confusion.
“I'll be back to pick you up in a few, okay?” I leaned in to kiss him, but he moved out of my reach.
“Why don't you want me to see your house?”
I closed my eyes, feeling my stomach sink like the Titanic after the sneaky iceberg pierced it's weak spot. “I just... I can't right now, Dani.”
“I thought we were going to be honest with each other, Josh. What aren't you telling me?”
My teeth sunk into my bottom lip as I pushed and pulled at my dilemma. He deserved to know about my mother. It was inevitable that he would eventually find out about her. But I wasn't ready for that, was I? I couldn't reveal that kind of thing about myself yet. And what if she had an episode? What if she hurt Dani? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Now wasn't the time.
But as I stared into his confused and slightly hurt face, I knew that while I wasn't ready, it was time. I knew I had to tell him, I had to show him what my past has ultimately done to my family. It was time to share my biggest secret.
Without saying a word, I put the car into reverse and rolled down the slightly sloped driveway and backed right into my own. I turned off the engine and got out of the car, feeling my stomach toss and turn. When we reached the porch and I turned the knob on the front door, I thought I would throw up, but swallowed it down. Taking Dani's hand, possibly a little tighter than was comfortable, I led him into the house. It was very plain; cream walls and gray carpet. Minimal decorations and no family photos in sight. Upon entering the door, the living room was to our left. The long couch facing a small telli with a thick coating of dust on top. Past that and behind a wall was the kitchen and beyond that was the screened out door porch. To the right was the stairs that led up to my bedroom, bathroom, my mother's room, and a guest room that was never used and only furnished with a sheeted mattress. We barely stepped a foot inside the house when Linda appeared from the kitchen, a bottle of pills in her hand. She glanced at Dani, slightly behind me, but quickly decided to ignore the new face.
“I can't get her to take her medication, Josh. She's very quiet today. I don't think she's moved since this morning.”
I wanted to sigh, but held it back. At least she wasn't angry. That would be the worst case scenario.
“That's alright, Linda. I'll take care of it.”
I let go of Dani's hand so I could take the bottle of pills from Linda and walked into the kitchen where the rest of her medication was located. I took out the necessary ones and entered the porch. She was in her usual spot, in the rocking chair, adorned with a blanket, hat, and mittens, staring blankly at our backyard. I could see Stevie's head poking out of his stall, but other than that, there was only snow to look at.
I crouched next to my mother, aware of Dani and Linda lurking at the porch door.
“Ma?” I waited, but received no response. “Ma, it's Josh. It's time to take your medicine.” Still nothing, so I gathered the pills in my hand and a glass of water. But when I made a move to force feed them, she jerked away and shouted at me incoherently. She hurled a pot of flowers at me. I ducked and it crashed against the wall, soil exploding everywhere. I backed away, waiting for the fit to be over. The sting of tears sat in the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry. Not because of this and especially not with witnesses.
When she calmed down, I was able to slip the pills in her mouth one by one. Afterward, her hand rested over mine for a moment. I kissed her forehead, told her I loved her, and left. Dani and Linda were in the kitchen. I hadn't noticed when they left, but I assumed it was after she started throwing things. I felt forever grateful for Linda getting Dani out of there.
Upon entering the kitchen, Dani gave me this look. It wasn't pity, but it was sad. It wasn't apologetic or angry or afraid. I didn't know what it was until he simply curled his fingers with mine and didn't say a word. It was understanding. It was acceptance. And it was love. The latter being the best of all.

****

We went to Sophia's little party, but only for a short time. We played a round of Twister, danced a little, and watched a movie. I allowed Sophia to slip a little Vodka in my Pepsi, but only one cup over a 3 hour visit. I wasn't out to get drunk tonight. I just wanted a little bit of fun.
Dani was by my side almost the entire time. At one point, he allowed some girls to use him as a model, which I believe he regretted after the fact. They dressed him up, did his make up and hair. He was actually a very good looking drag queen because of his soft features, but I wasn't into that. I liked him as he was.
Eventually, around 10, Sophia gathered us into a circle and bullied us into playing spin the bottle. I didn’t like the idea because there were so many girls. I just had to hope I was never picked... or Dani for that matter.
Sophia spun the bottle first and it landed on some random punk chick that was dressed in all black, combat boots, several ear piercings, and a few cool tattoos. She was pretty with dark brown eyes and dark hair with pink highlights. I think her name was Lily or Lola or something.
Anyways, her and Sophia got to make out in the closet for five minutes. I used that time to take Dani and slip away from the party. Once in the car I sent Sophia an apologetic text saying Dani didn't feel well and I took him home.
