Because You're the Only Hope For Me

POV- Gerard

Wow. That was unexpected. This calls for 2 coffees and plenty of cigarettes. This revelation has just given me inspiration to draw. My drawing book is the most private thing ever. If anybody and I mean a-n-y-b-o-d-y even touches my sketch book I go crazy. I wonder how long Frank has actually been bisexual. I wonder if he felt that way when the incident happened. The thing that I found really weird about the incident was the fact that we were both sober when it happened. Not one ounce of alcohol was in our bodies. Secretly I never wanted that moment to end. I loved every single second of it. When his soft lips touched mines the hole inside of me was filled. I need Frank. I need to fix myself out. I know my true feelings for Frank. I love him, I have since the day of the incident. But that all happened so long ago, well 2 years to be exact, and I don't know if either of us feel the same way. Now that he has came out as being bisexual I know that there is a possibility that he may like me but with me in this state those chances seem small.

"Hey Gerard are you awake?" Asked a quite Frank.

"Oh, hello Mr.Bisexual. Haha" I replied slowly unable to talk like a normal human being.

"Oh haha, make jokes all you like. But I just wanted to let you know that you are lying in your batman boxers on the sofa." Said an not-at-all-amused Frank.

"Oh come on baby lighten up, we have a show tonight and we are gonna kick ass like usual." I said, slurring once again.

"Baby? Oh God. Gerard you need to get out of this state you are in. The smell of alcohol is nauseating. When you come in with your bottle of vodka and your pills at what 2am and don't give a fuck that you have scared the shit out of all of us who are sleeping it worries us all. Don't take this the wrong way but you are like a borderline junkie." Said an upset Frank.

Borderline Junkie. It's serious now.

"Oh Frank," I asked hoping to not get another lecture

"What." Replied Frank bluntly.

"Can I get an aspirin?" I asked.

"They're in the bathroom cabinet." replied Frank.

Ugh. He is really pissing me off at the moment. I've only just gotten up and he is ranting at me already. What's gotten into him? I mean the whole bisexual thing is out in the open. We are all fine about it. And by the looks of it he isn't really giving a shit anymore. It's as if I am the main focus now. I like the limelight just not this kind. I do genuinely want to get off of these pills and go sober, permanently, but I can't do it alone. I'm scared that if they do help me I will just ruin it all and end up like this again.

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POV- Frank
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I can't hate him. I want to but I can't. I love him too much. Right now he needs all of our help. But I feel that even if when did help him he would just throw it right back into our faces and end up like the state he is in now all over again. I feel bad about what I said to him earlier but it is true. He is a total mess. He has all of his pills stacked up in the bathroom cabinet. Some days I really just want to pull them out of the cabinet and pour them all down the drain. Technically that resembles his life. He is drinking his life away. There are only so many warnings that the doctors can give him before it is too late. Maybe I should talk to the guys about getting him into rehab. Tonight is our last gig for another 3 months or so as we will then begin recording our new album.

Wait, what the hell is that noise?

"Gerard?" I shouted worriedly.

There was no reply. I tried to open the bathroom door but it was locked.

"Gerard are you alright? Gerard!?" I shouted my heart racing with anxiety.

Still no reply.

"Shit! Gerard don't worry I'm coming in!" I shouted trying to reassure him.

Just typical at a time like this the guys decide to go for a walk. God this door is stubborn.

"Fuck!" I let out as I couldn't get the door opened.

I looked out of the window to find Mikey, Ray and Bob strolling through the hotel car park.

"Guys! Guys! Up here it's me Frank! Quick get up here now! Gerard has locked himself in the bathroom! Hurry I can't get it opened!" I shouted from the top of my voice out of the small window.

I could see the guys running over to the hotel entrance. Our room was on the first floor so it wasn't too far up. Within about 2 minutes of me shouting on them they were in the corridor. I could hear their footsteps. I literally leaped over to the door and grabbed all of them in.

"W-What happened here!?" Exclaimed Mikey. "Did you guys argue or something? Just tell me now!"

"There is no time for that! Just hurry up and try to get into the goddamn bathroom!" I shouted very close to tears.

"Okay guys on the count of 3 kick the door as hard as you can okay?" Said Mikey looking worried.

We all nodded and got into our positions. Surely with the power of 4 men we could kick this door down. Our manager would just have to pay for the damage.

-The door is opened-

"Gerard!" I exclaimed while trying to pick up his pale, floppy body.

