Shield Me From the Storms

As soon as I woke up, I could feel how stressed I was. It had become like an automatic thing for me to do – assess how stressed and/or tired I was. And waking up for my first day at a new school definitely had me stressed.

I got out of bed slowly and crossed my room to my closet. I decided against a shower – a seizure in the shower was never a good thing – and just got dressed slowly. There was a knock on my door and I glanced at the time. Seven thirty. I had 20 minutes until I had to leave.

Just as the door was pushed open, I felt myself go. “Daniel!” I heard my mum shout as I fell to the ground, but I couldn’t respond. An indescribable feeling of fear gripped me and my vision went hazy. Logically, I knew it was just because of what was happening in my brain as a result of the seizure, but while having a seizure, it’s hard to think logically. I cried out loudly, scared of something I couldn’t understand.

I could feel my mum kneeling next to me, holding my head and mumbling soothing words that I couldn’t make out. Only a moment later, my vision returned and I blinked and sat up. “Don’t rush yourself, Daniel,” mum said but I ignored her. She knew as well as I did that once a seizure passed, I was completely fine. It was as though it never happened.
“I’m fine,” I said, glancing at the clock. It had been over 12 hours since my seizure last night and I was immensely relieved. I didn’t need to take extra medication.
“Are you sure, honey? Do you think you should be going in to school?” she asked and I gritted my teeth.
“I’m sure,” I said. I didn’t want her constantly babying me, I wanted her encouraging me. I wanted her to want me to do things, even though I probably shouldn’t. I wanted her to think I was capable of so much more.
“Okay, call me if you need me,” she said. “I’m home all day anyway, I’ll just be unpacking.”
“I won't need you, I’ll be fine.” I said. It may have been harsh, but sometimes she just needed to hear it. Besides, she often didn’t really hear my dismissals as what they were anyway.
“I’ll go get your breakfast sorted,” she smiled, placing a kiss to my forehead. I just nodded.

I finished getting ready for school, making sure that I hadn’t created any new bruises that needed to be covered up. After not finding any, I quickly took my medication and headed downstairs. My mum had made pancakes – something I don’t remember her ever making before – and piled them high on my plate. “Thanks,” I smiled, picking up my fork and hungrily shovelling them into my mouth.
“Did you put your medication in your bag?” she asked and I sighed.
“Yes, mum,” I said and she nodded before going to tidy up. I ate quickly and then put my plate in the sink.
“Do you want me to drive you?” she asked and I frowned.
“It’s like a 2 minute walk,” I said and she shrugged.
“You already had one seizure, I don’t want you to have another on your way to school,” she said. Yeah, I didn’t want that either, but I think her taking me to school would have stressed me out even more.
“I’m fine,” I said, picking up my bag. “I’ll see you later.”
“Have a good day,” she smiled. “Don’t forget to take your medication.” I sighed and didn’t bother replying. I’ve been taking medication for over 10 years, and had been responsible for taking it myself for over 5. Why did she think that I’d just suddenly forget now?

--

At school, I went straight to the admission office, just as I’d been told to do in my welcome letter. The woman behind the desk looked up and smiled as I entered and I smiled back. “Hi, can I help you?” she asked and I nodded.
“Um, I’m new,” I said.
“Okay, what’s your name?” she asked and I told her. For the next few minutes, she told me about the school rules, about the different departments, and finally that I’d have a guide to show me around. “Her name’s Sophia, she’s a very nice girl. She’s in your form.” I just nodded.

A moment later, the office door opened. I turned to see a small, red haired girl enter. She was dressed in blue jeans and a fluorescent pink top. “Morning, Sophia,” the woman behind the desk said.
“Morning, Mrs Kiel,” the girl replied.
“This is Daniel,” Mrs Kiel said.
“Dani,” I corrected with a smile.
“Hi, Daniel,” Sophia said and I sighed at the fact that she’d ignored me. “Are you ready to go?” she asked me and I nodded.

Sophia was a very bubbly, chatty person. At first I found her kind of annoying, but I quickly got used to it. In fact, I used it to my advantage. She talked all the time, so I didn’t have to. Not that I minded talking, but there was no awkward small talk to fill in the silences.

The morning passed relatively slowly. All the teachers talked about in every lesson was what would be taught in the remainder of the year, what textbooks we were going to use. I could feel some people looking at me curiously. I knew it was strange for people to change schools for the last year. It jeopardised your grades if anything, but it was also weird to leave friends and everything with only one year to go. I pretended I didn’t notice. I’d got very good at that over the years.

At lunch, Sophia took my wrist and dragged me in the direction of where I guessed the canteen was. “You have to meet my friend Josh,” she said as she pulled me along. I didn’t have a chance to argue. We got to the lunch room and Sophia looked around. “Oh, he isn't here yet,” she said. “Let’s get our food. He’ll be along soon, I’m sure.” I just nodded and we went to queue for lunch.

We sat at an empty table and I slowly ate the pizza I’d chosen. It wasn’t all that appetising, but I knew I had to eat something with my medication. A few minutes later, another tray was set down opposite me. I looked up and my lips parted as I stared at the most gorgeous boy I’d ever seen. He had an afro of dark, almost black hair that surrounded his head and hazel eyes that stared back into mine. I smiled and lowered my gaze as I felt myself starting to blush. "Hey Joshey,” Sophia said happily to the boy. “This is Daniel. Daniel, my best friend, Joshua." I waved shyly, still not confident enough to raise my gaze again.
"Dani," I corrected, hoping that he’d listen. Josh smiled back, seeming just as nervous as I was.
"Josh,” he said. His voice was deep and smooth and sent shivers down my back.

An awkward silence followed our introduction, but Sophia jumped at the chance to fill it. Despite initially finding her annoying, I now appreciated having her here. I watched Josh take a bite of pizza and grimace before dropping it back on his plate and picking up his apple juice instead. Suddenly, Josh looked up and met my gaze, rolling his eyes at Sophia’s constant rambling. I bit my lip to stop from laughing.

When Sophia asked Josh a question, I quickly took advantage of their distraction and pulled my pills from my bag and popped the three pills into my mouth. Neither of them noticed.

When the bell went signalling the end of lunch, we all stood and cleared away our trays before heading to our next lesson, which we all had together. I sat next to Josh, which set butterflies going in my stomach. If I leant sideways only slightly, I would be touching him. I kept my gaze facing forward, even though I so desperately wanted to just turn and gaze at him.