Half way home, Dani took my hand. “You wanna come over tonight?”
I swallowed. “Actually, I was thinking you could come over to mine this time.”
His eyes widened into saucers.
“I understand if you don't want to. You saw the worst of my mother today and I know it's a shock. But I promise, you don't have to interact -.”
“Josh,” he interrupted. “I want to stay over tonight. I'm not scared of your mom. I was just surprised at the offer, but I'm glad you asked.”
I smiled, took his hand, and kissed his knuckles.

I pulled into my driveway and Dani walked over to his house to collect somethings he would need to stay over. I waited for him on my porch step, literally twiddling my thumbs as my heart raced with nerves. I hoped my bed would be big enough for the two of us. I hoped it would be comfy. I liked my room on the colder side and I hoped he would be okay with that. Maybe I should.... Dani's footsteps interrupted my thoughts and I shot to my feet a little too quickly. My body was shaking with nerves and I scolded myself for being so ridiculous. I've stayed the night at his house many times. How is this any different?
Dani took my hand and smiled up at me. I couldn't help smiling back. He had the most beautiful smile and it was utterly contagious.
We made it up to my room, which was pretty average. A bed on one wall and a dresser near the small closet. I had a desk with a computer and a picture of my family before the accident opposite the bed. I also had a calendar with cute animal pictures for each month.
I placed Dani's bag down near the door. He turned to me with a shy smile.
“You mind if I use your shower?”
I grinned. “Not at all. It's down the hall and to the left. Towels are in the little closet.”
He nodded, picked out some clothes from his bag and a toothbrush and scampered down the hall and into my bathroom. Now alone, I didn't know what to do. I sat at my computer and looked on Facebook, but the only interesting thing was a few drunken updates from Sophia. When all else failed, I went on Google images and looked up cute kittens.
About twenty some minutes later, I heard my door creak and shut. I looked over to see Dani in a pair of boxer shorts and a snug fitting, gray, long sleeve shirt. His hair was damp and messy in a sexy way. When his lips turned up into a smile, my heart began to pound in my chest.
“You're so beautiful,” I whispered, reaching over and taking his hand. I guided him into my lap and looked up into his flushed cheeks and sparkling blue eyes. I could smell his delicious soap and my mouth watered.
“You're not so bad yourself.”
I grinned at him, but his attention was quickly turned to the image on my computer screen. The look on his face made me laugh.
“Really Josh? Kittens?” I shrugged unashamedly. “You're such a softie,” he teased, poking me in the stomach.
He rested his head on my shoulder then and it was quiet for a moment. I listened to the beating of his heart against mine. They were almost in sync, just a tenth of a second off each beat.
After a few minutes, he pulled back with a serious expression on his face. He almost looked scared. “Josh, I – what's wrong with your mum?”
I looked away and cleared my throat, suddenly extremely uncomfortable. “Um... I don't remember the term that was used anymore, but before I thought it was just grief. Depression. She would sit there for days with this blank look on her face. But then she would have these rages. They were terrifying. She'd throw things and threatened to kill people. When she lost her job due to a rage, we were screwed. I was going to be sent away to live with my aunt in America, away from Sophia and whatever stability I had left in my life, but then Sophia's dad stepped in. He had a doctor look over my mom. She had hit her head in the accident and suffered from severe brain damage. The doctor believed it was the link to her newly found bi polar disorder. After several testings and counseling appointments, he declared her not dangerous, although she still has violent outbursts as you saw today, but I've always been able to calm her down. She started taking medication, sees a therapist regularly. Linda takes her to these appointments, watches over her when I'm not here, and has helped my mother gain back some of her old self. She works every once in awhile filing and doing spreadsheets like she used to for Sophia's uncle's business,” I shrugged. “Out of everyone in that accident... she was the most affected and suffers the most.”
Dani took in this information with a secured face. He had the same look as he did earlier today and I fell even more in love with him at that moment. I didn't know how Dani was going to react to my mother, especially after experiencing the very worst side of her the first time, but he was handling it better than I could ever have imagined. This deepened the trust I held for him and the love that was growing every single day.
“I love you,” I murmured, touching his cheek lightly.
He smiled warmly. “I love you too.”
I glanced at his lips, suddenly feeling the urge to kiss him. “Can I kiss you?” I asked huskily, already reaching to cup the back of his head.
“Yes,” he breathed.
