Zayn's Secret

'So...' I pressed, turning around to see Zayn and waiting for him to talk.
'How are you? You're looking alright,' he nervously replied.
'Cut the chat Zayn, I know you didn't want to have a casual conversation, or you wouldn't have got me to go somewhere private.'
'Right...no...'
'So what did you want?'
'I wanted to talk to you. You've obviously been able to move on and you seem happy with Bradley...but with me there's ...complications...'
'What kind of complications?'
'I can't move on.'
'W-what?'
'I can't move on,' he repeated. 'I...I still love you.'
'Zayn, love, it's been six months!' I said with sympathy.
'i've missed that...' he breathed.
'Missed what?'
'You, calling me love. And anyway, that's six months too long without my girl!'
'I'm not your girl now though, am I? I have Bradley.'
'But do you love Bradley? Do you love him like I love you, or like you loved me?'
'I- Zayn, that's a stupid question!'
'Then answer it.'
'O- Of course I do!'
'Look me in the eyes and say that.' I was hoping he hadn't noticed that my eyes had flicked away from his as I'd said that, but obviously I'd been more noticeable than I'd intended.
'Yes,' but now I think even I knew I was lying. Zayn shook his head.
'No you don't. Even you know that,' I looked down. What I felt wasn't of my intentions. 'Do you still love me?' I blushed shamefully.
'Zayn...'
'Please answer me, Tanya. Please.'
'Yes,' I breathed, tears stinging my eyes. 'But I shouldn't!'
'I shouldn't still love you after all this time, but I do.'
'That's different, you don't have someone new.'
'You have someone new who you don't even love!'
'Don't go there, Zayn, don't. Bradley's ansoluteky lovely-'
'But he's not the one for you.'
'I don't even know if you are.'
'Well, you're the only one for me.'
'That may be, but I don't know if I can trust you again. I think I love you but I don't know for sure,' I raised my head to look into his eyes and found them a lot closer than I'd expected.
'Do you remember how it felt? When you kissed me?'
'I felt I was falling in love all over again.'
'Let's see if you still do...'

He drew in and kissed my lips. His soft, perfect lips on mine...it was so wrong... I had Bradley...but it was so right...this is where I wanted to be...in his arms, my arms locked around his neck, his tender lips working against mine. It felt like the first time we'd ever kissed...I was falling in love all over again. Everything about him was perfect. His looks, his voice, his personality, all of his flaws...that was nonsense, at that moment in time, he had no flaws to be perfect. We pulled away. I looked down. My one hand was rested on the back of his neck, my other on his chest. I stared at where my fingers where. I pulled away, realising what I'd just done.

'No...No, Zayn...No! I've just done to Bradley what you did to me...I can't...I can't do this! I can't love you! It's...not right!'
'What I did, Tanya, was a stupid mistake. Just like you feel you've made a stupid mistake. Yours, however, has an excuse. What I did was inexcuseable.'
'I still don't know...'
'We're doing a gig. Tonight. Come to it. I'll show you what I'm worth and how much you mean to me, and then you can decide. Only then will I really accept what you're saying...then I'll believe it.'
'Zayn...'
'Please, Tanya! I have to do this!'
'Fine,' I signed after a long pause. 'But now there's something I have to do.'
'What?'
'I can't stay with Bradley after this.'

Minutes later I was out of my office. Zayn and I headed to hair and make up late. We entered at different times so we wouldn't draw attention. They sat me down and re-did my hair and make up and gave me different clothes to put on. Bradley soon walked in the door just as I was finishing off.
'Bradley!' I called. I hopped out of the chair as both Zayn and Bradley looked around. Zayn knew what was about to happen and looked down.
'Hey, Tan!'
'Can I talk to you?'
'Yeah, sure, what is it?' he put his arm around my waist and walked me through the door into the empty studio.
'You know you've been a great mate since I started work, right?'
'Yeah.'
'Oh...God...Right... This is hard... I love you... But more as a brother or a really close friend than a partener,' I fumbled.
'What are you trying to say?' he asked, turning me around to face him and holding my hands in his.
'I can't do this anymore. I love you as a great mate, but us as a couple isn't making me as happy as I first thought...and now I know why,' I breathed.
'Why?' he had tears in his eyes.
'I dont want to, but I think I still love Zayn... Working with him today made me realise that,' tears ran down my cheeks. I felt so guilty!
'Right...' he dropped my hands and walked away.
'Bradley wait! Wait!' I called, but he just kept walking. I picked up my camera preparing to take group and singular shots. The band filed out and stood positioned. I told them where to stand and his to look; serious or smiley. I was in pain from liking Zayn yet breaking Bradley's heart. I was heart broken myself. Now I had to go to this gig to see Zayn. He had handed me the ticket and backstage pass that where now safely settled in my bag. In a way I was looking forward to the gig, but hardly much. I was more scared abd worried about what was to happen.

Then came the shots with me, Jess and Charlotte again. It was even more awkward next to Zayn now...next to any of the boys really, even though they knew nothing. The gig was drawing ever so nearer, and my heart thudded and broke ever more heavier. The group shots where over and there was one more costume change. The same routine occurred. After the shoot, I hid away in my office, putting all the pictures from my camera into my laptop. I flicked through them. My heart yearned at Zayn's face. He was an angel. I chose the best ones and sent them all to the boss. It would be his decision which pictures should be used as posters and more merchandise. Now all that was left was to prepare for the gig.