All of our eyes were immediately drawn to the spilled pills and blood on the bathroom floor. On the bathroom sink we saw a blood covered blade and an empty packet of aspirin. The outline of a whiskey bottle was in his hoodie pocket. Overdose. Of course. God, if I hadn't fucking told him where the aspirin were. Wait Frank don't blame yourself for this. It is no fault but his own.

"I'll call an ambulance you guys stay with him." I said, my hands shaking.

"Hello ambulance please. Bushwell Hotel California. My friend has taken an overdose of pills and alcohol. Okay, thanks bye." I said to the operator. "Guys do not touch him as he could possibly have had a seizure and may have another one depending on how much of whatever he as taken."

"God. Frank what happened here? Did you guys argue or something?" Asked Ray.

Ray was the last person I'd expect to be questioning me. This obviously looked like my fault.

"Well I wouldn't exactly say it was an argument. It was more of a me telling him the truth sort of thing. He was silent throughout the full thing. He asked me where my aspirin was. Stupidly I told him but," I said before bursting into tears.

"It's okay. To be honest guys there was nothing Frank could have done. Gerard has no willpower what-so-ever. He is a coward. Between the pills and the drink he has absolutely no control over his body and emotions. He is powerless." Said Frank while patting me on the shoulder.

We heard and saw the ambulance pull up outside. Mikey and Bob ran downstairs to the reception to inform them of what was going on. I had actually forgotten where we were. It was pretty obvious that the show wasn't going to be happening tonight. Neither was the press conference. Those two things were the last things on my mind at the moment.

"Okay Gerard, I am Gillian can you hear me?" Asked the paramedic.

No response.

"Okay Tom get the oxygen tank and we will put him on the stretcher and escort him to the ambulance. Which one of you two is coming into the ambulance?" Asked the paramedic hurriedly.

"I'll come" I said with no hesitation.

"I'll get the guys and we will meet you at the hospital Frank." Replied Ray.

"Okay" I said, wiping the tears from underneath my eyes.

In the ambulance the paramedic, Gillian, was questioning me about what exactly had happened and if this was out of character for Gerard. She wrote everything I said onto a clipboard and my hand did not at all leave Gerard. All of a sudden Gerard jumped, which made me scream loudly like a girl, and then he started to blink rapidly. For a second I thought he was possessed or something then I heard the paramedic say that he went into shock. She inserted a needle into his arm and pressed down the oxygen mask. We were now in the hospital car park and Gerard was wheeled straight into the Emergency room. I looked out and saw the Ray and the guys driving into the car park. I waved over to them then immediately followed the paramedics. None of us could think straight.

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2 hours later
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Gerard had came around and was sitting with his eyes opened staring at the clock hanging above the door. He looked very uncomfortable with all of the needles that had been inserted into him. He gripped tightly onto my hand and I squeezed it hard as a sign of reassurance. I would never, ever leave his side. I was scared that we may possibly be losing him. Who is Gerard anymore? He is not one bit like his old self. It is pretty scary.

"Hey Gee. You alright man?" I asked in a croaky voice.

"Mhmm." Replied a bewildered Gerard.

"You scared the shit out of us man! Here you look uncomfortable, do you want me to fluff up your pillow?" I replied with a small smile.

"Uh, yeah. Mikey could you bring me back a coffee?" Asked Gerard , who by the looks of it, was avoiding making eye contact with me.

"I don't think that's such a good idea bro, with all the medication your on I'd advise you just stick with water." Said Mikey in a soft voice.

Gerard sighed.

"Well were gonna go out now. Do you want to come Frank?" Asked Ray.

"No. Frank is staying here with me aren't you Frankie?" Asked a hopeful Gerard.

"I guess so." I replied.

"Well okay then. See you in a bit." Replied Ray while guiding the rest of the guys out of the door.

As I reached over to fluff up Gerard's pillow his hand gripped a hold of mines. Tightly.

"You alright?" I asked confused.

"Listen Frank. I didn't mean for any of this shit to happen. I was just so frustrated about nothing. I need to sort myself out. I feel as if you guys aren't my friends anymore. You all feel more like my carers. This whole drink and drugs thing has got to stop." Said Gerard in one breath.

"I know man. Don't worry, we are by your side always. We are gonna get you through this, you hear me? But you have got to promise that if we help you, you won't just throw it right back in our faces. It upsets us deeply when you fall over and slur. It is fucking scary." I said fighting back tears.

"I promise I won't throw it back in you guys's faces. I may have the willpower of a stick, but I am determined that I will get through this. Operation sober is on." Replied Gerard with a gentle yet stern tone.

I patted Gerard on the shoulder and then fluffed up his pillow.

I do believe that he wants to get out of his state. I just pray to God that he won't throw it right back in our faces.