I pulled him down, our lips meeting in a heated kiss. I was desperate for his touch after a day like today. I needed his kisses, his groping hands, his loving whispers and sexy sounds. I needed him.
My lips trailed his jaw, down to his neck. I nipped and sucked at his soft spot. His hands knotted into my hair as he moaned softly. I felt the familiar fluttering in my stomach and tingling in my pants at the sound and knew I had a hard on. But from the sudden bulge in his silky gray shorts, I knew he did too. God, they were sexy shorts. His legs looked so goddamned good and his bum slid up and down on me easily, causing a delicious friction that had me moaning and groaning into our frantic kisses. I suddenly stood up, my hands cupping Dani's ass in order to hold him up and not break our kiss as I made my way to the bed. When my knees hit the edge, I dropped him onto the mattress, slowly crawling over him. His cheeks were flushed, his hair in every which direction, his breathing ragged, his eyes sparkling with excitement. My god, he was sexy.
Impatient, Dani looped his fingers through my belt loops and pulled me down on top of him. Our lips meshed together and his legs wrapped around my waist. Our erections met, causing a shock of pleasure to zip through my entire system. I went down to Dani's neck again, a primal instinct to mark him rushing through me. I sucked hard at his sensitive skin, listening to his gorgeous moans. His fingers curled into my thick hair and pulled. I groaned loudly and he did it again. Fuck that felt good.
I moved to his collarbone with butterfly kisses then back up to his throat, on the other side now. When I bit down, he yanked on my hair, only this time it hurt. I pulled back and that's when I noticed his breathing. It was ragged, near hyperventilating. His eyes had glazed over and he looked panicked. Shit shit shit. I mentally punched myself at my stupidity. I allowed my own needs to get in the way of protecting Dani. Stupid, primal, teenage needs.
“Dani, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? What do you need, baby?”
His shut his eyes, his body stiff as a nail. I climbed off of him and stood at the edge of the bed, waiting for the storm to pass before I asked him anymore questions.
Several painful minutes passed before he finally opened my eyes. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach when I saw the glimmer of tears in them. This was all my fault.
“I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have – Dani, I'm really sorry.”
He started shaking his head, slowly sitting up and swinging his legs over so that they dangled over the edge of the bed. “It's not that.”
I placed myself between his legs, hands on his soft thighs. He refused to meet my gaze. “Then what is it?” I asked, still concerned. I kept searching for any signs of a tremor in his hands or his legs.
It took a moment, but he finally mumbled, “I just... I really wanted to. I was ready. I was going to, but -.” he broke off, the tears breaking free and cascading down his cheeks.
I cupped his face, wiping them away with my thumbs. His eyes met mine, still leaking tears. “Baby don't cry. I'm not upset. I will never be upset with you about this. This... this isn't important. You are important. All I care about is you.”
“But I want it, Josh and I know you do too. It's the next step in our relationship and I can't... I can't give it to you.”
“Dani...”
“Please Josh, can we just go to sleep now?” He dropped his gaze and refused to look at me.
For the umpteenth time that night I felt my stomach drop. “Sure. Let me change into some pajamas.”
I quietly walked to my dresser, slipping on some flannel pants and replacing my sweater with a plain tee shirt. I then pulled the covers back on my bed so Dani could get situated while I turned off the lights. I stared at his back in the dark for a minute before sliding into the bed, spooning him without getting too close, and pulling the blankets up to our chins.
“I love you,” I whispered tentatively, but the only response I received was the sound of soft snores.

***

I heard my name in the distance, soft and shyly spoken. I recognized the voice, but my brain felt like a snail on ice. I felt something soft on my cheek that ran a path along my jaw, feathered my lips, trailed my throat over the Adam's apple, and stopped at my collarbone. I heard the sigh escape my lips as I fought the sleepy fog hanging over my head. Like an old, rusty garage door, my eyelids lifted and my eyes struggled to focus on the blur a few inches from my face. Nerves shot to life and my heart picked up the pace at the sight of Dani straddling my hips in the dark.
“Dani?” I spoke out in confusion, my voice deeper than usual from sleep. A glance at my alarm clock told me it was 3 in the morning.
“Shhh...,” I heard him whisper before he deliberately placed his hand on my crotch.
I sat straight up in surprise, Dani falling in between my legs with a small squeak. “Holy shit, Dani, what are you doing?”
I could barely make out his face in the dark room, but I could just see his lashes lowering. “I... I woke up and remembered what happened... I wanted to try again, but you didn't wake up when I called your name. So... I tried a bolder tactic.”
“It's like three in the morning. Isn't it risky to be doing stuff like this without a full night's sleep?”
