Hungry Hearts

I gripped my jacket, tugging it closer to my body. The California air was beginning to piss me off. It had been hot earlier on in the day, but when the sun went down, it become suddenly freezing. I always hated cold weather ever since I was a little girl.

When my father died, my mother always locked me out of the house so she could drink and sleep with random men. It happened until I was old enough to get the hell out, and be on my own like I always was. I was used to it. I was sick of it, yes, but all I had was myself. I was the only person I could depend on, and trust. But some times I couldn't even trust myself. When I told my self I would not have sex, my mind, and body would always betray me.

I had become used to seeing those close to me drink, fuck, and then there was the violence. I told myself I would never be like that. I would never do the things my father did, my mother did, or my so called friends did. I, of course, picked up two of the habits; drinking and sex.

So here I was walking alone on Main Street in Huntington Beach, California. I was hardly wearing any clothes, and my hair was a complete mess. I had bruises every where on my body, and if a stranger were to come up to me, they would smell the sex and booze all over me. I reaked of it I was sure, because I could smell it all over me. I was ashamed of myself, but I just couldn't find it in me to stop. I was becoming exactly what I told myself I would not be.

I dated here and there, but all men wanted from me was sex. And half of them didn't even let me get off. It was a sick habit, I know. If I could stop just like that I would. I couldn't. I had become so accustomed to this life style that it became me. All of me.

I stripped for money and had sex on the side lines for more cash. I would go home to my apartment and drink myself till I passed out. I wouldn't wake up until it was time for me to go to work. I was making good money. Maybe that was one of the reasons I didn't want to quit? - I was tired, and I wanted out of this miserable life style. I knew it would take some kind of miracle for that to ever happen.

I grabbed my keys from my pocket and unlocked the door to my apartment. I took my jacket off and placed it on the coat hanger by my door. I didn't live in the best apartments in Huntington Beach, but it was better than nothing. I made sure I cleaned it all the time because I wasn't going to live like a slob.

I kicked my shoes off and started pulling off the little clothes I had on. It had been a long day and I was ready for a nice hot shower. I was in no mood for a bath right now. I just wanted to get some sleep before I had another busy day tomorrow.

It took me a while until I was finally finished with my shower. I knew it would do me no good, but I made sure to scrub myself twice - never missing a spot. I felt like a whore, and maybe I was. I didn't have the best childhood, and I didn't have the greatest parents. I'd rather not go through all the details because I really don't want to relive those memories. Memories that still haunt me in my sleep.

It wasn't just bad; it was horrible. I've seen things most kids would never dream of seeing. I was greeted into a world I never knew existed. It sickened me how easily I had welcomed this life style. I didn't have a choice. And that's why every thing came so easily to me now. I was used to sleeping with random men. I was used to drinking. I was not only a whore - I was an alcoholic.

I grabbed an old band shirt I bought years ago and put it on, along with a pair of panties. This was usually what I wore to bed; a shirt and my underwear.

I wrapped the towel I just used to dry my body off with around my hair. I brushed my teeth, and got rid of the remainder of make-up I had left on my face. I was standing in the bathroom just looking at my reflection in the mirror. I hated the person I had become.



I couldn't sleep at all. I kept having horrible nightmares about my past. I honestly needed help. I knew it wouldn't be too long before I drove myself past insane. The nightmares only enhanced my pathetic life.

I grabbed a blanket and got out of bed. I let out a frustrated sigh and sat on my sofa. I rested my feet on my coffee table and just let my eyes rest. I had a feeling that I needed to open them and when I did, I saw some thing in the sky. I held the blanket to my body tighter and walked to my window. I gasped when I saw a shooting star. I've heard stories about them, but I've never seen one before. They're beautiful.

Make a wish, the voice in the back of my mind said. I shut my eyes and made a wish.