I heard him sigh. “Honestly Josh, with my condition, everything is going to be risky all the time. Walking down the stairs is a risk, going to school is a risk, getting up in the morning is a risk. I will never not be in a risky situation, but I promised myself I would never allow the epilepsy to control my life,” he paused, placing his hand on my chest. “I didn't realize how much I was letting it control my life. I don't have a lot of friends. I was terrified to be with you for the longest time. And now, I can't make love to my boyfriend. I made myself a promise and I intend to keep it, but I have you. I'm ready to take that next step and I'm not going to have a seizure.”
I took his hands in both of mine. “Dani, I love you and I think everything you said are the bravest, most noble words I have ever heard. But I promised to protect you, to shield you from the storms. You could have a seizure and I can't put you through that risk.”
His hands slipped out of mine. “Are you... rejecting me?”
I felt panic grip my chest and squeeze like a boa strangling it's prey. “No. I'm protecting you.”
I physically felt the atmosphere in the room change like the flip of quarter. He withdrew into himself, anger and hurt clearly written on his face and within his body language. A flash of silver caught my attention and I realized he was crying. I turned on the lights and stared, dumbfounded at his reaction. I didn't know what to do. I felt ashamed for making him cry, but I truly felt like I was doing the right thing. I sat back down on the bed, reaching out for him, but he slapped my hand away.
“Dani...”
“Don't. Please. I can't.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and laid his cheek on them, staring at my bedroom door.
“Dani, I know my words hurt and I know you were expecting a completely different answer, but please, hear me out. I'm doing this for you, for your peace of mind. Imagine.... I'm inside you and you... you have a seizure. That would hurt both of us. Physically and mentally. Especially for you. You would feel... awful. I can't sleep with you knowing the possibility of causing you pain.”
“Doesn't it hurt the first time anyway?”
I felt my lips twitch at his quick wit. “I suppose so.”
“I realize there is a risk, Josh, but I want to take that risk. Shouldn't that be enough? I can accept the consequences if something were to happen.”
I almost whimpered, but bit my lip instead. He had to look so adorable right now didn't he? My eyes automatically dropped to where his shorts rode up on his thigh, revealing soft, milky skin begging to be touched. Or rather, I was begging to touch them. I tore my gaze away and force myself to meet his.
“Believe me, I want to,” I breathed. “I really want to, but I -,” I stopped, not knowing what to say. I didn't know how to convince him it was the best option. Was it the best option? Was declining him the safest way? I didn't know anymore and felt more confused than I did on last week's math test.
Dani got up on his knees and cupped my face in his hands. I noticed his cheeks turning pink. “Josh. Make love to me.”
All of my resolve disintegrated at his words and I kissed him. I felt his grin on my lips and he sat in my lap, fingers sliding up my face to tangle in my hair. We kissed for a long time, Dani rotating his hips and pulling at my scalp. Of course, I attacked his soft spot, creating a bright red and purple hickey that would last for weeks. When I couldn't handle it anymore and curiosity got the better of me, I pushed Dani onto his back, leaning over him, and kissing a path down his chest and belly to the edge of his shorts. He gasped when I ripped them down his legs and threw them on the floor, leaving his bottom half naked.
“Dani... you've been holding out on me,” I grinned, taking a hold of his long shaft in my hand. Whatever response he had was strangled in his throat when I licked the tip of his cock. His body was writhing at every touch. He was fucking beautiful. I took all of him into my mouth, cupping his balls in my hand, and using a slow, tantalizing tactic on him. I knew I made the right decision from the sounds coming out of his mouth. I could have an orgasm just from listening to him.
“J-Josh stop... I'm gonna -.”
I pulled away with a big grin on my face, moving up his body and kissing him fiercely on the lips. He sighed into the kiss, his body melting with mine automatically. My hands roamed his stomach, pushing his shirt up. I broke the kiss just long enough to pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor.
“You too,” he breathed, already tugging my shirt up.
I laughed, helping him in the task before dipping down and kissing him again. My hand ran along the side of his body, wrapping around his thigh, and hitching his leg up. Doing this caused his back to arch, which brought our bodies even closer together. I pulled away from his delicious lips, peering down into his face. He looked up at me with bruised lips, pink cheeks, tousled hair, sparkling eyes.
“What?” He asked, practically breathless.
I smiled. “You're beautiful.”
Dani grinned. “You, my love, are very sexy.”
I laughed. “Thank you.”
Our lips met again, softly. Dani's hand ran up and down my chest, feeling the soft tuft of hair before moving down to feel my abs. I rolled us over so that he lied on top of me. Almost immediately, Dani pressed kisses to my chest, making a trail down the middle of my stomach to the edge of my flannel pants. My breathing hitched when he pulled my pants down, leaving me in my boxers. He stared at the bulge for a moment before looking up at me. I smiled at him encouragingly.
“You don't have to do that part if you're unsure.”
His cheeks tinted pink. “I just... don't know how.”
“Come here.” He did and I kissed his lips. “Skip it. I want to be inside you.” I heard his breath hitch at my words.
“O-okay.”
I rolled us over again, kissing him in order to distract him as I reached into my nightstand drawer to pull out a tube of lube. “I don't have a condom,” I admitted.
“Well... you know I'm clean.”
“Me too.”
He shrugged. “Then don't worry about it.”
I grinned at him and leaned back. “Do you wanna do the honors?”
“Of taking off your panties?”
I chuckled. “Yes.”
He smiled and leaned forward to get his fingers hooked into the edge of my boxers. He pulled them down, my erection springing free. His blue eyes met mine with a humorous glint.
“I was holding out on you?” He questioned me, a grin on his lips.
I grinned back. “I'm black, Dani.”
His cheeks flushed.
“Turn around baby, on your hands and knees. I wanna do something.” He gave me a wary look, but obeyed. “God, you have an amazing ass, Dani.” I cupped both cheeks in my hands, squeezing and spreading them. I even smacked them a couple times just to watch them bounce. After a couple minutes of playing around, I spread his cheeks and licked a path just below his balls all the way up to his hole. He squeaked in surprise, jumping out of reach. I grabbed his hips and pulled him back. “Oh no, baby, let me do this.”
“What are you doing?”
I smiled at his innocence. “Ever heard of a rim job?”
“No,” he staggered, looking back at me.
I grinned. “That's what I'm doing. Just enjoy it, baby.” He continued to watch as I leaned forward and licked the same path as before. I was slow at first, just barely flicking my tongue around and around. But when he began to respond to my motions, I was faster, harder. His moans were the quality of a porn star.
When I figured he had enough, I flipped him back over onto his back and spread his legs. His eyes were glazed over and his breathing was ragged, but he was smiling.
“You good?” I asked him.
“Yes. God, Josh, that was amazing.”
I grinned, grabbing the lube and squirting a fair amount onto my fingers. “This is the part that can be uncomfortable, so please, tell me if it hurts and I'll stop.” He nodded, leaning forward as much as he could so he could watch.
I eased a finger in, amazed at how tight he was. Slowly, I moved that finger in and out before adding a second. I heard Dani's grunt, but he didn't tell me to stop. I stretched him as much as I could without hurting him. His hips arched into my hand suddenly.
“Josh, I'm ready. Please.”
I pulled out my fingers and coated my cock with lube before lining myself up with Dani's hips and leaning over him. I met his gaze. “Please tell me if anything feels wrong.”
He nodded, eyes already moving down to where my cock stood posed at his entrance. I bit my lip, leaning back, and taking his hips in my hands. The tip of my cock entered him and he gasped, twisting the sheets in his hands. I maintained eye contact with him the entire time, making sure he wasn't trying to brave it out. I saw all kinds of emotions cross his face; discomfort, love, pain, panic, but finally pleasure. His body instantly relaxed and he moaned softly when I was fully inside. I myself was struggling to hold in my verbals. He was incredibly tight and warm and soft. My senses were overloaded, I could barely think a coherent thought.
I leaned down and kissed him lightly, pulling out and back in slowly. Dani wrapped his legs around my waist as I balanced on my elbows, careful to keep most of my weight off of him.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you too,” Dani kissed me. “Now go faster.”
I smiled and obeyed his command. The sensations coursing through my body were incredible and to be sharing them with Dani only made it better. Realizing I was neglecting it, I reached between our bodies and started pumping Dani's cock in time with my thrusts. His verbal response was unbelievably sexy.
“Oh God, Josh, right there!” Dani screamed, his hips meeting mine.
Without warning, Dani exploded all over our chests. The clamping of his walls on my cock triggered my own orgasm and I collapsed on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me as we struggled to catch our breath.
“I love you,” Dani said once we were calm and cuddling. “That was incredible.”
I kissed his forehead. “I love you too, baby.”
“Can we do it again?”
I burst into laughter. “Go to sleep, Dani. I gotta recharge.”
“Oh. Lame.”
He looked at me with humor sparkling in his eyes and I just laughed.